From Encyclopedia Dramatica
THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ.
BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM.
If all furries were firm-bodied women in bunny suits, with nice tits and a preference for the better race, there'd be no need for an ED article and we'd be too busy to write one. Unfortunately, furries are just the opposite, and what's worse is they want to convert you.
Furries are the scum of the earth, and the surest candidates for dying alone. The furry fandom will accept ANYONE, and hence attracts the worst and most pathetic people in the world. They are near the bottom of the Internet food chain, even ranking below Otherkin and bronies (both lesser kin to furries), Chris-chan, and definitely above you. Furries are so ugly that they make Brian Peppers look attractive, so stupid that they make autistics look smart, and are overall pathetic beyond compare. FAIL doesn't even begin to encompass how bad furries do in life. Dying alone is the best they can do, preferably in the style of Mr. Hands.
To put furfaggotry in perspective, furries are to animals what larpers are to medieval faggotry, and the differences are sometimes very subtle. Larpers are at least willing to admit what they do is all in pretense,and generally try to keep it as separate as possible from their real lives (jobs, families, friends). But here's differene: furries dont have lives to keep separate from their fandom, so they cling to their fandom as it's all they have. It can overtake their lives to a point where some furs actually believe that they are their fursonas, when really they should just
get a fucking life become an hero instead of fapping to bestiality porn on the webs all day long. Furfags have gone as far as raising children as furs, although instinctively the children realize their parents are different and ultimately reject it, thus proving that there is some hope for the human race which the furries have sought to destroy with their faggotry.
—You wouldn't be alive to read this if it wasn't for gay Pokemon porn
What is this Faggotry?
—One of the earliest known furry anthems.
Furries are zoophiles who like to masturbate to half-animal pornography. They have no justification. They get hot when they see animal people, occasionally dropping the "people" part. Some of them wish they were animals themselves, but most are content to dress up as animals and have sex. Either way, every single one of them is broken inside.
Some furfags claim that they have no sexual interest in animals whatsoever, and simply enjoy walking around their house in a fucking dog suit. This is total horseshit. All furfags are drawn to sexual perversity, regardless of their preferred species. Furfags only say this kind of thing when threatened with death or when they are trying to "surprise yiff" someone new. Just to be on the safe side, if a furfag ever tells you they're celibate, you should castrate them to ensure their celibacy.
Normal people tend to keep their fetishes and developmental oddities to themselves. Furries, on the other hand, believe their fetish is a lifestyle and that they must announce it to everybody on the Internet through their icon or sig. Society might actually hate furfags less if they didn't wish to justify their perversions so strongly that they bring their fursuits and molested dogs into every normal place they can find, and proceed to spew their crap. Every pervert must first accept that they are fucked up and either roll with it or an hero. Furries refuse to do so, thus making them easy targets for trolls and lulz.
The majority of the Internet hates them because they won't stay in FChan and Fur Affinity, and continue to annoy everyone with their persecution complex and disgusting fetishes. They are pushy, obnoxious, gullible, insecure, and completely incapable of understanding how stupid the concept of their fandom is. As such, they'll take offense to the claims of it being a sexual fetish, as if without the sexual aspect, being obsessed with cartoon animals would be perfectly fine. 'Cause it's totally normal to be romantically involved with Bugs Bunny or your pet dog... Yeah right, faggots.
Note: On occasion, some retard might accidentally mistake a fursuit for a Halloween costume. If you observe this phenomenon, explain the truth to the hapless faggot and point them to this article!
Since I'm already shitting my whole fucking life down the toilet, I decided in my infinite wisdom tonight to finally let loose on the forums here and tell you all how I really fucking think, and it's so funny you'll fucking shit yourself like I almost did three times today because I've got FUCKING BLOODY DIARRHEA LOL.
First up on the chopping block, I'm smarter than you. No way, it's true. Due to the law of averages, the vast majority of people reading this are probably ready to rebuke me in some funny way which will make me laugh greatly, but the fact is it's true. Why? I don't need no fuckin' statistics, I just am. I aced high school, I aced college, and I'm acing my whole life right now. I'm running circles around my entire editorial board at my newspaper, and my faggot boss knows I'm smarter than her, but she's a skinny whiny Jew who thinks she knows better than everybody because she comes from Kansas and reads The New York Times. Fuck that. I'm the only one keeping that goddamn piece of shit rag in business and she fucking knows it, which is why she felt threatened by me today and decided to ream me out for the headlines I write at night: BAWWWW they're too fucking inaccurate! They're too fucking inappropriate! Fucking little whore.
