From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Hanukkah aka חֲנֻכָּה is a special holiday that is celebrated by all the Jews in the world. They say that it is to celebrate how they escaped persecution from the Egyptians or persecution from the Nazis or something about burning candles yada yada yada, but the truth is that when Christmas was invented, the Jews were feeling jealous and left out that they don't get a holiday celebrating their beliefs or getting presents. Thus, Hanukkah was born! Every Jew will tell you Hanukkah is different from all the other holidays, but in reality it's just a knock-off mix-fusion of Christmas and Kwanzaa. Hanukkah in their language means "dedication."
What it's all about
Hanukkah is celebrated by lighting their
stolen Kwanzaa "Kinara" Jewish "Menorah." They light just 1 candle on that thing every night for 8 days. It starts when the Sun sets instead of morning because they are more active at night. On the last day, when the 8th candle is lit, it turns into Christmas by having a big dinner with tons of family, Caroling, blowing out the candles to make a wish, and opening presents. They also try to set a world record by letting the candles burn out by themselves and hope that their house doesn't catch on fire. During the 8 days, the Jews complain about a lot of things such as how there is only a Christmas tree in the airport and not their cute looking candles. There is a proven fact that they celebrate Hanukkah to remember that they did 9/11 and the lollercaust. Any Jew you ask will lie and say that it is celebrated because they were able to run away from YET ANOTHER oppressive force that was smashing them down due to their religion. Jewfags use it as excuse to stay home from school or work for a week.
The Eight Days of Hanukkah
Day 1: Lighting of the First Candle and The Worship of Money
Day 2: Lighting of the Second Candle and The Genocide of the Arabs in the nearby areas
Day 4: Lighting of the Fourth Candle and remembrance of the Holocaust
Day 5: Lighting of the Fifth Candle and Partying in honor of 9/11
Day 6: Lighting of the Sixth Candle and still partying about 9/11
Day 7: Lighting of the Seventh Candle and ????
Day 8: Lighting of the Eighth Candle and PROFIT!
Songs of Hanukkah
There are a very little number of songs that the Jews sing. They are usually sung while they are lighting their magic candles. One of them is "Hanerot Hallalu" which they chant often to drive the spirits of Muslims and Hitler away. Another one is "Rock of Ages" where they sing that Jews invented Rock n' Roll.
People that want this Holiday Banhammered
- Liberals a.k.a. secular progressives.
- California state government.
Did you know?
Hanukkah is preferably spelled Chanukah? Try to say it too like any Jew: ACKHWNKH'.
- It's a minor holiday, not like a serious one like Yom Kippur.
- Kids get presents 8 straight days in a row
(not just dreidels)(just fucking dreidels).
Hanukkah in Action
This is how a typical Hebrew celebrates Hanukkah: