Dakari-King Mykan

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Aspergerbenice.gif This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(

Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.

Dakari-King Mykan is a talentless fanfiction author and Youtuber who writes about lonely Digimon and Teen Titans characters.

His main "claim to fame" is his involvement in the Dakari/Takari flame war which may or may not have even happened, and if it did, Mykan is the only one who ever gave a shit, even if he claims it was "just for fun".

The King's 'Ascent to Power'

Born as Michael Mikulak on September 15, 1986, most likely in Calgary, Canada, Mykan was diagnosed with autism at age 7, thus being destined to become a lolcow.

According to his own words, he was heavily abused as a child by his own father, although taking his tendency for lying into account, that may just be made up bullshit he told others to get their sympathy. He also said he was heavily bullied in school to the point he decided to no longer get into any form of contact with others, except when he beat up 16 year old girls. Despite the fact Mykan is such an idiot he never heard of things like the Holocaust, believes that America forced Canadian citizens into fighting in World War II, and lacks any form of common sense, he somehow managed to pass high school, proving once more that, in the age of political correctness, you will get away with anything as long as you have autism.

Somehwere in 2000, Michael adopted the internet alias Mykan. According to him, his sister originally came up with it for his anime character/Mary Sue. It doesn't mean jack shit when translated to Japanese, which Mykan admitted he knows about, but still goes with as it at least sounds Japanese.

The title of Dakari King, on the other hand, is the result of him being an egotistical weaboo. Around the same time, he became a fan of the Pokemon inspired series Digimon, or to be more precise, Season 2. He watched it because he thought Davis and Kari would make a great couple. When Season 2 ended with none of the two ending up together (because the show was focussed on repeated monsterfighting and not love), he went batshit insane.

He joined Fanfiction.net some time later, using just "Mykan" as his username, and began writing terrible stories where Davis is sad because KARI DOESN'T WUV HIM as a means to take revenge on the characters. Ironically, while he wasted most of his time hating on the characters to the point he said he would rather kill Davis than let him have a happy life without Kari, he still considered himself a shipper, leading to him associating with the Daikaris, people who ship both characters. When his stories led to flames from the Takaris (People who support TK and Kari), thus adding fuel to a pre-existing flame war, Mykan decided to jump right in the stalking and cyberbullying of 12 year old boys and girls. By being less retarded than the other fans of the Davis and Kari shipping, he managed to somehow become the leader of a small terror cell of Takari flamers, who went on to consider him their king, hence why he started to call himself "Dakari King Mykan" (The misspelled Dakari being a result of him not understanding the character's name is Daisuke in Japan). Even ten years later, Mykan likes to build the flame war up as some great conflict on the level of World War II, just because he got 12 Takaris banned before Fanfiction.net smacked Mykan with the banhammer as well. He took so much pride in it, that even afterwards he decided to flame them, by writing anonymous reviews to their fanfics in order to get them banned. In such comments, he would also roleplay, portraying himself as a grand generalissimo:


I don't care about that, I will stop at nothing to destroy you people and the havoc you've created. By the way, Should this authour close down anonymous reveiws, then My Dakari empire will gain one step closer to victory. and that will be my que to attack the next Takari fan on my growing list, and make you people even weaker. We are the Dakari fans, and no one can stop us, NOBODY. Tah hah hah hah hah hah hah ah hah hah hah hah hah1


—Dakari King Mykan in 2004, reviewing a Digimon fanfic

He returned to FF.Net in 2005 as Dakari-King Mykan, this time claiming that the two ships should learn to get along, but at the same time declaring that his ship was soooo much better. At this point, he also lost it completely, explaining that fandoms are in fact like intergalactic empires and that he himself is the ruler of an entire world known as the planet of the Dakaris, going so far as to make his own royal uniform, which he dresses up in at conventions, and create videos explaining his origin.

