Iconoclast

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Ic1.jpg


   
 
I'm just trying to sell enough books to fund my dream of going back to school. I want a life of buffet-style dining three times a day, faster Internet, a decent cable package instead of a crappy government ObamaCable box that only lets me have two channels, and beautiful random girls who call the men's dorms nightly for sex. Hey, that's how college works.
 

 
 

—Let the above image set the tone for the rest of the article

The Iconoclast (AKA Jonathan M. Sweet, born September 13th 1975) is a batshit insane conspiracy theorist Republifuck and author of a series of self published novels starring protagonists he openly bases on himself. A Conservative welfare leech, The Iconoclast spends most of his days watching children's cartoons and writing his novels and cartoons. He has a drug addict brother, who assists him in his self published comic series, 'The Belch Dimension Comics', starring a protagonist also named Jonathan Sweet.

The front page of his first comic

His main obsessions are The Disney Channel, being reinstated at the shitty college paper that rightfully fired him 15 years ago, sneezing, and anything that comes out of his ass. He also posts across the internet as "Haggis McCrablice," "Dr. Belch," and "Fekul the Baby."


   
 
Of course, it's a very sobering thought to realize my birthday now falls two days after Sep 11, and that a week before that we saw Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, die from a stingray attack at 44.
 

 
 


The Citizen

   
 
Now I grew up in a black neighborhood, folks, and my friends and our folks didn't have much money, so we'd usually entertain ourselves by doing things like picking through refuse piles looking for things to (A) blow up with firecrackers or (B) break. And nothing is better for an eleven-year-old kid than a used-up incandescent light bulb. You throw that baby on a slab of pavement, it shatters and makes a noise like a gunshot. (Of course, it was a black neighborhood, so there was often plenty of the real thing.)
 

 
 

Jonathan had an idyllic childhood, playing in trash piles with his brother (who later became a crack addict, go figure), and dodging bullets. Although he constantly complains on his blog about his younger brother stealing his hot pockets and making fun of him (at one point saying that he fantasizes about murdering him), he fails to recognize that he wouldn't have to put up with his little brother if he moved out of his parents' house.

To reiterate, he is a 35-year-old man who is still bullied by his little brother.

Currently Jonathan lives in the Missouri Bootheel, aka the middle of bumfuck nowhere, and spends most of his days watching children's cartoons such as Kim Possible on 'ObamaTV' (his name for the free digital TV converter box he was given, and taking screenshots of the fetish fuel he finds on it.

Although he is an able-bodied man with a bachelor's degree, Jonathan refuses to get a job. When pressed, he whines that he's had jobs in the past that didn't work out, that he's just not suited for a 9-to-5 job, that he refuses to accept any job but his old one at the newspaper - basically that it's everyone's fault but his own. Despite this, he refuses to admit that he's on welfare, instead insisting that he "receives a government stipend," collects cans, and receives royalties from his shitty e-books and comics. He readily admits that his mommy controls his money for him, but refuses to say why, other than mumble something about his brother stealing his checks.

The Student

The highlight of his life was his short time at Arkansas State University, where they allowed him to work on the campus paper. He likes to claim that he was the "badboy of college journalism," a lone voice of sanity in a sea of liberal oppression, and that his loyal readers showered him with gifts by, for example, sticking pennies in his door. In 1997, he plagiarized an article on the TV rating systems from Saturday Night Live, which led to him being fired from the paper. He immediately began to chimp out, stalking newspaper staff and sending angry, conspiracy-filled letters to the college administrators. The admins told him to seek counseling or GTFO; he chose the latter, and has spent the last 18 years beingbutthurt about it.

Being a journalist was the only thing that mattered to him, and he has never forgiven his bosses, even after nearly 18 years. He now claims that his expulsion was a liberal conspiracy theory, that the SNL sketch in question never existed and that, somehow, the tv ratings themselves are to blame and are an evil piece of legislation that, if revoked, would somehow get him back into school and prove him right. When confronted with evidence that the sketch exists, he claims that it must be fabricated and that "I haven't seen it, so it doesn't exist." All this despite the fact that, according to a letter from an editor at the newspaper, which he posted on his site under the claims that he was framed, he confessed to plagiarism when originally asked and did not try to contest the accusation at the time. He also claims that, even if he had plagiarized, he shouldn't be punished because the original writers of the material would never have found out. Of course, he also gives as advice to writers: "Co-opt others' ideas if you must, but put your own stamp on them and improve on the original. Soon people will tire of their false prophets and follow you." Which is plagiarism.

