From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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FakeSagan (aka HardCaseOwnsYou, aka thesmoothterrorist, Powerword Chris Anderson) is a masochistic atheist who wants people to make fun of the sound of his voice, lisp and teeth, and is a confessed bestialist. A construction worker IRL and distant cousin of FireFly515 (he is from the South after all), he enjoys calling young hydrocephalic girls "Balloon Heads". HardCaseOwnsYou claims diminished responsibility for what he posts on YouTube as he is constantly high on booze and crystal meth. He will however play Nada Surf songs off-key at you if you hate on him.
As a Philosophy Major, naturally HardCaseOwnsYou now works in the construction industry.
Fakesagan appeared on The Oprah Winfrey show on an episode which explored the conditions in which drug addicts live. He was presented as a crack addicted man of 30 years old who lived under a bridge and had to give blowjobs for money to buy drugs. This episode however never actually aired due to the fact that "fakesagan", when brought on the set, punched a cameraman leaving this poor man in a coma. Luckily the man has since awoken from the coma, however he has recently died sortly after being released from hospital due to injuries sustained from a beating he received (with brass knuckles) from none other than Fakesagan himself wanting to "finish the job".
HardCase sounds unbelievably nasally; imagine a stoned Yogi Bear with a head cold, and you will get an approximation of HardCase's horribly annoying voice.
A keen Alkaline Trio Fan and Alkaline Trio Message Board User, HardCase spends most of his time on YouTube masturbating over Brett Keane and making numerous videos to him, begging for the attention of the man that HardCaseOwnsYou refers to as "The Atheist Jesus". HardCaseOwnsYou is frightened and depressed that BrettKeane has children and HardCaseOwnsYou doesn't, he often claims that other YouTubers are jealous because Brett Keane likes him more than them, and that he can totally mess up people's reputation because he is a member of many messageboards.
After closing his original account down due to receiving massive butthurt from this article, he's returned to YouTube in various incarnations, each one more retarded than the last.
Even more TL;DW than TheMaskedAnalyst
HardCaseOwnsYou is a serious waster of internets bandwidth who begged JezuzFreek777 to commit suicide in one of his many TL;DW videos. HardCaseOwnsYou even made a video to TheMaskedAnalyst asking for advice on how to make his videos even longer. He also spent a 23 minute video promoting user anangel13, who simply stands in front of the camera and says very little of worth, with only her ample chest full-frame (a good thing as she is a stupid albeit large-titted woman).
HardCaseOwnsYou Owns Himself
In a moment of unbelievable genius HardCaseOwnsYou pwnd himself in his very first YouTube video when he took part in the Blasphemy Challenge. While proudly demonstrating that he is incapable of using an iron, HardCase denied the existence of the Holy Spirit as he pompously placed his hand on the "Gospel according to Carl Sagan". HardCaseOwnsYou made the mistake that is common amongst atheists: he believed Carl Sagan was an atheist, when in fact Carl Sagan was an agnostic, as well just an all-around better fucking person...which is particularly amusing as HardCase hates agnostics and thinks they are stupid. Lulz Irony!!!
The irony continues when you notice that HardCaseOwnsYou proudly displays an Ourben quote on his profile "...people in religion think atheism is a religion, but it aint; it's something that happens to people when they start thinking for themselves." - Yes, that's right HardCaseOwnsYou - think for yourself. Now go put more of someone else's words proudly on your profile page.
Like most atheists HardCaseOwnsYou is an atheist because the dedication to strict logical accuracy required to be agnostic is too great. Atheists claim knowledge of something unknowable in the same way Christians and Muslims claim knowledge of something unknowable.
"And similarly, like Christians and Muslims, atheists cannot read between the lines of religious texts, and must take everything literally and not see its inherent esoteric nature. This proves they are in fact retards. Like, for example, saying that the story of Adam and Eve is a big lie because EVERYONE KNOWS SNAKES CAN'T TALK, LOL!1! And when the bible tells us to stone gays, it doesnt necessarily mean with rocks. It could just as well be with flowers or porn.
