IGN

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One of the really cool IGN writers.
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IGN, owned by News Corp (which is a great indicator on the quality of the games journalism on this website) and populated by basement-dwellers, furries, tourneyfags, and 13-year-old boy trolls, is a shitty game website that no one reads anymore. It's most well known for its pay-per-score system of bribe-based game reviews, its batshit crazy "reporters" who don't know shit about what they are talking about, its layout having more ads than actual content and its forums on which hundreds of retards actually pay their hard-earned money (or at least their mom's money) to post on their many crappy boards and get lied to about the quality of various games depending on how much money those games were willing to pay IGN to say they were good.

The quality of their reviews is noteworthy as well, mostly because they are utter shit, with one reviewer even claiming to have played Halo for the DS.

Don't forget kids, that you can't spell "Ignorant" without I.G.N.

Contents

IGN's journalistic practices

IGN is the ultimate Jew of video game reporting, basing its score of games and products solely on the amount of money the companies creating those games and products are willing to pay them (although, sometimes, they pay them by literally letting one of their writers do voices for the game). A good measurement that you can use to determine IGN's views on a certain video game or console is the amount of advertisements said Mass Effect game or PlayStation 4 gaming platform has on the site.

When a company pays IGN to promote its product, IGN floods its front page with advertisements disguising themselves as editorials, so you will often find yourself reading a preposterously positive review of a shitty game while a huge banner advertising that same game stares back at you from the top of the page, urging you to buy it, and an additional two block it off on either side. You can try to escape by returning to the front page, but there you will only find more of the same ads alongside ten other articles about the same game laying in wait for you.

IGN is a prison and the bars are made of commercials blocks.

IGN and GamerGate

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IGN didn't take a big part in GamerGate, but there there was still enough lulzy shit for it to get mentioned. First and foremost because long before GG even started people were already laughing at IGN's comically intrusive advertising style, its willingness to take kickbacks from anyone and everyone with deep enough pockets and the fact that they gave Gone Home A FUCKING 9.5/10 AND CALLED IT "AMAZING". Things escalated when Zoe Quinn's friends started "volunteering" to write freelance article on IGN to white knight her and create the illusion that IGN supports her whoring.

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However, IGN ended implicitly supporting GG, much to the chagrin of one of their other writers, Matt Clark, who went apeshit on twitter about it.


   
 
#CRIME #FAMILY #BEEF #PIE #IWILLKILLYOU #DIEFORPIE
 

 
 

—Matt, having a nervous breakdown.

Matt and his relationship with reality.

After coming out against GamerGate, Clark went to Twitter and had the most glorious meltdown you will ever see that was archived and documented.

There is too much crap to quote in this article, but the series of tweets began with pretty level-headed criticism of GamerGate. At this point his "ALL CAPS" power level was only 2 percent. He continued on by addressing Milo Yiannopoulos (who was covering GG positively) directly and asking him how it (mass) effects his traffic and asked that he gives him the information about how much the site made on ad revenue.

When Milo explained to him that he doesn't have that information he went berserk. He began demanding for Milo to give him the information (that he doesn't have), the percentage of his tweets being written in large caps increasing as his sanity decreased, all the while Milo taunted him and laughed in his face.

His tweets were already being composed of over 50% large letters when he began tweeting at "Jenn Frank" who had, at the time, announced that she was quitting game journalism after probably being fired by The Guardian after everyone complained she was writing articles about her BFF Zoe. Jenn, in turn, begged him to calm the fuck down and not ruin his career over her. She had a good reason to do so because...

JENN DIDN'T REALLY QUIT!

Yes, Jenn never intended to quit. Jenn's "quitting" was nothing more than an attention-whoring flounce, slash publicity stunt designed to garner sympathy for both her and Zoe. So Matt ruined his career and publicly humiliated himself for nothing.

At this point Matt has crossed the autism threshold and his CAPS level was already well over 9,000, with his tweets containing somewhere between 65% and 75% large caps, when he tweeted this picture of a monk burning alive:

IGN monk.jpg

His last tweets are an incomprehensible mess of nonsense, containing a dangerous level of 85%-100% caps lock, thanking Jesus and calling people poop.

IGN would later update it's disclosure policy in response to GamerGate.

