Dexter

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The face of a pretty cool guy
No, not that Dexter

Dexter is a story about a serial-killer in Miami named Dexter Morgan. By day he's a blood-spatter analyst who works for the cops of Miami. However, much like every other superhero he goes out to stalk/kill criminals. He does this by monologue and thrusting deep into their body with his long hard blade.

His mother got pwnt with a chainsaw in front of him and his brother Brian, causing them to be traumatized for life. However, stereotype cop Harry had trolls remorse because it was his fault Dexter's mom died so he adopted him and realized he was a sick fuck. After Harry dies, Dexter gets sad for approximately 10 seconds, but gets over it quick because his sister is alive and he has a girlfriend that makes him food and has little children to distract him with. Long story short, he kills criminals because he can.

Dexter Kills Cancer


Season 8 Big Bad SPOILER

Dexter in 60 Seconds

Dexter and Brian Masturbating With Deb

Season 1

It all starts with Dexter killing people and trying to find this other serial killer is also a pretty cool guy, talks with fellow cops (who are mostly spics because it's Miami.) gets accused of beign a sick fuck by a nigger cop, monologues and kills random ass criminals for 20 episodes while trying to fight his homosexuality enough to fuck his girlfriend and play with her kids. It turns out his brother is actually the other serial killer and offers Dexter to join him and be killers but Dexter says no and pwns him, which makes no fucking sense.

Season 2

Dexter's hot girlfriend. Don't like?

Secret's out and lots of dead bodies are found. A FBI agent is called in and wants to hit Dexter's sister; Dexter wants the same. This makes our hero very jealous. His girlfriend thinks he's chasing the dragon so she sends him to rehab. In rehab he meets a woman who has da hots for him, but instead of getting it on with her he dumps her, making her stalk him. A black cop finds out Dexter is the bad guy, and tries to stop him, because Dexter realizes he is a sick fuck, he agrees, but the cop is later killed by the crazy stalker ex, who is then killed by Dexter. The black cop gets blamed for the crime, but that's ok since he was a goddamn lazy nigger anyway. Also, the FBI agent, after tapping the sister's sweet ass (who was less than half his age), kicks it out into the street.

Season 3

Lots of filler, the highlight of the season is when Dexter gets a spic sidekick and tries to teach him things, but then the spic starts acting retarded and so Dexter decides to kill his ass, but the spic tries to kill him back, but then he fails and is killed like he should have been the moment he illegally entered the country.

Season 4

Even more filler, also Dexter's baby is demented, and the guy he kills at the end killed his wife, lulz. The FBI guy returns to tap Deb's ass once more, only to get pwned in the second episode. The two main spics get married to each other. Basically, the main message of this season 'Serial killers shouldn't have children'.

Season 5

It all gets interesting when a group of men raep loads of womens, and some sick fucks at the FBI watch videos of them being tortured and raped. Dexter also begins to fuck one of the victims, while getting pissed off at some bible bashing babysitter. This series conludes with his sister almost finding him and not liking him anymore, but then she decides she doesnt care who the killer actually is. Oh yeah, and the victim bitch leaves Dexter at the end, rendering the whole season completely fucking pointless.

Lumen returns to her planet.

Season 6

Some christfag decides to recreate doom's day and kills many pplz with his professor WHO'S BEEN DEAD BEFORE THE WHOLE SHIT'S EVEN BEGUN but gets pwnt. Meanwhile Dexter meets some nigger who dies after some episodes, his sister goes emo. At the very end his sister finally decides to care and she finds out who he really is. A gimmick for the fans to shit their pants waiting the next excellent season.

Season 7

Got mah eyes on you...

In an attempt to render Season 6 almost as pointless as Season 5, both the new PD nigger and the creepy, Techno-Wizard newfag is unceremoniously killed off by some mobster ruskies (okay, "The Ukrainian Mafia", but who the fuck can tell the difference?), who's leader, a britfag giving his best attempt at a Russian accent, will apparently be the ineffectual villain of this season. Meanwhile Debra makes a half-hearted attempt to dissuade Dexter from his serial-killing ways, that lasts the whole of one-and-a-half episode. Expect the writers to ramp up the juicy incest angle and milk it for all it is worth. It also makes her wet when Dexter tells her he killed Spetzler, plus for extra lulz, when he yells Fuck to troll Spetzler while acting totally batshit insane. Stay tuned for next week's episode when he crosses with britfag the terminator and LaGuerta as she begins to give a shit about Dexter's habit and we hope she gets shot to death by Debra in the series finale.

