Dream Theater

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TOTALLY DARK 'N' BR00TL \m/

Dream Theater is a Progressive Metal band from New York, specializing in making long epic guitar solo songs. The band started in 1989, disappeared in 1997, then reappeared in 2007 thanks to Guitar Hero. They are sellouts, since more than 10 people have heard about them, and they're totally not br00tul according to the Metal world. They're commonly known for playing long songs, with retarded time signatures and epic br00tal guitar solos.

Band Members

John Petrucci

John Petrucci

OMG 100% THE BEST Guitarist ever in the history of forever and secretly Jesus in disguise, according to fans. Is probably the most overrated guitarist in the world, but still one of the best. Writes most of the band's music and lyrics in order to have the longest possible guitar solo. Sweep picks too much and is commonly known for setting his guitar on fire during solos. He also has a smokin' hot wife.

John Myung

Bassist. Doesn't talk. Is Asian.

Jordan Rudess

A skilled keyboard player and a decent wizard, but he is the most hated member of Dream Theater. Why? Because of the chrome dome? Being a Jew? Posting too much on YouTube? Using Apple products? His cute fluffy kitty? No. Because he replaced Derek Sherinian who replaced Kevin Moore back in '96, and the fans still haven't gotten over it. According to them, Jordan is the worst thing evar in DT, and they should fire him and bring back Moar so that they can redo Images And Words, despite the fact that Moar is already in his own band.

James LaBrie

Was a great singer until 2002, but then he damaged his vocal chords from vomiting so much. Now he sounds like a cat run over by a motorcycle at live shows. Likes to spin around on stage and shit. Also he's Canadian.

Mike Portnoy

Their fat drummer who used to have a drinking habit. Now he has replaced it with a habit of self-promoting in the songs he writes. He wrote 5 fucking 10-minute songs about his Alcoholics Anonymous crap, and songs about his crappy childhood and dead father. After The Rev died, he took his place in Avenged Sevenfold. His drumkit is so huge, it has 2 seats (Somewhere along the line he grew a second ass.) and so many cymbals that it resembles a small village in Taiwan. He wants you to eat his ass and balls.

UPDATE: On 9/8/10, Mike announced that he is done with DT. Millions of suicides are expected.

Mike Mangini

OMG liek the fastist drumer in the wurl guiz!!1! Replaced Mike Porntoy after he decided to leave Dream Theater. Not as good as Marco Minneman.

Fans

Like most bands, it's the rabid fans that give DT a bad name. The fans seem to think that their fandom is far superior to other crappy fandoms, but when provoked, the fans will react in the same way as the aforementioned 12-year-old girls. Comments of "OMG DREAM THEATER RULZ" and "STFU UR A HATER" litter their Internet existence.

Trolling DT fans

  • Say that Dragonforce is heavier/better/herman li owns Pezuzi
  • Say that kirk hamlet is more skilled at guitar soloing
  • Mention that a video game that insults guitar players is the reason why this band even makes any money
  • say that the vocals suck and are girly
  • say that they are not heavy in the slightest (fans will fight to the death in defense of this)
  • Mention that no one listens to them
  • Say that Peturci speeds up his guitar solos via audacity, and that herman ri doesn't
  • say that all of the guitar work from Pechoochee (solos, leads) is actually all MIDI and that he sucks ass
  • ask a fan how many times he (no girls on internet so only he) has heard DT songs on the radio.
  • Say that avenged sevenfold and bullet for my valentine are more successful, way better, heavier and have more talented lead guitar players
  • Mention that Petrucilli is not on the Rolling Stones top 100 best guitarists list.

Music

The Count of Tuscany.

The music isn't half bad if you like 10+ minute-long songs with at least 100 time signature changes per second.

  • Images And Words - THE BEST album evar, simply because of Kevin Moore.
  • Lie - Metallica cover.
  • Anna Lee - Self-explanatory.
  • Home - Basically Tool's Forty-six and two.
  • The Dance of Eternity - OMG SO TECHNICAL OVER 9000 TIME SIGNATURE CHANGES LOL
  • A Nightmare to Remember - DT's attempt at death metal. Failed horribly.
  • A Rite Of Passage - Proof that they are Secret Illuminati OMG
  • The Count Of Tuscany - The story of how JP was almost raped by some dude. An unintentionally lulzy song, due to cheesy lyrics and awkward singing. (srsly, not even ventriloquist dummies have to say such silly things.)

Lyrics

   
 
Death is the First Dancing Turtle!
 

 
 

—Metropolis pt. 1

   
 
Help, he's my brother, but I love her...
 

 
 

—Home

   
 
This whole world is spinning in sodomy!
 

 
 

Pull Me Under

   
 
I'm a steak
 

 
 

—Sacrificed Sons

   
 
Cut myself open wide...
 

 
 

—Never Enough

   
 
Give your cellphone to me
 

 
 

Forsaken

   
 
...
 

 
 

—John Myung

Videos


Canadian Rap

15 minutes to Psycho

See Also

External Links

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