Things would get only worse as time went on. In 2005, he watched the Teen Titans series, and supported the couple of Beast Boy and Terra. When the sad episode "Things Change" (in which Terra returns from the dead but rejects Beast Boy because she hated being a superhero and wants to move on) aired, he completely lost it. Not being able to handle that his second true love couple did not become real (and not caring for anything else on the show), he developed PTSD to the point he can`t even watch any other animated show out there, in case Tara Strong voices another character and therefore causes flashbacks to Teen Titans. His only coping mechanism for what he considers a worse tragedy than 9/11 and the Sandy Hook shootings? More fanfiction, of course. At the time of this writing, Mykan has writen over 150 fanfics all centered around the idea of taking revenge on cartoons because they did not end the way he wanted them to end, ripping off tons of other things in doing so and making a general ass out of himself on the level of David Gonterman.

Proving that 90% of Fanfiction.net users are fucking morons, Dakari-King Mykan somehow has a fairly large following consisting entirely of 12 year old girls and fucktards. He also maintains relative popularity on Youtube, thanks to his series of videos known as "Beast Boy`s Magic Voices", where the titular furry and mouthpiece of Mykan sings shitty songs in shitty animated videos, with most of his subs being the previously-mentioned 12 year old girls and fucktards.

The Day to Day Life of a Broken Fuckwit

Mah boi, this fanfiction is what all true Dakaris strive for!
I'm Catholic, but I believe in God.


—The Dakari King expounding on his religious beliefs

Despite being a full grown adult, Mykan still lives with his parents a la Chris-chan. This is because he has been deemed unfit to live alone due to his sheer autistic stupidity.

His brother and sister, like Mykan, live with their parents. However, while Mykan will never evolve beyond his basement dweller status, his siblings have at least taken the initiative to try and get married and move out. Naturally, this pisses Mykan off because he considers their attempts to be "betraying the pact", which apparently was a stupid promise they made when they were children.

His day generally consists of working on the computer (i.e making videos, fanfics, and arguing with people), walking (during the non-winter months and as long as it's not uphill), and gaming. Mykan tends to have a clockwork day, with little variation. He hates changes THAT much.

Mykan does not have a legitimate job nor does he plan on ever looking for one because he complains about uniforms and the fact he'll have to- shock and horror- interact with IRL people! He claims often that he wants a job that will suit his skills and that he is, in fact, overqualified for most career options. The closest things he ever had to a job was assisting his sister at a popcorn booth at the local mall (he couldn't even hold onto that one) and his professional entertainer job that has stagnated almost as much as his writing.

One of the most famous elements of Dakari-King Mykan is the fact that he apparently pledged to God that he would die alone. Therefore, he refuses to ever get a date. In addition, he refuses to make friends in real life, calling people who have a life stupid. This was apparently a decision made in 4th grade when he realized his fellow classmates weren't as obsessed with mediocre PBS (or whatever they call it in Canada) shows.

Mykan notably refused to get a driver's license until February 2011. He then allegedly proceeded to smack himself with an iron rod.

Mykan's parents, among other things, don't allow webcams into the house, for fear someone will come to their house searching for them.

Mykan has complained about inability to sleep due to the Teen Titans episode "Things Change". He even claims that it somehow managed to give him PTSD.

Despite his alleged torture at the hands of cartoons, he refuses to an hero himself for some unexplained reason.

Mykan identifies as a Catholic, yet considers it entirely different from Christianity for some reason. Not that it matters, because despite claiming to know the entire Bible, he can't identify such obscure characters as Judas (See also: Terra)

The fact that he can't enter a church without bursting into flames is another problem he has with religion.

Mykan and the Holocaust

When confronted by his trolls with the subject of the Holohoax, Mykan either denies it or mixes it up with nuclear holocaust. This is probably the only margin of win Mykan has ever had in his life as it is assumed most- if not- all of his trolls are either butthurt kikes or shills who want to spread the "death" of the 6 gorillion J00z as they were exposed to in school or old media.

In the most ironic way possible, Mykan's biggest troll is some no-life weeaboo from Doucheland named "DivisionOtaku" who tweets about Mykan on a nearly daily basis yet denies his obsession for his equally autistic Canadian counterpart. From saving precious screenshots of His Autistic Majesty's comments to replying to Twitter messages by Tara Strong DO is essentially the kind of troll who bears the very same traits of a lolcow that more seasoned trolls would gladly e-rape on a constant schedule.

Shit He Writes About

Truly the most epic story of all time.
Count Logan. Another of Mykan's brilliant ideas.