HardCaseOwnsYou is his own worst enemy. It is great whenever he opens his mouth to speak as he does more to encourage agnosticism than any agnostic ever could. Like all atheists HardCaseOwnsYou is an enemy of reason who is jealous of agnostics' use of science, logic and critical thinking. HardCase is often pwnd by agnostics and has said numerous times “Wow. That really makes a lot of sense. I feel owned by that.
Like all atheists, HardCaseOwnsYou forgets to have a sense of humor and loves to refer to himself as "a Saint of Science, who is going to change the world". HardCaseOwnsYou also has a plan to distribute copies of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard into all hotel rooms in the US.
Trolled by His Own Subscribers
Seeing as he "Didn't give a Fucking Fuck" about his ED article, HardCase thought it was appropriate to upload a Friedrich Nietzsche's Madman proclaimed it in 1882 in The Gay Science, and even if he missed this due to his illiteracy— it was later announced on the cover of Time Magazine in 1966.that was a doubled speed / doubled pitch video (and still TL;DW). However, after all his subscribers complained that he made no sense, HardCaseOwnsYou confused this assertion with his doubling of the speed and pitch and therefore uploaded , in which he proudly said that he is bringing the good news that "God is Dead", when in fact everyone has known this since
Notable YouTube Videos
This second, and most famous incarnation.
Two days after overreacting to this article, HardcaseOwnsYou closed his account. Being the attention whore that he is, this barely lasted a month. He returned under the username FakeSagan, wearing some kind of mask, Redskull anyone?
Under his new name of "fakesagan", a reference to his deranged fanboyism of Carl Sagan, he acted differently to the way he did as HardCase, in so much he became nothing but a complete and utter troll, probably because he had nothing to do now that Brett Keane came under the banhammer. Here's a summary of his videos as fakesagan if you find them all tl;dr:
- Believes that a man's actions reveal his character. This is why he chooses to insult people rather than rationally discuss theological subjects on YouTube and deleted his videos and closed his YouTube account after wishing TheAmazingAtheist's dog would die.
- Called some rich Mexican guy whose family got death threats IRL a pussy.
- Got totally pwned by a scraggly haired old guy who lives in a trailer, despite the help of over 9000 of his other atheist friends joining in. (NOTE: totally pwned, in this instance, means the guy kept on and on replying).
- Asked a camwhore who is a stripper IRL to fuck him or something. Got butthurt when she told him to GTFO. Subsequently pwned the camwhore and caused her to close her YouTube account. Doing this made him feel like a big man.
- Produced a legendary moment by spitting in a Koran. While trolling of Muslims is most certainly lulzy, what FakeSagan fails to realize is that it's also incredibly easy and the fact that he managed to piss a lot of them off isn't the great achievement he seems to think it is.
- He did, however, pwn the living shit out of the leader of the ever-annoying Rational Response Squad, so much so that Sapient spent at least 100 minutes saying how he "could beat him but didn't have the time". For that, this EDiot tips his hat to HardFakeCaseSagan.
- Going to have a boxing match in Seattle with CapnOAwesome. It seems Capn just wants it to be fun, but fakesagan actually wants to beat the shit out of him, so Fakesagan decided to make it bare knuckle instead. No one cares who wins so long as they both do serious damage to each other.
FREE THE MASKED ANALYST
- After briefly being fired from his position as TheAmazingAtheist's prison bitch, he promised to pwn him...but all he did after taking one of his "two week breaks" was shrug it off (probably because the buttsecks is too good) and instead go after CapnOAwesome for being more popular than him and obviously mattering to his girlfriend more than he does.
- Has recently started a relationship with fellow YouTube atheist OshunAvani. While some might consider it a minor miracle that FakeSagan's goofy ass managed to score any pussy at all, it should be noted that OshunAvani is an alcoholic hosebeast with an irritating southern drawl, so he didn't exactly hit the jackpot in the girlfriend sweepstakes.
- Fakesagan's semen is a sickly, yellowish spew with an unpleasant taste and odor. Fortunately, OshunAvani is usually heavily sedated during their sexual encounters and doesn't complain when he nuts (weakly) in her mouth.
- Failed strippers, camwhores, and overweight goth chicks are turned on by his large, prominent adam's apple. What they don't realize is that they are actually seeing TheAmazingAtheist's testicles which broke off and got lodged in Fakesagan's throat years ago during one of their coke-fueled skull-fucking sessions.
