Fark

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Fark
Everytime you masturbate, God kills a Furry

Fark.com is a news and "humor" site with famous Photoshop competitions. Fark is perhaps more famous for stealing memes from other web sites and claiming them as their own. Fark died on April 25th, 2007 with the introduction of the worst site redesign in internet history; its role was subsequently assumed by the upstart banniNation.com. Fark has since been revived while banniNation.com died.

The format of Fark was: registered users are invited to submit weird news stories to the site in the hopes of getting the "greenlight". Approved articles ended up on the Main Page (or the tabs, which no one cares about), and the submitter got to feel a little unwarranted self-importance. The vast majority of "user-submitted" articles are actually pre-approved from a list compiled that day by Fark's editors (Drew and his unpaid interns). Think of it as writing a letter to the editor: would a newspaper print your letter? No they wouldn't. Fuck off.

Fark became less and less a source of wacky news stories and moved mainstream, and on September 11th, 2001 they switched formats completely and only supplied breaking news coverage of the attacks. The next day, though, they switched back to the normal fart jokes and Boobies links.

Fark wants to make you feel it's a place to go to and appear intellectual by chatting about current events, when you really want to defend pedophiles, dog fucking, communism, drug use, or perfectly reasonable religions like the Church of the SubGenius, all while insisting Christians are crazy and the epitome of what is wrong with the world.

Drew made a study of the media, and eventually wrote a book blasting the media for trying to make money by printing tabloids full of bullshit of no consequence. No one really knows if he finds Fark's successful application of everything he apparently loathes about the media amusing, horrifying, or simply a great way to do even less journalism than tabloids do and still manage to rake in the cash.

Forums

Loli cheerleaders hate teh Fark.

If the IMDb forums are where your brain goes to die, the Fark Forums are Hell. Every other comment is an old meme that probably originated at Something Awful or 4chan which the bastards self-referentially refer to as "Fark Cliches". The list of known stolen Cliches includes:

The only "cliche" that is known to have originated in the Fark Forums is Magua. And while they didn't technically create the phrase Unsolicited Finger in the Anus, they are wholly responsible for popularizing it.

An especially popular forum topic is wild speculation over whether various attractive people are anorexic, and whether "eating a sandwich" would cure the affliction. This classic battle pits fat girls and the men who love them against everyone else.

In order to keep things fresh at Fark, every news article title ends with the phrase "hilarity ensues" because it's so incredibly funny and random!

Hierarchy

Drew

Drew Curtis is in charge of Fark (kind of like Girlvinyl for us or Your Mom for you). That's why the title of every page says "Drew Curtis Presents: Drew Curtis' FARK.com (A Drew Curtis Production)". Drew is an fat scary alcoholic homosexual who loves teh shota porn.

Admins

These are the people who pick the links.

Moderators

These are the people who wade through the crap and ban people for their faggotry the most incompetent members of Fark. Noone understands this, though, and people are always running and bitching to the Mods about how their unfunny links weren't picked for the Main Page. They are commonly found getting their ePenis sucked by TotalFarkers.

TotalFarkers

The site is noted for its large collection of idiots called TotalFarkers, who pay $5 a month to have their special main page of Fark spammed with all the thousands of crappy articles that don't get posted because they suck that much. The only redeeming qualities for paying for Fark are the direct access to the hundreds of Boobies links submitted every day and the sense of e-friendship they feel when they gang rape a retard for submitting something stupid.

Farkers

Called "liters" (pronounced lighters) by everyone else, these people are the bottom of the barrel. The one good thing about them is their willingness to be trolled. Other than that, trying to talk to them is like trying to explain to Zen444 how wikis work. Some good trolling subjects include: abortion, circumcision, W's effectiveness as a leader in the 21st Century, and Furries.

Notable Farkers

Typical Skinnyhead fanart.

