IRC CASE STUDY: Andres

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IRC CASE STUDY: ``Andres'':
             __    __
            /..\ /| |'-.     OH WOW
           .\_O/ || |   |
        _ /  `._ \|_|_.-'  AN IRC CLIENT WITH HUNDREDS OF USELESS UNNECESSARY
       | /  \__.`=._) (_   FULLY-CUSTOMIZABLE SETTINGS THAT MAKE INSIGNIFICANT
       |/ ._/  |"""""""""| CHANGES TO FULLY ENHANCE MY PRECIOUS IRC EXPERIENCE?
       |'.  `\ |         |   
       ;"""/ / |         |  LET ME IN
        ) /_/| |.-------.|   ON THIS
       '  `-`' "         "
             Andres

  ..::// Index \\:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
  :                                                                        :
  :       (1) The following prose contains adult content and may not be    :
  :....         suitable for some children. Viewer discretion is advised.  :
      :         This is the story of Andres.                               :
    : : : (2) The paradigmatic structure of Andres' personality.           :
     :::  (3) Prologue: "Shots Fired! Shots Fired!"                        :
      :   (4) Chapter 1: A Cry for Help.                                   :
          (5) Chapter 2: The Return of Diego Grez.                         :
          (?) What others have to say about him.                           :
          (?) In conclusion.                                               :
          (?) Diagnosis.                                                   :
                                                                           :
                                    Last updated: 20130106 22:48:34 GMT  .::
      ..................................................................::::

/******************************************************************************
 *                       This is the story of Andres.                         *
 ******************************************************************************/

/******************************************************************************
 *             The paradigmatic structure of Andres' personality.             *
 ******************************************************************************/

The following is a depiction of how Andres sees himself:
              ,
  __  _.-"` `'-. YES HELLO I AM ANDRES YOUR BELOVED AND BENEVOLENT IRC DICTATOR.
 /||\'._ __{}_(  LADIES! DECIDE AMONGST YOURSELVES WHO THE HONOR OF REMOVING THE
 ||||  |'--.__\  SHIRT CLINGING TO MY BODY, SO YOU ALL MAY HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO
 |  L.(   ^_\^   WORSHIP THE TEMPLE KNOWN AS MY BODY, WHICH HATH BEEN CRAFTED BY
 \ .-' |   _ |   HEPHAESTUS HIMSELF. WHILE YOU DECIDE THIS AMONGST YOURSELVES, I
 | |   )\___/    SHALL BE IN MY PRIVATE JET DECIDING WHICH IRC SETTINGS TO TWEAK
 |  \-'`:._]     TODAY, SO THAT I MAY PERSONALLY CRAFT FOR YOU THE AWARD-WINNING
 \__/;      '-.  CHATTING EXPERIENCE THAT YOU HAVE COME TO RELY ON ME TO NURTURE
                 YOUR VERY SOUL USING. I WILL SIGN AUTOGRAPHS FOR THE NEXT HOUR.

The following is a depiction of how others see Andres:

          ,       _   OH BOY! IS IT TIME TO CHANGE ANOTHER TINY SETTING IN IRSSI
          )\   __`9)  AGAIN ALREADY? I WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO SPEND THE
    _,/^`^(G)-'    <  REST OF MY LIFE READING MIND-NUMBING DOCUMENTATION UNTIL I
    \(\a a )     /  ) EXPIRE OF STARVATION OR MY HEART GIVES OUT FROM ALL OF THE
     `(v__/` ,_ (_, ) EXCITEMENT! MAYBE I COULD CHANGE A FONT OR COLOR THIS TIME
       `U) _,) )-(_/  
        (_/ (_/       BY THE WAY I SHIT ON YOUR RUG! SORRY! I GOT EXCITED AGAIN!

The following is a depiction of Andres demanding operator status:
(n.b.: Andres' grasp of the English language is prone to slipping when upset.)
                       _..
                     .'   `",       Please trust me, this time I will really not
                    ;        \      get you down. Please. I pray to you. I swear
             .---._; ^,       ;     to you. You are my God. I love you.
          .-'      ;{ :   \  /;     
     .--""          \*'   o/ o/     Oh my god, what more can I do. I need to fix
    /   ,  /         :    _`";      the problems with this IRC by changing a few
   ;     \;          `.  ''"+'      settings. Trust me. Please I beg of you.
   |      }    /    _.'T"'-"\       
   :     /   .'.--""-,_ \    ;      I read the documentation. I know what to do.
    \   /   /_         `,\   ;      I really need to comeback, tweaking ircds is
     : /   /  `-.,_      \`.  :     the best thing I've ever found on the net, I
     |;   {     .' `-     ; `, \    need a space to show everybody my knowledge.
     : \  `;   {  `-,__..-'   \ `}+=,
      : \  ;    `.   `,        `-,\"
      ! |\ `;     \}?\|}            Why you don't say something about this? Your
   .-'  | \ ;                       making omiss case of this. Answer this. Pls.
 .'}/ i.'  \ `,        
 ``''-'    /   \                    Please think me well I'm really trying to be
          /J|/{/                    changed. Please give me the last of chances.
            `' `                    I just want to fix my IRC. Help me. (crying)