- Due to the recent downturn in the economy, and its effect on the construction industry, fakesagan has taken to selling naked pictures of OshunAvani in order to make ends meet. So far, only inmendham has bought one, because that long-haired freak will fap to anything.
- In his most recent video, he admitted that he ripped off his heroes Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of South Park - his favorite show. He also revealed that he despises Michael Moore, and identifies himself as a right-winger. He also wore a stupid hat because "the bitchez loves a nigga with style."
- Has never not gotten a job he's applied for. This is because he gives superb blow jobs.
- Has a stupid tattoo of some sort of flaming head on his right arm. This symbolizes his flaming faggotry, obviously.
- Has high hopes that his sign-off, "Keep it fake," will become the vlog equivalent of Edward R. Murrow's famous "Good night and good luck." This is unlikely to happen, as it is a fucking retarded sign-off.
- In a change of pace from his typical croaking pontifications and petty drama/bitch fests, fakesagan's latest video finds him playing the character of a sleazy promoter for some grease-pig boxer. It is excruciatingly unfunny, and is only worth mentioning because OshunAvani appears in it as a cheap slut. Since she is a cheap slut IRL, it is unclear if she was playing a role or if she just happened to wander into the shot.
- Is an only child, which might explain his social awkwardness and need for attention. Others speculate that OshunAvani's constant whoring has undermined his confidence, and he feels the only way he can reclaim his manhood is through internet drama.
- Decided not to complete his philosophy degree because he wanted to "keep it real." Went into construction because he figured he could advance rapidly in the industry (as his only competition would be felons and greasy, illiterate wetbacks). Now he lives in a state of perpetual anxiety because he suspects the Mexican laborers he works with are pissing in his coffee and gangbanging his girlfriend every time his back is turned.
- Recently ascended the soapbox of his YouTube channel comments to rail against the "oil barons and market speculators" who are ruining the economy and stealing from the American working man. On the one hand, he made some good points about governmental and economic corruption. On the other hand, he is nothing more than a construction-worker-vlogger-cuckold-fucktard who needs to STFU and quit acting like he knows what he's talking about.
- Little known fact: OshunAvani was born a man, but had an "operation" performed in March of 2008. Since he's into dudes, Fakesagan was not completely on board with the whole thing, but vowed to stick by Oshun because he fell in love with the inner her/him.
- It was rumored that Fakesagan sexually harassed some bleached blonde skank named Strangeholm (now StrangeGlobal - send her a salacious PM, she'll get a kick out of it) who used to be OshunAvani's lesbian lover. Fakesagan recently took to the YouTubes to confirm that the rumor is true and add that he fucked her with his pet weasel, or something.
- Contributed an unremarkable foreword to TheAmazingAtheist's unfunny and frankly repellent book "Scumbag: Musings Of A Subhuman" (Download it here - you wouldn't want to pay for this shit.) The Fakesagan's conclusion? TheAmazingAtheist is "willing to make himself the focal point of our resentment so long as it empowers us to examine our own lives and begin healing ourselves. (He) is a modern shaman." The reader's conclusion? Butt-buddies.
- Claimed to be an anarchist after watching confederalsocialist's videos, and hosted them on his channel when they got baleeted. He was then shocked and appalled to hear that CS didn't consider him an anarchist after he said "I'm not really an anarchist." In a fit of butthurtz fakesagan took CS's videos off his channel and accused CS of dropping Alexander F Strekel's name, who has the same ISP as a colostomy bag that claimed to file the DMCA's against confederalsocialist.
- Bitched about TheAmazingAtheist becoming a youtube ad partner as can be seen here and then became an ad partner himself, as can be seen here.
- Isn't just an anarchist, but is a Ron Paul style survivalist anarchist, who is moving to The South to live on a farm, stacking up on gold, tobacco and guns awaiting Armageddon.
- Recently proved his truly is as smart as a donkey by taking drugs for everyone to see on blog.tv, and then making fun of someone else for taking drugs themselves.