IGN video

IGN is full of shitty video content that often takes a fucking lifetime to load. In the time it takes to load a single 320x240 pixel video, you can take a shit, take your monthly shower, and take a shit again. Even the bad ass insiders experience shitty download speeds. IGN could take their revenues and invest them in their new servers to handle the increase in traffic, but don't, some argue because they know that 99% of their visitors are jobless basement dwellers who have too much fucking time on their hands anyway. IGN also desires to go the contrary of the YouTube route and litter their video service with commercials so that shitty download speed can be even shittier and users can be flooded with pointless OTHER commercials when they are just trying to watch a commercial for a CERTAIN video game!

Typical IGN review

IGN boards

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The IGN boards are a mixed bag of shit and piss. Probably because they hire 13-year-old boys to moderate it. The most used board is teh vestibule, on which dozens of fags preach their religious beliefs, brag about the sex they never have had, and post pictures of their "GF's" who don't even know them, only to have them photoshopped into unfunny situations. There are also polls about the most ridiculous subjects, and "I got X many posts, come in here and stroke my e-penis" threads, in which lower post members enter and try impress the losers who spend all day posting for three years and as a result have OVER NINE THOUSSSSSAAAAANNNDDDD!!!! posts. They also have ranking threads, which are basically a place for the "respected users" to go in and suck each other off. Most posters also like to make up bullshit stories about how they had sex or get into some kind of sticky situation, when in actuality, they are all just virgins and stay home all day. The Vestibule is also notorious for faggots who create alternate accounts so they can post stupid shit without fear of getting their main account banned. They claim to do it for the lulz, but they're just lonely virgins who are desperate for attention. Of all the posters on the board 0.01% are girls. If a known girl posts, all the virgins of the Vestibule will come flocking and start posting stupid shit and try their best to get recognized by the opposite sex. The worst are the gimmick trolls who are so lonely, that they have to become known for trolling so they can get the much wanted attention. Instead of actually making quality posts, they would spend nights devising stupid ass shit to try to piss off the board, and after they log off, they realize how lonely they are.

IGN does feature other boards, but no one gives a flying shit about any of them.

Insiders vs. Outsiders

A nice example of IGN faggotry.

On the IGN boards, you are either an insider (cool) or an outsider (lame as fuck). Outsiders are people who use the boards for free, and can only post once per minute. It's like "OMG, I CAN ONLY GET 1 POSTS PER MINUTE!!!!111". Insiders on the other hand, get one post per thirty seconds. In IGN standards, that basically makes you twice as cool. Insiders also get to choose from a plethora of unfunny, stupid icons that they think make them look cool. They don't, mainly because you have to pay fucking money to be an insider. That's right. It costs about $20 per year to post once every thirty seconds!!!! That's twice as much as Something Awful. IGN also does not let anyone under age 21 to become an insider because everyone knows anybody under age 21 just can't handle the super-awesome responsibility of being able to post once every thirty seconds.

The people

WER IZ LARA CROFT BOOBZ?!

So who uses IGN? In general, a bunch of fucktarded 13-year-old boys and the pedophiles who prey on them. They post about their problems and their shit stories about their "friends" doing stupid shit. The rest of the users will then spam the thread with statements such as "post pics" so that they can increase their post count to make up for their penis size. They also post "their" grades, to show how intellectual they are, when in reality they're all just a bunch of retarded furfags who spend all their free time on a shitty Internet forum.

It should also be noted that in order to cater better to said 13-year-old boys, there is an entire section of the site dedicated to "babes". These "babes" can be IRL, pixels on a screen, or totally unrelated to video games, as long as they've got a pretty face to attract traffic to the site. Or not.

Good job IGN for creating a site for 13-year-old boys to get together and masturbate.

Bannable offenses

On IGN, you can be banned for everything! If you swear you'll get banned, if you post inappropriate pictures you'll get banned, and if you piss off the mods during their consistent periods, you'll get banned.

Examples of stupid things you can get banned for:

  • Saying that "black people like watermelon and chicken". Yes, I was banned for saying that, because apparently that is somehow "racist" and "offensive".
  • Talking about piracy, even though everyone does it.

So it is no exaggeration you can get banned for ANYTHING on this site.

