From Encyclopedia Dramatica
|Fifty percent of Finns have the last name Fagerstrom. The other fifty percent of Finns have the last name Karhunen. 100% of Finns are fags.|Finland FAILLAND or Trolland is one of the ex-communist European countries that nowadays try to make themselves part of the colorful world where free market economy, water closets, and the Internets soar. Finland was only made to get allot of lulz for making a penis with Sweden and failed considerably, due to their small penis size. Finland is located somewhere between Norway and the North Pole, which explains the low population (less than 500,000 people, of which about sixtypercent are unemployed and/or alcoholics). To be precise, it's near Russia, far from Japan, quite a long way from Greece Cairo, lots of miles from Vietnam and so far from Sweden, you would not even believe it (politically speaking). Finns spend their time ponytrekking, camping with flashlights (it is dark there most of the day) and watching TV. Sometimes, they eat breakfast or dinner (a national delicacy of Finland is Mämmi which is actually fæces fresh from a persons anus on a plate) and bathe in a traditional Finnish sauna. All Finns (sometimes known by their scientific name 'forestchinks') are Nazis, blonde haired and blue eyed, although they are secretly all Mongols and will pledge allegiance to Genghis Khan once the Mongolian Empire is revived.
Finland at a Glance
Total Area: 338,000 square kilometres, of which 10% is water and 90% tundra
187,888 lakes, 5,100 rapids and 179,584 frozen swamps
Finland's land border with Russia (1,269 km) has been invaded 592 times in the last 5 centuries
Fucking cold, man. In the far north of the country the sun does not set, producing the white nights of what the Finns jokingly call "summer." In winter (11.5 months per year) the sun remains below the horizon plunging much of the country into depressing darkness.
In "summer" the temperature quite often rises to +.5 Celsius or more and occasionally goes close to +.6 in southern tropical parts of the country. In winter, temperatures of -520 Kelvin are not uncommon in many areas.
- 5.2 million (reindeer)
- 17 inhabitants per square kilometre 67 people live in towns or urban areas, 33 in rural ice huts
- Principal cities: Helsinki (50), Espoo (10), Tampere (6)
99% of internet trolls are from Finland, also known as the homeland of all Trolls.
Swedes have a saying about their neighbors: "Denmark is our cool big brother, Norway our annoying little brother, and Finland the retarded cousin"
85% Lutherfisk and about 1% Orthodox Lutefisk
1155 The first crusade to Finland by some fag from Sweden. Finland becomes part of the gay orgy that is Swedish realm.
1156 First IKEA opens in Finland
1809 Finland is handed over to Russia by Sweden on a dare and becomes a partly autonomous outpost under the Russian emperor.
1917 Finland declared "Doormat of Europe" on December 6.
1919 Russia sells Finland back to Sweden for some salted cod and a couple of bottles of vodka.
1955 "Whining" declared Finland's National Sport
1995 Adopts the Euro as its currency (replacing the unwieldy antler currency of its forefathers)
2000 Incumbent, President Mrs. Tarja Halonen, declared "Supreme Lutefisk for Life"
Finnish sources of pride
- The Winter War - Epic lulzfest where the Russians lost to a bunch of hunters on skis (and on amphetamine). IRL Counterstrike tough guy Simo Häyhä pnt >9000 Russians by headshot who bawwed he was using an AIMbot and brought in the bazookas but failed to IRL permaban him, although they did manage to shoot his jaw because he didn't buy a dog.
- Linux - a shitty operating system written by the nerd Linus Torvalds.
- IRC - the text-based warez program invented by a drunken student from Oulu, a village in Lapland (the northernmost part of Finland, where convicts are deported after repeated offenses of rape).
- The sauna - a Russian device made for torture, used in Finland for recreational purposes (that is, ogling boobs and vulvas). Popular among fat and bald Finnish men.
- Nokia - the Japanese mobile phone company acquired by Finnish pirates in a hostile takeover after the fall of communism. Makes
fugly and weak cell phones.(your fugly and weak) shockproof and slightly waterproof phones enabling you to beat someone to death with it and then call the cops with it afterwards.
