From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Ebonics, also known as Nigger Speak, Niggerese, or Niggerbabble, is a language spoken by poor hood niggers. In the 1990's, the apenigger skoo district tried get more Jewgolds by making it an instructional language. It is also used by middle-class white boys where much of which being 13 year olds are trying to convince others that they are not middle-class white boys.
As part of your local curriculum, teh Ebonics can be learned as a second language from any local nigger by the corner. Give em' a bucket of KFC and you're set 4 life, homie.
Although its origins are uncertain, there are some scientific studies showing that Ebonics had originated from niggers trying to speak English with a French accent, albeit with little finesse, through thick, blubberous spoonbills.
Fortunately, niggers usually only babble with each other when they apparently feel like the other person would understand. On the occasion, they might attempt to babble to humans and you may encounter one trying to ask you for head. In that case, it is advisable to take a defensive posture (likewise when confronted with an aggravated animal) and ask him to repeat himself as slowly and clearly as possible. If he babbles incoherently to you again, try the following response:
No matter what the nigger was trying to convey, this usually covers all bases.
How Do I Spoke Ebonics?
When Confronted After Stealing A Pair of Shoes
Standard: Excuse me, but I purchased these shoes at my local footwear retailer, and I'll thank you very much to keep quiet about how I obtained them.
Ebonics: SHEEEIIIT NIGGA I BOUGHT DEEZ FRUSH AZZ KICKS. BITCH ASS CRACKA
When confronted by lawmen regarding alleged criminal misconduct
Standard: Verily, officer, you have the wrong man!
Ebonics: I DINDUNUFFIN
Standard: Hm! Quite an attractive young lady, isn't she?
Ebonics: DAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYUUUUUM LOOK AT DAT FINE ASS BITCH, SHE GOTTA STRAIGHT UP DONK IN DISZ MUUFUCKAA, I'MMA DEEPP DIQQKK DAT HOE
Standard: My my, you are a lovely young lady.
Ebonics: DAMMMN!!! YOUSA FINE ASS MUHFUCKA! I'MMA HEEM DAT PUSS U
Standard: Shall we go for a ride?
Ebonics: HEY BABY JUMP IN MA LOW RIDA AN' LES ROTATE DEES TIRES
Standard: You are beautiful. I would like to make love to you.
Ebonics: DAMN BITCH YOU STUPID FLY LEMME PULL UP DAT BUMPA AND SMACK DAT MONKEY
When Asking A Girl on A Date
Standard: Would you like to go out sometime?
Ebonics: (Niggers do not engage in foreplay or any sort of mating ritual whatsoever. In most cases, the male will rape the female.)
Greeting Old Friends
Standard: Hello Sir.
Ebonics: WHADDUP DAWG! Alternative Ebonics: WUZZZ GOOD YAW,(MY\MAH\MUH) NIGGA?! (WUT IT DO?)(WHAT IT IS?)
Asking to borrow some cash
Standard: May I borrow some money?
Ebonics: HEY HOMIE LEMME HOLD SOME ENDS I'LL HIT YOU BACK ON DA FIRST MA BROTHA *BLAP BLAP*
Standard: Dad, would you kindly spare me some money? I will be going to dinner with my girlfriend.
EH YO POPS, AHYUZZ NEED SOME GREEN, GOTTA BUY SUMDIN NICE FO MAH HO YA DIG POPS?
Niggas don't know their fathers, and wouldn't know if it wasn't for Shaqueeta being 1,110% sure that you ARE the father!!.
After Being Denied To Borrow Some Cash
Standard: You don't have it? Thanks anyway.
Ebonics: FUCK YOU MEAN!!???*BLAP BLAP*
Alternative Ebonics: FUCK YO ASS!!!!!*BLAP BLAP*
Uncommon alternative: DAM NIGGAAA YOOZA SNAAAKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEE! *FAP FAP FAP*
Standard: I think I will use my good credit for this loan.
NIGGA I NEED DEM DUCKETS HUH DA FUCK YOU MEENN "FIN-NAN-SHAL OB-LI-MUH-GAT-TIONS?!!" Y'ALL TRYNA TELL ME MAH CREDIT AINT GOOD NIGGA? FINE, ISS' ON NOW, RAP BEAT NIGGA *BLAP BLAP* (This rarely if ever occurs as Niggas never have good credit. They use all their credit potential in their youth thanks to their needy parents.)
Meeting new people
Standard: Hello kind sir.
Ebonics: WHADDUP G!?!?!?
Standard: I admire your fashionable running shoes and wish to ascertain a pair of similar quality and model.
Ebonics: DROP DEM NIKES/JORDANS/POLO'S OFF YO ASS 'FO I BLAST YOU MOTHAFUCKA!!
When Sexuality Taken Into Question
Standard: I am absolutely puzzled as to where you heard that, but rest assured, I am very much not a homosexual.
Ebonics: DA FUQK?! NIGGA WHERE DA FUCK YOU HURD DAT SHIT I AIN'T GAY MOTHAFUCKA
Standard: You had better relax or I will be forced to defend myself.
