From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Info non-talk.png Not to be confused with where you spend your life.

A Freezone Scientologist in the wild
SRSLY ..why is there a volcano on the goddamn fucking thing?!
Freezone attack craft in orbit around Portland Oregon
clearly hubbard was a fucking genius and should be listened to

The Freezone or Freezone for short is a group of people who worship L. Ron Hubbard to a degree even "normal" Scientologists consider strange. Not only are these people almost completely out of their fucking minds but they are also are the strongest proof that Intelligent Design does not exist since Christians. The "freezone movement" started in 1982 when a believer of "standard technology" Captain Bill Robertson left Scientology after arguing that aliens were truly watching us all and were infiltrating Scientology. Of particular note about the Freezone, they are the source of over 9000 percent of the conspiracy theories written about in the world ranging from hollow and flat Earth theories to JEWS DID COS.

They are more or less a group of smug, self important morons who know the secrets of the universe and are thus, over 9,000 percent better than you. Thankfully, they are a minority religion just like their puny pathetic alien cousins Scientology and are of no true consequence to the world at large. However, if they were larger it would be hilarious to point out how fucking stupid they all are on a daily basis.



Freezoners adore the book Dianetics even though it is mostly a crack-pot fantasy full of pseudo-science written by an abortion obsessed pedophile who claims to be a doctor of nuclear science. Any entry-level Freezoner must read Dianetics at least until their eyes bleed and they can recite from memory anything/everything written in it; if you cannot recite anything from the book, you are not a loyal drone of Hubbard's and are obviously thinking for yourself.

Alien Theology

Although the Freezone claim they're not as stupid as Scientology or as corrupt, they still make you wait years before you find out that seventy five million years ago, some asshole committed intergalactic genocide on our planet and the dead space alien souls are trapped here and fuck with you causing you to masturbate, watch Fox News or beat your wife.

Conspiracy Theories and Little-known Beliefs

The Freezone, like any hacked up mess of lunatics is not really all there in the brains department and so since they deny their members psychiatric medication they are responsible for the following bizarre theories and beliefs.

  • L. Ron Hubbard was murdered by David Miscavige (who wasn't even in the same country when Hubbard died)
  • L. Ron Hubbard was being suppressed by the United States government because if the technology of Scientology would ever work they would overthrow the corrupt and archaic government
  • David Miscavige is being used by the IRS to continue fucking up the technology of Scientology for the government
  • The United States government is benefiting GREATLY and financially from the technology of Dianetics/Scientology (even though we're in debt up to our ears)
  • L. Ron Hubbard's son wasn't a homosexual; this was a story run by David Miscavige and the IRS to ruin the image everyone has of Ron Hubbard as a great family man
  • Dianetics touch assists can/have brought people back from the dead
  • Aliens had a nuclear holocaust on our planet 75 million years ago and the geography of the planet and our radiation levels haven't been affected by it
  • Unique to the Freezone, is the practice of doing auditing bullshit to people over Skype. This practice though controversial, is simple. All that is involved is the auditor holding a rusty old can in his left hand, and his limp cock in his right or middle hand.


International Freezone Association

This group of COMPLETE asshole fucking Zombies is in charge of (but not really because anyone can ignore them like normal people do) of standardizing Scientology Freezone practices, beliefs, doctrine and apparently training people to use soup cans for alternative medicinal practices.

Ron's Orgs

These guys are the ones who come up with all the bizarre alien shit we hear all too much about these days. Starting in the early 1980s this group of fuckbags engineered stories about ancient alien civilizations on Mars, Venus, Saturn and far off in Marcabia. These are the people who TRULY believe you bring people back from the dead through Dianetics they are also the most gullible fucking morons alive because most of them believe they can go back trillions of years into their history as a soul and see far off worlds, creatures and intelligent beings.

In the late 1980s a discovery was made by Captain Bill Robertson that there were far more OT levels possible than just the standard 1-8 which were available to everyone currently so he wrote up some bullshit on paper and claimed he did research into almost 48 levels. This meant only one thing, Captain Bill was OBVIOUSLY receiving telepathic thoughts from L Ron Hubbard and should be completely/totally revered.

Famous Freezoners

  • Captain Bill Robertson - This moron started the Freezone and is responsible for you having to read about what an alien fucktard belief system these people are.
  • Michael A. Hobson Independent Scientologist Indie 500 #99 - the shadowy Puppet Master behind Rathbun and Rinder.
  • Maxim Lebedev - Famous for believing that a touch assist he performed once brought a coma patient out of a coma and a dead man back to life from a heart attack.
  • Aida Tomas - Makes YouTube videos which are "interesting" to say the least, former Class VIII auditor, believes in alien genocides, body thetans and past lives.
  • Mark A. Baker - heir of the vast Baker's Beetroot empire.
  • Tommy Thompson - This dude is just completely fucking mad.
  • Ray Mithoff - failed sci-fi writer, failed Scientologist (same as sci-fi writer really) is now working in the Freezone telling everyone he was a Class XII auditor. This fact means nothing to real Scientologists because he's just a squirrel and a despot/loser.
  • Fancy - occasional poster to Freezone and some critical forums. Shy gentle woman who was hurt by the cult when she was involved in it.
  • Joe Lynn - Well known critic of Scientology. Has never been a member. Describing him as a Freezoner is, therefore, a mistake.
  • Fluffy aka VC - although not a Freezoner herself, she has a huge collection of dolls and cardigans which is very suspicious.
  • Dr Terril Park - is the Freezone equivalent of Tom Cruise.

