—Donation Grandstander "ttyl," who is an adult, donated 8,000 dollars to Haiti because his mother told him to do it.
<video type="youtube" id="Pup4MYKbLUw" width="300" height="200" desc="Some kid lying to the Special Olympics." frame="true" position="right"/> Donation Grandstanding is a form of USI where a user of a forum, image board, message board, camwhore site, or even a plain website promises to make a donation…which inevitably falls through. This affliction may, at times, be an honest mistake upon the users part, but the overwhelming numbers show that most of the time the user is making boastful lies in order to gain respect and honor from his peers and betters. Once the promised money never appears, the user is outted by the community, banned by moderators, and cast out like the lying leper he or she is.
Encyclopedia Dramatica has made study into this dysfunction and has concluded that it is not a pathological situation, but rather a lame confidence scheme cooked up by a troll of low (or almost no) intellect.
The main point of this article is to educating common internet users of this sort of unsavory scheme and also to protect them, as it has become a valid trolling technique.
—One of many delaying tactics that may be used.
Usually a person will jump on IRC or send a private message to somebody who is in charge of a website like a moderator or an administrator. They will begin filling that persons head with tales of donation cash to be used to better the site or even to keep the site alive. Once the administrator or moderator is fully hooked by the Donation Grandstander’s empty promises, they will allow that person certain privileges that normal users will not have only to make the procurement of the money more possible.
- 1. Donation Grandstander promises to send 1000 dollars to a site.
- 2. Administrator of that site allows the Donation Grandstander to act like an asshole or to have privileges that normal users of the site do not have.
- 3. He or she is protected from bans for the time being. Other users of the site wonder why this is happening.
- 4. Donation Grandstander “gets away with” this behavior for as long as possible.
After an amount of time that is proportional to the amount of money promised, the administrator will become antsy and want the money that was supposed to be donated. The Donation Grandstander will offer excuses or token donations in order to hold off the inevitable ass rape that he or she will ultimately incur. This process can last anywhere from 1 day to several weeks depending solely upon the agreed upon donation amount.
- 1. Donation Grandstander promises to send 10,000 dollars to Encyclopedia Dramatica.
- 2. Several Sysops and the owner are hopeful.
- 3. Several days pass.
- 4. Donation Grandstander makes the excuse of needing to buy a car. However, he will only buy a 2000 dollar car and send the remaining 8000 dollars to Encyclopedia Dramatica.
- 5. Several Sysops and the owner are still hopeful.
- 6. Several days pass.
- 7. Sysops are beginning to smell a rat. They question the Donation Grandstander about the pending donation.
- 8. The Donation Grandstander disappears for a few days, scared of the banhammer and other internet punishments.
- 9. After several days of trying to think up an excuse, the Donation Grandstander finally appears on IRC and tells the Sysops involved that his mother made him donate the bulk of his money to Haiti…as he has family there.
- 10. Life ruining tactics.
While most Donation Grandstanders are smart enough to come up with this idea as a trolling technique, most of them are not smart enough to extricate themselves from the situation they have placed themselves in with any sort of grace. They usually lie, come up with lame excuses, or just plain disappear when they finally hear the footsteps of doom following them.
These plans, which may sound like a great idea to the Grandstander, will sound like utter garbage to those who expect the money. It is the complete opposite of a Confidence Scheme in that in a con, the person being ripped off usually has had their hopes raised by over-the-top promises and is conned by an actual believable story. When Donation Grandstanding occurs, there are usually over-the-top promises, but nobody believes the con because…after all…this is the internet, and everybody lies here.
Finally, when there is no place else to run, and no place left to hide, the cornered Grandstander will attempt to lie or make an outrageous excuse. These stories are usually so extreme, or are so disgracefully idiotic, they only heap more shame on the Grandstander besides the mound of it that is already building.
Despite the fact that the Donation Grandstander has several symptoms that mimic the symptoms of a pathological liar or an alcoholic, Donation Grandstanding is not a disease. It is an offshoot of the ever popular internet persona tactic that is called “Unwarranted Self Importance". These people, who by some act of fate, feel that they are inadequate in themselves and seek the approval through others on a computer hundreds or even thousands of miles away.
To prop up their sagging sense of self worth, the Grandstander will not only lie, but actually create a whole world around themselves in order to sell the story they are trying to make for themselves. This may or may not include portraying themselves as somebody far more rich, smart, or important than they are really. However, an attentive watcher can quickly figure out that they are not who they seem to be by scrutinizing their stories…and finding the predictable mistakes that these people always seem to make.
As with any sort of cash transaction, the administrator must always take any donation with a grain of salt. As previously stated, this is the internet, and as it is full of thieves, liars, and a multitude of brigands, every discussion of money must always be couched in scrutiny and disbelief. To do otherwise makes the administrator an easy target for other schemes, and also a laughing stock amongst his or her peers. The only way to prevent future Donation Grandstanding is to make a large, public example of one when they are finally caught. Dox, email bombs, and IRL destruction should not be out of the question.
How You Can Help
—Sysop Dan, angered by being made to look like a fool in front of Girlvinyl.