- Got butthurt when internet superpimp AMatingMind trolled his sorry ass on blogtv. Nearly shit his pants in fear when AMatingMind threatened his life and his relationship. Tried unsuccessfully to ban AMatingMind, but the wily troll kept coming back to undermine all of Fakesagan's efforts and strike fear in his dissipated heart. FUCK YOU, FAKESAGAN!
- Fakey has absolutely no fucking clue about gun safety and his videos make good fodder for anti-gun shitheads as just about every time he gets them out for the camera he's doing something retarded with them. Antics have included threatening to shoot Captain Awesome dead, randomly firing into the air, handling his pistol while drunk and pointing his pistol at other people and at his own head.
He claims that he is trained to use firearms, but has admitted to hardly ever shooting them.
- His arsenal consists, or did consist, of a shitty cheap Hi-point C9 9mm pistol and a semi-auto clone of an AMD-65 rifle (Hungarian AK-47) because apparently they are 'getto' guns and Fakey likes to think he's being edgy and gangster by having them, when asked on blog tv about what he thought about Glocks and AR-15's he claims he has no interest in them because they are 'cop guns' even though the real reason he doesn't want them is because he's to broke to afford them. Since his return on the smooth terrorist channel he revealed in youtube comments that he had sold his now infamous Hi-point, calling it "a cheap piece of shit", in videos posted on that channel he also revealed he has put a plastic fore end on his AMD-65 that was ment for an airsoft gun, saying "it's just as good as the real thing" with a cheap shitty red dot sight and weapon light. He appears to have also aquired a Mosin Nagant 91/30 bolt-action rifle, a gun which like all the guns he owns or has owned, is very very cheap.
- Fakey has apparently now obtained a new handgun, a Sig Sauer P226, which may be the first decent firearm he has yet purchased, in true fakesagan style he did something retarded with it by brandishing it at the camera while urging his viewers (or at least the Buddist ones) to kill themselves, and therefor make themselves yet another "gun death" statistic for anti-gunners to throw around. Whether or not Fakey will use this pistol to blow his, or someone elses, head off in a drunk/stoned session of madness like he nearly did with his hi-point has yet to be seen.
Fakesagan has now reached 7,000 subscribers thanks to CapnOAwesome banging his girlfriend and having him pitch a bitch-fit over it, and oh yeah, his constant fighting and drama. By engaging with every single YouTuber with over 11 subscribers, TheAmazingAtheist favoriting all of his videos and telling people he was a member of the KKK and owns his own
house apartment shed - he has risen to become a true YouTube Z-Lister. Everytime he gains another 1,000 subscribers he does a "questions" video, but never answers even half of them, which annoys his brain dead subscribers who can't live without knowing what fakesagan's "favorite flavor of ice cream is". He's become popular enough that katiesopinion is subscribed to him and even comments on his videos with brilliant contributions to the intellectual debates ad hominems with things such as "Nice haircut" and "Put the rug back on the wall". TheBoringDispatcher also thought him worthy of a video, which fakesagan responded to by reading Moby Dick.
He also revealed recently that he cares very deeply about the factual accuracy of his ED article. So if in the future this article describes one of his foes as a "duplicitous, callow, simpering, psuedointelluctual, subwhoring, yappy, quivering, fugly, trifling, meglomanical, petty, demagogic pussbag weasel", he's probably made an account.
In the last month or so he hasn't even signed into his YouTube account, let alone made a video, probably because he's BAWWWing over TheAmazingAtheist saying Saturninefilms gives better blowjobs than him. It is estimated that about 4 people have noticed. It is highly likely he has created another account so he can eagerly watch drama videos all day while giving the impression he isn't a basement dweller.
In a recent atheist flame war news, it was revealed that CapnOAwesome fucked FakeSagan's girlfriend IRL. Capn was hurt that OshunAvani left him for another gangly, anorexic atheist so in a stroke of Machiavellian genius he challenged FakeSagan to a boxing match and then used a sex tape of himself and OshunAvani to blackmail her into preventing the fight. The ploy was a success but Capn ended up releasing the footage anyway after he found a new apartment. As he explained to his audience on Livevideo:
—CapnOAwesome, OH SHI-
Fake Sagan Responds
Returning from a sworn YouTube 6 month hiatus, and taking the opportunity to milk the moral high ground, Chris chose to, instead, make the thrust of his response to Kevin a call for a return to their previous 'let's box IRL' gimmick instead.
