Ghost in the Shell

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The original logo
Typical scene from Ghost in te shell

Ghost in the shell is a Original Anime series that takes the bold approach to try and depict the near future of humankind, like every other anime. Its main characters are cybernetically enhanced, like every other anime. It was based on a manga, like every other anime. The plot is a long convoluted dialog about something but no one has stayed awake through the movies and TV episodes to remember what it was. The only reason why anyone watches it is because it obeys the cardinal rule of anime: Tits or GTFO (also called fan service). The main character, Major Motoko, has gigantic tits. Thus making the Ghost in the shell watchable.


The Movie(s)

The original animated movie was about something, but who on earth could sit through the 2 hours worth of pure yapping to figure out what it was. All that mattered was the opening scene, and several other times during the movie, when you got to see the Major’s TITS! (Even in slowmo!)

The story goes as fallows: Its the future, everyone is a cyborg, and only the Major can stop a evil Hacker called “The Puppet Master” from doing something. The entire movie is just her either fighting people naked or talking about philosophy and other crap only relevant in Japan.

The second movie: Innocents

A failed attempt at recreating the 1st WITHOUT the tits (actually, there are some tits (albeit japanese size) for your peace of mind). This story is completely different. In this, Batou must stop a hacker from doing something. See, completely different.

Third movie: Solid Snake Society

Once again, the original master piece that is the third film is nothing like one and two. Batou must work WITH the major to stop an evil hacker. Guess what! The hackers name is… “The Puppeteer” a clear cut away from the Puppet Master. In the end, it turns out the old people where behind these shenanigans.

Proof Motoko is a lesbian. DO NOT WANT!


The TV show: Talk-alot-Complex

In order to come up with something completely different from the Movies, the TV show invented several new characters to spit out the incoherent dialog in addition to the Major and Batou.

Season One Story: The Major, Batou, and all the n00bs try to catch a Hacker on Steroids called “The Laughing Man”. Every episode is the long dialog fallowed by some action. In the end, Laughing Man dies and everyone on the team gets killed.

Season Two: The Major, Batou, and the n00bs try to catch a group of Hackers on Steroids called “The Individual 11”. The Individual 11 are trying to liberate war refugees by, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP, killing them and faking terrorist attacks to blame on them. Turns out they had viruses in their Cyberbrains… no shit. In the second season, the writers keep bring up WW3 pretending Japan will win. This is because Japan is still Butthurt about losing WW2.


Characters

The Laughing Man IRL

Major Motoko: A large breasted Japanese babe who is also a hacker. She is fantasy of every Weeboo, too bad for them she is a LESBIAN! Nobody knows anything about her past because nobody can stay awake while watching Ghost in the shell. The Major is feminist icon whose normal "plainclothes" outfit is a leather jacket worn over a thong.

Batou - A real man's man.

Batou: The beefy Jap version on Steven Seagal. Batou is there to make the homophobic audience feel less creeped out by the Majors rug munching. This does nothing other then provide another mouth for long winded lectures.

Chief Aramaki: Possibly a monkey. Shouts orders and fills in plot holes when the story starts getting implausible. Aramaki is 3’ tall.

Togusa: the all purpose noob who asks the important question. Questions like “What does that mean”, “who’s that”, and “Where’s the beef?”. Without Togusa, the team would have to work instead of explaining the plot.

Ishikawa, Saito, Pazu, Borma, Proto: Are the filler characters. While the Major and Batou/Chief/Togusa talk, these guys do work and fill in the blanks. This allows our main characters to have long winded conversations while these guys risk their asses.

The Laughing Man: The only character that anyone gives a shit about, the Laughing Man is a rip off of Anonymous. Thus leading to Laughing Man IRL.

The Tachikoma: The Major's army of sex toys. Heavily armed cutesy robot spider tanks with the voices and personalities of loli.

Trolling GITS fans

This is pretty easy. Saying the following will ensue an online riot.

  • The matrix is way batter
  • The Laughing Man’s icon is retarded
  • Apple Seed is way more realistic
  • I can’t wait for the live action remake; I hope they film it in New York
  • Ghost in the shell is so childish, its worse then Pokemon
  • They talk too much. There's no action.
  • There's too much shooting and no real plot.
  • It's a rip-off of William Shatner's Tek Wars
  • It was the last good film that both Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze made.
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