/******************************************************************************
 * PROLOGUE - IN WHICH THE ACTION(S) OF INTEREST ARE SET INTO MOTION.         *
 * (N.B.: THE ACTIONS OF THE PREVIOUS NIGHT ARE LIKELY BEST SUMMARIZED BY THE *
 *       FOLLOWING VISUAL WORK OF ART FOUND AT <http://youtu.be/eeW5CzUnPEg>  *
 ******************************************************************************/

12:01:24 <@Edenkips> soli: I demand o-lines for cutepin & me
12:01:39 <@Edenkips> WE WILL NOT _ABUSE_ SERVICES
12:05:06 <@flun> kill services on first day of haing ops
12:05:14 <@Edenkips> SOUNDS GREAT
12:05:18 <@LiteralKa> protip: /msg operserv shutdown
12:05:29 <<< emoquit/#dongforce(beefcake!Bart@dontannoy.me)(shutting down)
12:05:34 <@LiteralKa> like that :)
12:05:45 <@Andres> why the fuck
12:05:47 <@Andres> is he asking
12:05:49 <@Andres> for olines
12:05:50 <@Andres> to the one
12:05:53 <@Andres> that has nothing to do
12:05:55 <@Andres> with maractus
12:05:57 <@Andres> fucking faggot
12:05:59 <@Andres> kill yourself
12:06:00 <@Andres> seriously
12:06:07 <<< emoquit/#dongforce(LiteralKa!gencdo@gnaa.eu)(Killed (Andres (<No reason given>)))
12:06:43 >>> join/#dongforce (LiteralKa!gencdo@gnaa.eu)
12:07:28 <@Edenkips> Imo LiteralKa and Andres should have a dong fence match

            _            _.,----,    YES HELLO I'M ANDRES "PROF. IRC" RODRIGUEZ.                                
 __  _.-._ / '-.        -  ,._  \)   YOU MIGHT ALSO KNOW ME AS *THE* IRC WIZARD.
|  `-)_   '-.   \       / < _ )/" }  
/___   '-.   \   '-, ___(c-(@)=(@)   YOU MAY BE FAMILIAR WITH THE IMPROVEMENTS I
 ,  '.    -._ '.  _,'   >\    "  )   MADE TO THIS VERY IRC SERVER. IF NOT I WILL
 :;;,,'-._   '---' (  ( "/`. -='/    CEASELESSLY BLOG ABOUT THEM INTO THE WINDOW
;:;;:;;,   \._     .`-.)Y'- '--'      OF YOUR IRC CLIENT UNTIL THE END OF TIME!
;';:;;;;;'-._ /'._|   |//  _/' \     
      '''"._ F    |  _/ _.'._   `\   I AM THE SOLE RULER OF YOUR IRC EXPERIENCE.
             L    \   \/     '._  \  EVERY TWEAK I MAKE TO THE IRC SERVER IS BUT
      .-,-,_ |     `.  `'---,  \_ _|  ANOTHER LAW ADDED TO MY COMMAND OF IRC.
      //    '|    /  \,   ("--',=`)7    
     | `._       : _,  \  /'`-._\,_'-._         BUT I AM ALSO A MAN.
     '--' '-.\__/ _L   .`'         './/   IF YOU PRICK ME DO I NOT BLEED? 
                 [ (  /                                              
                  ) `{                                               
                  \__)                                               

/******************************************************************************
 * PART 1 - IN WHICH THE DRAMATIC SCENARIO IS MADE APPARENT                   *
 *          AND IN WHICH ANDRES' FATHER SEEKS TO HELP EASE HIS SON'S PAIN     *
 ******************************************************************************/

