.hack

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A prime example of how "developed" characters are in hack sign

Dot HACK Sign is Japanese anime cyberpunk for pedophiles. The story of the original anime revolves around a girl named Tsukasa or something, who has logged on, and can't log off. The BAD GAIZ AI, Morgana, uses Tsukasa to (I shit you not) bitch and moan at teh GOOD GAIZ AI, Aura, so that she'll be so annoyed or something that Aura will go into Suspend Mode, and let Morgana rule The World. Note that's capitalized, because apparently, in the future, there's only one game, it's called The World, and it is stupid and basic as hell. Literally half the users don't even leave their starting town, probably because fighting monsters is so pointless and repetitive. The entire plot of Hack Sign takes place without the characters accomplishing anything of merit (Just like real MMORPGs). By the time they figure out Morgana is *gasp* bad, Morgana decides to kill them all, and the series ends by everyone just logging off. Seriously, they END THE SERIES by having the characters just decide to go do something else with their time (Just like real MMORPGs usually end). Too bad the RABID fanbase didn't pick up the hint.

As filler so that they could actually manage to have a full season of this crap to market to slow 13-year-old boys basement-dwellers, they had a pair of girls continually hit on Tsukasa, who has a male character in The World, despite being female in real life (The opposite of real MMORPGs), and the most incredibly effeminate player in The World.

According to fans of dot Hack Sign (commonly referred to as Hack-Men), the major point of dot Hack is it's "Character Development". This is because they are stupid.

It is a series of a supposed mystery that is doled out in milligram increments. The whole plot can be written on a restaurant napkin in magic marker without even needing to unfold one of the creases. Even then, it's just the same old "Computars are pwning the intarwebs!" plot that was worn out about two decades before The Matrix killed the genre once and for all. The so-called character development is over the same old ONE-dimensional archetypes as any other anime that doesn't even bother to have pretensions of character development. What they did is simply a pure travesty of narrative.

The reason for this is that the plot is written specifically for the Last Thursday attention span of said boys, and the ONLY real reason anyone watches it is because that part of the intro song where Subaru's clothes start falling off.

As for the games, they as are stale as your mom's muff. Eat if you dare.

Related media

.hack//Infection, Mutation, Outbreak, and Quarantine

Due to the huge success of SIGN, Bandai decided to make .hack// video games. Obviously realizing just how bad their anime .hack SIGN was, they hired one of the creators of ghost in the shell to do the screen plays, and the character designer for evangelion to design the characters. They managed to make it better than SIGN, but other wise this still didn't work, as the game still sucked. The characters take EVERYTHING too seriously forgetting that they can take off their fucking UMD goggles off at anytime, and they and treat the game like the real world. As if that isn't bad enough, for a game that takes place in the FUTURE, this game is also very poorly thought out. There are no quests, most of the areas look the same, and your character looks the same even when you change armor. Also if you want to break the game, you can just add two wavemasters into your party and beat the level in a flash. You also have to go into the select menu to issue an attack, and almost all the bosses (the seven phases of Morganna) look like ass.

Storyline

You play as middle schooler who goes by the name "Kite". You originally played the world to have fun, but your friend Orca was put into a coma by this mysterious rock with a wand that could have been the love child of Deoxys and Geodude. To save your friend, and "the world" (facepalm), you must defeat him, a floating wall, a deformed bowling ball with a long tail, a floating tape reel that talks, two creepy looking rocks that slightly resemble the cock mongler, a whore, a deformed constipated rocky harp that bounces around, and a floating gourd. I am not shitting you. To solve the mystery of "the world", you must check the worlds shitty forums, read your email, and investigate corrupted areas with your friend Blackrose.

.hack//G.U. Rebirth, Reminisce, and Redemption

The main protagonist of .hack//G.U.

The previous video games were a huge success in Japan. Apparently so big that you could literally see all the man cream that the fanbois sprayed on the franchise out of enjoyment. So Bandai (now Bandai Namco) decided to make 3 MORE dot hack games. This time, they managed to make them EVEN WORSE than the previous games. The characters take things even MORE seriously, and this time around there are even more obvious love affairs, forget that the girl you are looking at is probably a 30 year old obese man, SHES BEAUTIFUL. Realizing how over powered the wavemaster class was, they split them into Shadow Warlocks and Harvest Clerics. Also since Bandai had a lot of time to observe how MMORPG's work, you would have thought they would have fixed all the problems that the previous games had. WRONG. The areas STILL look mostly the same, characters also still look the same when you give them armor, and the game play is even more boring than before. Sure there's quests, but all of them suck.

Storyline

7 years have past since the previous games, and sometime in between then, the servers hosting "the world" melted in a fire and the world was reprogrammed. Over time, video game controllers have advanced with the amazing progression of dildo technology. Never before could you play a game and look like you were fondling yourself at the same time. But now a new threat has shown up across the net, INTERNET AIDS (also known as AIDA). You play as an Adept Rogue known as Haseo. You used to be nice and friendly, but due to your tragic past where you were killed in an online game you are now an antisocial internet tough guy. Somehow miraculously on your quest to avenge your online girlfriend who has been put into a coma, you actually manage to make friends (like any antisocial emo's dream) who actually care for you even though you treat them like shit. The objective is to save the world from internet aids and get all the people who have been infected with it out of a coma.

Rating

  • Action: varies - .hack//SIGN had about as much action as Pee Wee's Fucking Playhouse, but you actually got to kill shit in the videogames. Not that thats saying much.
  • Lulz: >9000 - Just listen to the characters talk as the story progresses. You will laugh at how overly dramatic they are. Also the voice acting is terrible in the first video games
  • Furry Gayness: I'm going to say 7 just to be safe; I'm sure someone screws a Puchiguso eventually, and Death Grunty. But fuck that, Attention Whore Elk does have sex with Mia, the World's only furfag. Not only that, but R:2 added furries!

Links

This is a badly made mmo on rpg maker which has really bad mapping and sprites. It´s not even worth it.

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