Second up, hunters have no fucking rights. If you're a hunter, fuck you. If you've ever killed an animal just for the shit of it, fuck you. The only thing you savages have the right to do is the right to remain silent while the police arrest you for murder. Yes, murder. In these modern times we live in, what some like to call the 21st century, we as a species have evolved past the need for senseless barbarism like the kind of bullshit you assholes pull when you get liquored up and go kill Bambi. You know what? Nature can take care of itself, it has for millions of years. It doesn't need us fucking it up by hiding behind that bullshit reason of "population control". Yeah, I got your fucking population control right here. It's called kill the hunters. An eye for an eye. Capital punishment for capital murder. I consider the murder of animals to be on equal footing with the murder of humans. "Well Nightweaver, what about plants? They have feelings too baww baww baww. What about when you hit a deer/raccoon/squirrel with your car? What about stomping on insects?" You know what I'm fucking talking about you pieces of shit. Stop muddling the argument with your goddamn straw man bull. I don't need reams of scientific data to back up what I'm saying...KILLING IS WRONG NO MATTER WHAT IT IS.
Did you know that the vast majority of hunters in the U.S. are big fat neckbeards and rednecks, probably like the kind who post on this forum? It's true. Try going to India with that stupid "animals are lower than humans" shit you speciesist faggot, see how far you get before somebody runs your ass over. And don't try that bullshit that "we need them for food, we need them for research, we need them for clothing, we need them for this, we need them for that..." It doesn't hold any fucking water with me anymore, not that it ever really did. This is the same species which just mapped the human genome a few years ago; it's time for us to crawl out of the caveman macho bullshit days and get with the program. Yes I think I can make things better by yelling at you, so shut up. Yes I'm a member of PETA, so shut up. If I was less lazy and actually owned one, I'd take my gun and go out and hunt the hunters. I'd kill every one of you arrogant speciesist bastards I could find. Same goes for you meat-eaters. Hey asshole, I've thrived for 15 years on no meat, now it's YOUR turn to try it out. Or are you too pussy? Yeah that's what I thought, goddamn bunch of pussies who are too scared to go vegan. My conscience is clear, what about yours? Hm? You don't mind they're killed in horrible ways in slaughterhouses? You ENJOY watching them die? Then you're the worst kind of scum, lower even than child molesters. I spit on your fetid corpse.
Finally (because I know you people are having OH SO MUCH FUN copying this into your ED entry on me), I DROP THE BIG BOMB! I'm into sex with animals! HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK. Guess what, it's kind of been skirted around in everything I've said about the topic anyway, but I support enormous animal penises in my mouth. Yes that's right, let's go there. OH SISTER! I will admit I've never actually tried it on any animal, but I would love to. I can hear someone now "Wow what a fucking hypocrite that he says he loves animals but wants to raep them lolololololoololol" Let me get one thing straight faggot: Pleasuring an animal sexually and raping them are two different things, and if you don't know the difference then you shouldn't be trying it in the first place.
Do you think your dog likes getting fucking blue balls because there's no pussy for him? THAT'S ABUSE. THAT'S RAEP. Letting your poor pet suffer in silence because of a lack of sexual gratification. So OK, we got dogs covered, and it's different with all animals and some are NOT designed for us, so you better stay the fuck away from them. But honestly, do you think that horse hates having his dick rubbed if he's standing there and thrusting his hips at you? Believe me pal, if that horse didn't want you there, you'd have a busted jaw or broken neck already from a hoof to the face. So those are the two most obvious examples of animals I would like to pleasure; it's amazing how fast everyone's going to misinterpret this post and read into this that I'm some SICK FUCK who you can't let near your children. That's amazing, those people should win a fucking Nobel Prize for their stupidity.
I'm about as benign a guy as you'll ever find, but here's what I can't get over: I'm in this fandom, furry fandom see, and its artists draw a LOT of dog cocks and a LOT of horse cocks and I'm like W-T-F? We love to see art of this shit but try soooo hard to deny to ourselves that it's just fantasy? Fuck you, slap yourself into reality. YOU'RE LOOKING AT DOG COCK AND GETTING OFF TO IT. Whether its drawn or not, you can't claim that you're not "into" animal sex. People just LOVE to make fun of us, zoophiles, bestialists, faggots, scum, whatever they call us. It's one big self-assuring joke apparently for humanity to delude itself into thinking that we're so much superior to lower animals that we cannot have sex with them. Interspecies sex is common in the wild, and yes I'm aware of the apparent hypocrisy between that and what I just said about hunting. "Animals hunt but we can't , but we can fuck them? Derpa derpa derp." Well guess what? We've domesticated all these species, and we are responsible for them. We're responsible for their care. Sometimes these poor beasts can't get off the way they want to, because of the physical restrictions we place on them by separating the sexes and so forth. So we should be able to masturbate them at least if they're horny and have no other outlet! I'd sign up to do it; I'd be at the fucking head of the line for that shit. Giant horse dick in my mouth? DO WANT!