A tribute from 4chantard
- A must see for any Newfag CapnoAwsome FanZ ..... The Last Goodbye....."MY COCK WAS THERE" EPIC WIN!!!!111!!!!
Following the drama and rush of indignant bullshit that flooded the YouTube cesspool shortly after Capn dropped his lulz bomb, he tucked tail and ran, declining FakeSagan's challenge. The reasons surrounding his account closing is a matter of current speculation, but amid the mostly hypocritical outcry to this sordid affair from YT's Atheist "community" there came, of course, an from TheAmazingAtheist. Never one to miss a chance to resume their ongoing endless 3-way death match (or a meal), TJ (TheAmazingAtheist) jumped at the opportunity to potentially pwn CapnOAwesome himself over the matter. Most of his tirade is him listing, in detail, the different ways in which he would like to see Kevin die horribly, while still finding time to talk about CapnOAwesome's penis...as well as his own shortcomings in that area.
—TheAmazingAtheist, apparently disappointed
Capn's closing may have been a result of troll's remorse, or perhaps a realization of the stupidity of putting a video of yourself fucking on the internet in the first place. Though it's most likely that the prospect of actually having to face FakeSagan in a boxing match made Kevin a little nervous. In closing his account he ceded much of the thorough pwnage he had achieved at that point.
Whether he will return and reopen his jewtubes is still up in the air. Disregard that, the Capn's back.
Fakesagan's sockpuppet wankery
Unable to realise vandalism is completely fucking pointless poor old Fakesagan has repeatedly tried to get his page and the pages of his other heathen buddies removed. As a good strategy, Fakesagan figures the best way to do this is to use the same name repeatedly:
—Apparently trying to pwn his e-nemesis' via ED.
Fakesagan gets Banned
Most likely due to drama surrounding the TheAmazingAtheist/Fakesagan flame war with YouTube atheist and crybaby extraordinaire Coughlan666, or possibly due to DMCA's filed against him for a reposting of one of coughlan's videos, Fakesagan got raped by the banhammer on June 1st, 2009. Speculation surrounding a suspected flagging campaign against Fakesagan on behalf of Coughlan's fanboys abounds and bawwwfests from TAA are likely to hit the tubes immediately. Whether Chris will try and regain his place in the greasy taint of the YouTube atheist community and start all over again at the bottom in that endless search for "pownage" is yet to be seen.
And just as mysteriously as he was banned, he was unbanned within the next day, on June 2nd, 2009. This is probably due to dropping a YouTube administrators dox on one of his videos, allowing all of the TAA's fanboys to textspam said administrator's cell phone.
Like any other self respecting person who refers to themselves in the third person, Fakesagan, now retitling himself as Hardcase, decided to man-up after his YouTube channel was banned by spreading nice and wide for theAmazingAtheist and to whore himself out onto tjvids (and so that no-one can flag his shitty videos).
Being a big man, he decided to prove how good it is in the South by shooting his gun in the forest miles away from civilization, wearing a military costume he bought for 13 dollars at Wal-Mart, shame he didn't shoot himself in the foot and bleed out or something. Oh, he also said something about being jealous about gimmeabreakman and how he earned all his subscribers while Fakesagan had to give theAmazingAtheist his brass-eye without a reach around.
Just a quick note, FakeSagan said that you cannot flag his video's on tjvids.com, I wonder if he realized that you can do so on the website that hosts his vids?
FakeSagan, TheAmazingAtheist, and the 6,6,6, BTV show
In an effort to raise money for Free Speech Videos, FakeSagan and TheAmazingAtheist hosted a BlogTv session which essentially was one elaborate e-begging attempt. After their pathetic e-begging didn't go anywhere, FakeSagan literally made out with TheAmazingAtheist for a mere one hundred and fifty dollars. This is often the result when you put two imbreds together.
In a recent blog TV room. Fakesagan admitted he joined the KKK and began showing his master noose tying skills. But in a frantic noose tying race against racist youtuber RVism fakesagan accidentally tied a noose around his neck and was strangled to death. The Doctors were unable to fix his body but they removed his brain and put it inside a horse that looked just like him.
