IMDb message boards
The IMDb message boards were forums on IMDb that was dedicated to film discussion. Naturally, considering the psychological makeup of the typical movie fanatic, there was more drama here than in a Wikipedia article about Islam.
The Rainbow of Idiocy
What follows is a partial list of the different forms stupidity takes on the IMDb boards.
- Vup: One who frequents the IMDB message boards for the sole purpose of annoying members of the community by posting disruptive, insulting, off-topic, and/or mean-spirited messages. This kind of troll uses multiple accounts and identities, in order to attack other members of the board without damaging the reputation associated with his or her original account and identity.
- Pretentious idiots: "Film fans" who think that film as a medium has died, and will watch only the most impenetrably awful movies ever committed to celluloid. A film is worthless to them unless it a) is in French or Italian, b) was made at least fifty years older than them, or c) consists of a montage of unrelated images set to the sounds of a cow being butchered. Because nothing they watch makes any fucking sense, their standard defense against criticism is "You're just not smart enough to get it."
- Gorehounds: A film-specific subcategory of the generic Internet tough guy who post loooong threads on which shitty torture porn movie was the best of all time. Are known to treat shit like Hostel and Masters of Horror like they're Citizen fucking Kane. They specialize in tl;dr rants on how Saw was totally the best thing to happen to cinema ever and they're totally awesome and badass because they reject society's trivial anti-gore standards, just like Hannibal Lecter (who would eat these dumbasses for breakfast).
- Trolls: Show up to say something in a "smart way" ("You are a racist because you liked something") or for lulz-factor ("OMG WTF U R ALL GAY LOLZ SUK MA DICK"). In other words, like every troll you've ever met, except with more fail than usual.
- Troll squads: Try to battle trolls with witty comebacks like "You're a troll! GTFO!, as if getting that response weren't the point of trolling in the first place.
- Optimists: They like just about everything on the planet, and you'll usually find them talking about the "awesome action scenes" and "funny jokes" they somehow found in the most irredeemable piece of crap. They'll even give a movie by Uwe Boll 3 stars, because apparently featuring Kristanna Loken in a tight outfit really is enough to get some people to like your movie.
- Fantards: These are the same here as they are everywhere else. The girls squeal and use anime smilies and come in their pants every time Johnny Depp looks at the camera, and the boys get into long involved arguments about what's in Batman's utility belt.
- Butthurt Neocon: Frequently post long diatribes about ZOMG LIBERAL MEDIA CONSPIRACY Y DOES HOLLYWOOD HAET AMERICA in response to war movies, political dramas, movies that mention politics, movies with cameos by actors who appeared in movies that mention politics, et cetera. They don't differentiate The Soapbox from anything else.
Why Nobody Uses IMDb for the boards
- Because the people there are full of shit
- Because your mom uses the site
- Because everybody knows Rotten Tomatoes has better information
- Because they won't post more shit with the Bad News Bears
- Because they give me the HHNNNNNNNNGGGGGG
- Because you have to buy IMDb Pro (who the fuck wants to shell out money for that?)
Unfortunantly, nobody likes IMDb and the only people who do use it are the fucktards that are too fucking cheap to buy the movie they want so they read the whole damn plotline, the goofs, and the qoutes because if they don't get the info they want they're gunna be either the following.
So don't read the boards because I've been writing this paragraph since Last Thursday. And for crying out loud give Nicholas Cage some cake.
The Troll-poccalypse of 2017!
After years of trolling and lulz, IMDb on Feburary 19, 2017 decided to get rid of their board due to too many thin-skinned cry babies complaining about trolls.
IMDb message boards
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