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Fire
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Fire is what happens when nature decides to show off and have some fun. Fire has existed for at least 100 years, but was little known and rarely used until popularized by some Cheetohs™ marketing campaign. Since then, civilization has carried the scars of fire to a no good extent of animal-cruelty, Tesla-coils and whatnot. Fire is something that you can never have enough of - if you can't solve a problem with fire you are either not trying hard enough or not committed enough to fixing the problem.
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Uses of Fire
Fire has a variety of uses, including, but not limited to:
- Getting rid of lice infestation in the hair
- Burning two towers filled with fat Americans
- Burning books
- ending your life at the behest of others
- Dramatic entrances
- Smoking
- Keeping warm
- Getting rid of old buildings
- Starting a flame war
- Solving the Jew problem
- Solving the pesky asians problem
- Solving the black problem
- Solving the homeless problem
- Solving the whore problem
- Solving the witch problem
- Solving almost any problem
- Giving white supremacists what they deserve (A nice hot meal)
- Cleaning up Canada
- Getting rid of those pesky homosexuals and essentially cures AIDS
- Like AIDS fire can also cure all other forms of diseases including Acne
- Burning small furry animals to piss off animal rights activists who really only care about the rights of cute animals, those bigots
- Taking Furfags to Hell where they can Yiff in peace
- Baking a Delicious Cake
- Getting rid of Mormons
- Burning Jews
- Putting Wiggers in their place.
- Burning California
- Clearing Large rooms of people, generally resulting in Lulz and a stampede.
- Pwning the Australians
Having sex with fire
Although it's much easier to have sex with ice, since ice forms convenient dildo shapes and thrusting your pecker into a tube of crushed ice is the closest you'll ever get to fucking a hot vampire, you can have sexy fun times with fire. If you're careful.
Protection is important. A single latex condom may not provide enough protection. Consider wearing three or four.
Talk first. Sex is about mutual respect and trust. Ask the fire about its favorite hobbies, dreams, wishes, or ambitions. Make sure the fire is comfortable before you turn up the heat.
Thrust slowly into the flames. Sex is a mutual act, so be sure to watch the fire's response. If it isn't responding, try thrusting faster, followed by alternating fast-slow movemements.
If at any point your penis feels uncomfortable, or falls off, consult a health care professional.
Dispose of condoms thoughtfully.
Trolling Fires
- Show them a bottle of water.
- Call them Oil-Dependent.
- Be anal about their blue and orange color.
- Constantly make jokes about getting fired.
- Ask them if it burns.
- Ask them to write their name and number on a piece of paper.
- Use particular phrases like "Must be off" and "How did you get on with it?"
- Tell them electricity works better.
Gallery
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See Also
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Fire is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |