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How are Furries made?
|PROTIP: Parents, only show your kids DEAD animals. The singing, talking kind only leads to tragedy. Do you really want to have to bail your kid out for bestiality?|
Furries are the products of children that are raised on a diet of cartoons that depict animals with love interests. Despite the opinion that it's the Internet that creates furries, furries existed, and still exist, even without the Internet. Through movies, cartoons, Halloween costumes, toys, games, and other things that parents innocently expose their children to, children develop an interest in fur.
Although furries tend to develop before being exposed to the internet, once they are exposed to the internet they realize "THERE'RE OTHERS LIKE ME!" Thinking that having other people into the same crap you are makes things awwwright. They start encouraging each other instead of realizing they are sick fucks and getting help. This leads to your common furry: the thirty-year-old jailhouse gay waste of flesh fapping in shit-stained diapers to half-animal porn in their mother's basement.
Additionally, furries can also transmit the infectious disease of furfaggotry to others. Generally, this is a conscious and deliberate act on their part. Most furries are friends with many nonfurries in the general population, and for some reason they MUST share their sick fetishes with everyone, so they lure their friends to see "this awesome art site" or to go to a "scifi con". The worst part is that they just plain don't stop doing it. They will keep shoving their furry art in every non-furry's face, wearing ears and tails in public and otherwise screaming about how nice it is to be a furry in order to attempt to convert others to their sick fetish.
Furries will also try to subliminally convert others by creating anthro webcomics. Comics such as Housepets! usually suck shit, are unfunny and uninteresting. Every furry webcomic is perverted and should be avoided or else possible conversion may take place. Most, if not all, authors of these webcomics are morbidly obese and mentally unstable.
Think about it: If Furry life is so nice and accepting, why are they trying to convert you? Wouldn't they already be happy among their numerous furry friends that they surely must have if the fandom is a loving, accepting, fun place? Why would they require assurance from real life people that what they're doing is OK if they know being a furry is perfectly fine?
It's all lies and only the most desperate and gullible people fall for it. This, of course, leads to even more sad wastes of flesh clamoring for attention and fighting online and trying to convert as many people offline in the hopes that someone, anyone, will actually love and accept them.
|Recruiting techniques||About missing Pics|
These are just straight up animal fuck fetishists who try and use the larger furry community as a way of "blending in" and making their sordid sick fuckery look slightly less like a complete abomination of nature. As far as the furry pecking order they're generally considered the lowest of the low, right down there with cub fuckers and babyfurs. If you're furry and you want to try and feign some measure of normalcy this is one of the best types to use as a differential comparison.Just play it off like, "Oh, I'm not one those furries, they're the ones who are giving the furry community a bad name!" In reality of course, every furry is in fact a feral fur fucker, it's just some furries are more in denial than others. By mixing human traits with animal traits "normal" furries can basically create a pseudo-separation from the horrifying stigma of wanting to molest actual animals.
What community would be complete without kiddy diddlers? Similar to the above mentioned bestiality types these sick sordid social rejects use the guise of furtardation in order to try and make their love of prepubescent rape seem awwright.Usually playing it off like, "It's not pedophilia because they're animals not real kids!" these proverbial onions of humanity use layer after layer of bullshit in order to try and sidestep and mask what it is they're really interested in. In some cases these types may not even be furry at all, but simply find it a convenient means to bypass existing rules and laws that rightly keep their sick fuckery otherwise in check. otherkin, except the otherkin think they are real dragons, and scalies just fap to them. Alien, and yet furshitters have found ways to fap to that as well. inflation via air, fluid or (obviously) fat, to even having their fursonas being made of “living rubber.” Have plenty of eye bleach ready if you are to click on the above link. christfags? Let that speak for itself. better. For the love of fuck, stay away from them IRL. Only engage in conversation on the interbutts. If that is enough of it for you, then don’t click that link! worthy of wanting to fuck. These are people in their 20’s and 30’s. And they want to fuck cartoon mice and chipmunks. In increasingly disturbing and un-erotic ways. Let that sink in. Watch as it festers in your subconscious and taints your childhood bit by bit like a fungus. Welcome to the real world, people!