Ebonics: DA FUCK DID YOU SAY TO ME?! *to fellow Nigga* NIGGA DID YOU HURR WHA DAT BITCH SAY TO ME? HE BEST STEP BACK DAWG OR I'LL BUST A CAP IN HIS MOTHAFUCKIN AYIZZ, KNOWHADIMSAYN?!!
Standard: Leave now, or unfortunately I will be left with no other choice than to physically eject you.
Ebonics: NIGGA YOU GOT 1 SEC TO SHAKE DA FUCK OUT BEFO I KNOCK DAT GRUULL OUCH YO DAMN MOUF KNOWHADIMSAYN?!! IMMA GET MUH CHOPPA AND START BLASTIN CAPS UP YO PUNK ASS YA DIG BRAH?!?!
When confronting someone who is lying
Standard: You are lying. Please tell me the truth.
Ebonics: NIGGA SHAKE WIDD DAT BULLSHIT BEFO I POP DA TRUNK ON YO BITCH ASS NIGGA AN SHOOT MAH MUUHFUCKIN UZI UP YO TRASH ASS NIGGA
When attempting to sing
Standard: My frozen dairy treat brings all the gentlemen to my front lawn. Some argue that it is superior to yours. Yes, they are correct, it is far superior to yours. I could pass along this knowledge, but there would be a fee.
Ebonics: MAH MILKSHAKE BRINGZ ALL THE BOYZ TO THE YARD AND THEY LIKE ITZ BETTA THAN YOURS. DAMN RITE ITZ BETTA THAN YOURS I CAN TEACH YOO BUT I HAV TU CHARGE
When Sharing Camaraderie
Standard: You and I are friends. I hope we can remain best friends forever.
Ebonics: WE THUGZ FO LYF NIGGA WE RYDE 2GETHA, WE DIE 2GETHA
Standard: I win!
Ebonics: SUP NOW NIGGA/WHASZ GUDDD NOWW NIGGAH!!!
Standard: What a surprise!
Ebonics: AW SHIT AW SHIT MAN I SEE'D THAT SHIT NIGGA I SEE'D THE WHOLE THING NIGGA YOU SHOULDA SEEN THAT SHIT NIGGA THAT SHIT WAS CRAZY MAN I SEED THAT SHIT WITH MY OWN EYES DAMN THAT SHIT WAS CRAZY NIGGA Alternative: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Standard: Do you agree with what I've said?
Ebonics: NOMESANE?/NAAAAAAAMEANNNNNN?/YA DIGGG!!!??/ YAHERT!!!!??
Standard: Although you may have been here for less time than me, would you mind directing me to the bathroom?
Ebonics: YO AFRICAIN WHERE DE SHIT HOLE?!
Standard: Hello kind sir, would you like to light a marijuana plant, and then get carefree with me?
Ebonics: EHYY MAH NIGGA WE FINSTA GET FADED TONITE YA DIGGG!!! WHAT I'MMA NEED YOU TA DO ISZ LIGHT UP DA PURP AND EASE YA MIND WIDDD ME
Standard: Gotta have my Pops! (Though only to be said by brainwashed nigras)
Ebonics: NIGUGUH GET DAH FUCK'WAY FROMMAH MUDDAFUCKIN' CEREAL. D'HELLZ 'RONGWHICHU BITCH? DAYM, IMA FUCK YO MOMMA SO HAHD UPSIDE DE HEAD SHE GON BE *SHITTIN* THAT SHIT!
Standard: Oh dear.
Ebonics: AW SHIT
Standard: Excuse me kind sir, will you please show your object to me?
Ebonics: LEMME HOLD DAT *BLAP BLAP*
Standard: I disapprove of your actions.
Ebonics: IM PRESSIN CHARGES
Standard: I enjoy the sound made by car exhaust whistle tips.
Ebonics: WHISTLES GO WHOOOOOOOOOO
Standard: The chaos theory is a theory that complex natural systems obey rules but are so sensitive that small initial changes can cause unexpected final results, thus giving an impression of randomness.
Ebonics: SUP DAWG LEMME TELL YO SUMMAT BRO NIGGUH CUM OVAR HURR I SEE'D THE WHOLE THING HATA'S SAY WHAT WOOP WOOP
Standard: Farewell, my love. I am not the father of that child.
Ebonics: AHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA!!! WHA DA FUQK YOU TELLIN ME FOR YOU SKANN ASS HOE!!!? I KNEW THAT NAPPY HEAD NIGGA WUDDDN'T MINEE! *BLAP BLAP BLAP BALP BALP*
Standard: Oh dear. What time is it of the current moment?
Ebonics: MAN, DAMN WHAT DA TIME IS
A variation of the above in which niggaspeak is combined with leetspeak to an even worse effect. This results in screen names like ThugL1f34Eva, B1tch514pp3r and Undaprivilegedminorit33.
IRL example courtesy of Bebo:
wAd It Be iTs yA gAl pEaNuT Im So RaNdOm u NeVa KnO wAt U gOn GeT i DnT bE oN kNo PlAy pLaY Im KoO tO bE aRoUnD i LuV tO pArTy N dRiNk.....Im hAvIN a PaRtY iTs GoN bE sO fReSh AlL HaTaZ pLz CoMe oThEr WiSe gEt At cHa GaL pEaNut (say whut?)
Bill Cosby on Ebonics
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