Author's final notes:

Well… I did it. I really finally, truthfully did it! It all started when I was Eight… playing with my Thunder Megazord and pretend the Scouts looked up to hi mentor. Then when I was Fourteen… I used Link instead, and so began the biggest and greatest of ideas I ever had. Now… here I am… my dream come true (Wipes away a tear) Thank you all for staying by my side, and believing in me. I dare say… this is one of the single most powerful stories on all of Fan fiction, and I am very, very please with my work. I'd say this was Eight months… One week… and Four days of a Job… WELL DONE! Now I must be off… to write more exciting stories… but I don't think they'll ever be another one like this again… it's a ONE, and ONLY OF IT'S KIND.


— Dakari-King Mykan`s humble author's note on a 52 chapter long crossover fanfic of Sailor Moon and Zelda, where the girls worship the male character while reenacting the plot of Armageddon

Mykan is, like Chris-Chan, a prime example of how mental issues, character flaws, and fanfic writing will always result in bullshit that steals from all possible things and only serves to satisfy the writer's own ego.

In general, his fanfics follow a set formula: Character A (Usually Davis from Digimon or Beast Boy from Teen Titans) is sad because Mykan's OTP between Character A and Character B (Usually Kari from Digimon or Terra from Teen Titans) failed. Character A alienates himself from his friends because "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY PAIN! WAAAAAAH". Naturally, Character A is portrayed as always right, even when becoming a terrorist/serial killer/world destroying megalomaniac. Alternatively, he will rip off Dragon Ball or Power Rangers, putting characters of shows that have nothing to do with either into situations similiar to those shows. To give an example: He put the cast of Liberty's Kids (a show meant to teach children about the American War of Independence, set in the 18th century) in Power Rangers suits and let giant mechas made out of wood fight against monsters in colonial America.

Either that, or his fanfics are part of his hilarious "7Teen" series, a sequel to a shitty Canadian teen show; the stories are based around sitcom plots that were old as early as 25 years ago.

Although his work is below average and, at worst, could easily give Tara Gilesbie a run for her money in bad plotting and writing, they still manage to give good insight into Mykan`s "creativity", knowledge, worldviews, maturity, ego and overall sense of logic.


My happiness comes from HATE and POWER... not LOVE and COMPASSION.


—A man who steals ideas from Sesame Street for his fanfiction.

Aside from relying on what he considers the alleged depressive mood of his beloved heroes, based on the fact that his favorite couples did not become canon, Mykan will rip off and plagiarize anything he knows in order to get a story done, mostly shows by Gerry Anderson, Digimon, Dragon Ball, Power Rangers, Sesame Street and baby crap like the Teletubbies and a show by the name of Today's Special. Prime examples of that include "The Sailor Moon Legend of Zelda[1], where he rips off the plot of "Zelda-Ocarina of Time" and Michael Bay`s "Armageddon" in order to write a 52 chapter long fanfic, as well as "My Little Unicorn"[2], where he rips off the very first episodes of My Little Pony in terms of plotting.

Having abandoned good animation since 2005 and having no interest in more mature shows, Mykan doesn`t really write about stuff people could take seriously and relies on shows no one gives a shit about anymore. In a time where wannabe anime and colorful ponies are invading your home, he sticks to crappy Canadian shows, children's anime, crappy comic book adaptations and Sesame Street. The most recent show he writes about is My Little Pony, but only because he hates it and wants to write revenge fanfics about it. The reason for his hatred? Not the fact that it is a girly cartoon, but because it has too much friendship.

Knowledge and personal worldviews

A quick glance over Mykan`s fanfics makes it obvious that he is not a very intelligent person and that his moral values could give the Westboro Baptist Church a run for their money. Mykan actually believes that it is possible to square the speed of light, tried to make a villain that gives his enemies the common cold look like he was a bioterrorist, thinks trials are not needed if there were lots of people witnessing the crime[3] and wrote in a Yugioh fanfic that a history professor would legitimately try to teach 20 year olds about Egyptian history by playing Duel Monsters with them. Otherwise, he has also shown tendencies to be unbelievably homophobic, racist and sexist. Mykan will always blame female characters for the "suffering" of a male one and spend time and time again humiliating and beating them up in his stories, either by means of an obvious self insert or a show character who he turns into his mouthpiece. He made it obvious that he thinks genocide and war crimes are okay in order to achieve your personal goals in life, has no problem with a scene where a girl drugs a boy in order to have sex with him against his will and will portray people of a different skin color or nationality more like national stereotypes than actual characters.

