please click here and scroll slowly down to the bottom of the page.
Domestic violence is when a perfectly fine and functional male member of society puts his woman in her place: The Kitchen. The process of domestic violence usually occurs in two easy steps:
- Woman is NOT in the kitchen.
- Man directs her to the kitchen using all available methods.
It's seriously that easy! Do try it at your home!
Pro-Tip: When you are 'correcting' your lady, remember to only leave bruises on areas that are covered by casual clothing. Leave the face alone, as facial bruising may cause the police and her friends to believe her stories. Also, feel free to 'correct' her even when you are unable to see any valid reason, as she probably did something stupid earlier that you don't know about.
However, feel free to 'correct' her in a non-physical way as well, as these bruises are not visible and will last for the rest of her life. Fun suggestions include: only allowing her to bathe directly after you in your dirty bath water, making her run a meth lab in her parent's shed, and purposely impregnating her and making her get an abortion (a silly way to remind her that 'the man giveth, the man taketh away').
Note: Please 'correct' responsibly, as her death will cause the hassle of finding a new, possibly less attractive lady that knows the law.
All women secretly -or not so secretly- love being slapped around and domestic violence is simply the foreplay for rough sex. Domestic violence is also the bestest way to show your woman how much you love her and is the 'glue' needed to prevent any lasting relationship ending in severe butthurt...(at least for her anyway).
It's always warranted whenever a female speaks, refuses to take orders, leaves the kitchen, looks at another guy or checks your cellphone for other females. It's funny as hell too, as sung about by Anal Cunt, in their hit "Domestic Violence Is Really Really Really Funny." Stick it on, then have your friends get popcorn and beer, and they can watch you learn her good.
Recent studies now suggest that between 80-90% of bitches did actually have it coming, with an additional 10-20% pretty much asking for it. This comes as a shock to everyone but longtime surprise sex-advocate Mike Tyson who has apparently known this for years.
Actually, it's a bit surprising WHY it's even illegal in the first place. From the first seconds of the astounding births of males, the genetic code of knowing how to keep a bitch in her place already flourishes. So, this can only mean one thing. Those goddamn fugly lesbian feminazis persuaded the shitfaced and majorly stoned congressmen of the law with VERY persuasive speeches, letters, actions, and other things women use to change people's mind. As written in the Constitution, " any of thou written, even in the shittiest of thy excuses, any of thou shit that thy not maketh sense any particular, any of thy shit written that makes women plead thy rape- IF IT IS WRITTEN! - it shall not be blemished by the marks of erasement. AMEN, AMERICA."
Feminists stubbornly deny that domestic violence is also committed by women against men (50%-50%), because they want to keep a monopoly on eternal victimhood.
The males who enjoy domestic abuse from women have an SM fetish. The males who tolerate domestic abused by their girlfriend/wife do so out of desperation. For their loser status and lack of game means they cannot attract better women in their lives.
During childhood they were traumatized for constantly being ordered around by their moms, are very attracted to control-freak abusive women so they can relive their hellish youth.
When an abused male comes home after a hard day of work, he can't relax, but must fulfill his second-job as sweatshop slave and punch bag of his dominatrix.
Battered males get slapped hard by their wives whenever they refuse to do any dirty and dangerous work around the house to serve the entitled princess' neverending list of demands.
Abused husbands keep their sad, private life a secret to avoid being ridiculed for being a doormat or not being taken seriously by captain save-a-hoe cops.
Examples of Domestic Violence
After a few thousand years of being beaten and terrorized by abusive spouses, as well as being forced to listen to retarded jokes about it, domestic violence was made illegal. Once freed, they realized they could kick the shit out of assholes who were asking for it.
Women were now faced with an important choice, stop domestic violence for all genders or only penalize stupid violent men. They chose to go with the latter stupidity and violence, cause women get turned on by slapping their husbands during disagreements when they run out of logical arguments. Anyway, women screwed up everything since man created rap and most recently reggae ton, so some women are still beaten, yet beaten men are brushed under the carpet and put on ignore. (SmAcK dAt bItCh yO)
Domestic Violence in the News
- The Pittsburgh Channel.
- "The jury is weighing whether that revelation could have thrown O'Toole into a fit of rage so outrageous that she drugged Slaby, waited until he fell asleep, then glued his penis to his stomach, his testicles to his leg and his buttocks together. O'Toole said it was part of a sex game -- so was the nail polish, which she said she used to paint sideburns on him in honor of Elvis."
- Penis Lopping: Is This Becoming A Fad?
- "At some point, he agreed to have sex — and allowed his soon-to-be-ex to tie his arms to a windowsill. The 35-year-old woman severed his penis with a kitchen knife, cops said. [...] Unlike Lorena Bobbitt, who merely flung John's penis out her car window in Virginia 11 years ago, Kim flushed her boyfriend's organ down the toilet.
Q. Wanna hear a joke?
A. Women's Rights
Q. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
A. Nothing, she obviously doesn't listen. --OR-- A. Nothing, you already told her twice.
Q. Why did the woman cross the road?
A. What's she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
Q. Why do women keep their holes so close together?
A. So you can carry them around like a six-pack.
Q. Why do mangina males like being domestically abused by women?
A. Because, that's the only time they get attention.
Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?
A. None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
A. Made her chain too long.
Q. How many battered women does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. "Cook it in the dark, bitch!"
Q. What's green and in the kitchen?
A. My bitch, and I'll paint her any color I want.
Q. What do you call the useless skin around a pussy?
A. A woman.
Q. Why did cavemen pull their women around by their hair?
A. Because if they pulled them around by their feet, they'd fill up with mud..
Q. Why do women have periods?
A. Because they deserve them.
Q. Why don't women need watches?
A. There’s a clock on the stove.
Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Because the dishwasher should match the stove and refrigerator.
Q. What does a woman put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A. Her ankles.
Q. How are women like bowling balls?
A. You finger them and throw 'em in the gutter, and they keep coming back for more.
Q. What's the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth?
A. Einstein's cock.
Q. A motorcyclist hits a woman. Whose fault is it?
A. The woman's. She wasn't in the kitchen. --OR-- The motorcyclist's. What was he doing riding his bike in the kitchen?
Q. What's the biggest problem with being a black person woman?
A. There's no kitchen in the back of the bus
Q. What's the difference between my wife and an onion?
A. I didn't cry when I chopped up my wife.
Q. How many feminist does it take to change a light bulb? A. Just kidding, Feminist can't change anything.
Domestic abuse can cause serious injury. Without suitable training as well as proper protection, serious damage can be done to the hands, elbows, knees and forehead. Thankfully there is a much easier way.
Domestic abuse for gays
Because it's just a fight between two people of the same sex, no one really gives a shit unless it requires repeated trips to the hospital. You can also abuse your partner in public and people just think you're friends.
Best thing about gay couple domestic abuse is that it's much easier to get away with. Who's going to go to the police and admit they got beaten up by a fag?
Even better is being a lesbian. Lesbians engage in DV more than male gays, and if the victim complains, the entire lesbian community shuns her. It makes them look bad, you see, interferes with their "the whole would would be wonderful and loving without men" narrative.
Domestic violence is part of a series on
Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.