Besides Curtis, several well known people have been known to hang out on Fark, including Wesley Crusher and (allegedly) that guy from that one episode of Full House. Also this one time Christopher Walken was in Starbucks and he almost looked at a laptop that was showing Fark. But he didn't. Although, if there were to be a Farkfag of notability(in-terms of being lulzy) it would have to be SkinnyHead, one of the site's few Republicans. While it has been said that he is nothing but a troll, there is no conclusive evidence pointing to him necessarily being one in actuality. Either way, though, Skinnyhead has been very successful in offending a large amount of FARK's liberal douchebag audience, and is probably a good inspiration for those who want to troll the site.

Non-Notable Farkers

However, Fark is 99.9999999% composed of complete nobodies, including

  • antinorm
  • bubbaprog
  • buttercup
  • gbrudy16
  • sluggard
  • stevedave

Note: The astute reader will see that above hierarchy is startlingly similar to how LiveJournal distributes it's power (and thus unwarranted self-importance).

Drama-Generating Techniques

You can troll Fark in the following ways:

  • Suggest that Bobby Flay is more important than Alton Brown.
  • Insist Salma Hayek is unfuckably ugly.
  • Post fictitious comments on how you were banned for doing something similar to a previous post (since discussing bans in any context is in and of itself bannable conduct).
  • Mention (without links) any shock meme not already mentioned in the FArQ and wait for someone to Google it.
  • Post the most cro-magnon retarded Amirite-baiting political headline imaginable with either the Hero or Obvious tag. When it fails to get greenlighted, resubmit it once an hour using different news sources.
  • Mention the word Macintosh in a headline. Admins afraid of offending Mac users will automatically greenlight it hoping for a penis fight.
  • Purchase a TF account with the name 'Smackbottom' in it.
  • Piss off the official cafe thread submitters by beating them to the submission with a headline like 'I just crapped out a bloody NIGHT CREW', preferably an hour too early, and wait for the hall monitors to get all pissy.
  • Post a parody headline and wait for an admin to ban you regardless of this being not a banworthy offense according to the TOS.

Drew decides to change the layout and anally invade its users

Fuckt layout but also fuckt upload, whats wrong with the ED upload?

On 26-4-2007, nevar forget, in an attempt to give a big fuck you to all the users (including the totalfark users) they decided to change the layout completely, start randomly baleeting posts, banning and/or shadowbanning users, and generallly being a bunch of pillow-biting nancies. (n.b. This is not true and uninteresting and citation needed and personal experience is original research and no one wants to hear about it you fgt trolls so stop talking about it or I'll ban you. Source: Wikipedia').

In the same trend as Something awful the layout looks all fucked now and the site is screwed beyond repair.

It generated lots of drama amongst the Fark users. On the other hand, the Fark powers that be are probably getting more dough from the advertisers, who "don't like that crap".

It also spawned the creation of a few attempts at replacements which try to be like Fark except not all douchey, but so far teh winnar seems to be banniNation, where many of the pillars of the former Fark community go once they get sick enough of all the shit going on at Fark.

All this drama has also engendered some further drama at a certain Wiki site we all know and love.

OMG Hacked

One day, someone tried to hack Fark after completing all the coursework for Computer Science III. Fox News "new media manager" Darrell Phillips [1], of Fox13 Memphis, is believed to have sent links to malicious software to Fark Admins and Moderators in an attempt to learn their passwords and gain access to the Fark source code.

At present Fark has subpoenaed some ISPs but has not brought a lawsuit against Fox13. This can only mean that the admins are going for vigilante justice.

"Technology Gossip Blog" Archive today-ico.png Valleywag has a complete timeline of the events.

Pwning Words

The site still continuing in a vegetative state, Drew Curtis showed his total greed in late 2007 by claiming that he pwns the abbreviation NSFW. The US Patents and Trademarks Office has it under consideration. Fail and hatred ensue.

As a swear,this word is always used by some nerdy n00btards who cant just say the word fuck all the time,and they cannot be an hero when they said the word fuck

Farking A(lex Trebek)

In a desperate attempt to get someone to keep looking at the site, Fark pulled this shit out of their collective assholes.

External Links

External shit from the Site

See Also

Featured article September 15, 2006
Preceded by
Ted Stevens
Fark Succeeded by
Rob Levin