|THIS PERSON IS TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN|
Protip: Never actually rape Emily Jo but be aware that by her standards you may rape her involuntarily if you look at her. If you believe you are about to rape Emily Jo, move far away from her unless you want to be exposed to her centipede filled vagina.
If you are in the Chicago area avoid Emily Jo if you find her whoring on Craigslist. Going anywhere near her will cause you to become a rapist. She gets raped every two seconds and she is always asking for it .
. Emily Jo began life as a Objectivist redneck from North Dakota, but she now smashes patriarchy by spreading her legs for any man with a tambourine and enough cash for beer. Emily Jo blogs and tweets about her loneliness, inability to relate to others, and her hatred for durdy redskint injuns. She thinks she is more moral, sophisticated, and intelligent than you.
Emily Jo was jealous of the masculine internet-based attention her schoolmate Martine was getting from her older mentor and so she set out to ruin Martine’s web site. Her trolling became so extensive that Martine’s father tried to sue her for stealing copyrighted images. Emily Jo tried to become an EDiot, hoping that her personal army would troll Purple PJs while she masturbated to Martine’s suffering, but shifting the focus of trolling to Martine drew attention away from ARG and helped the paedo escape to rape more loli. During this time, Emily Jo mocked vulnerable teenage cutters and encouraged them to commit suicide by staging pictures of her wrist bleeding catsup.
Later, she uploaded a selfie to ED making her the face of Purple PJs, much to Martine’s relief. When Purple PJs finally closed, Emily Jo declared victory as the paedo escaped with loli tucked under each arm. He writes an advice blog where you can ask him how much he paid Martine’s father for the right to deflower his daughter . Emily Jo’s article was featured in 2006, but ED forgot about her until she re-emerged on Tumblr as a social justice warrior in 2014. None of the stupid kids involved in this scandal spoke up about it enough to learn the truth about ARG, probably because they would have been grounded for talking to paedos online.
A Portrait of the Author as a Twat
Emily Jo started this page and probably wrote articles about Purple PJs trolls SteveUberAlles, Abstruse, and the paedo. All are linked to the Purple PJs article or contain evidence of Emily Jo’s activity. She doxed herself in her links to her Ayn Rand fanfiction.
Emily Jo’s articles were not often updated because her trolling was never lulzy.
Her Very Own ED Page
Emily Jo wrote this part. It is crap.
Emilyjo is a twenty-something college student who derives some unknown pleasure from making friends with 16 year old girls on the internets. Her most noted accomplishments are:
- Attending the same high school as Martine
- Almost getting internet sued by Martine
- Internet dating SteveUberAlles
- Being one of the three people who live in North Dakota
- Being unable to update a blog or livejournal more than twice a year
- Having a higher SAT score than the kids on the short bus
- Caring about SAT scores
- Bearing a physical likeness to an aborted panda fetus
Emilyjo is a silly fucktard goth with more fat in her ass than friends. SteveUberAlles may have naked pictures of her that may be laminated and hung in his shower. As she lives in an alley raping then robbing weak men, not much can be known about her life outside of the internets. However, it is known that she is pursuing a PhD in How to be a Pretentious Whore, which will enable her to make absolutely no money, but to feel like she's smarter than everyone else. In other words, nothing will change, but she will get to look at her ugly fat ass in the mirror for the rest of her life. BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Her internet presence has been felt on Purple PJs and in Yahoo chat's Christian Teens room (before it was baleeted). As a 16 year old girl, she was the proud author of one of the internet's only pieces of Ayn Rand fanfic. For more "objectivist humor", see here. Thank god she hasn't done anything "creative" in at least 100 years. She currently spends her time taking graduate classes and teaching freshman composition in Bumfuck, Ohio. Pray to god you never have her as a teacher. Her hobbies include her ongoing vendetta against Martine, AIM chat, editing ED articles when the mood strikes her, bitching about SteveUberAlles with abstruse (another troll), and posting nekkid pix on Gaia Online. Once upon a time, Emilyjo registered an account on ED, decided that she didn't want to get banned from Purple PJs for saying mean things about it, and registered the username Purplepjeater to make "covert" edits to articles about the site. She is now likely to edit articles under either alias, depending on what she last logged in as.
Analysis and Criticism
Emily Jo craves male attention of any kind and begs for compliments using reverse psychology. She wants people to tell her that she is clever, pretty, and cool for destroying Purple PJs and does not understand that her version of events makes her appear to be an irresponsible sadist who only cared about bringing Martine down. Emily Jo also admits that she values education only because she can use credentials to inflate her ego, and she says how she wants you to go read her Ayn Rand fanfiction . She actually believes she is clever even though she says that she is a pseudo-intellectual. Emily Jo will die alone because her self-authored ED entry predicted her future. The ED pages she wrote should forever stand as monuments to her bad writing.
Aspire to Autism
As you just realised on reading her old ED page, Emily Jo’s writing is shite. Her life and head are as empty as her journal’s comments sections. She complains about how she is a bitter misanthrope with no friends, and the only truly funny parts are when she tells her readers about how much she hates herself and how falling-down pissed she is. Once, she was so sad that she wished for autism so that she may feel justified in thinking of herself as a victim whose life is too hard, because being raped multiples times is not bad enough.