Don't forget more incest, it'll keep the rednecks pleased. Previously, Issac goes apeshit and kills everyone in a bar because he was being trolled by Dexter, and ends up in prison, meanwhile him and fugly sister share a room, but she wasn't totally asking for it yet. And it was too predictable enough for Debra to burn away the evidence enough for Dexter to keep up his sick fuckery. Which would piss off LaGuerta because Doakes isn't alive to surprise motherfuckers.

Once again, Dexter fucks another blonde named Hannah aka Sarah who properly never regained her memory and become a psycho killer, and because Dexter wants to rape hot women on the table, which will properly make her an hero by the end of the season. Nice job. Issac, the fake accent russian mafia boss does nothing of Unwarranted Self-Importance by killing Colombians for lulz. Also Debra dates a Spartan, some guy who wants to rape Hannah as well, it's pretty much a raping season from here on out. lol Debra's boytoy for a couple of episodes gets fucked by Hannah McKay with poison ivy or some shit, because she properly wants a threesome with Deb and Dexter and was jealous. Hannah's dad comes by to visit, dies in one episode, because fuck no, Dexter has to ruin his shit and dump him in the ocean. Because he can. The Dark Passenger is fucked, so Dexter can kill everything in his path without consequences, cause John Locke will join him on his crusade. LaBitch is still on Dexter's ass, hopefully enough for Debra to rape her spicnigger shitter off the finale. Everything went according to plan, because it scares us terribly we knew this would happen, after the first episode when LaBitch went on a search to clear Doakes' name with the help of a oldfag (who hilariously insults her every conversation), so Dexter and Deb walk aimlessly though the new year to make us cream for the next season. SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER, Doakes comes back to show us things we already knew that he was onto Dexter. :| Sadly, Dex and Deb didn't fuck.


Lulzy Scene From Season 7

Season 8

The season starts off with Dexter free from killing LaGuerta, but his sister turned into a sick fuck and doesn't want to talk him or have incest. Some guy grabs her ass, which makes Dexter jealous. And confronts her slutty ass that he wasn't on top six months earlier. Then we meet some oldfag named Vogel who doesn't want to be raped by some invisible surgeon, that reveals she helped Harry create the code to see where the sick fuckery started. Though it's horribly pointless. Then Dexter and Deb go in a "you're lost, no you're lost" the game. So immature. When Dexter wanted to kill some Mexican faggot, Deb got in the way and shot the fucker dead to show she wants to be like Dexter. To skip though all this shit, Debra trolls Dexter into driving with him, but they end up "swimming deep". The rest of the season is them actually being dead in Purgatory. I'm not kidding. And oh Hannah kidnaps little boys to show how serious she is and heads off to some city you'll never visit. And molests him, the end.

Memorable quotes

   
 
"UhhhhhuhuhhuhhhuhhhhhaaaaaAAHAHAHAHAAAAHHHHHH! HUAHHHHUH!"
 

 
 

—Dexter, Season 4 Episode 1. Srsly.

Shitty Fresh Prince Rewrite

Dexter killed you.JPG

Humble Beginnings

Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
An' I'd like to take a minute just sit right there<
I'll tell you how I became The Bay Harbor Butcher

Sanford, Florida born and raised
Killing animals's how I spent most my days
Chilling out maxing relaxing killing a duck
Till my dad Harry noticed that i was a sick fuck
And started teaching me this code of rules
I killed one little crook and my dad got scared
And said "oh lawds ima have a big heart attack"

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said blood and had a knife in the mirror
If anything, I thought that this cab was kool
So fuck it, I said, take me to a medical school

After learning how to cut I realised that
I should be a cop instead of a white hat
Looked at my life and realised I was there
To kill every fucker until noone was left

Gallery

See also

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