I don't get what the big deal about stereotypes are... but you and everyone else should SUCK it up... we're not tyring to insult or inflict! It's just a story!


—Mykan on the subject of racial stereotypes

Those accidental slips in his writing prove to give a surprisingly fitting picture to the real deal, who went on other boards to call German critics of him Nazis. Which is ironic, as Mykan went on to deny the Holocaust multiple times.


As mentioned, Mykan barely tends to write about more serious subjects or, when he does, ends up writing about them in a way a little kid would do. Although he is 28 years old, he still watches and worships an obscure Canadian puppet show called Today's Special in reruns on YouTube, of which he has plagiarized many elements and put into his My little Pony fanfictions, which already include elements of the Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake and Power Rangers. Much as we would like to say otherwise, we are not making this shit up.

Otherwise, he will treat subjects like rape, war, terrorism and death of family members like shows, showing an understanding of them only five year olds or sociopaths have. For example: On September 11, 2011, he decided it was a good idea to release a chapter of a Teen Titans story, where an entire city gets destroyed by a terrorist attack. When people told him that was insensitive, he threw temper tantrums, saying it was only a story and that he doesn`t give a shit about the people who died at 9/11. Obviously it was their fault for dying, right?

More hilarious is the way he deals with criticism. Ever since he started his flame war with the Digimon fandom, he has decided to react by roleplaying as the Hitler of all Dakaris, "capturing" people in Pokéballs when they dare to criticize him. He will also spend no time writing critics as characters into shitty revenge fics or wishing them to be raped.

The best example of him having the maturity of a bad-tempered five year old is probably the fact that he really thinks of animated characters as some sort of living beings and that he can punish them with his writing, spending months writing fanfics in which he kills Twilight Sparkle or guilt trips the characters from Teen Titans. And even when he is finished, he can`t let go. Although he has "fixed" Teen Titans with a bunch of fanfics to show their adventures after the end of the show (and to fix the pairing of Beastboy and Terra), he will at least twice a year write one fanfic centered around Beastboy getting (either in canon or an alternate universe) revenge on his comrades.


It is safe to say that Mykan doesn`t write fanfics about other shows than rather himself and how he wants to be seen in those shows. Virtually any OC in Mykan's stories is a ripoff of a superior character, most of them having "Mykan" as their name or bearing the title "Count".

Examples include:

Mykan Spotswood: a character in his 7teen fanfic series, who, despite being only 18 years old, owns his own comic shop and is famous for drawing comics and animated shorts ripped off from Gerry Anderson shows Mykan knows and worships.

Professor Mykan Jaden: Greatest Duel-Monster player of all time in a Totally Spiez and Yugioh crossover series.

Otherwise he will spend his time creating characters that are obviously meant as mouth pieces for himself and to feel like he is indirectly part of the show. That or he turns characters like Beastboy and Davis into the same sort of emo he is to release his frustration on the world in fanfic form, using them as sock puppets.

He also thinks his work would make awesome sequels to the actual shows he is writing about, to the point he thinks his My Little Pony stories are superior to Lauren Faust`s work and that Hasbro should hire him for new episodes.

Common Sense

You're kidding, right?

The logic in most of Mykan's fanfics makes absolutely no sense at all. Among them are having Davis from Digimon pilot a super helicopter the size of a small third world country and somehow fly it through New York City without anyone being able to take a single photograph because he was sneaky or some shit, taking artistic license to a new level in one fanfic, when he basically turns an American city into a dictatorship where the government changes everything in the city seemingly just to torture Beast Boy, stating that the speed of darkness is faster than the speed of light, and justifying terrorism when it reverts changed things back.

Overall, despite extremely minor improvements over the years, his fanfics are terrible. Mykan does not comprehend the saying of "Show, don`t tell", summarizing all sorts of minor crap up in his stories instead of building up suspense. He cannot proofread to save his life, to the point he misspells the very first word of his fanfics by now. All that is because of his desire to rush out any work he makes immediately after finishing it. Yet he still considers himself to be a greater writer than Tolkien and Rowling.

