Cute shit is an all-encompassing term to describe the chronically unfunny and disgustingly saccharine content that makes its way on to the Interbutts for the amusement of borderline retarded NORPs and their children. It comes in many flavors, but is always recognizable for its clean-cut attempt at humor, the epic failure of this humor, and its patent attempts to look "cute" so that the viewers get a double dose of their electronic retard pills for the day. They might be retarded GIF animations looping ad infinitum set to idiotic music, CGI characters performing a well known song from the 60's, or one of those long-ass HTML intense forwarded emails you get from middle-aged people who thought what they found was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY LOL.
Cute Shit is as old as the fucking interbutts, and probably started with that goddamned Dancing Baby shit. Note that this automatically makes all Cute Shit instantly old meme While some early internauts were busy discovering all the neat ways they could send each other hawt CP without the need for unsightly stacks of VHS tapes, the vast majority were plugged into AOL or Netscape and decided that the infinite power of the tubes would best serve mankind if they sent retarded humor-based emails over the company servers.
The following examples of Cute Shit are here solely for the purposes of illustration. Retardization caused by viewing of any of these videos is the sole responsibility of the video's creators, and they should be punished accordingly.
After having viewed the following examples, please to be noting the lack of:
The Target Group
Based on Original research, any moderately intelligent person with a good sense of humor (i.e. not you) finds this shit containing a merciless level of frunz. While 13 year old boys and 16 year old girls might stumble upon these over inflated crap flakes and lol in their e-pants, Cute Shit is what middle-aged NORPS look up when they aren't doing their banking or looking up South Australian farting lesbian midget cumshot porn. As they are unaware of superior forms of humor, and would probably be disgusted by it anyways, they are the target audience of Cute Shit, and will either generate or repost whatever comes their way.
Exhibit A: Why Boys Need Mothers
—sheila, attempting to describe the subtle nuances of her joy with a diverse and complex vocabulary.
It is already well-known that the Internet is a shallow mass grave of stillborn attempts at humor that get shat out of every Tom, Dick and Harry once he realized that his idiocy was no longer confined to his immediate friends and family. Cute Shit, however, is often propagated by those without relevant understanding of the internets - while it may be sufficient to tell newfags to lurk moar, people who indulge in Cute Shit probably remember the good ole days when they used typewriters at work, and also probably called a support line just to turn their shitbox computer on.
Fortunately, the almost radioactive levels of anti-lulz these people generate can easily be converted through the Internet Haet Machine into delicious, safe-to-consume lulz. Simply visit any of the forums they might have located, their Myspace/Facebook page or blog. Post up every shock image, video and link, cleverly disguised as more Cute Shit, then sit back and watch as they collectively shit brix. They might even call the cyber police on you for extra lulz-points, so make sure that you scar them well.
If going for the high score, remember that you can do this to people you know, like your mom or some similarly old fuck. So long as you're behind seven proxies, chances are they won't realize your sick fuckery and scream IRL for your trolling delight. Bon appetit, asshole.
|Cute Shit is part of a series on Language & Communication|