After freeing a paedo to resume his raping, Emily Jo started to suck up to GirlVinyl and worked to insert herself into what was once ED’s inner circle. She could not find social acceptance in the Hippo’s court and after not being considered funny or important enough to write for OhInternet, she began whinging about how she spent her time raping entire indie bands and people from Craigslist and OkCupid. She continues to blog about how she cannot find a good man without realising that her viciousness, hypocrisy, and double standards are what make true love impossible. Emily Jo’s blogs are usually full of her whinging, pictures of a beluga wearing toddler’s clothes while standing next to beer, tumblr feminist memes, and paranoid rants about innocent strangers she believes are following, shouting at, or looking at her. She is hysterical and histrionic like all social justice warriors, fearing white men and taking offense at everything they say, but this is a clever ruse. Emily Jo thrives on drama. She has made it obvious that if she can no longer try to ruin her schoolmate’s life or amuse herself by convincing vulnerable young girls to self-harm, she has to settle for being a feminist. Emily Jo’s second largest passion next to feminism is thrifting or, buying all the fashionable clothes from thrift stores so poor women will be left with sweat pants and rags. Emily Jo is correct to think that everyone in Chicago wants to tear off her clothes, although nobody wants to see her tits. Emily Jo is a cause and a symptom of gentrification. If you catch her ruining your neighbourhood, chase her away using the male gaze to rape her at distance.
Rape Me My Friend
Rape is Emily Jo’s favourite subject. Somehow, rapists always manage to rape her and get away with it, yet she boasted about defending herself from two tough Chicago muggers. Emily Jo has actually written that she is above defending herself from rape, because rapists should know better and be nice. Emily Jo convinced herself that she has been raped multiple times after behaving drunkenly and irresponsibly, and that none of the alleged raping was due to her negligence or to the ghostly revenge of the young women she betrayed by helping a paedo. Emily Jo cannot maintain normal relationships, avoid bragging about manipulating men, or call her father more than once a month. Being a hateful, sociopathic white woman who first met a black person when she was 30, Emily Jo found it hard to find anything to complain about that will prove she is an oppressed minority worthy of being a social justice warrior. She only began to blog about rape after she stopped joking about it and needed to fit in on Tumblr, and now Emily Jo’s social justice antics have created a self-trolling circle. Whenever she sees her reflection, she sees a racist rape apologist.
XIS, DO U EVEN SJW?
Emily Jo fails at social justice but succeeds at being a hypocrite. According to ED entries she wrote, Emily Jo either confessed to ED or provided evidence that she may have failed to live up to her own high standards because she can be seen as having:
- bullied a bright young girl who was trying to start in web design because Emily Jo was jealous of her material success and romantic success with a paedophile.
- neglected to report a suspected sexual predator.
- failing to finish trolling a paedo is a crime against lulz.
- neglected to report her other nameless alleged rapists, endangering other women.
- offered no support to a classmate who she suspected of being groomed by a paedophile.
- produced amateur pornography that objectified her body and sent it to a man who gaze-raped it.
- objectified other women by sharing their tit pics with ED without their consent.
- labeled herself using sexist language by calling herself a whore.
- dehumanised sex workers and supported rape culture by using the word “whore.”
- participated in fat-shaming, body-shaming, and ableism by making fattie and short bus jokes.
- bullied young girls who were threatening self-harm.
- supported and helped to spread rape culture by making a rape joke in an ED entry about herself, where she admitted to being a rapist who waits in alleyways for men.
In her other blogs:
- she frequently makes rape jokes and uses rape analogies.
- she believes gay men want her tits when they are looking at her top.
- she uses the “R” word.
- she complains that grading papers is really hard after nights of drinking and rape.
- she says things like “Jesus Donkeyraping Christ” that offend Christians and perpetuate inter-species rape culture.
- she is the worst straight ally ever and openly calls herself a fag hag.
- she insults and mocks Native Americans.
Bury My Boner at Grand Forks
Like every North Dakotan, Emily Jo hates injuns because they empty the saloons before she can drink anything, have always defeated her in drinking contests, and gave her an injun name: Walks-in-Shame. When Emily Jo was a columnist in 2005, she wrote that Native American protesters are “a pack of tards who are being wholly unreasonable” about their problem with her alma mater’s sports logo, the Fighting Sioux . Emily Jo used a plural noun meant to refer to animals (“pack”) in reference to injuns and spent her early life benefiting from land and resources stolen from them. Comparing injuns to animals is using the same stereotype that was invented to justify genocide against them, but that is funny to Emily Jo who has been laughing at the plight of the red man from her management level ivory tower for years. She is a social justice poseur who fails to realize that she is the North American equivalent to a supporter of Cecil Rhodes and that she should thank injuns for raping her instead of scalping her. Emily Jo also wrote that Rodney King was a nigger who deserved to be beaten like the stupid, filthy monkey that he is. Emily Jo never had the pleasure of being held accountable for spewing her hate speech because no one bothered to read her blog in a decade. She has probably forgotten about it, too, because she is very busy explaining how everything is rape on Twitter and Tumblr, and has zero self-awareness.
How You Can Help
You can help Emily Jo by giving her the attention she craves. Without your participation in this movement, Emily Jo may never find an opportunity to check her privilege or enter into a healing dialogue with the Lakota Sioux about their unreasonable retardation. She also may never admit that she has internalised misogyny, wants little girls to slash their wrists, is a rape supporter, and is actually a rapist for posting pictures of Abstruse’s tits without her consent. It is important for everyone to support Emily Jo as she comes out of the closet as a bully, racist, and rapist. Perhaps one day Emily Jo will overcome her disability and realise that rape is funny, emo girls lying about committing suicide deserve to be trolled, and that she has a sense of humour after all.
- Good on you for making this one easy
- The main offender
- The accomplice
- The prototype
- Emily Jo’s old Angelfire homepage
- Emily Jo’s old LiveJournal
- her LinkedIn
- her Facebook
- her professional front on Twitter
- publicly available job dox
- She was a shite instructor, too
Emily Jo is part of a series on
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Emily Jo is part of a series on
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|Emily Jo is part of a series on Tumblr.