Emu War

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The enemy

The great Emu War was a war fought between the Australian military and the newly formed Emu Confederacy numbering approximately 20,000 Emus. The war began after Emu HighChieftain Greybeak Longstrider was assassinated in Sydney. This event lead to a break-down in Austraio-Avian relations leading to the uniting of the scattered Emu kingdoms and an all out rebellion against the Australian government. Although numerically inferior the clever Emus used guerilla warfare and surprise attacks and often took the machine guns of dead Australian soldiers and used them against them. Ultimately Australia was forced to surrender after suffering a humiliating military defeat and sign the Treaty of Campion handing over large swaths of land to the Emu Confederation which remains an important geo-political power to this day. Australia is the only country in human history to lose a war to non-human opponents and this is to this day a great source of shame and humiliation which they are mocked and bullied over on 4chan. No seriously.

Bringing up the Emu War is a common practice on 4chan's /pol/ and /int/ boards as a catch all response to the ever increasing problem of Aussie shitposting, which currently represents at least 90% of all posts from the country.

History

Throughout the 1920s and 30s, many Australian farmers were becoming upset about how a native species was using their farm land to migrate to the coast after the breeding season and, in the process, ate all their crops. Since most of the farmers were World War I veterans and they were only facing a few thousand birds with brains literally the size of a walnut AND they were armed with machine guns, all expected this to be an easy cull, right?

Wrong, The cull was largely unsuccessful due to the bird's habit of traveling in large groups so that when someone opened fire on them, they would end up running off in all directions in an orgy of failure. All in all, after 5 attempts to exterminate the emus the farmers just gave up trying and the world's stupidest bird was forever famed for humiliating veterans of the world's deadliest war.


On 4chan

Since almost all posts by Australians on 4chan contribute absolutely nothing in the means of quality or even relevance to the OP it has lead to many posters simply responding with "Yes, but we can at least win a war against oversized chickens." Which is often met with the almost equally predictable "Can't handle the banter." It can sometimes be a somewhat successful tactic in removing Australians from intelligent discussion on /pol/ and /int/ but most of the time, it just encourages them.

The battle of Kiska

Nevar forget.

A response to Emu War posts made by Americans or Canadians, is pointing out that the two nations managed to suffer significant death, injury, and damage while trying to secure an island from the Japanese during World War II, despite the fact the island was completely uninhabited at the time. It has been suggested by many that this is because Canadians are hopeless at warfare, hence the heavy causalities suffered. Posting about the battle of Kiska on 4chan will result in instant arse pain and completely derail any hope of a thread and replace it with the debate which has plagued mankind for years:


   
 
Which is more humiliating: losing to the world's stupidest birds or losing to an uninhabited lump of rock which is part of your own country?
 

 
 

The answer of which shall forever be unknown.

See Also

External links


Emu War
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Featured article August 5 & 6, 2015
Preceded by
IRC
Emu War Succeeded by
Pacificoceanasia