Lolita was originally a book about a pedo who married an old woman to have sex with her underaged slut daughter, who then ran off with another man until she was legal and he cried emo tears and then became an hero. This has since been adopted as a proud mantle by Wapanese eatbeasts who WISH they were lusted after by even fat old pedos. Lolicon (short for "Lolita Complex") is a pornographic movement based around the aforementioned obsession with younger girls. Bet you didn't know that, you history-avoiding, illiterate fucks.
Because when it comes to fashion, the Japanese just don't know when to fucking stop and weeaboos don't know fail when it walks up to them and slaps them in the face with its penis, Lolita has spread from the standard Victorian jail bait to raep every other kind of fashion until a bastard hybrid Lolita sub-culture emerges. For example, Western Lolita, and Brolita. Claiming it is 'about fashion, not being sexy' (and demonstrating just how stupid they are about the origins of their own fandom) Lolita fashion has taken the internets by storm. A storm of cheap lace.
The Glorious History of Lolita-Chans
At least 100 years ago, Japan had a serious problem with keeping girls virgins until they hit the age of 14 which is the socially appropriate time to shove 3 dildos up their young asses while shoving a bottle of beer up their pussy. A secret police force of women was assembled to distract deviants (and of course Pedobear) who might rape girls before their time, their uniform that of victorian baby clothes since all Japanese women look like 16-year-old girls anyways. This program was a great success and provided much hentai for all of the world to enjoy.
However one dark day, a mute cross-dressing trap guitarist named Mana took the uniform of this mighty female task force. He dubbed it the super-ghey name of 'Elegant Gothic Lolita', forever tarnishing the pedo-licious meaning of the word lolita. Ever since Rozen Maiden fagged it up even further, fatties have been dressing up in lolita fashion, much to the sorrow of our eyes.
This new kind of cosplay was then exported to weeaboos in western cultures, always hungry for more KAWAII DESU! and unable to recognize instant fail when they see it. Perhaps on some level they do realize the joke's on them, because Lolita-chans have a tendency to be far more bitter and vicious than the a-ver-age (pedo)bear-bait. They drop hundreds of dollars on name-brand Japanese lolita clothing, only to bawww when the package arrives in the mail and they find out a Japananese size XXL is really an American size 4. LOL. Some members of lolita communities have described it as worse than /b/.
Important Rules for Lolita-Chans
- EVEN IF YOU ARE A SKINNY 14-YEAR-OLD JAPANESE GIRL, YOU LOOK FUCKING RETARDED IN LOLITA CLOTHING.
Types of Lol-itas
- Sweet Lolita: aka TRAP Lolita, not because they have penises (though some do) but because there is no such thing as a sweet Lolita
- Elegant Gothic Lolita (EGL): Rich snob lolita. If it isn't an imported Japanese name-brand, it doesn't count
- Elegant Gothic Aristocrat (EGA): Same as above, but with boobiez
- Classical Lolita: When jailbait grows up, but still can't dress for shit
- Princess Lolita: Medieval rich snob lolita
- Punk Lolita: LoL, whut? It's like EGL, but with more leather, chains, piercings and bad dye-jobs
- Twin Lolita: Girls who cosplay as those fucking creepy kids from The Shining
- Guro Lolita: How they look after their daddies are through with them, or as they like to describe it: Innocent gore
- Kuro/Shiro Lolita: For the colorblind
- Kimono Lolita: Babydoll mini-skirt kimonos with a buttfucking lot of lace. This isn't an otaku bastardization, they did it all themselves.
- Housewife Lolita: The lolita equivalent of dried up 45 year old whores
- Brolita: For teh gays who don't want to wear dresses
Lolita-Chan in her natural environment
Mostly female basement dwellers, occasionally Lolita-chans don their bestest Japanese frocks and Mary-Jane shoes and gather for tea parties, because if you're going to make an idiot of yourself you might as well do it in a group. That way they can pretend the strangers yelling rude things aren't talking about them, but the girl right next to them. This is pretty much how the communities work, except replace 'strangers' with 'sister lolitas'.
Lolita Theme Song
Lolitas like to think of themselves as being unique and non-mainstream because they like to wear frilly little girl dresses at least 100 years out of style. Much like goths, they display their uniqueness by conforming to a set of rules more rigid than regular society over what is 'acceptable' as a lolita-chan. If someone tries to be Loli and violates these rules, everyone in the community will try to destroy the source of original thought.
A never ending form of drama is when someone
mistakenly correctly assumes that because it's called 'Lolita', it's supposed to be jail-baitySo someone joins a Loli community and talks about or better yet posts pictures of clothes that come with the Pedobear seal of approval (TM) and the community will go apeshit over and over and over again. They insist that it is a non-sexual fashion, worn by people who like to reminisce about the innocence of childhood (obviously not the type of people who clusterfuck anyone who would do something as terrible as combining pink and black clothing, amirite?)
Lolita is full of people who just don't get it. There are no '2 kinds of lolita'. The Japanese fashion invented itself after the book, idiots! Just because they're Japanese and don't look sexy doesn't mean it was intentional. Most sane people don't think sailor suits and tentacle rape are sexy either, but obviously the Japanese disagree. This inability to get it is what makes Lolita-chans so much fun to troll. They like to think that they're above it, with communities like EGL_Drama to make fun of themselves, but all they do is make fun of people they've already made fun of, in a completely unfunny way. They can't even do lolcats right.
- Rozen Maiden, almost the whole cast of animated knife-wielding lolita style dolls. DESU!!!
- Gwen Stefani, who all Lolita-chans despise because by deviating from the fail, she must be doing it wrong
- Cynthia Recently, Nintendo was able to sneak Lolita into Pokemon following its "lesbian lawsuit" issues.
Super Kawaii Lolita-Chans
Links For Lolita-Chans
- Ae-tan - A rare example of doing it well.
- Elexiel grae - A rare example of doing it wrong.