GovTeen

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Govteen Forums is a site for absolute faggot nobodies who have to request other faggots to talk about their penis to fap off.

This article is about IRL shota, sorry for the confusion

This article is perverted, you can help by fapping off to it

Govteen is a website and forum geared towards teenagers, most of whom are gay. The website was originally founded by Sam and Carol; two aging pedophiles who had a bloodlust for the slippery sexual antics of gay teenagers, but after the feds busted their underground CP picture trading ring, they left the website and relinquished control of it to a bumbling group of administrators, who clumsily run the site to this day. All the staff are, of course are basement dwellers.

The most popular forum category on the website is Puberty101. This is a sanctuary for confused young boys to confide and wallow in their love of penis and taking it up the ass. Naturally, such members admantly defend that they are completely straight, although this may be due to the fact that many who frequent the site are bipolar and consequently, are liars. As seen here, the forum is rife with trolls and people stupid enough to fall for them, resulting in much lulz. It is highly recommended that you inform the community of your repugnant and outlandish sex stories, as this will award you great respect from the community. Picture trading and cam soliciting is mandatory, along with putting the size of your penis in your signature.

It is known that at least one ALL of the global moderators are faggots.

There is an ever lasting war being waged that mysteriously ended when the main antagonist flew out of the closet riding a log on the way out. This war was of Carbon Copy resemblance of any Religious Debate held on Youtube with r/atheism redditors and those from Rapture Ready Forums constantly at each others throats for no reason other than to disprove one another.

Talking about Abortion remains the apex of discussion on every board.

Puberty 101

This piece of shit forum is filled with horny prepubescent teens that like to cram as much cock into any orifice they may own. Upon entering this pathetic forum, you will encounter threads that are filled with revolting threads and all of them on the same subject. You will facepalm yourself Over 9000 times due to its stupidity. With Such thread names names as 'Taste' and 'Super Boys survey', you don't need to have rustled jimmies to know that the "kid" with the six pack who posted is really a morbidly obese 42 year old pedo fapping off to every single post.

There is also a girl's only section of Puberty 101, but that's devoid of all human activity what so ever.

Actual Forums

In Govteen Forums, their is not just only Pedo's, Cum Gargiling and Needle Dick brained children who are slowly being attacked by a cyber predator, but also other stuff. There are the communities, Hobbies and Interests, Discussion and Debate and other pointless shit that Pedophiles scroll past to get some action. In Communities there is the most useless dried cumstain of a forum only used by fat, ugly, lonely nerds who masturbate to Katy Perry in a hoop skirt. This is the Countdown forum, often frequented by nobody in particular.

Hobbies and Interests is where techno whores and Music sluts gather to have a massive gay blood orgy of tubas and floppy disks. Debates and discussions (with its 1 view per day) is mostly used for debate among Christfags and the spawn of Superhell: Atheists. This was the former battleground where the persisting bitchslap fight of two said parties were, however Muslims have been known to clean their left hands in this cesspool of human integrity as well.

Winning Govteen

The main aim of Govteen is to rack up as many posts as you can, as quickly as possible through any means unnecessary. This can be achieved by posting every fourty-five seconds, for as long as you can stay awake, every day. Govteen uses an complex system of "post count faces" to indicate those who are elite. If you are not elite, your opinion is irrelevant.

You win Govteen when you have the most posts. The winner of this as of to date is a Liberal jihadist with a constant vendetta for anything a nanometer to the right.

Presently, the act of hacking the forum is highly encouraged, and doing so will likely result in the promises of administrative opportunities.

To be worth anything on the website you must:

1: Rack up 10,000 posts as fast as possible, by asking other pedo’s posing as teenagers with six packs to wank off with you, or simply start a thread entitled penis and watch as seven thousand views rack up within a day.

2: Post pictures of your penis and claim it is for medical inspection

3: Put your own creative spin on the Goatse, the use of streamers and trumpets are a good idea.

4: Befriend everybody and have a totally appropriate username like this one

5: Delete system 32 then lose your iPod

Notable Members

  • Optid - Blatantly a middle aged man
  • Ezra- Queer who likes the color blue
  • Mythix- Naive Noob
  • M4TT- Douchebag poster
  • Shatterpoint- no life poster
  • delerium- illiterate global moderator with a log up his ass
  • Luke- pedophile who's too old to be on the site
  • Miss Who- poster with a stupid "journal" about nothing that's more active than the actual forum
  • Nick- Retired moderator who spends his days playing golf and being old
  • Simon- King of fucking terrible selfies. Anon hasn't forgotten about the log story, Simon. Also, you're wrong and bad at life.
  • T!M- poster with bad British teeth
  • Ricky- going to hell for allowing discussions on premarital sex
  • Vorrei- Absolutely bizarre poster
  • Ryan- Moderator with the quality of chickenshit
  • GhostDawn- Still new and overly sensitive
  • texas kid- Gay hypocritical Christian
  • Shadowyvern- Poster with grammar worse than a kindergartner's
  • Nyarlathotep- None of us can spell your stupid-as-fuck username
  • Aelius- Roman wannabe blowhard
  • BURNITDOWN- Govteen's resident arsonist who doesn't understand mathematics or the truth
  • Echo304- Poster who's gravely mistaken that this article is ridiculous
  • jack20002012- New fucking poster who posts pictures of his micropenis
  • Bolwog- U mad? I'll spell your name however the fuck I want
  • Gay- Winner of the "Most Unoriginal Username" award, this queer has dedicated the majority of his time to posting useless bullshit on Govteen. No one gives a fuck if you think it's funny, so suck it.
  • SouthDakota- Quit trying so hard motherfucker. You're not worthy.
  • KarmaChameleon- Too insignificant to be added to this list, but added to quit your bitching
  • Etzelnik- Poster who incites pointless and redundant discussions obsessively biased towards his own beliefs

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