Dan Brown

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Dan Brown

A whiny Jew with ADD who trolled Christians, especially of the Catholic fandom, for crack moneys - and not, as his supporters claim, for the lulz.

Wtf is this shit

If you carefully read between the lines and analyze the books you see that all his books have the same plot. Older man finds hot slut, they fall in love, and save the world using their unique and special talents. Dan Brown is a worthless hack. And a black person. More like Ban Drown, amirite? I wish he'd get fucking banned. Then fucking drowned.

Da Vinci Code

The Da Vinci Toad.

Protip: "Da Vinci" isn't the esteemed inventor/painter's surname. Back then most people didn't have surnames, Leo included. Da Vinci just means "from Vinci" and people who know what they're talking about simply call him "Leonardo". Of course, Dan Bawwwwwwwn is too much of a faggot to know that.

Brown's most famous work, the Da Vinci Code, is a Holy Blood, Holy Grail fanfic about a whining feminist manwoman who is persecuted by the French because he likes to hang out with guys in the Lourve and draw stuff with their blood. He meets some girl, who's a pagan, but also a Christian, but also Jesus's daughter, or some shit. There's also another guy, and a guy who's into BDSM. Then they find the Holy Grail because two guys in Da Vinci's 'The Last Supper' are leaning in opposite directions. No, really. And then he sticks his sword in her chalice, and they all live happily ever after.

Also Catholics are trying to take over the world, and also the Illuminati.

Dan Brown causes 9/11

Since Dan Brown is such a shitty writer, everyone with half a brain cell had the "mystery" solved by the end of chapter 1 (out of eleventy billion, as each chapter was a paragraph long). Unfortunately, this means most of America thought it was a ground breaking, thrilling page-turner, full of twists and turns. This pissed off the rest of the world, since they realized the same people they were working for for 3 cents an hour were the same people who put The Da Vinci Code on the best-seller list, and Al-Qaeda got all emo and started cutting themselves. Good job, Dan, you caused WTC.

Dan Brown isn't a Jew you fucking faggot. LIES

Angels and Demons

Dan Browns earlier book, Angels and Demons, was so shit that even he noticed it and rewrote it as the Da Vinci Code to offend catholics to get more monies and publicity. It's about how Muslims love to suck Satan's cock.

Digital Fortress

Academic man falls in love with thin whore and they save the world from a COMPUTER VIRUS!!11!. Then they live happily ever after and have gay sex with farm animals.

See also

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