Peta later filed a lawsuit against the hospital that it was unjustifiably cruel to give a horse the mind of an idiot.
Fakesagan was later kicked out of the KKK for being a wigger.
His third, and latest incarnation.
After a year of appearing in and out of BlogTV contemplating suicide, he has returned to JewTube as TheSmoothTerrorist, complete with a crappy intro mocking 9/11. What prompted his return is his massive butthurt over a video made by a JewTube user named Straightd0pe (FakeSagan isn't the only butthurt over him) which can be viewed here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeiIpHPdgzc&feature=channel_video_title What gets FakeSagans panties into a bunch the most is the fact the most watched video about him on JewTube and on the entire internets is one disparaging him and accurately showing him as the baboon he truly is. After seeing Straightd0pe completely demolish Brett Keane in a debate, he saw this as a golden opportunity to troll Straightd0pe by challenging him into a debate.
Previous Video | Next Video
Fakesagans little "debate" with Straightd0pe resulted in a four hour long interview where Fakesagan tried to browbeat and talk over Straightd0pe in an effort to make him look stupid and pathetic, which ended up having the reverse effect. The interview basically showed that what really bothers Fakesagan about Straightd0pe is the fact he can't possibly attack him on a personal level and watch him cry.
TheSmoothTerrorist Vs. TheAmazingAtheist
Previous Video | Next Video
TheAmazingAtheist for years was FakeSagans best friend forever. He'd feature Fakesagans videos on his YouTube page, lived with him and it was speculated that they even sucked each other off. TheAmazingAtheist's enormous pettiness however has finally brought that to an end. What was it over? What could have ended years of friendship? FakeSagan does not like Marylin Manson. Yes, seriously. The fact that FakeSagan does not like a has-been shitty Goth musician from the 90s was too much for TheAmazingAtheist to handle, so he proceeded to ban him from his BlogTV room, make a video dissing on FakeSagan's favorite band Strapping Young Lad (which has since been removed), and proceeded to get FakeSagans to divulge personal information about FakeSagan to him. FakeSagan, being the classy person he is, aired all of this drama in public, including a long discussion on BlogTV he had with said ex-girlfriend who happens to be a gullible crackwhore named Crystal (whose parents literally named her after Crystal Meth. Seriously), who's since had her three kids taken from her by Social Services (FakeSagan knows how to pick them), turning this all into the internet version of Jerry Springer.
FakeSagan on TV
Much like his arch-nemesis Coughlan, FakeSagan and his crackwhore ex-girlfriend have recently gotten a spot on a shitty reality tv show. Instead of it being MTV, it's WEtv, which is a channel targeted towards middle-aged woman. One can only speculate why he chose that.
The 2016 return.. As a Christian. Do anyone else smell Brett Keane?
After having thankfully left the internet, this ugly motherfucker decided to return to YouTube, because apparently fans were demanding that he returned. Sure, Chris, those 2000 subs just couldn't shut up about how they wanted to see your ugly mug again. And he has somehow gotten even more revolting to look at. The fucker looks like he's turning into Inmendham!
Those years of substance abuse are finally starting to catch up to him. Don't do drugs kids.
Is literally gay for Jesus
i wouldn't say it's entirely unromantic in nature
i wouldn't say it's entirely unromantic in nature
i wouldn't say it's entirely unromantic in nature
i wouldn't say it's entirely unromantic in nature
The end of a shitshow
As of November 2016 Fakesagan/thesmoothterrorist/thefluffykittenist/who gives a fuck anymore has announced that he is leaving youtube forever and has deleted his youtube channel but not before releasing a torrent of videos crying about how no one is as smart as him, no one listens to him and how every video he makes just makes this very ED page longer and longer. It's funny to note how he always seems to make a huge effort to make out that this page doesn't bother him, yet he keeps constantly talking about it (and thus through the streisand effect only helps to draw attention to it), something he's been doing ever since circa 2007 when this page was first created. He seems pretty defiant about it but knowing the contrarian and political/ideological (and now religious) chameleon that he is, he'll probably resurface in a couple of years as a transexual muslim or something.
- Brett Keane
- Saturnine Films
BAWWWWWWWWLETED His YouTube channel
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