It's too cold for the black personsnow social service even gives them jackets so Finland is infested with Niggers
- Finlandia Vodka - an intoxicating beverage, owned by an American company. Will fuck you up good, srsly.
- The Winter War - When Russia zerg rushed Finland, the tiny Finish army bent them over and goatsed their poopers.
- Tom of Finland - the gayest cartoonist of all time.
- HIM - the favorite band of German, scat-loving 16-year-old girls
- Children of Bodom - the favorite band of Finnish 16-year-old girls who secretly (or not so secretly) hope to be raped by a Grim Reaper on speed. C.O.B also has lots of Finnish fanboys, which they rape at the backstage.
- Impaled Nazarene - a family-friendly band with wonderful Christmas carols such as "Goat Sodomy" and "I Eat Pussy For Breakfast"
- Lordi - a really fucking awesome band. Christfaggot metal. In 2006 it trolled the Eurovision Song Contest by actually winning, being as it was the first non-pop group to do so. It was their manliest achievement.
- Habbo Hotel - a virtual hotel on the internets, where pedophiles go to hunt for 16-year-old girls.
- Home of the "Finnisher" Competition: Last years winner was Seppo Lehto. Recently his score was beaten by Matti Saari. It was going to look like there would be no shootings in Finland in 2009, so an Albanian an hero had to show those Finns how it's done.
- Their love of ED and Goatse in all of Google
- The IRC-Gallery - the equally crappy Finnish version of MySpace. Popular among 16-year-old girls.
- It's pretty obvious that there is no real reason whatsoever for a Finn to be proud of his national heritage.
- Tarja Halonen is the most famous Lesbian in Finland, she kinda looks like Conan O'Brien if you squint just right. Formerly known as the president of Finland, she is now only old Meme. Not to be confused with Tarja Turunen, the ex-Nightwish vocalist, and diva who thinks she's an opera singer.
- Molotov Cocktail - Finns take great pride in having invented the weapon of choice for black person the world over. Made by mixing tar and flammable liquids in a glass bottle. Created as a "gift to Molotov", the Soviet politician by pro-Nazi Finns during World War II.
- Cellphones - The kind that hurt your face!
- Finnish girls are pretty HAAWT. The writer visited in Finland in 2004, and...oh I'm not virgin anymore! >ZOMG CHECK IT OUT!!<
- The six hottest Finnish girls formed a band called Tiktak and thoroughly pwned all other forms of music. Their plan to take over the entire world with their awesome music was thwarted by the United States, because Americunts are too stupid to understand any language but their own.
- Tall tree tops - Yes, Finland has it all!
- Finland has also a large raver scene leet Finnish dancing.
- Finland is also very famous for its beer, which has many brands and bread.
- The Finnish are known for their incredibly retarded voices, easily recognizable through their pathetic attempts to dub Americunt cartoons.What Finnish people sound likeMoar like Donald Cunt AMIRITE?Oh, there's moar
- Laura Vanamo the leading weeaboo in Finland.
- One of Finland's biggest bands is Nightwish. Though many argue that they're shit ever since Tarja left. She then went on to start a solo career that will end in FAIL.
- In Finland, the cost of traffic tickets if you're pulled over for speeding is a percentage of how much you make, the more you make, the more you pay, srsly.
- In Finland, it is ok to openly despise muslims.
How to troll Finns
Finland is the Quebec of the Nordic world. Most Finns are actually descended from Inuit midgets that got raped by Uralic-Mongoloid tribes, hence why they look like albino Genghis Khan clones with downs as opposed to their glorious master race neighbours. Unsurprisingly, Finns take pride in this lulzy lineage, therefore the easiest way to troll Finland is to call them "Scandinavians", causing them to spout off a TL;DR rant about their long and rich ethnic history. Amusingly enough, a lot of Finns claim they are Scandinavians, these Wearyans appear every so often at Stormfront and similar places, when such a incident is spotted, purge said mud person with truth.
