Dave Warwak

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And yet he looks so happy.
Somehow the slogan isn't quite as catchy.

Once, but no longer, the internet’s most infamous vegan terrorist. It is not an exaggeration to say that Warwak hates and is hated by absolutely everybody – including other extreme animal right activists such as PETA. Warwak was even banned from the Vegan Freak forum for being too extreme, which is saying a lot considering members of this forum force vegan diets on their pets.

What makes Warwak so very, very interesting is that you do not have to insult him in order to incur his wrath - you don't even have to disagree with him or even contact him. No, all you need is to do in order to feel this love of justice is to merely exist.

While Dave has been the cancer on the asshole of the internet for some time now, his increasingly retarded and fundamentalist views are becoming more and more public following the Peep-Show incident.

Career

Sadly for the American education system Dave used to be a teacher at Fox River Grove Middle school in Chicago, Illinois. Luckily he did not do much damage as he only taught art instead of a real subject like science.

Peep Show

Dave Warwak shows his love and compassion for animals by brainwashing children into seeing how they are abused, tortured and eaten.

Like a young Jeffrey Dahmer he distributed marshmallow peeps (candies shaped like small animals) to young children and asked them to look after their peeps for three days instead of eating them. When they were returned to Dave he did what any man with a loving, compassionate care for animals would do to prove his point:

  • Mounted their heads on walls
  • Peeling off their skins and put them on a Barbie doll
  • Locked in cages
  • Crushed as roadkill
  • Locked inside miniature cages
  • Put into pots
  • Stuck between slices of bread

It is suspected the only reason he did not do the same to the school hamster is because he had secreted it in a special place in order to release it later. Naturally on September 24th 2007 this sick fuck was fired.

Screwing up the Kids

Info non-talk.png Hanging himself on a crucifix, Dave himself has put the list of charges on his own website. Click HERE to read the report.
Hopefully he will stay away from the reindeer.

This however was not the end of Warwak’s shitty one-man campaign with Fox River Grove. He filed a lolsuit against the school, demanding they take down posters which encourage them to drink milk, claiming that doing so actually causes cancer. The real source of the cancer, however, was quite obvious, and he was swiftly booted off the school grounds.

In yet another remarkably creepy act, for the festive season Dave dresses up as Santa Claus. This in itself is not terribly odd, as most people don't find it inappropriate to allow small children to sit on the lap of a stranger in disguise, but instead of asking the children what they want for Christmas, Warwak begins to lecture them on how the turkey they will be having for dinner was brutally slaughtered and electrocuted. He also gives them pictures of animals being skinned alive to add to the holiday cheer.

This is not a joke, Dave genuinely does this shit.

Quotes

Here are a collection of unedited quotes to give you some idea into what happens to your brain when you eat nothing but tofu and lack vitamin B12:

   
 
It is so strange to think corpse-munchers refer to us as vegans.
 

 
 

—Not so. Vegans are also known by other names.

   
 
Grovel and shower the corpse-munchers with flowers until they cave for veggies is the cry of the friendly abolitionist. The corpse-munchers in charge of the Holocaust only understand violence – no matter how cool, beautiful, and loving we think we are.

Peace loving nonviolent vegans allow/enable violence to continue on a massive scale just because they don't "believe in" violence. No one is asking them to "believe in" anything. Only to realize, the hour is way late and we are not dealing with the open-minded or rational; but, we are denied by stunted children in adult bodies who have inherited the tools to prevent reason from taking away their toys. They need a good spanking.
 


 
 

—Luckily there is no such thing as a peace-loving vegan.

   
 
Vegans are safe because we don't eat shit with animals in it or should I say we don't eat animals with shit in it? Either way, we don't eat that shit.
 

 
 

—What do you think they grow vegetables in?

   
 
Anyone who has seen Leno eat, knows the corpse-munching comic has a bottomless pit of a gut. If Leno would go vegan (not happening in this lifetime as he is too selfish) thousands of innocent defenseless beings would be spared his ever-hungry corpse-hole. Rock on PeTA!

And yeah, Kevin is a sell-out and won't pursue the issue - but he is always willing to plug his "sexiest veg" award from PeTA.

Selfish pousers rule the airwaves. Get in line ... stand-up straight and salute
 


 
 

—Ironically Warwak himself also happens to be fat


Note on Language:

Words like corpse-muncher and necrovore are frequently thrown about among vegan terrorists. As you may have noticed, these all suggest those with normal diets eat dead things. Do not take this as an insult, it is a compliment – because what sick bastard eats their food while it’s still alive?

Fights With Other Animal Rights Activists

PETA

It’s hard to image somebody so self-righteous and deluded that even PETA thinks he is a huge faggot, but it’s true. Ironically, they believed his aggressive behaviour was giving them a bad name.

Before Peta-Forums shut down, Dave Warwak was one of the oldest and most active members, preaching about the cancerous evils of milkshakes. So despite the fact they claimed to dislike him, these spineless faggots never banned the fucker.

Camille Marino

An e-mail regarding to conflict between two equally retarded eco-terrorists. So this is what happens when lolcows cry.

Another equally fanatical yet far more boring PETA-fag known as Camille Marino was once Warwak’s one and only (almost) human friend. Her blog NegotiationIsOver ranted about the evils of eating meat, gave tips on how to indoctrinate children into becoming vegans (making sure the parents never know) and explained why peaceful vegans are sycophantic ass-kissers, despite the fact peaceful vegans don’t exist.

Evidently this blog was not hardcore enough for Dave and on 2nd September 2009 he deleted many of the articles. At first it was not clear why he did so – Camille’s posse believed he had turned traitor and was now a non-violent vegan. Others believed he was no longer an animal rights activist at all. It later transpired that Warwak turned on Camille because she spent too much time attacking other vegans and not enough time pissing on normal people.

Obama

Dave Warwak has an obsession with Barack Obama far unhealthier than any hormone-infested cheeseburger, seemingly blind to the fact that the most powerful man black person in the world couldn’t give a mouse-sized shit about the opinion of one neckbearded asshole. Sadly for Warwak, this thought doesn’t seem to have occurred to him.

Video

NOTE: Lulz and common knowledge are in the rejected comments.

Failed Attention Whore

Dave LOLs at Camille for being an attention-seeking cunt...
And then does the same himself. Not even his fantards noticed.

Warwak has been on Encyclopedia Dramatica's batshit crazy list for quite a while, but until recently warranted no more than a special mention. After having this article published however, Dave creamed his pants in joy that he was now e-famous. As with all vegans Dave is a huge fucking hypocrite. He has disowned Camille because her attention whoring is not helping the kittens, then splats his new ED page all over his blog.

Sadly for Dave however his new-found fame was not to last. His title as 'Most Retarded Vegan' has been usurped by his creation Camille Marino. As such nobody gives a flying fuck about Dave anymore.

External Links

[email protected]


See Also


Dave Warwak
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