He's an idiot.

A large part of the past 18 years has been spent trying to get back into college:


   
 
Owing to my failing voice, thinning pate, and poor eyesight a college relationship would be most ideal--which means the girl calls me up, we agree to meet in my room for an evening together, and I don't have to take her out, spend money on her, or even speak to her if I don't wish...the same system I lived under before. But no, the selfish elitist minds who run the school scream "Duh, them's our perks, you not has that" and shut me out. I can't have what I want in life because Obama and people who think like him roadblock me at every turn, and I get so tired of it. >:(
 

 
 

— [sauce]

In his mind, college is a haven of sex, partying and fun, something that a 35 year old man will surely be a part of. In order to fund this, he has self published a large number of novels based on his experiences, none of which are selling. On his blog, he mentions that, not only does he expect to be allowed back to ASU (or, ass he calls it, ASS U), but to live in the same dorm room he did fifteen years ago. He also demands an apology from the college.


   
 
I was denied a lot of things when I had to leave school. One of those things is my copy of the 1999 Indian. It contains one of the only existing pictures of me taken in my army jacket, a beloved heirloom that previously belonged to my father, Curtis M. Sweet. I was forced to leave school in December when judicial affairs froze my records, so I wasn't present when the yearbooks came out in May. If nothing else A-State owes me that book. I paid ten dollars for it along with tuition, housing, and meal plan at the start of the semester, and I am entitled to it. The Herald and ASU have no right to withhold my Indian from me. It is just another part of the faculty advisor's Stalinist power trip
 

 
 

—Iconoclast, on keeping grudges

At college the contents of his short career in journalism are unknown, but if it's anything like his current 'journalism' it's nothing good. Like any good conspiracy theorist he schizophrenically changes his opinion on his own made up fact, sometimes expressing the nightly parade of hot college girls in the negative as in this opinion piece he wrote on the Virginia Tech shooting where he assumes the first woman killed was "immoral" and blames her for inciting the entire incident:


   
 
The first item that attracted my attention was the murder of the girl. Who was she? News reports talk about her bright smile and her easy, outgoing nature. But that's extremely surface--it really doesn't say anything about who she was. All I heard from the news was person after person saying how weird and creepy Cho was. No one said one bad word against the girl. If she was a loose or immoral girl, would we have been treated to interviews from ex-boyfriends who would attest to this? I think not. [...] I believe the free and easy pace of college breeds these angry, lost individuals like mushrooms in a dark cellar. Buffets three times a day! Free no-questions-asked sex with hot girls who randomly phone your room for the purpose of propositioning you! The promise of a career after graduation with virtually no training! No wonder a college student's perspective gets screwed up so badly!
 

 
 

— This is what Iconoclast actually believes.


   
 
I'm a former newspaperman; I know. If you have a press badge it's like a liscense to kill. You can harass private citizens, camp out on someone's lawn, even break into their house and search their belongings, whatever it takes to get a story. That's what they did to that plumber who criticized Obama, remember?
 

 
 

—Sweet on how a student newspaper press badge is a license to steal, trespass and harass.

The Novels

All of his Novels star a character based on himself, naturally. Due to his life of suffering, he feels his characters are heroes suffering insurmountable odds.


   
 
I believe the key to good writing lies in suffering...The Sweetian hero is a man who is up against it all, who has lost everything he's cared about through no fault of his own. He's reduced to an animal fighting for scraps--for some tiny measure of what he had before. He's told he's a fool for fighting when he knows in his heart he'd be a fool not to.
 

 
 

List:

2002 Almasheol

A collection of shit stories, one of which apparently bashes Catholics, and part of a story he lost due to a computer crash.

