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Halloween
From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Halloween or "RAZOR APPLE DAY" if you're from North East Ohio, is that special time of year we remember the birth of Satan. Due to its demonic origins, people, especially children are more likely to be killed on this night than at any other time of the year. Because of this there are many urban legends surrounding Halloween intending to make it even more scary, such as poisoned candy, satanic murders and mannequins which turn out to be genuine corpses. Except these are not stories - they are true.
For anyone not under the age of 16 Halloween is a time to revel in extensive debauchery. It is highly encouraged you get absolutely shitfaced, wear next to nothing, and vomit on hot sluts. Since you're an adult now you can buy as much fucking candy as you want instead of begging from strangers. Some argue the point of halloween is to hand out candy to children but what have those little shits done for you lately? If a gaggle of annoyingly small awkward teenagers should appear at your door put the fear of god into them. This is a completely acceptable practice as the taunt "Trick or Treat" implies you should trick them. If you treat them they'll just keep coming back to your house so avoid handing out free stuff at all costs. Alternatively you can adopt both approaches. Since brain dead parents are absolutely okay with frightening their children so long as you speed their inevitable descent into early onset diabetes take full advantage of the circumstances.
Should you become a dusty old NORP instead of crashing your vehicle into a tree in a drug induced haze following a 4 day cocaine binge you are obligated to decorate your home for the amusement of your neighbors. This is your punishment for being selfish.
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Children
Halloween is one of the favorite holidays for most children - combining the candy from Easter with the undeserved presents from Christmas. Responsible adults should always be safe on Halloween while making sure the children have fun:
- Wait until nightfall
- Dress them up so nobody will recognize them
- Force them to walk around in a sea of children no one is supervising
- Travel to a stranger's house
- Allow the children to ask them for candy
- Threaten to vandalize their homes if they don't
- The creepier the house and its occupants look - the better
- Amp them up with sugar
- Devil's night, watch 'em empty houses go ablaze.
Costumes
It is common for children in the 6-10 year-old demographic to dress up for Halloween, usually as ghosts, demons, witches, ghouls, vampires and other similar things. However, costumes which have literally fuck-all to do with Halloween such as pirates and fairies are unfortunately common. This is one of the easier ways to spot a concerned mother.
Weaboos and other types of virgins like to take advantage of the holiday to dress up as their favorite game or animu star which helps them to cope with their own unfulfilled desires of being unable get their parents to drive them to conventions so they can roleplay with other game and animu fags.
Furries & Otherkin
Traditionally Halloween is the time of year evil spirits and monsters rise up from damnation to walk among the living - such is the case with furries and otherkin. Because Halloween is the one time of year normal people dress up as werewolves, demons and vampires it is easy for the usual sick fucks to rise up from their underground lair to pretend they are normal. Adult babies have also been known to turn up at this time of year. Although they may look the same as others, they will still act their same faggy way, so pay close attention.
Most worryingly alcohol is often served at Halloween parties and stolen by stoned teenagers. If you become intoxicated at this dangerous time of year it is easy to become an unwitting victim in a yiff pile.
Race Costume Gallery
| Lol, Minorities | About missing Pics | |||||||||
Movies
Another Halloween tradition is the viewing of horror films. The horror genre is perfect for this holiday, for it tends to usually revolve around the same subject matter, as well as being just as tasteless. Christian pussies tend to shy away from such films, and have even gone as far as to say that they'll become demonically possessed if they watch them.
Poisoned Candy
Aside from pretending to be a witch or vampire (which is only acceptable for kids under 14) the main treat on Halloween is candy, even after being told for the rest of the year it's wrong to take sweets from strangers.
Some argue stories of poisoned candy are just urban legends to make Halloween seem more scary. This is a lie. During the 1970s many children died from eating home-made sweets laced with drugs or poison - including 5-year-old Kevin Tostan who ate candy containing heroin. Luckily vigilant parents are able to spot these dangerous sweets as they all bear a distinctive blue star. If you receive an e-mail about such sweets pass them on as quickly as possible.
Timothy O'Brian
In 1974 8-year-old Timothy O'Brian died after eating a Halloween sweet laced with cyanide. His father claimed he received the treat from a house in Texas - but when police investigated the house, it turned out to be abandoned. It also turned out the boy's father had taken out $20,000 life insurance policy on his son and had attempted to poison him and was due to be executed on Halloween 1982.
Religions
Pagans
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A few hundred years ago Pagans would celebrate the end of summer by honoring the dead - mainly by adding a few more dead people. Human sacrifice was the main event of Halloween. You will notice the above quotes come not from fundamentalist Jesus freaks but from magazines and books dedicated to science and history. Modern pagans will tell you this is a lie - but would you rather believe reputable journalists and historians or a 16 year old wiccan who believes she can cast hexes?
Christians
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Those Crazy Bible-Thumpers
It would seem that a group of baby sprinklers have come up with a more "wholesome" alternative for Halloween. Lulz is sure to ensue. The video below is a accurate explantation, as authorized by the Pope
Christians do not celebrate Halloween as they despise anything which resembles fun. Because they are not allowed to dress up and eat candy, Christians celebrate Halloween by burning evil books, including books written by the Pope and Mother Teresa and Bibles (except the King James version).
Some argue November the 1st - All Saint's Day - has been combined with Halloween to remember the souls of the dead, especially dead martyred Christians, so there is nothing immoral about celebrating Halloween. Despite this, the day is pretty much ignored since it's mostly a boring version of Day of the Dead (which is itself a boring as fuck version of Halloween).
Satanists
| —Anton LaVey, Founder of the church of Satan. | ||
Satanists celebrate Halloween not because they are pagans, but because they hate Christfags. Although not all Satanists are pagans, all pagans are Satanists. While pagans pretend to be ashamed of their brutal and bloody past, Satanists relish it and frequently commit gruesome murders in the name of Lucifer.
Anton LaVey also died on Halloween. Coincidence?
Yes - he actually died on October 29th but the date was changed on his death certificate to make him look more hardcore.
SPECIAL MENTION
Amanda Knox
In Italy, Meredith Kercher was murdered by Amanda Knox on November 1st 2007, proving once again Satanists often get the date wrong. Meredith was killed because she refused to take part in sex games with Amanda and her boyfriend - despite the fact Amanda is clearly very fuckable.
Amanda later confessed to the murder in front of a jury completely surprised that stabbing someone to death could be so messy.
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Video
Gallery
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| Worst Halloween Costumes | About missing Pics | ||||||||||||
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External Links
- What to do if you run into trouble on Halloween
- Hanged doll turns out to be real
- Sex positions for Halloween
- Retarded halloween costumes
- This year go as Balloon boy!
- Really cool costume
- Has Halloween become over-commercialized?
See Also
- Olchai
- Goth
- Necrophilia
- Creepypasta
- Cosplay
- 31 Tricks, 31 Treats - a terrifying series of Halloween tales from a master of the disturbing fiction.
- Yamanote Halloween Train
- Hauntings
- Skeleton
| Halloween is part of a series on Obscure Religions ![]() |
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| Featured article October 31, 2009 | ||
| Preceded by Ty Cobb | Halloween | Succeeded by TrollsOfTerror |
| Featured article October 31, 2012 | ||
| Preceded by OldDirtyBtard | Halloween | Succeeded by #SANDYLOOTCREW |
| Featured article October 30 and 31, 2014 | ||
| Preceded by NeoGAF | Halloween | Succeeded by Gawker Media |





