David Wu-Kapauw

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Facsimilie of the Scientology flyer identifying Kapauw.

David Wu-Kapauw a.k.a. Wu Kapauw (var. sp. Wu Kapouw) a.k.a. Marvin Gaye is the second leader of Anonymous. His identity was kept secret until early 2008, when his name and appearance was discovered by the crack investigative team of the Office of Special Affairs in the Netherlands, and revealed to the public in flyers handed out by Scienologists in the Netherlands.

The revelation

Translated from the original Dutch.:

The next "leader" is Wu Kapauw. Kapauw hacks into Hyves* sites of Scientologists to leave his photo behind, and someone recently warned us that he registered a website providing a false name and address to the provider. The phone number he provided belongs to a hotel manager from Waalwijk, who wants to press charges. Any results will be published in our next newsletter.

[Note: *: Hyves is what the Dutch have instead of Facebook, just like the French have Dailymotion instead of YouTube.]

Biography

Recent events have brought to light the identity of the leader of Anonymous, the esteemed David Wu-Kapauw. Since Anonymous is an organization dedicated to the open and free exchange of information, David has asked that we release a short biography.

David Wu-Kapauw was born to Linda Wu, a Chinese born radical feminist and avid fishmonger, and Jimmy Kapauw, a Polish born stage magician and part time convenience store clerk, in Toad Suck, Arkansas, on December 4th, 1974. His father's magic act accounted for a great deal of travel for the family, despite the universally negative reviews it received. In 1977, the strain of travel finally took it's toll and the two divorced, with custody of young David going to his mother, Linda. Linda then moved to New York and began a somewhat successful career at a mitten factory. David was mostly raised by Uthmi "The Gypsy" Zambalo, a freelance trash collector, whose presence was a fixture in the community. At the age of ten, David's father re-entered his life when his magic act won him a permanent spot at a local night club. David has credited his adult interests to spending his early teenage years playing with his father's masks and listening to "Uncle" Uthmi's stories about gladiators.

David had a largely uneventful scholastic career until his second year of college, when German born psychology professor, Dr. Johann Strucker, took an interest in the young man. Noticing David's unique ability to perceive minor shifts in mood in his pet wood mouse, Muddkipe, Dr. Strucker began grooming him as his successor. This led to his now successful career as a pet therapist and his two lauded dissertations on the uses of electroshock and common household implements in house training.

David lives in Bonn, Germany, where he sings sensual soul on his free time. He is also a volunteer pool closer.

References and notes

  • The Scientology flyer. Original content. Copyright Scientology Kerk Amsterdam 2008. Do not steal.
Xenu homeboy.pngDavid Wu-Kapauw is part of a series on ScientologyXenu homeboy.png

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