The effect is similar to walking up to a group of Quebecois and saying "Ban-jerr, eh?" or asking white person in Alabama if their daughter would like to date a nice black person. Ban-jerr??? What the hell does that mean?
Finland was also pwnd by Russia for about a hundred years. Literally. They were conquered and part of the Russian Empire. Making reference to this is guaranteed to break the ice by bringing up tender memories. Reminding them also of the facts that:
- Russia was actually taking Finland from Sweden,
- Culture and history prior to the Russian invasion is non-existent. Finns spent their days getting raped by their Swedish overlords for some 800 years. (Before Swedish rule, Finns lived in caves and fucked goatsed squirrels).
- Say that they are in fact mongols.
Remind them that their NATIONAL ANTHEM was written in a FOREIGN LANGUAGE
- Tell them that sauna was invented in Sweden.
- Tell them that Kekkonen was worst president in history. (be advised, this is extremely dangerous)
- Tell them that Sweden has much better army.
- Tell them that Johanna Tukiainen is the most beautiful woman in Finland
Finland is in fact Winland! Movie's closed. Finnish /b/tards closed Habbo Finland's main square, and prevented moviegoers from entering the cinema as it was full of Snakes, planes and AIDS. It's more than sad to watch the Finnish "adopt" nearly every phenomenon that other countries have gotten tired of at least 100 years ago and turn it into a lifestyle and get sand in their vaginas every time when notified about the fact that nobody fucking cares. Also singing the national anthem awakens a giant troll! A very popular thing in Finland is the sauna. Nearly every shack has one. This arises the question of Finland's small population (the Finnish attend co-ed saunas where it's traditional to be naked). There are a few possibilities:
- Finnish people are the height of evolution.
- They don't have sexual complexes suffered by morally correct people (like you).
- Finland has a cold climate.
- Finnish people think they are always right don't ever try to critism them.
If you ever go to Finland watch out for reindeer loving snow that will hunt you down with their snowmobile and use a lasso to catch you and then they will castrate you with their teeth and mark your ear so that you will by Finnish law belong to them forever.
After World War II personal conversations of Hitler became available that stated that, because of the ancient non-European origin of Finns, they were in the same category as the Turks---good as border guards but people who would never be admitted into the German Reich.
Proof That The Finnish Are All Weeaboos
Proof That The Finnish Are All Psychotic Aspies
Famous Finns include the Moomins and Mr. Saari. There have been no other famous Finns and there won't be any (unless another Finn decides to beat Mr. Saari's high score and makes it to CNN).
Finland's economy is based solely on the Moomins. They are the country's principal produce, export item and source of food. It has been estimated that if Sweden was to take over the Moomins, Finland would starve and implode within 6.2 days. Some Moomin sales are created for Finland's internal markets due to the fact that Finnish lesbians traditionally get children by getting a man to jack off into a Moomin mug and then inject the sperm into their virgin cunts (this is actually true).
Finland has moar political parties than Finns. A partial list of political parties
- The Social Democratic Party of Free Lutefisk
- The Centre Party
- The Centre Left Party
- The Centre Right Left Party
- The National Centre Left Right Left Party
- The Left Wing Alliance
- The Left Wing and A Little Dark Meat Alliance
- The Lemon Party
- The Green League
- The Green from too much Finlandia Splinter League
- The Rutabaga Coalition
- The Swedish People's Party
- The Russian People's Party
- The Dorsal Finns
- The Nazis
- The Cuntflaps
- The Scandinavian DONG Party
- The Party Of Who Gives A Shit
|Finland||About missing Pics|
Finland's gay friends
- Norway (A species of giants who make moonshine and piss oil)
- Denmark (Left-over Germans)
- Iceland (Björk and polar bears)
- Sweden (A pussy-whipped nation where women strap-on-dildo-rape men on Fridays (and Mondays). Swedish men come to Finland to fuck, because in Sweden they just get violently dildöed.)