Plushophiles (or “plushies”) are furries that get horny over their China-made lumps of fabric and stuffing so much that they literally fuck them. And like it. They post pictures of themselves doing it on the internet for all to see, not realizing they put themselves at risk of eternal ridicule. Well, then again, all furries do that, so I guess it’s no different. These “people” are most shocking to those who love to collect and take care of plush toys as there is nothing worse you can do for one than to tear a big-ass hole in it and pump it full of semen. Especially since these morons do this to rare and out-of-production stuffed toys that could’ve potentially provided them with jewgold, but instead they fuck them.
Some furries claim they're just in it for the art. Of course, this is exactly what they want you to think: that they're just a bunch of artists. The reality is much worse.
Furries often explode into brick-shitting, BAWWWWWWWing rages as soon as someone points out the obvious: that Furry art is nothing more than a gigantic collection of half-animals with trite designs that only a furry could love so much, cobbled together by hormonal sixteen-year-olds who have taken maybe one art class and can't even draw a cock. The few that can draw generally make "art" like The Kadaitcha Dancers.
The following is a lengthy rant from one furry that perfectly embodies their nature of deception. Typical to most attempts to rationalize being a furry, the rant is full of circular logic, hypocrisy, unwarranted self-importance, and just about every logical fallacy you can name. The author directly mentions ED and appears to have a dislike of this site from his previous rantings. In case you haven't noticed, the furry community is full of huge egos; this is most likely to compensate for the fact that they only have a life on the Internets.
—Furry on being a social leper.
—social leper tired of being grouped with furries.
All furries are male. However, it may seem that there are female furries, but in truth there are no female furries. All "female" furries are in truth just guys acting like girls, or faggots who wish they were girls. The only exceptions are for lesbians so ugly that not even their own dogs would fuck them. Either way, you really, really do not want to see what is hiding under their skirt.
- Rule 30 still applies.
- Pictures aren't real; that is to say that a picture of a female furry doesn't necessarily mean female furries actually exist anywhere other than within another furry's mind.
- It's a trap!
- It's a faggot!
- Of the remaining few that are actually female and actually furry, they're always fat and ugly dykes.
- To KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!!!
Examples of "Girl" Furries
Herro- LOL NO
Inuki- Fag identified!
PixelPenguin- Fag identified!
|Furry "Females"||About missing Pics|
Since furry existence revolves around WikiEdit Drama, many of Wikipedia's admins are furfags, such as: ContiE, Fennec (an early arbitrator, for fucksake), Furrykef, KieferSkunk, Loganberry (lol desysopped), Wiki alf (lol quit in 2009), Wwwwolf, and Xaosflux - all of whom are the same person. There is also Krishva, who insists her childhood was destroyed forevar by furries and has made it her lifelong goal in life to make sure that web sites such as Wikipedia, are as accurate (read: white-washed) as possible. This involved making approximately eleventy gazillion edits to Wikipedia's "Furry" article and, when that didn't fulfill her need for alpha-wolf dominance, also the "Furry fandom", "Funny animal", and "Talking animal" articles. Not to mention GreenReaper, a big WP fan and one of the founders of WikiFur.
Why in the world Wikipedia has separate articles for "Furry" and "Furry Fandom" in the first place is one of the many infinitesimally trivial points being bickered about by Krishva in the various articles' talk pages. Why? Because certain furfags want to deny that furry has anything to do with sex. There is one yiff pic in existence that doesn't resemble this and they put it on their yiff article. Obsessively denying the relation between sex and furfags on Wikipedia is likely the result of furry-style castration.
If they were just pathetic, like nerds, they could mostly be passed over without much of a thought, and maybe even pitied. But in addition to being failures at life, their minds are constantly thinking of more perverted things to do, which show up not only in their REAL art (the kind they put in a separate folders and tag with so many warnings you wonder why they put it OL on the first place), but in the things they do IRL.
|IRL Horror||About missing Pics|
Fun Fact: If you spell out "Yiff In Hell Furfags" mnemonically, and pronounce it phonetically, it sounds just like "yiff". Neato.
Having reached pretty much everywhere on the internet, and spreading around their regurgitation inducing porn avatars, they have made themselves a disseminated, easy to stop, righteously warranted hate targets. An example of this is the following video, made by closet scalie in an amazing attempt to redeem himself from his past zoophilia acts. The following video contains screenshots of real Steam profiles. No community is safe.