Media Mess of Freezoners

External Links

Xenu homeboy.pngFreezone is part of a series on ScientologyXenu homeboy.png



DianeticsDisconnectionChild abuseSaint HillScientology's History of the UniverseSec CheckFreewindsSea OrgGlossaryReligious Freedom WatchVolunteer MinistersOSASpace Opera


L. Ron HubbardDavid MiscarriageTom CruiseScientology AgentsTommy DavisRogues GallerySuri CruiseTerryeoHeaven's GateThe RegimeEvil Jacket GuyJoe FeshbachVaLLarrrTom NewtonJohn CarmichaelFreezoneCaptain Bill RobertsonDanny MastersonWill SmithOschaperKendrick MoxonTim ArmerJorge SerranoRon SaveloJohn TravoltaJett Travolta


AnonymousWise Beard ManJason BegheGas Mask GirlMagooNew Zealand Fail GuyMessage from ScientologyShawn LonsdaleRorschachMoralfagsLeaderfagsRaidfag WenchJames PackerEpic Nose GuyStu WyattTommy GormanThe Unknown AutobotPsychiatristsMarcab ConfederacyDavid Wu-KapauwEpic Sword GuyAgent Pubeit


PROJECT CHANOLOGYWhy We Protest ForumsA Scientologist's Guide to 4chanThe GeteratorPaul "Fetch" CarnesReligionIsFree.orgYou Found the Card/i/alt.religion.scientologyComplete binge of LEAKED SCILON DOX888chan

Atom small.png
Atom small.png

Freezone is part of a series on



[Close them downOpen the records]
Freezone is part of a series on Cults
UFO Cults: ScientologyGalactic Federation of LightHeaven's GateRaeliansNibiru
New-age Faggotry:

WiccaThe DolmenMooniesPaganismBlack AlchemyFagnosticismPrem RawatVoluntary Human Extinction MovementThothRon Paul

Raep cults: SatanismManson FamilyMasonsAl Qaeda
Jesus Cults: Ex-GayWestboro Baptist ChurchMormonismBranch DavidiansPeople's TempleChick Tracts
Wannabe Cults: SephyismSonic CulTVampiresGothsFurriesMulderiteWooksBroniesLibertariansFeminismSJWs
Stupid Cults: ScientologyAtheismBreatharianMichelle Belanger/House KheperuSonic PassionHighgate Vampire, the
Troll Cults: AnonymousCult of the Dead CowRaptor JesusJohn SolomonChurch of the SubGeniusDiscordianism
Web 2.0 Cults: Atheist Scum UnitedRational Response SquadWikipediaYoung Tubers UnitedRationalWikiKony 2012Kiwi Farms
[Case ClosedOpen Up to Us]
Freezone is part of a series on Psychology
Antisocial personality disorder Hannibal Lector.jpg Mental illness & Disorders

AcrotomophiliaAddictionAgoraphobiaAlcoholismAlexis Pilkington SyndromeAlzheimer'sAnorexiaAntisocial personality disorderAnthropophobiaAnxietyADDADHDAsperger's SyndromeAutismBimboficationBipolarBorderline personality disorderBug ChasingBulimiaDeep thinkerDepressionDick ImpalementDown's SyndromeDyslexiaEating disorderFactitious disorderFake SchizophreniaFauxlimiaFeminismGender dysphoriaGirl on the Internet SyndromeHeterophobiaHero ComplexHFAHistrionic Personality DisorderHutchence's SyndromeHyperbolimiaInadequacyInconsistent personality disorderInsanityLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLow Self-esteem'Missing White Woman' SyndromeMultiple personality disorderNapoleon ComplexNarcissistic personality disorderNeurotypicalObsessive Compulsive DisorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderPeter Pan SyndromePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPsychopathyRetardationSchizophreniaSeasonal Affective DisorderSelf-diagnosisSelf InjurySexsomniaSickfuckerySociopathySocial anxiety disorderSpecial Snowflake SyndromeTrolling Induced Transsexuality SyndromeTulpaUnrealistic expectationsVictim complex


AcrotomophiliaAquaphiliaArborphiliaAudiophiliaAutogynephiliaBalloon FetishBestialityCarmen Electra complexCross DressingDollfiliaEmetophiliaEmosexualityEproctophiliaFatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • FetishismFoot FetishFurniture PornFurrismGoo girlGuroHeterophiliaHomophiliaInflation FetishJapanophiliaJungle FeverLesbian pedophiliaLotion PlayMacrophiliaMaiesiophiliaMechanophiliaMpregNecrophiliaObjectophiliaOedipial ComplexParaphiliaPedophiliaPlushophiliaPregnant LoliPregnophiliaQuicksand FetishRangerphiliaSpectrophiliaStatuephiliaTrichophiliaVoraphiliaWet and Messy FetishismWetlookXenophiliaYellow feverZoophilia


Chronic Troll SyndromeDeletionismE-goE-PsychiatristE-PsychiatryETDHivemindI-DosingI have a 140 IQIRC DiseaseImaginary girlfriendInternet Disease & Internet Disease ChartInternet poverty delusionsInternet RehabInternet troll personality disorderMega ultra super geniusNerdy Fandom Gateway TheorySex by associationLulz-BlindnessWikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases


ask.fmBrainwashingHypnosisMilgram ExperimentScientologyStanford Prison ExperimentThe Hivemind Corollary


Above Top SecretB/Bodies Under SiegeCYOCChatrouletteDefense Industries

See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamDSMEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning