Curvy

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The basic body types. Most of you reading this will fall under BOTEROESQUE. No! You are not curvy.
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CURVY like so many words in the American Lexicon used to have another meaning until Social Justice Warriors felt the need to change it. In the past, it meant SHAPELY meaning "an attractive or well proportioned shape". The word curvy was usually applied to women having an hourglass figure or a figure that can be defined by the golden ratio of 3 to 5 where the hips and bust are about 60% bigger than the waist. An hourglass figure is best defined as 36",24",36" but even petite women that are flatter than a 10 year old on a swing can have an hourglass figure as long as their mesurements maintain the golden ratio of 3 to 5.
Unfortunately, women's groups, SJWs and virgin males thinking that they'll get some if they're feminists, felt that woman were having to much pressure put on them to not treat their body like a garbage disposal and see how much they can cram into and decided to redefine CURVY to mean something more akin to a wad of dough or a bucket of Crisco that is spilling out from the sides so that fat assed women could feel better about themselves when they're buying panties that could be worn by a small elephant.


The Syntactic Shift

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Modern curvy.jpg


The syntactic shift, or a change in the meaning or use of a word, for CURVY happened Last Thursday at a Baskin-Robbins when a bunch of cows got together to try all 31 flavors and console each other about how they do everything the can but can't seem to lose weight.
Treating his children to a small cone, each, with some free coupons he received in the mail, an Advertiser was struck by the inspiring thought that he could increase his Jew Gold if he could figure out a way to put a spin on a word and make women feel good about being fat.
For years it failed him, it wasn't until he was driving a California coastal road that 2 and 2 came together and he realized that if a road looks like an obese woman's sides with its layers of fat twisting and turning and can be called curvy then so could fat women looking to stuff themselves in jeans.
Seeing that a positive word was being used to describe a 2 ton of fun woman feminists and cuckold men adopted the word along with tent makers and muumuu dress makers scrambled to incorporate the word to increase their sales.

Something To Ponder

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The meanings of words change everday. Nigger in Latin used to just mean black but now it is used in reference to a person who will break into your house, rob you blind and rape your girlfriend or wife mother (we know you don't have either) to such an anime style orgasmic end, while you watch from the closet that she'll be writing him letters to come see her when he gets out of prison after he's caught.
Just because fatties don't like the words Plus-Sized, Queen Sized or Derrigable don't think that you can find comfort in a word that doesnt have the same connotations as fat-assed bitch because, give it a few years, and curvy will send any fat girl crying to a box of Twinkies for comfort because the kids at school wouldn't stop calling her that.
The only way to lose the stigma of the words is to stop being offended by them and eating yourself into a sugar coma everytime someone calls you fat, portly, pudgy, chubby, obese, or an Ego Waffle.
Learn from the example of whites. Do you know why there are so few pejoratives against whites, its because they choose not to be offended. When a black man calls a white man a cracker the white man educates the black man by informing him that cracker doesn't mean white as in a Saltine but refers to the man that used the whip back in slave days. Wait for a minute and watch the black man devolve into his monkey form and start slinging shit when the white man finishes by saying, "Now go pick my cotton nigger."
So the lesson, choose not to be offended. When you're at the beach blocking the sun and someone calls you a beached whale say, "Fuck yeah! Now wet me down and call Green Peace because I have to be in Cleveland in 18 hours."

A Comparrison Between Fat And Curvy


How Do You Know That You're Really Fat And Not Curvy?

  • Do you look in the mirror and get depressed?
  • Do you have more $22 exercise machines than you have room?
  • Does 90% of what you throw away include snack food boxes and candy wrappers?
  • Do you buy fat shaping clothes as a quick fix so you dont have to diet?
  • Do kids laugh and point at you when you're outside or put glasses of water down to test for seismic tremors when you walk?
  • Do you avoid the stairs?
  • Do you get winded wiping your ass or tire out after the third wipe, during a really messy shit, and say good enough?
  • Have you ever used the rationalization that you could get a date but men are scared of real women and curves?
  • Do you even know what water tastes like, In other words, is your fluid intake nothing but Pepsi?
  • If you were ever in the hospital, did they have to fetch the cow catcher to get you out of bed because no one wanted to risk getting hurt?
  • Do you consider Pizza a vegetable?
  • Is your weight higher than Steven Hawking's and Albert Einstein's IQ combined?
  • Are black men and Mexicans attracted to you?
  • Are you Girlvinyl?
  • Have you ever used the excuse that your clothes shrunk in the dryer and that's why they don't fit, even when you hung them to dry to avoid this very issue?
  • Do you look at butter as a snack and not something to flavor a piece of toast?
  • When you're at the movies, does the snack guy get carpel tunnel pains from putting butter on your popcorn?
  • Screw that, have you ever said fuck the popcorn and fill the tub up with butter?
  • At the beach or pool do you wrap yourself up in a blanket because a towel wont fit around you?
  • Do you hear Chinese people screaming "No! No! No fat pig today prease," when you go to a buffet?
  • Is there that voice in the back of your head that knows the right answer but you shush it out because you like the positive sound of sales people calling you curvy because it makes you feel attractive and valued?
  • Are you eating something while you're reading this?


If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you are fat and not curvy. Give it up, quit crying your greasy tears and lose some weight.

See Also

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Curvy
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Curvy is part of a series on Body and Health
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