Donation Grandstanding comes in many flavors and colors. What might seem like a normal chat to you, may throw up warning signs to those who are vigilant. If you see what you consider Donation Grandstanding, please report the offense to the closest Sysop, black person, administrator, IRCop, or site owner. Remember, only through constant surveillance can this behavior be stopped and corrected.
What to look for:
- USI - Donation Grandstanding is a sub-form of USI and many of the same antics will be attempted by a Grandstander.
- Elitist attitudes. Donation Grandstanding is often accompanied by some sort of bullshit snobbery.
- Long winded tales or stories. Usually, these are stories that involve Shit nobody cares about as well.
- The Grandstander will appear to be an expert on any given subject.
- Extreme assholic behavior. Once the Donation Grandstander has made his or her pitch to an administrator or moderator, they usually feel entitled to some extra privileges that they would normally not be granted.
If you happen to notice any of these behaviors alone, or in concert with one another, it is your duty to call the Donation Grandstander out by trolling them with extreme prejudice while at the same time alerting the internet authorities.
Recently, Encyclopedia Dramatica was the victim of Donation Grandstanding. The damage, limited to some small hopes on the part of the staff, was small and many users and sysops gained valuable insight into this dreaded internet affliction.
While there are many logs involved, the main one is posted here for all to see. Reading it will help those of you at Encyclopedia Dramatica who are interested in stopping this sort of thing by allowing you to recognize some of the bullshit that will occur during a Donation Grandstanding event:
<ttyl> tl;dr mom made me donate to haiti, i figured sherrod told u <ttyl> we have relatives there <Sheneequa> oic <ttyl> i tried to convince my mom to let me keep like, half or 1/4 of it <ttyl> but no all of it
[[Click here for the rest.]]
It begins innocently enough, but as time goes by, you get the sickening feeling that you are dealing with a Donation Grandstander...
<ttyl> by donation, is it possible to ban someone? if so, how much moolah would it cost <Sheneequa> who we talkin bout? <ttyl> jewdozer <Sheneequa> $30 for 4 days <ttyl> how much for 4ever <Sheneequa> $250 <ttyl> is it name ban or IP address ban <Sheneequa> name which iirc comes with ip until it's reset <ttyl> now wait what if i wanted to ban you for 4 days, how much would that cost <Sheneequa> $80 <Sheneequa> $100 does a week <ttyl> forever would be out of the question, right? <Sheneequa> Fuck if you throw in $5000 I'll do anything <ttyl> hot diggity dog <ttyl> i've actually got $10,000 <Sheneequa> :O <ttyl> supposed to be for a car <ttyl> but it's not like i have a life or nothing. <Sheneequa> lolol <ttyl> ok i'll probably do it but i need to think about what to do after i donate, being the selfish prick i am
Doing the right thing is important when a Grandstander is discovered. Discuss him or her with your friends and do not allow your hopes to climb. Remember: ALWAYS BE SKEPTICAL!
Sheneequa: ED might be about to get 1-10k :3 dan: hello dan: what? Sheneequa: well Sheneequa: yeah Sheneequa: ED is gonna get a minimum 1k dan: details? Sheneequa: provided ttyl doesn't back out randomly
Upon hearing the seemingly extra-large sum of 10,000 dollars, the sysops were skeptical.
Sheneequa: guise Sheneequa: dan especially Sheneequa: ttyl is buying the 2 thousand dollar car Sheneequa: :3 :3 :3 dan: ill believe it when i see it Sheneequa: skeptical dan is skeptical Sheneequa: so in case he is right he gets a trump card Sheneequa: dan is a formerly married man dan: hey, if he donates 1000 or more dan: i will ban myself for a month on on top of all the other shit Sheneequa: no Sheneequa: you will not dan: k dan: look, i dont believe him Sheneequa: you are vital to the various shit we do in forum land dan: i am willing to put myself on the line for it
The warning signs for a classic Donation Grandstander are quite clear.
dan: sheneequa, that ttyl guy was on yesterday...he bought a 2000 dollar car Sheneequa: dan: yup dan: whats he gonna send? Sheneequa: well, ideally 8k. But I understand him waiting a bit. I asked him to donate 1K like today if possible Sheneequa: he says he's waiting "a week in case something comes up" dan: that sucks Sheneequa: err, he said that before I said donate 1K asap Sheneequa: then he said sure if he remembers dan: heh, how do you forget something like that? dan: ho hum...doot dooot doot dan: oh yeah, 1000 bucks Sheneequa: laziness more like Sheneequa: Not getting his hopes up dan doesn't get his hopes up Sheneequa: not only does dan not get his hopes up, he wipes his ass with yours Sheneequa: ;_; I KNOW WHO YOU VOTED FOR PRESIDENT
To avoid detection, the Donation Grandstander will attempt to hide his or her intentions from as many people for as long as possible.
dan: boy this ttyl guy is gonna milk this donation thing for as long as he can dan: i wish he would jsut send sherrod the money Pink_Poodle: who/wat vonranke: ? Pink_Poodle: the donation milker man
Once all the lies and stories are found to be false, a victim may want to blame themselves, however this should not be done! Running a website that generates huge bills for bandwidth will cause a person to want to take everybody at face value. Never blame yourself, as you are only doing good things with your time...the Grandstander, however is a piece of shit who preys upon other people's hope.