12:07:28 <@Edenkips> Imo LiteralKa and Andres should have a dong fence match
12:07:52 <@Andres> no because LiteralKa is a pipe dancer
12:08:40 <@LiteralKa> thats just frotting, lol
12:09:56 <@Edenkips> http://gayteens.about.com/od/questions/f/Losing-Virginity-From-Frotting.htm
12:09:57 <@wiseau> Title: Does Frotting Count as Sex - Can You Lose Virginity if You Frot? @ gayteens.about.com
12:10:01 <@Andres> lol
12:10:14 <+Dr_Rice> i would say yes
12:10:19 <@LiteralKa> lol
12:10:20 <@Andres> gayteens.about.com
12:10:21 <@Andres> gayteens.about.com
12:10:22 <@Andres> gayteens.about.com
12:10:22 <@Andres> gayteens.about.com
12:10:34 <@LiteralKa> andres
12:10:37 <@LiteralKa> is that a cry for help
12:10:41 <@Andres> lolno
12:10:53 <@Andres> you are the one that does not want to fuck kitties irl
12:11:45 <@LiteralKa> Andres: do you want to fuck kitties irl
12:11:53 <@Andres> no comment
12:12:09 <@LiteralKa> Andres: do u have a crush on kitties
12:12:11 <@LiteralKa> its okay, i wont tell ;]
12:12:15 <@LiteralKa> scouts honor
12:12:19 <@Andres> no comment
12:12:27 <@flun> loool
12:12:40 <@LiteralKa> damn son
12:12:52 <@LiteralKa> thats rough

         ,,,,,                                  
         \ e e\                                 
         C  _\/    |\\,       ANDRES, THIS MAN IS YOUR FATHER
          )\_)    \_ /                          
        _/|/_     _//        <-- DAD WANTS TO HELP YOU IN
      ,'\ ~ /'-,_/  \               YOUR TIME OF NEED                 
     /   \_/    /   /                           
    ,  |     \_._,-"           WE CARE ABOUT YOU ANDRES                 
   (  <     _'               DON'T LET THIS DESTROY YOU MAN
   |   \     \                                  
   ', -',-~.-'                                  
   _/  )     |                                  
    |//   |  '                                  
      '   )  |                                  
      |   |  |                                  
   ._.,   -  |.,_ //                            
_\-'  )___|__|_    '-._                         
      /____\__\                                

/******************************************************************************
 * PART 2 - IN WHICH OUR HERO PROVES THAT THE HUMAN SPIRIT IS THE ONLY THING  *
 *            REQUIRED TO BE A TRUE PSYCHIATRIST.                             *
 *        - NOT ONLY IN WHICH THE RESPECTIVE SIDEPLOT IS THE GOOD DOCTOR'S    *
 *            (OUR HERO'S) IGNORING THE FACT THAT EDENKIPS WISHES HE HAD BEEN *
 *            MOLESTED...                                                     *
 *        - BUT ALSO IN WHICH OUR DEAR FRIEND ANDRES CHANNELS THE NOTORIOUS   *
 *            WIKIPEDIA EDITOR, FELLOW CHILEAN HISTORY ENTHUSIAST, AND RUINED *
 *            SHELL OF A MAN DIEGO GREZ.                                      *
 ******************************************************************************
 *          THIS RESULTS IN A SÉANCE IN WHICH OUR FRIEND CHANNELS DIEGO GREZ' *
 *            KNOWLEDGE OF THE BOY SCOUTS, ARISING FROM HIS HAVING WRITTEN    *
 *            THE WIKIPEDIA PAGE ON THE BOY SCOUTS.                           *
 *                                                                            *
 *                       '-.                                                  *
 *                          '-. _____                                         *        
 *                    __       |     '.                                       *
 *                   /@@\      |      :    EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT BOY SCOUTS *
 *                   \_0/      |    .-'    I LEARNED FROM THE HISTORY CHANNEL *
 *                   /  \      .')--(                                         *
 *                  /    \  .-'_/____\___                                     *        
 *                       .-'  :          :                                    *
 ******************************************************************************/

