Helen Thomas

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Helen Thomas is a zombie?
Helen's big break as The Penguin

Helen Amelia Thomas (August 4, 1920 – July 20, 2013) was a fugly ancient old media troll who was forced to retire in 2010 from her job as a long-standing member of the White House Press Corps after a video of her sharing her opinions about the deadly seizure of the Mavi Marmara and other ships attempting to pass through an Israeli naval blockade during the Jewish Heritage Celebration Day media event was widely disseminated via the internet. Thomas was a relic to the golden age of antisemitism and more importantly free speech in America.

It was a sad day in America when a froggy old hag sweet old lady like Helen Thomas, who was a respected journalist and columnist for over 60 years, was chased from her position as a respected journalist because she was honest when describing her feelings on the occupation of Palestine, a crime usually punishable by death, however having a black President means that all sentences may be commuted to oral sex as long as you are a fat white woman.

Helen Thomas' statements, however controversial, were true and she is being persecuted by the media because it is lulz to hurt old people. Fuck the Jews. Sieg heil! o/


—A reputable news source

The Video

Tell the Jews to get the hell out of Palestine.… They should go home. Poland, Germany… And America and everywhere else."


—Helen Thomas, Telling it like it is

Internets Reaction

Germany doesn't want the Jews



There are generally two schools of thought old media uses when reacting to Helen Thomas’s reaction against Israel: OMFGWTF KILL THE WITCH! SHE SPOKE OUT AGAINST OUR LORD AND MASTER; or who gets her chair? Seriously guys lets just ignore the fact that free speech might be at risk or the fact that reporters cant even do their goddamn job anymore. The comments on the rabbilive upload are a lulz goldmine. The above, however, says it all. Another lulzy flame war can be found on Breitbart.

Arguing with Jews on the internet is like trying to teach a Monkey Calculus, in the end it’s ultimately a colossal waste of time.



So much for the Megaphone Desktop Tool.

Is She a Jew?


Most people presumed Helen Thomas was Jew-ish and, thus, her comments were typical of those of a self-hating Jew. After extensive research of archives, there are staggering similarities between her and the typical features of a black Jewish crocodile.

She is, however, 100% Arab.

[Vertical Fun! (Click to Collapse)[Click to Expand]]

Why did she do it?

There is a list of possibilities of why Helen Thomas spoke out against the Jewish Menace. Here is some expert speculation as to why she waited so long to speak out:

  • She wanted her long prestigious career to end on a high note.
  • Couldn't keep quiet anymore about the Jewish menace any longer. If only she realized that words don't work on the Jews, that there is only one right way to solve this problem.
  • She has been losing it for six years now and could have finally acted senile.

She has apologized for her speaking out about the Jews, however her apology wasn't enough to save her. Regardless of the her reason, the damage has been done, Helen Thomas has been ruined by the Jews. However, its not the first time the Jews have gotten away with ending people's lives.

See Also

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