Iceland Volcano 2010

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Hello Doomsday.
That is fucking epic.
A volcano yesterday.

Recently in Iceland a pussy volcano (more like Lolcano, amirite? -- No Faggot.) by name of Eyjafjallajökull (What the fuck Iceland) began to emit ash into the air. How does this pertain to internet drama? Well it doesn't. What it does do, however, is be a colossal pain in the dick to the entirety of Europe. And that, is win. Airlines have lost 1.5 billion dollars and counting because people are gigantic vaginas and won't fly through ash and ejaculation clouds. When a volcano erupts, the ash can dissipate into the atmosphere and cause the earth's climate to change. This is not believed to happen with Eyjafjallajökull due to only ejaculating 20,000 feet. People with brains who went to school for this shit rather than wasting their time reading wiki articles believe that it needs to reach 33,000 feet before things officially begin to suck.

While this didn't appear to have much impact, the eruption of Eyjafjallajökull may be a precursor to something that could suck far worse. For each time in recorded history Eyjafjallajökull erupted, a much larger volcano by name of Katla erupted soon after. Katla has not erupted since 1918, so may be explosive enough to darken Europe. Aforementioned scientists can only speculate as to how bad that eruption could be, once again proving that humanity knows fuck all about the universe.

The Future

Insert into volcanic opening to appease volcano gods.

Learning from one's mistakes is apparently as much a European tradition as it is an American one. While airlines have been dealing with the volcanoes for quite some time, they never stopped to consider how an explosion of a volcano over Europe might affect them. Even though there are fuckloads of airports. And the fact that they have periodically had massive eruptions with a lot of debris in the past. But hey, who gives a shit about things like Mt. Vesuvious, that happened at least 100 years ago!

Clearly Eurofags can stand to learn from their better counterparts in Hawaii and start hucking virgins into the volcanoes until they shut their holes. Although where one would find a virgin nowadays remains to be seen. Perhaps a daycare, but even then you really only got about a 20/80 shot of them not having been penetrated.

Jews did Iceland, a taxi driver writes

While initially believing that the angle of this story in regards to Jews was in fact retarded, new evidence has convinced this EDiot that the rest of the internet is more retarded. Conspiracyfags are currently touting the Iceland eruption as another demonstrative act of power by our Jew overlords via the "totally safe and not at all weaponized" system of HAARP. Conspiracyfags believe that HAARP can do everything from splitting the earth in two, to ripping off the ozone later, to mentally masturbating emus in Peru, to causing earthquakes and volcanic activity. What the faggots fail to discuss is what exactly anyone could possibly gain from fucking with and shutting down Iceland. They are already broke, what's left? A nice ice cold resort to go to in the winter?

Some argue that it is in fact work of the Zionists exercising more control over Europe by way of fucking with their economy and stranding passengers across the continent. This of course, makes total and complete sense.

Gordon Brown's response to blackmail attempts via HAARP

Previous attempts by Iceland to destroy the United Kingdom

The Icelandic Bank War

Icelanders stormed the mainland in their boats and removed all the monies from the UK. They then proceeded to spent it on rotting herring buried in the ground, blonde hair dye and Byzantine slaves.

The Bjork War

Starting off by screeching like a scalded cat and attacking people at airports whilst dressed as a swan, Bjork Götterdämmerungdottir dealt an irrevocable blow to British culture by inventing Mockney.

The Cod War

Details are sketchy [1], but this was never going to work was it? Maybe sharks with lasers on their heads, but not a goatee-bearded member of the family Gadidae.

Grounded Flights

Some say that volcanic ash was the reason behind grounded planes. This suggests otherwise.

Since Last Thursday flights have been grounded on the basis that the volcanic ash is "A hazardous barrier, unable to be crossed by even the most exceptionally skilled pilots". You may have seen on the news the thousands of families stranded in Tennerifee, Italy, France, and shit loads of other developed countries. But of course, even those missing an extra week of work with pay, free cover on their flights and absolutely no jews still found a reason to complain. Some of the following comes from typical upper class citizens with a split emo personality:

Everyone felt that if the pilot was happy to fly then we were happy to get on


—Some guy not realising their pilot was actually a terrorist



—A retard providing much baw 'n' lulz

You can't seriously expect me to have pay for this again. Do you know who I am?


—Britfag displaying USI

With the UK having a baw fest, the only suitable option was to provide return fairs paid back for all travelling passengers. Of course, this didn't compensate for those without money for food, trapped for days in the hottest of climates. Gordon Brown's intial response was to offer every boy and girl a new shiny pen, so they could write to him about how crap he is. This didn't, however, go forward unfortunately, and the public have grown to dislike him even moar.

Flights Return/Aftermath

File:Slide 4.gif
Animated version of ash spreading. No one is safe.

Flights have returned to the Britfags for now, although the BBC seems to suggest otherwise. The whole ordeal has cost £1.17 billion and has left the British economy stained in some kind of foul smelling substance, which reflects upon the crappy nation as a whole. The Jews have failed to conquer the UK, but they will strike again. It is only a matter of time before they WTC London's Parliament buildings, a fail and an example of a contradiction of democracy. Until then the public can only prepare themselves for the worst to come. David Cameron has provided special leaflets in the event of a jewish follow up attack:

The Jew: How To Protect Yourself & Your Family

  1. Don't panic. The Conservative government is here to help. Firstly, surrender all gold to your local torrie MP; they will look after it carefully.
  2. Burn all Stars of David, because it's funny and scares away the acursed Jew.
  3. Vote conservative.
  4. Make sure you watch the first half of American History X, but don't watch the rest because Edward Norton turns into a wuss.
  5. Support as many Nazi rallies as you can. We need your support.
  6. Vote conservative.
  7. Help fund the construction for the new Jew home: a wonderful compound build with protective measures, an eco-friendly set of chimneys and their own gas supply.
  8. Make sure you report any Jews to your local police, in order to crush the threat.
  9. Vote conservative.

David Cameron, who is most likely (not) going to be the new prime minister of Britain, has lots of great plans for the UK and the Jews. In time, he hopes to ass rape Israel back to the stone age as he is bored of George Osborne sex.


File:Air hug.jpg
"Survivors" of this terrible atrocity. One can only imagine at the emotional trauma they've suffered.
FFS get it wright, it's just a simple name; "Eyjafjallajökull" is that so hard?
Typical jewish response
Typical Like everybody else.

Further Studies

Not requiring a rocket scientist but, employing a preschooler to connect the dots; had, have and will lead us to plausible facts. To be more transparent let's present assumptions. . .

However, one may think, where is proof? Consequently, force ED activists to use the ultimate secret evidence.

Of course forging false documents is easy, thus, obtaining them is easier; so far that 15 years old can be found in night clubs and disco(s). Sure, the family of the lost was receiving "I'm good" letters, and sure again that every Christmas they had the opportunity to enjoy a 1977 brandy, shipped straight from Iceland, coming from beloved ones. . . But you know. . . Iceland is a busy country. . . It's all about working straight hours. . . who has time to come on skype and start video conversation?

Gallery of An Hilarious Jew Joke

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also


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