12:13:56 <@Edenkips> LiteralKa: Were you in the boys scout?
12:15:08 <@LiteralKa> Edenkips: until my father died yeah
12:15:25 <@Andres> in 9/11
12:16:19 <@LiteralKa> Andres: yes thx for spelling it out
12:16:42 <@Edenkips> I was a little bastard
12:16:48 <@Edenkips> Fooled around a lot
12:16:59 <@Andres> im a scout
12:17:18 <@Andres> but scouts in the rest of the world aren't like the american tards one
12:17:29 <@Edenkips> I wished I was molested
12:17:29 <@Andres> BOY SCOOT TROOP ETC LOL COLLECT THEM ALL SHITS
12:17:32 <@Andres> fuck you. seriously. fuck your country. you actually give the scouts a bad image
12:17:49 <@Edenkips> Chile is shitty. Fuck you and your country.
12:17:57 <@Andres> chile was the second country on having b.p's boy scouts after england
12:18:14 <@Edenkips> To become a second world country or even third
12:18:15 <@flun> both england and chile are shit
12:18:20 <@Andres> lol america is shit
12:18:30 <@LiteralKa> how would u know. u live in the 3rd world, son
12:18:31 <@flun> ya, but better than chile
12:18:41 <@Andres> LiteralKa, i travel
12:18:49 <@LiteralKa> Andres: but have you lived there?
12:18:49 <@flun> Andres, where in usa have you been
12:18:58 <@Andres> flun, FL
12:19:04 <@flun> fl is shit
12:19:06 <+Dr_Rice> Florida doesn't count
12:19:08 <@LiteralKa> Andres, where in usa have you lived
12:19:13 <@Andres> not lived
12:19:26 <@LiteralKa> america is awesome if ur white
12:19:32 <@Andres> like, i still have my us visa for 10 years
12:19:40 <@Andres> agreed
12:19:42 <@Andres> im white
12:19:44 <@Andres> I HAVE A VISA AND YOU DON'T BECAUSE IF YOU WEREN'T AMERICAN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE A VISA
12:19:46 <@LiteralKa> not white enough
12:20:00 <@Andres> BECAUSE YOU ALL ARE FUCKED UO
12:20:08 <@Andres> BUT I HAVE ONE FOR TEN YEARS
12:20:10 <@LiteralKa> Andres: are u mad about kitties
12:20:11 <@Andres> TEN MORE YEARS
12:20:15 <@Andres> no comment
12:20:21 <@LiteralKa> you sure man?
12:20:22 <@Andres> no comment
12:20:25 <@Andres> no comment
12:20:26 <@LiteralKa> i can understand if u are
12:20:27 <@Andres> no comment
12:20:28 <@Andres> no comment
12:20:29 <@Andres> no comment
12:21:02 <@LiteralKa> Andres: i'd be mad too bro
12:22:04 <@flun> Andres, can a brother couch surf in your mexican hellhole
12:22:35 <@flun> i will show you how to talk to girls 
12:22:43 <@Andres> i do talk with them
12:22:46 <@Andres> im not beefcake

/******************************************************************************
 * What others have to say about him.                                         *
 ******************************************************************************/
PROMPT:
18:25:44 <LiteralKa> what is ur opinion of andres
18:25:48 <LiteralKa> like, if u could say one thing about him what would it be

18:28:37 <[REDACTED]> ocd. he is sooooo ocd 
18:29:50 <[REDACTED]> rude but caring
18:30:14 <[REDACTED]> hes also very condescending

/******************************************************************************
 * In conclusion:                                                             *
 ******************************************************************************/

/******************************************************************************
 * Diagnosis:                                                                 *
 ******************************************************************************/

.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
|   Attached inline are some recent chat logs from the past several months   |
|   as further evidence of Andres' unstable mental condition.                |
'----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
Evidence behind [sexual compulsion and sick fetishes]:
14:00:05 <@Andres> LiteralKa, 
14:00:09 <@LiteralKa> what
14:00:10 <@Andres> what features should i include
14:00:13 <@Andres> in wiseau
14:00:24 <@Andres> im out of ideas
14:00:26 <@LiteralKa> a feature that disables the titlebot feature
14:00:33 <@LiteralKa> what about an etymology checker
14:00:38 <@LiteralKa> for etymonline.com
14:00:39 <@Andres> lol
14:00:48 <@Andres> ok
14:00:49 <@Andres> more
14:00:51 <@LiteralKa> thats something i use all the time
14:01:15 <@Andres> more
14:02:13 <@Andres> LiteralKa, 
14:02:17 <@Andres> more suggestions
14:02:20 <@LiteralKa> lol
14:02:25 <@LiteralKa> are you getting off on this
14:02:28 <@LiteralKa> or something
14:02:38 <@Andres> lol
14:02:40 <@Andres> why
14:02:41 <@LiteralKa> srsly
14:02:47 <@LiteralKa> you're going
14:02:47 <@LiteralKa> MORE
14:02:47 <@Andres> i just want to include more features
14:02:48 <@LiteralKa> MORE
14:02:49 <@LiteralKa> MORE LEON
14:02:50 <@LiteralKa> YES MORE
14:02:51 <@LiteralKa> MORE
14:02:52 <@LiteralKa> MORE
14:03:02 <@LiteralKa> kid just rub it out already


Evidence behind OCD diagnosis:

14:29:00 [Maractus] !dongcentral.maract.us *** Notice -- ERROR :from wos.maract.us -- Closing Link: 127.0.0.1 (Invalid credentials.)
14:43:51 <@LiteralKa> Andres: ru tweaking
14:43:58 <@Andres> yes

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