Galactic Federation of Light

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Blossom prolly hangs out with Jasmuheen

It was predicted that on 10/14/08, The Galactic Federation of Light would show up and rain nothing but Pure Love down upon the writhing masses for 3 days. This obviously correct prediction was channeled by a dykish fat Australian asperger named Blossom Goodchild. New Agers like Wiley Brooks turned into Trekkies and shat themselves in a fit of rapture because it was actually going to happen this time.


The Message

I want to believe.jpg

Blossom Goodchild channeled a message from the Galactic Federation of Light, and it makes total sense.


   
 
We wish it to be understood that on the 14th day of your month of October in the year 2008 a craft of great size shall be visible within your skies. It shall be in the south of your hemisphere and it shall scan over many of your states...
 

 
 

— -Blossom Goodchild posing as aliens

Blossom Goodchild

Blossom Goodchild is an Australian psychic, and was apparently an actress who, as a child, was believed to suffer from asspies and was visited in her dreams by a tomahawk-throwing Injun by the name of Whitecloud. Up until her making her prediction that Aliens would appear on 14/10/08, she was relatively unknown and had a following of around 200 of whom she sent her initial prediction to in a email listing. Due to the overwhelming response by her fans, she decided to post "The Message" on her website. Due to her prediction, Goodchild was quickly gaining attention with the New Age movement and eventually had to make a recording to clarify the "facts" of her prediction.

Goodchild Clarifies the "facts" about 10-14-08

This video propelled her into instant E-fame, out of this came two individuals came onto the stage prolly just trying to make some cash. The first individual is the Canadant Brad Johnson. Brad Johnson created the website 10-14-08 in an attempt to make himself an authority and make mad stackz of cash by littering the page with AdSense adds. He filled it with propaganda, fake images, articles, podcasts et cetera. Brad is basically a total douche who mocked the people he called "skeptics and naysayers" (those with common sense) in his podcasts and constantly reassured his sheep that

   
 
It's going to happen guise
 

 
 

—Brad

Here are some of the fine examples of propaganda that only a dumbfuck would fall for:

Propaganda

More "ships"
Many people assumed these to be "lightships" but it was prolly just user error.


10-14-08 blog

Eventually after a while everything from normal occurrences such as earthquakes to abnormal things like power failures in Canada were assumed to be cause by lightships and Brad would make a new post jizzing all over himself with excitement. These posts would be followed by at least 100 comments from people telling brad to an hero or people jizzing just as much as him. Anywayz after a while users of 10-14-08 got bored and impatient and wouldn't stfu about whether or not the aliens would come so Brad decided to fawn after some fat psychic bitch who goes by the name Druanna on her jewtube account. Brad instantly got a raging boner and posted the videos to his blog (he blogs full time about something that isn't real) and shortly after becomes BFFs with Druanna in their delusional fantasy.

There was a chatbox on the blog for about two days, which was deleted when it was spammed with messages of the love of Xenu and how Brad is a paranoid faggot. During the week of the prediction, Brad would post anything emailed to him stating that it was the Galactic Federation of Light. This obviously led to shoops and tiny lights being posted on the blog with the title of "THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE HERE!" only to be deleted shortly afterward when Brad was pwned in the comments section by people pointing out obvious pixel deformities.

Surprisingly Brad still runs the blog, which includes blurry pictures, shitty podcasts, and undeniable proof of Martian civilizations. He still keeps the blank "Until 10-14-08" counter on the side of his blog.

Druanna Describing an Orgasm


Druanna Depicting epic Win on 10-14-08 with a deck of cards

Blossom Goodchild Publicity

Of course Blossom gets some publicity out of this

She is interviewed by Mike Quinsey and The Cosmic Eye but the youtube users have removed the videos due to butthurt however you can see the posts in the October archive of 10-14-08.

FAIL

Brad Johnson announced on his blog that GUISE THE LIGHT SHIPS ARRIVED and all of the believers an hero and ascend. NOTHING HAPPENED, Raël's truth has been vindicated once MOAR . But the True Believers never say die. Just like always, these mouth-breathing dumbfucks quickly rationalized the incident, either by coming up with reasons the aliens never came or by claiming the feds are utilizing a massive cover up scheme. The incident appears to have been erased from the New Age hivemind, as they have turned their focus on a less ambitious occurrence that happens once a year, 11/11. (OMG ITZ ALL ONES!!!1!!WAT A MAGICAL COSMOLOGICAL EVENT!!1!!one)

What if they really did come?

this wouldn't happen, cuz humans are boring.

External Links

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Galactic Federation of Light is part of a series on Cults
UFO Cults: ScientologyGalactic Federation of LightHeaven's GateRaeliansNibiru
New-age Faggotry:

WiccaThe DolmenMooniesPaganismBlack AlchemyFagnosticismPrem RawatVoluntary Human Extinction MovementThothRon Paul

Raep cults: SatanismManson FamilyMasonsAl Qaeda
Jesus Cults: Ex-GayWestboro Baptist ChurchMormonismBranch DavidiansPeople's TempleChick Tracts
Wannabe Cults: SephyismSonic CulTVampiresGothsFurriesMulderiteWooksBroniesLibertariansFeminismSJWs
Stupid Cults: ScientologyAtheismBreatharianMichelle Belanger/House KheperuSonic PassionHighgate Vampire, the
Troll Cults: AnonymousCult of the Dead CowRaptor JesusJohn SolomonChurch of the SubGeniusDiscordianism
Web 2.0 Cults: Atheist Scum UnitedRational Response SquadWikipediaYoung Tubers UnitedRationalWikiKony 2012Kiwi Farms