2003 Postcards of the Hanging

2004 The Kestron Lenses

2004 North County Road 857

2005 The Second Mrs. Pecker

2005 Virago

2005 Dog's Breakfast

2005 La Corneta del Juicio

2007 Tiresias

2008 Window

A college student believes he can see portals to an alternate dimension. 'David Quick' sees a rainbow haired woman through it, apparently. He even analyses his own wankings on his TV Tropes user page

As you can see, he's been quite busy with his novels,though considering 'Window' is selling for less than $2 on Amazon, you can tell how well they are selling.

Some of his fiction can be read here. Needless to say, it's god-awful. You can also find his racist Daria fanfic here and his shit-fixated Pinky and the Brain / Daria fanfic here.

The Womaniser

Jonathan also has a healthy interest in women. Apparently a woman he "dated" briefly (in college, of course) was the target of his stalking for a long period of time, to the point of providing her name, phone number, and address on his website so that everyone can call her and tell her to date him. As with his expulsion from college, he believes that if he can date her again (despite being nearly 40), everything will be exactly as it used to be. When questioned about his behavior, he replied:


   
 
The young woman in question was an immoral liar and notorious town bicycle who misrepresented herself at every turn. What you so ignorantly call "stalking" was simply tying to learn the truth about the girl I loved using every newspaperman's trick at my disposal. When I learned the truth about her I was saddened. I wrote about my experience in order to warn people about the dangers of college relationships.
 

 
 


   
 
All I'm doing is trying to get the truth out about a young woman who is endangering her life and the lives of others. I did love her once. You may not agree with my way of showing it, but I worry the next guy she plays her silly sex game with might not be as forgiving as I. I'd rather not pick up the morning paper and read about her found dead in a ditch somewhere.
 

 
 

— [sauce]


He also thinks that, if the girl he "dated" had actually secretly been a 15-year-old using men for sex, it was both as evil as terrorism and also, somehow, would mean that stalking a 15-year-old makes him less creepy. He claims that one of the things that distinguishes the "Sweetian Hero" of his works is their willingness to stalk, and occasionally kill, women.

He also really, really wants to see Miley Cyrus naked, to the point of telling a bunch of tween girls on the Hannah Montana forums "I actually think it’s hot when a cute girl tries to be 'one of the guys'. Esp. in the budior." Because a bunch of 15-year-old girls really want to know what a 35-year-old fart-obsessed man thinks is hot.

The Comic Artist

   
 
So I ask myself: where does fact end and fiction begin? The two seem inexorably entwined. Just as Orson Welles' sprawling epic presents a fictionalized account of newspaper mogul William Randolph Hearst's ruthless rise to power, I showed the lives of a small-town school newspaper advisor maddened with greed, playing with people like toys...a copy editor, a mere stupid boy, who falls under her dangerous spell to the point he's willing to kill for her...and an ambitious crackerjack writer who goes too far, pokes the bear, and gets the claws.
 

 
 

As well as his self insert novels, Jonathan also draws and writes a horribly drawn, racist comic called The Belch Dimension. The main character, also called Jonathan Sweet, is a stick figure wearing a cape, and a hat with buttons on it, apparently. Here is a list of his horrible comics. Have we mentioned that every single one of his shitty novels and every single issue of his stick figure shit comic Belch Dimension are focused on his expulsion from college? Also black people and their dangers.

Sadly, Iconoclast only posts minimal previews of his comic online. Hilariously, he expects people to be eager to buy his shit based on his own merits so he can go back to college and work at a school newspaper again while a cavalcade of morally deprived harlots bang him every night. He also labors under the delusion that his shitty self-published comics are being sold on a "rack" somewhere, anywhere, ever.

The highlight of his life was when his comic was featured as the awful link of the day at Something Awful. Of this 'honour' he said:


   
 
What can I say? It's like the Razzies, but for comics. I now join such estimable worthies as Bill Cosby's Leonard Part 6, Tom Green's Freddy Got Fingered, and the guy who turned sweet innocent Jessie from Saved by the Bell into a total muff-diver in Showgirls. I have arrived. I am truly indispensible.
 

 
 


   
 
your typical liberal moron who talks out of both sides of his mouth and basically says 'Well, I sort of liked this guy until I figured out a way to stuff him into my Party-approved, pre-pressed leftist template for a conservative, and then that made it okay for me to hate him.
 

