Furry News Network
The Furry News Network is furfaggotry's latest attempt, after a string of hundreds of thousands of other failed attempts, to mainstream furrydom and to make people rethink what it is to be a furry. Surprisingly, these stabs at mixing FURRY PRIDE! with mainstream sensibility fall flat, resulting in a confused, nonsensical mash-up of furry tidbits mixed with a bitter hatred of mundanes, none of which helps their furry cause.
Furry Huh What?
Furry News Networks mission statement is to "[strive] to be a socially driven source for Furry news, entertainment, and services". By compiling and presenting furry news stories from around the globe, FNN intended to be your one stop shop for all things furfaggotry; conventions, big name fursuiters, mainstream media coverage, anything and everything that would help propagate the furry cause.
Oddly enough, furry culture by and large really isn't that interesting, and most stories submitted are either (rave) movies reviews about films that have animals in them, stories about animals doing animal-like things, coloring books with animal people in them, stories about Hot Topic selling jackets that have animal ears on the hoods, and stories about the new season of My Little Pony starting up. To counter-act this vortex of disinterest, FNN offers its user to write up the occasional op-ed piece, which are usually submitted by disgraced furfags looking to regain e-credibility and therefore the funniest and most interesting part of the entire site.
The Bitter Lake Bombshell
Desperate as ever for stories, Furry News Network happily pimped out Bitter Lake, a 45 minute long short film touting its realistic looking fursuits and the serious handling of its subject matter. Naturally, FNN posted every single detail about the film as news became available, and encouraged furries to support the budding fur-film industry by backing the film, even trying to help the films producers by mirroring the trailer on YouTube. Anything to help the cause, right?!
Unfortunately for FNN, director and film star EZWolf was shocked and appalled to discover the YouTube mirrored trailer, courtesy of FNN, was not having it's comment section filtered for negative responses! Enraged by this obvious miscarriage of justice EZWolf did what any good and decent furry does; make his indignation as public as possible via an open letter on Fur Affinity! EZ gave FNN an ultimatum; crack down on unflattering comments and monitor them in the future, or have the video DMCA'd altogether.
And then a funny thing happened that EZ obviously didn't expect. Responses on his journal pilled up, but these weren't the usual furries contributions of "Yeah, that's right!". Oh no, these furfags were commenting in flocks to inform EZ that none of those comments he took such offense towards were even being posted. As it had turned out, EZ appeared to be lying about the extent of the abuse being hurled at him as an excuse to take casual mockery and blow it up into a big deal. Can you believe it?! EZ sure couldn't; the journal was scrapped not 24 hours later, with EZ DMCAing the FNN video anyway.
That'll show them!
FNN Interviews A Retard; Is Shocked When He Reacts Like A Retard
On a particularly slow news cycle, FNN for whatever reason decided shining the spotlight on notorious furry retard Conner Hemming. Approached by a friend via Skype, Conner was asked several questions of no particular topic and his answered complied and posted as a featured slot on the site. Conner, surprised that the general consensus to the piece was "Lol what a stupid faggot", flew into an autistic rage and began to sperg out at his friend that conducted the interview, the website for allowing it to be posted, and the commentators for looking at it, his rationale for the outbursts being over his words to the questions asked being posted verbatim with no editing.
The interview added even more notoriety to the dog banging Conner, and resulted in enough of the delicious drama to warrant an FNN affiliated podcast to dedicate to mocking Conner and his reaction. Furry journalism at it's best!.
Just a sample of the expert journalism you'll find at Furry News Network.
Furry News Network is part of a series on
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|Featured article October 24, 2011 & October 25, 2011|
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