There has been a comic made dictating the tension between the people whom hate furries and furries themselves http://otherview.smackjeeves.com/chapters/40996/act-1-beginnings/
What To Do If Your Friend Is Infected
They'll need help. Not mental help, but the kind of help where you take them to a concealed area and shove both barrels of a 12-gauge into the back of their oblivious fursuit-covered head and pull both triggers without remorse.
There are also a few alternative solutions you may attempt:
- Never try to fit in with them. In fact, stay away from them altogether. This is very important as something as minor as eye contact can easily cause infection (you may want to find a new friend, preferably someone from Encyclopedia Dramatica).
- Call them out in public, ask them about furry in front of non-furries. Bring up Babyfurs and bestiality.
- Buy some garden shears at your local Wal-Mart, and use them to castrate anything resembling a furry and staple their testicles (if present) to their foreheads; yelling various obscenties is optional. Remember to return the garden shears within 30 days to get your money back.
- If you are his roomate or something similar, leave raw meat in his fursuit.
- If you are brave (or already infected), you can try to forcibly persuade them against their ways.
- Pass a bill which will makes it punishable by death for being a furfag.
- Let a REAL lion loose on his ass and watch his reaction. Make sure to bring a trash bag and a gun.
- Force them to watch "regular" Porn. Prolonged exposure to anything sexual that doesn't involve fucking animals in every hole has been known to cause Furries' heads to forcibly explode.
- Microwave them.
- If all else fails, simply go to China and accumulate several large nuclear stockpiles. Proceed to nuke the shit out of every anthrocon in existence until the world is rid of the furfag populace.
- Give them a nice, relaxing injection of arsenic. Since they technically want to be animals, putting them down IS an option.
How 2 Troll a Furnigger
- Show them bestiality. Every furfag is deeply ashamed about their lust for animal cock that when they see the real thing, their guilt-boner has them going from zero to moralfag in less than five seconds. Furfags are also notorious for spreading the faux belief that viewing or sharing bestiality is illegal, and will go to extreme lengths to convince people to follow a law which only exists in New Zealand.
- Mention the Em-Bear-Assed segment from 1000 Ways to Die.
On the 7th of December 2014, during a furry convention in Chicago there was a reportedly deliberate chlorine gas leak which injured at least 19 at the time (requiring hospitalization) and the complete evacuation of the hotel where the convention was taking place. Truly, those responsible were doing God's work.
Quote from Wikipedia (AKA Shitipedia): In one survey, 33% of furries surveyed online answered that they had a "significant sexual interest in furry" and another 46% stated they had a "minor sexual interest in furry", and the remaining 21% stated they have a "non-sexual interest in furry". That means over 75% of furfags want to have sex with furries. GTFO.
- Anthropophobia - The official scientific diagnosis of furries
- BlackBusterCritic - INTERNET GOD AND SLAYER OF FURFAGS ON DEVIANTART. A TRUE INTERNET HERO.
- Bronies - A fandom of autistic
closetopen furries that want to fuck My Little Pony characters. For some reason, furries and bronies are at war with each other.
- Dragoneer - The fat fuck responsible for FurAffinity
- Fat Furry
- Five Nights at Freddy's - A survival horror game praised by furries.
- Furry Beach - A furry convention scam
- Furry Art
- Inflation Art
- My Strange Addiction - Home of Lauren Atkins
- Scalies - Like furfags, only they want to fuck dinosaurs, lizards and dragons
- Sick Fuck
- Strategically Placed Hole
- Trolling Furries with Hate Art
- Zeta Toy
- A true source of information on furries
- Furry 4 Life - The new furry sanctuary ever since Facebook began deleting cartoon profiles, as well as ones they innocently assumed to be made for people's pets
- An even shittier social networking site
- Furry dating site
- Furry version of Twitter
- FurAffinity - A deviantART clone
- Weasyl - Where all the furs are flocking to as Fagoneer continues to ruin FurAffinity even worse than trolls do
- Furry tutorial - Partly FTL, partly serious
- Furry forum you can troll
- Gallery of faggotry
- Furfags before the internet - Circa 1963
- Often shows the psychological implications of furfags
- Furry Wiki - WIKI VANDALISM? YES PLEASE. Update: They are now so butthurt that they have blocked Tor exit nodes
- Furfur on Wikipedia - The God they worship. PROOF OF THEIR EVIL LINEAGE
- A charming student film about the trials of living as a furry in the modern age
- Oh shit, they now have a furfag summercamp in Murrika's hat
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|Featured article January 10, 2005|
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