Summary

IGN sucks. You are better off wiring your posts on a piece of paper (at least you won't get banned) and responding to yourself on it, or sticking pins under your fingernails or doing anything other than using IGN. After reading this article, make a fake account there and spam the shit out of it.

Bonus points if you can get them to buy insider for you.

Moar bonus points if copy and paste this link there.

Also, in case you haven't heard: Halo 3.

How a review works

Positives

+ Great plot involving zombies/aliens

+ Nice graphics

+ Lots of cool guns, realistic violence, blood, and swearing

+ It's CoD/AC/Halo/BioShock/Gears of War/Titanfall

+ It's M-rated

Negatives

- Not CoD/AC/Halo/BioShock/Gears of War/Titanfall

- Not M-rated

- It's made by Nintendo or a second-party company that is associated with Nintendo

- It's rated E/E10+ or T

- There's no realistic violence, blood, or swearing

- It's a boring platformer/JRPG

- It's Pokémon or a remake of an earlier Pokémon game (i.e. Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire)

- It's made for kids, therefore adults wouldn't enjoy it

- Only Activision and Ubisoft pays us to give high scores for their games (8.5-10)

- Too much water or [insert overrated meme here]

To summarize

If it's rated E/E10+ or T, it's going to get between a 6.5-8 (i.e. Mario)

If it's M-rated, it's going to get between an 8.5-10 (i.e. Call of Duty: Black Ops III)

If it's a Sonic game, it's going to get between a 3.5-5 (i.e. Sonic Adventure PSN/XBLA)

In conclusion

Once again you cannot spell IGNorance without IGN! Say it with me, everyone!!

See also

External links

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GamerGate
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Zoe Quinn
 

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IGN
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Other People and Sites That Got Involved:


People: Videogame "Journalists"Videogame ReviewersAdam BaldwinCameron BakerAnne RiceWilliam ShatnerJoss WhedonHideki KamiyaBoogie2988JonTronEgoraptorChris ChanAhuviya Harel/ADF-Fuensalidam00tA Man in BlackNick DentonEllen PaoDerek SmartDarksydePhilMrRepzionSuey Park‎Richard DawkinsRichard StallmanNerdcubedJoshua IdehenVordrakWil WheatonCarly FiorinaFilthy FrankJim SterlingValisHDShoe0nHeadTotalBiscuitTheamazingatheistThunderf00tJulian AssangeWeevIcze4rAlisonPrimeZoe AskalonNolongersilencedTony SidawayDJBPlaythroughsGeorge R.R MartinStephen ColbertRoosh VNorthBySouthBaranofIronholdsGabe and TychoAlison RappMaddoxFaggot Who Started OWSSceptre‎TheRalphRetortChris KluweTauriq MoosaParkourDude91The Wannabe DickridersJewWarioTodd in the ShadowsLordKatAngry JoeMaxofs2dCowkittyAsalieriJerry PeetCraig BrittainSir WulfingtonAlex WuoriAndrew HussieTransFrequencyDylann Storm RoofSargon of Akkad.

Sites: RedditVoatRationalWikiSJWiki76chanTwitterWikipediaTGWTGBoingBoingVICEGOGTheMarySueStormFrontScrewAttackThe EscapistBuzzfeedSalonPatreonJezebelWe Hunted The MammothSomething AwfulTV Trope4chanEncyclopedia Dramatica ForumsEncyclopedia Dramatica.

Others: FacadeCards Against HumanityGNAABill Waggoner CrewMSNBC/CNN/BBC etcThe GuardianElectronic ArtsIntelAdobeGoogleShirtgateMillion Dollar ExtremeFire EmblemFleetCOMMHatredDead or AlivePostal 2BaphometAnonymousGamersEverybody else on the internet and their dog.

Minor Related Pages: Censored article about Brianna WuList of people to annoy with your bullshitSarah Butts FFshrine chatlogsList of people defending Butts' pedophiliaThe DMCA butts sent usMilo Yiannopoulos - The feminist versionShanley Kane's butthurt rantThe Great Gawker Implosion of 2015Chatlogs of Ralph's group dedicated to monitoring if anyone is saying nasty things about him online consisting mostly of people who are trolling him.



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Featured article November 17 & 18, 2014
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