Sheneequa: lollll Sheneequa: ttyl's mom made him donate to haiti Sheneequa: that's so cute dan: thats a bunch of horseshit dan: i ought to ban him right now dan: hur hur i have 8 grand for u Sheneequa: [19:06] <ttyl> tl;dr mom made me donate to haiti, i figured sherrod told u Sheneequa: [19:06] <ttyl> we have relatives there Sheneequa: [19:06] <Sheneequa> oic Sheneequa: [19:07] <ttyl> i tried to convince my mom to let me keep like, half or 1/4 of it Sheneequa: [19:07] <ttyl> but no all of it vonranke: fuck vonranke: what a little faggot Sheneequa: dan wins dan: that just doesnt sound realistic dan: i doubt he had any money to begin with Sheneequa: yeah he claims he's an adult dan: LOL I SPENT 2 GRAND ON MY CAR BUT I GAVE 8 GRAND TO HAITI..AND IF YOU BELIEVE THAT I HAVE A BRIDGE YOU MAY WANT TO BUY vonranke: if my parents told me how to spend my money, i would say, "sure, as soon as you start giving me some" vonranke: what the fuck vonranke: adult my anus vonranke: ANUS I SAY! Alliecat: lol dan: http://twitter.com/Edirc dan: 10:15:27 vonranke: ANUS I SAY! dan: loool vonranke: :D Sheneequa: you know the worst thing about ttyl not donating Sheneequa: other than the obvious Sheneequa: which is comparatively much worse Sheneequa: the fact that dan was right dan: oh shi Sheneequa: >:( dan: hahahaha dan: sorry Sheneequa: SOMETIMES BEING RIGHT IN A RELATIONSHIP ONLY HURTS YOU dan: :( Alliecat: :(
Some more long, drawn out posturing from the Donation Grandstander. Please note, they will attempt to chat up sysops or administrators because they feel it gives them a sense of fleeting E-fame.
<Sheneequa> you get mods <Sheneequa> $1000 bucks = mods <ttyl> lol <Sheneequa> but being overwhelmingly wacky can get them revoked <ttyl> "so Damon, where's your car?" <Sheneequa> aka banning girlvinyl permanently and/or wrecking the forum <ttyl> "lol it's like, not here i donated to ED" <Sheneequa> Get a geo :3 <ttyl> why would i ban girlvinyl <Sheneequa> are you a minor? <ttyl> no <Sheneequa> I'm just saying if we mod you and you're overly retarded and don't listen to warnings mods can be revoked <Sheneequa> cool okay <ttyl> also out of curiosity, let's say that in the process of me sending the moolah, shit fucks up <ttyl> i lose 10k <ttyl> do i get the things i asked for, or wut <Sheneequa> shit shouldn't fuck up <ttyl> yeah prolly won't <Sheneequa> if we had reason to believe you were fucking with us all along obviously you wouldn't get what you're bargaining for <Sheneequa> but atm we don't have reason for that <ttyl> has anybody tried to fuck with you guys about stuff like this? <Sheneequa> No, imho that would be fatally stupid :P <ttyl> inorite? <ttyl> oh and could it be possible to filter "xD" on the forums into "i have a tiny dick"? <ttyl> god i hate xD <Sheneequa> looool <Sheneequa> it sure would <Sheneequa> I don't see a lot of xD's <Sheneequa> how much are you looking at giving <Sheneequa> any amount between 2500 and 10k will give you lots of random privs <Sheneequa> including mods <Sheneequa> to be honest if someone else gave you that money I'd recommend still buying the car, but no one said it had to be a $10,000 car :3 <ttyl> hell a lot of cars are under 10 grand <ttyl> whatever's left i'll probably donate <Sheneequa> yeah you can get a good ride for 2k <ttyl> ok right now i'm in a tie between donating to you guys, or Teeworlds <ttyl> i gotta think for awhile <Sheneequa> wtf is teeworlds <ttyl> it's an open-source game i play <Sheneequa> does it have a chance of going down in the next 6 months? <ttyl> yes. <Sheneequa> loldicks <ttyl> lol i'll donate to ED no matter what, cuz i know the TW devs have jobs and aren't poor or shit <Sheneequa> and our owners have been losing money for 4 years :3 <Sheneequa> 5* <ttyl> :< <Sheneequa> I don't wanna be pushy <Sheneequa> cause that's lame with people offering large amounts of money <Sheneequa> so I am just saying this separately <Sheneequa> it is really amazing that sherrod has paid for ED for this long <ttyl> I don't want to be the reason ED goes down :< <Sheneequa> YOU ARE <Sheneequa> YOU ARE THE REASON YOUR PARENT SPLIT <ttyl> how long would 8 grand pay for ED? a couple days? <Sheneequa> 3 months <ttyl> holy sh- <Sheneequa> assuming she's not backed up on payments
- Internet Money
- A frank discussion of mental illness
- Internet Disease Chart
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