Of course, since this is Fanfiction.Net, Mykan has little to no negative reviews on his fanfics, thus proving once again that even the biggest hack can still find an audience... or maybe it's because he deletes negative ones.

Before he was unceremoniously told to fuck off, he literally didn't even know what plagiarism was until an admin explained it too him, using the smallest words possible. And then he blamed them for not being allowed to keep doing it.

The worst thing about all that is that Mykan actually takes writing his fanfics extremely seriously. While most fanfic writers will write their fanfics for fun, Mykan likely doesn't know the definition of fun, declaring he may die of stress if he doesn't write them.

It goes so far, he has nightmares about "Things Change", thought voice actress Tara Strong was in life-threatening danger due to Teen Titan's cancellation and suffers hallucinations during which he sees the Teen Titans on the TV screen talking to him.

He also believes that life is essentially one gigantic war. He believed that the "Dakaris" and the "Takaris" were actually at war with one another, believes that "Friendship is Magic" started a war as soon as he heard about it, and sees his fanfics not as fanfics, but as weapons in his own self-described "war". The Major wouldn't even consider this worth his time.

"Notable" works

Seeing how he has writen over 150 fanfics over the course of ten years, (most of which he released on mediaminer 'til he got his account on fanfiction.net back), a short overview of his magnum insanity may be in order:

His Daikari fanfics in general, which can best be described as whinefests. Special mention goes to "Child Soldiers"[4], a Digimon fanfic where Davis turns into a terrorist who has his own army of cloned children he uses to attack Earth and destroy all forms of love on it, while sitting on the moon and laughing like a maniac. The story got rewriten twice, as people made fun of the original version where Mykan actually tries to portray Davis still as a good guy, even after he kills all his child soldiers in cold blood.

"The Sailor Moon Legend of Zelda" is an at least 100 chapters long story. It is notable because it copies word for word someone's FAQ of Ocarina of Time[5], but adds the characters from Sailor Moon in it for no good reason.

Aside from loosely connected fanfics, he is especially famous for his "chain" of Teen Titans and 7teen fanfics. The Teen Titans fanfics center mostly around Beast Boy (aka the mouth piece of Mykan) and how he is sad over Things Change to the point where characters refer to the episode by name. Ironically, the second fanfic he ever wrote about Teen Titans was about how Beastboy and Terra fix their relationship up. Still, it didn`t stop him from writing over a dozen further fanfics, mostly set in alternate realities, where Beastboy either turns evil or is an even bigger emo than the writer, just so that Mykan can complain even more about Things Change. If they aren't about Beast Boy, they are either about a shitty Furry OC named Copy-Cat or just boring 3 chapter long stories with the other Titans, who Mykan does not give a damn about, doing shit and defeating generic villains.

Notable of his Teen Titans stories are the following two:

"The End of Ends", also known as "Things Change and the End", which was the first appearance of Count Logan, who is, according to Mykan, his ultimate villain and the greatest antagonist ever created. Said villain is just Beastboy who gets his hands on a magic book and turns into a sorcerer who tries to erase the universe because his anorexic girlfriend left him. Said original idea by the way was ripped off from the Nintendo game Super Paper Mario for the Wii, a game made for little kids. Mykan also made a Youtube adaptation of the story and wrote a sequel that actually undermines the purpose of the original.

On the other hand, a story from 2011 called "Teen Titans High School Musical: The Phantom of the City" begs the question if Mykan should not be watched by the Canadian equivalent of Homeland Security. In this fanfic, Beast Boy becomes The Phantom whose plan is to save the city from "evil businessmen" by blowing buildings up while beating up police men and sending them into the desert to die. Even worse is that this was the 3rd in a series of High School Musical based fanfics and that Mykan, on the question of if he really supports terrorism to stop changes, said he would be in its favor.

His latest project which may have given him the greatest backlash yet is Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing or, as it is also known by now, "My Brave Pony: Starfleet Magic". The story can be best described as the Sonichu of My little Pony starring shitty generic unicorns who worship a 3 horned unicorn Mykan wanted to name after himself until he decided to go for the name of Celesto. He made this because he hates friendship for obvious reasons, suffering serious PTSD from watching My little Pony and wanting to destroy the show just because it exists. By now, he has writen four fanfics, each at least 13-26 chapters long. Although Mykan claims he writes them for a more adult audience (killing characters like Twilight Sparkle and relying on Power Rangers inspired battles), the fanfics also include songs from Today's Special, Strawberry Shortcake and other shit for toddlers, which just highlights once more how much of an infantile pedophile the guy is.

