Once upon a time God decided to create a place where old jews, Republican spics, and dirty rednecks could all live in relative harmony - so he made Florida, America's dick. Seriously, look at the shape of the state. It's in the shape of a flaccid penis. That should tell you enough. Of course God didn't expect anything of value to come from this colossal shithole, he just made it for the lulz.
Right up there with China, Nigeria and Eastern Europe, Florida's incorporation and fraud laws combine with a lack of cooperation with other states' investigations to create a safe haven for all sorts of predatory fucks with a front as legal businesses. Florida gains attention on the internets by being spam central. However, scamming in Florida has a long and sordid history that predates the Internet. Boca Raton once proudly proclaimed itself to be the telemarketing capital of the world with the joke that BR actually stood for Boiler Room. But it doesn't Really matter, since everyone in Florida is Blatantly Retarded.
It's not just spam, either. Huge numbers of pre-recorded telemarketing calls originate from Florida. Florida telemarketers can ignore the Federal TCPA that makes pre-recorded calls illegal, because the Florida AG protects, insulates, and accepts bribes from tele-marketers.
Fake sweepstakes aimed at the elderly show up in your mailbox? Likely from Florida. A too-good-to-be-true vacation offer to DisneyWorld or the Caribbean? A Florida cut-and-run travel agency. When you watch late night TV, start counting how many infomercials for investments, work-at-home or other get-rich-quick schemes have you dealing with someone in Florida.
It is also sometimes referred to as The Pedophile State because of the massive number of pedophilia crimes occurring there. Jared loves coming down to pick up and molest one of his minimum wage, below minimum age employees at least once every thursday at any of his available chains next to Pubix. Other visiting celebrities like to partake in doing teh drugs off of underage girls' thirteen year old boy chests. (See Justin Beiber or Drake). Investigators suggest this is probably related to it being a penis-shaped peninsula. It could also be because it's just so damn EASY to steal a child from a Disney theme park...
It is a proven fact that Florida is also the cosplay drama capital of the world, and has been for at least 100 years. People such as Pikabellechu and Kelly Kalogerakos reside there. Cosplay is as ghey there as it's ever been anywhere else, but it's accepted more because old people don't what a pokey man is, aside from the nice guy that likes to take their grandchildren into the back of his van.
Along with being shaped liek a retard's dildo (PROTIP: It used to be shaped like an erect penis pointing toward Britfags, until all the old people moved down into it and made it hang limp), Florida is well known as Cape Dementia, the land of the dead, the cemetery without down payment, and a paradise for the retired dying waste that are baby boomers. The state is has over nine thousand seniors, which make it a fucking nightmare to drive anywhere, maneuver a cart through Walmart or even walk down the street. You can be sure if you live here that you will get to see many-a grey-haired fucker die. Meanwhile, in North Florida, the Administrative Wing, there are lots of trees and drugs to climb and smoke, and even though North Florida has a more hellishly hot climate than even Miami, many choose to settle there to become state bureaucratic commandants and take care of everybody real good.
When terrorists chose to attack America, they headed straight for the Huffman Aviation flight school in Venice, Florida. The school is run by a superjew named Rudi Dekkers. Who else would train them to fly without training them to land?
Although most American political thinkers agree on the necessity of eventually solving "The Florida Question," there remains disagreement on how best to go about it. While some advocate sealing the border, performing a tactical nuclear strike on the state's major urban centers, and then waiting for the inhabitants to die off over the course of time, groups like the ASPCA have argued that Floridians may possess an archaic form of self-awareness, thus raising ethical questions about such methods.
Fortunately, the Florida question will be solved by global warming, as all it will take is two more inches of rising ocean to drown this foul nest of old folk's homes and retard breeding forever.
Florida is also home to oxycontin where it was invented at least 100 years ago by Jews hoping they could destroy the pure white 11 toed Aryan population that resides only in the deep hill country of Appalachia. Fifty of the top Fifty doctors who prescribe the most oxycontin reside in the state of Florida, making Florida the premier source of hillbilly heroin. And with their city Lakeland,FL where most niggers reside and smoke mad blunts and heroin every day, they wanna have sex with your mom and fuck you and make statements claiming that your gay because you don't have fifty bucks to fuck you up. And since most niggers are sick fucks in florida, you niggers can suck dick.
It's also truly proven that it's sick fuck city, Lakeland is where most shit talkers reside and people who disagree with your statements, Lakeland is where most shit talkers reside in and most people get sexually harasses and fucked over. Judge us and we'll prove you're wrong, home to the most fucked up trolls and we'll shoot your ass and hope your mom. We do not forgive our hate against Florida, We will never forget, Nevar forget.
And if you're one of those emo kids who live in the state, you are evil, gay, smoke 50 blunts, have threesomes everyday, get your ass beat up, and you can all die in hell. Enjoy your fucked up life in the state and in the evil city. You sick fucks.
Hot with a 100% chance of being mugged in the summer. The average temperature in Florida in the summer is hotter than your mom having sex with Fidel Castro in a Cuban sandwich press.
Due to being the second hottest state, the men here are incredibly fucking smelly. Women in Florida like that though, due to being retarded fucking cunts who have mistaken what is truly "hot"
It's as cold as Ditchrot somehow in the winter.
Also it's humid as hell there too since the whole place is a bigger, wetter hole than your mother's pussy and the sun shines all the fucking time. Seriously, what normal people call "walking" is "swimming" in Florida. If you want to dry off, jump on a lake, unless you're afraid of man-eating crocodilians, murderous vipers, and infectious algae like the pussy you are.
People of Florida
- Crystal Meth
- Flight Trained Terrorist
- Broke tourist coming home from Disney World
- Retarded Politicians
- E. Coli Infected Produce
- Guatemalan Babies
- White trash faggots
- Trailor Park Princesses
- Young manginas
- DIDNY WORL!
Traditions of Florida
Floridians are very proud of their Florida Statutes.
Basically news journalists can demand arrest records and write whatever the fuck they want. Old Media exploits this fact by dramatically and incorrectly reporting on things that will trigger consericucks and libtards. They run lots of "Florida Man" articles, making the word Florida Man become synonymous with meth-addicted rednecks who do stupid shit and get arrested.
Stand Your Ground
Known to the locals as a "Nigger Huntin' License," the Stand Your Ground law allows white people to get away with murder, as long as the "victim" is a nigger. Exceptions are made for some spics like George Zimmerman, the brave hero who shot down an unarmed black teen named Trayvon Martin. Zimmerman is a hero to many inbred redneck faggots who think demographic shifts are white genocide. Florida was the first state to write such a law, inspiring many other states in the Jewnited States of Americunts to do the same.
Aliens hate Florida
Notable Floridians and Related Articles
- Alec Difrawi
- Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto - Originally of Staten Island, New York, but recently moved to America's Wang in an attempt to flee from trolls.
- Bob Allen
- Jeb Bush
- Donald Buffkin
- Doopie DoOver Trailor Park Princess and Notorious E-Begger
- DJ Skeptik
- George Zimmerman
- Jack Thompson
- John Travolta
- Kelly Kalogerakos
- Libertarian Fox
- Mark Foley
- Old people
- Pulse Nightclub Massacre - Happened here.
- Sora Del Corazon - Cuban Sonicfag that lives in Florida.
- Shayla A. Muldrow
- The Mulberry Eight
- Trayvon Martin - Was pwned here in 2012.
- Terri Schiavo
- The Florida Tweenie Rapists
- University of Florida Taser incident
- Nicolas Cruz
|Featured article July 16 & July 17, 2013|