He's also created a series of fanfics called Friendship is Failure in which the cast of Friendship is Magic try to solve friendship problems, but never succeed. Reasons for these failures tend to include immense stubbornness, temper tantrums or, if the character in question is named Beast Boy, death. It's also had a well-liked crossover with The End of Ends where Count Logan comes to Equestria and rips off a baby's head before destroying Equestria.

Aside from fanfics, he is also (at least on youtube) famous for his Beast Boy's Magic Voices series, in which he takes a shitty song (usually from a cartoon or Sesame Street) and plays it over jerky MS Paint animations of Beast Boy. In 2012, he celebrated 50 of them by making a self-congratulatory awards show.

Mykan And His Ego

Because I'm the Supreme King of Dakari's... I'm in a class by myself... no one can help me because even if theywanted to...My concentrarion as well as my working is too much for them to handle.


—The humble king in his own words

- Fri Apr 15, 2011 8:52 pm

Dakari King Mykan:I am better than you


—Mykan being so modest

If an ego could affect growth, Mykan would be able to lick the moon's ass while on his knees.

Besides managing to write at least three songs about himself on his own fanfiction.net profile and presenting himself like some sort of divine king, Mykan thinks of himself as a star who only needs a lucky break in order to get famous.

After finishing high school at the age of 18 -without graduating in classes like biology or American history- he has decided to waste the rest of his life at his parents' home, where he uses Windows Movie Maker and MS Paint to make shitty music videos, copypasting character frames from other shows and just dubbing lyrics about it in a way that makes your average Caramelldansen video look like a masterpiece by Pixar.

By making most of his videos about Beast Boy, he tries to make people realize how shitty the end of Teen Titans was and that the character deserves the happy ending Mykan himself could never get in real life 'cause he is an uncaring douchebag.

Only recently has Mykan even begun to re-write any of his fanfics, and some he won't even do it to. For example, he only re-wrote his "magnum opus", The End of Ends to match his wonderfully animated Youtube version, and only rewrote chapter 1 of his Sailor Moon/Legend of Zelda fanfic after a Youtuber did a dramatic reading of it. But when he rewrites his fanfics, while he gets rid of some problems, the fanfics are still as shitty as before because he still fucks up on the big details. It can be assumed he feels writing such gems as "Hey, don't be a king... talk to this thing", "Darien liked it when he was called boss, really made him feel like a man around these parts", and "It was like one of those wild-fights behind the sofa things.", is absolutely perfect and anyone who disagrees is a Nazi.

Any white knight who wants to try and help Mykan improve his writing should forget about it because his head is so far up his ass that he refuses to address any criticism. He claims that he takes Constructive Criticism, but, as has been proven, he deletes any comments that don't kiss his ass.

Whenever Mykan joins a forum, he almost always expects to be treated like the royalty he is, and demands to be made either a mod or admin. In fact, when the founder of one forum revoked Mykan's adminship, he left forever. Furthermore, on a different forum, when his CB mod status was revoked, he added the mod sign to his name just so people would respect him.

Solely because he is able to modulate the pitch of his voice without getting kicked in the balls (provided he has any), he thinks he could become a second Tony Jay and hopes one day to be discovered by some talent scout while performing one of his ventriloquist acts for the church or on a street in front of a lot of children (So far, the only attention he was able to raise was by some Canadian Mounties).

He takes pride in the fact that he performed once in front of an audience of at least 2500 people, not realizing two major things: One, a regular cosplayer is able to achieve the same at the right convention with a far more entertaining short number; two, the fact that he as an autistic manchild was performing for a benefit event of an institution helping autistic people makes his performance kinda like a puppy performing tricks on a dog show.

Another incident is when he declared (whether on purpose or by accident) that his terrible writing was more important than comforting a victim of sexual abuse.

One more incident was where he fucking lost it during a Youtube PM conversation when someone told him he had no talent. Many lulz were had at his expense.


-Wrong... even Brick-walls insult me. They represent things I can't stand as well!


—The Dakari King, revealing his grudge against brick walls

Don't you make fun of anyone PERIOD!!!



No Hikari...I am still fighting the Dakari stress that threatens me

But I guess the world is right I am just a poor excuse of a jerk who will never make a difference in life... and who doesn't deserve.


—Mykan in a moment of clarity, 2005. Well that or false humble behavior

Even after "the great Dakari war", Mykan has been embroiled in much drama.

Not only does he hate on Takaris to the point he wishes them to die, he will flame anyone who criticizes his Grammy-award winning spectacles known as "Magic Voices" on Youtube as well as those who dare to criticize he himself. However, a bunch of trolls from some forum who nobody gives a shit about (except for Mykan of course) have taken him down a notch, and whatever they did, it affected Mykan so much, he attempted to garner his very own personal army to combat them. The attempts at trying to get his critics down were hilariously epic fails. Not only did he prove himself to be more of a child as suspected by putting them into his fanfics as monsters (who actually were more popular than all his protagonists), he managed to make said forum more popular and actually lost some of his fans over time by showing his true colors to everyone.


Mykan reacts to those traitors in the most mature way possible: Wishing them to die, be raped or thrown into a concentration camp with the likes of the Nostalgia Critic. When one of his biggest fans, YouTube Favicon.png GreenGirl2121, decided to leave Youtube forever, blaming it on Mykan, who allegedly forced her to keep watching Teen Titans and suggested she kill herself, Mykan vehemently denied the charges and claimed she has a split personality. He also forced his fans to troll her 'til she decided to openly apologize for it. Mykan never accepted that apology, showing he still takes it bitter.

Overall, every time he rallies his fans to flame the source of his butthurt, you can expect major lulz. One notable occasion occurred when a Youtuber parodied one of his shitty AMVs. Mykan responded by having his now former fans leave poorly written flames on the person's video.

When he stumbled upon his Encyclopedia Dramatica page, he tried to vandalize it, Chris-Chan style. When admins inevitably reverted his edits, he left vague threats on their Talk pages and called them out on being part of some big conspiracy by his other critics who want to see him die and the world burn.


Mykan reached a new level of butthurt on July 21, 2011 when he rallied some of his fans in a video where he had a minor flame war with some trolls after one of them "hacked" its own sockaccount disguised as one of Mykan's fans. In the midst of it, he claimed one of his haters, a teenage girl, deserved to be raped. Mykan initially claimed to regret saying it but has since retracted it, saying she had it coming and used the comments of his shithead fans to back him up.

And you might as well be raped by a lunatic who will regret goign for an empty shell... you're useless


—The Dakari King speaking to a teenage girl

That girl... said I deserve to die for making vids and fics and my fans should die for liking it... that pushed me way over the edge and I mouthed off

"I pity the poor guy who rapes a hollow useless shell like you" That's not wishing Rape... "I hope someone rapes you" THAT is wishing rape... but what I said above is not... and Don't you think the slut deserved it? Some of my fans agreed though harsh, she deserved it... some even said they wanted to smack her!


—Mykan, explaining on a forum his threat

The Great Brony War

Bronies show their appreciation for Mykan's clever and original character by having him get fucked in the ass.

what a pleasent ide.a... it´ll serve the hoofed Whore right for her lies


—Dakari-King Mykan on raping Twilight Sparkle

Since 2012, Mykan may be involved in the biggest drama he could ever achieve.

In the second half of 2011, some bored idiot managed to insult Mykan, by telling him his writing was so bad, he couldn`t even write a good fanfic about My Little Pony. After months of bitching in private and spitting out ideas inspired by Sesame Street and Care Bears, he published "My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing", a fanfic so heinous, it reaches the level of awfulness only achieved by Christian Chandler and David Gonterman.

The story is so bad, even the "loving and tolerant" fanbase of FiM is disgusted by the piece of shit, chewing the writer out on imageboards and mocking the story ever since the first "season" was finished. Mykan, butthurt like a prostitute that has been raped with a broken bottle, started a total war on the show, writing at least three more sequels, which can be read here[6]. When he got slaughtered by fans and fellow autistics alike, he promised to write even more stories 'til the day he has destroyed the show and everything related to it. At the same time, he made Youtube videos in which he preached on how evil the show is and how much it made him feel like a sad loser.

The biggest irony of those stories is, while he writes them because he thinks friendship is evil and people should rather kill each other than make peace, his characters rely heavily on defeating the bad guys by utilizing friendship and believing in each other.

Mykan also claims that he does not hate the fanbase and only the show itself, which still hasn`t stopped him from harassing bronies on youtube and wishing them to die if they dare to criticize his work. At the same time, he seems to be intelligent enough to only spaghetti all over the internet in this forum[7].

Only the future can tell if Mykan will just one day snap a la Elliot Rodger and kill Tara Strong in cold blood while fucking a plush doll of Princess Celestia.

The one in which his phone number is revealed

False Murders He Doesn't Care About

Because Princess Cadance is happily married in canon while Beast Boy and Davis Motomiya aren't, Mykan loathes her entirely (note that he doesn't hate Shining Armor because he's male). As such, in his fics, she's been made to kill her long-lost brother who's been turned into a robot and suffer horrific nightmares. However, in this tweet[8], Mykan revealed that he intended to make her get pregnant yet lose the child when her possessed spouse kicks her (it was changed in the fic proper to be caused by a pillar collapsing on her). Coincidentally, the person he revealed it to happened to have miscarried, leading to a massive argument. In the end, Mykan decided that because the woman had pissed him off, he would definitely include the miscarriage in his fic[9]. A while later, she attempted suicide([10]) and ultimately succeeded ([11]). However, it turned out to be a prank though it should be noted that Mykan showed no remorse before he found out it was.

Infantile Ignorance

Does writing a story of people dying and a baby's neck getting snapped in the process truly make me a sick person, even if it's just fanfiction?


—Mykan, showing off his truly flawless logic about killing bab--wait, WHAT?!

Count Logan and his minions are trying to "Destroy all Worlds" that means they are also plotting to "KILL EVERYONE" so more than just one little baby is going to be killed. (It doesn't matter at all how Flurry Heart is killed. In the end, SHE'S DEAD!! It's as simple as that. ALL OF EQUESTRIA has been destroyed, and only the mane 6 Cadance and the royal sisters are left) Even the adviser gave more FAILING advice and suggested "ever heard of a heroic sacrifice" That does not mean anything... THE BABY IS GOING TO DIE REGARDLESS!!


—Mykan makes a great babysitter, doesn't he?

Speaking of Princess Cadance, on the dawn of December 2017, another incident cropped up involving her daughter Flurry Heart, in another one of his works, "Friendship is Failure #10- (Teen Titans) THE END OF ENDS!" based off his older, totally amazing creation, Count Logan. Within the work, Logan rips off the baby's head, not simply to show how evil the character is, but because Mykan wanted to torture Cadance and because some unfortunate schmuck didn't like seeing people getting hurt. Before even posting the chapter in question, he took to a blog that was originally dedicated to defending him and asked the poster of the blog if it was really such a big deal. When the poster suggested he not have her killed off (because, you know, she's a baby), he argued that he couldn't sleep at night if he didn't do this and went on to post a version of the story where Flurry is "mere" collateral damage as the world is about to go bye-bye. When people predictably got up in arms about the incident, Mykan rewrote it to his original vision, which ended up horrifying many people who read it, as well as driving away most of his potential followers after the act. He has yet to recover from this incident, and even continues to defend his decision, making it even more unlikely.

The King vs the Nigerian Prince Priest

Recently, when it seemed Mykan's cattle ride of lulz had come to an end, a true wigger came forward with very convincing proof that a nigger pastor from Nigeria is indeed trying to publish Mykan's life work[12]. However it reeked of fail as Mykan isn't stupid enough to believe some religious coon is mooching off of his plagiarized "work".

We DO hope Mykan crosses paths with fellow African pastor Martin Ssempa as Ugandans are known for their love of Poo Poo


Meet the Dakari King

A typical Mykan video

And another

His side-splittingly hilarious sitcom. Note the freaky looking babies

A dramatic reading of The Sailor Moon Legend of Zelda

The inevitable Youtube poop


External Links

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