 
 

— Jonathan, discussing the author and being a hypocrite

Naturally he has continued his comics.

The Politician

File:Iconoracist.jpg
Iconoclast is not politically progressive.

Jonathan has dedicated a large amount of his thinking to politics, and though he says he's a Right winger, what his politics actually are seem nothing less than bashing Liberals. He accuses people he dislikes to be Liberals, such as Chris Chan, while believing that those on his side are hardcore republicans like himself. He does all this while living on government welfare and watching his free cable. In his mind, Sweet sees himself as a Rush Limbaugh, or Glenn Beck, whereas the reality is he is a retarded hick spouting nonsense and liberal bashing for no reason.


   
 

Liberalism is a religion unto itself: God for the godless. Like any faith, liberalism starts as a belief, hardens to a dogma, and if not watched, will escalate into a crusade. [...] It's when you start hanging people from the rafters because they don't think like you that you become a problem. You are only two such examples of these blind, brainwashed acolytes screaming "Convert the heathen! Destroy the unbeliever!". Hypocrites! You preach love and acceptance yet march blindly after a false prophet and viciously attack anyone who dares to disagree with you. You spam my guestbook, mock and curse me on message boards, and spread lies against me in every dark corner you human roaches meet in to talk.
 


 
 

— Replace Liberalism with Republicanism and you have the your counterargument

The most important part of Sweet's political identity is the way in which he turns everything about politics into a fight between heroes and villains. In his mind, everything bad that ever happened to him was due to liberals: He couldn't publish one of his novels because he's banned from the university by their liberal administration. He's banned because the liberal administration led a conspiracy to frame him for plagiarism. The material he plagiarized? Well, he wouldn't even had written that article if Bill Clinton hadn't forced the evil and corrupt TV Ratings on the nation. He can't watch as many cartoons as he wants to because, somehow, Obama being in office means he has a worse cable box. He has to live with his little brother, not because he can't move out of his mother's house, but because the liberals didn't keep his little brother in jail long enough. Hell, even the girl he's obsessed with would never have been able to seduce him if the liberals and feminists worked harder to protect poor young men in college from the scourge of sluts. At one point he says that liberals are probably holocaust deniers, because, y'know, they're like Castro and "that pot-bellied dog-eater Kim Jong-Il." And of course, despite hating environmentalism and believing that poor people are just lazy and don't deserve handouts, the only honest work he does is collecting aluminum cants for the 5-cent deposit.

He thinks Chris-Chan is actually a fairly typical representation of the typical liberal worldview.

Similarly, in his mind all conservatives are right about everything. He idolizes Rush Limbaugh, a drug addict, while simultaneously decrying the "the dirty mutant hippie drug subculture" (who are also somehow responsible for him not being allowed into college). The fact that Mark Foley sexually harassed teenage boys? Probably just a liberal conspiracy-- just like the liberals did to him! (Yes, Sweet here decides that the best possible reaction to an announcement that a conservative politician is a child molester is to say that they have a lot in common). Bob Dylan's his favorite musician, but he probably believes whole-heartedly that Highway 61 Revisited is a protest album in support of Barry Goldwater.


   
 
In the comics, you see, there was the Bizarro World: a planet of grotesque, deformed versions of Superman and Lois Lane who lived their entire lives backwards. Good was bad. Up was down. Love was hate. You dirtied your house rather than cleaned it, and you rewarded a child for bad behavior. Is this any different than what liberalism strives to create?
 

 
 

Sweet is also a pretty huge racist-- see this this post, where he argues that cartoons like "Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarves" are a valid part of black history.

The Sick Fuck

   
 
Oh, how you tease me. Are you trying to give me a [spring boing sound effect] this early in the day? ;)

I usually keep a handkerchief or napkin in my breast pocket, not where my hands go. I don't like to keep my hankie in the same pocket as my glasses, though.

Two more sneezes after yesterday's, which makes four--rather above the curve for me. One quick, dry just a few minutes ago, shortly before nine a.m, to start today's count.
 


 
 


Beyond wanting to see Miley Cyrus's 17-years-younger-than him vagina, and thinking that drunken college chicks will hop on his muttonchopped dick as soon as he can get back to college, Jonathon Sweet has some...interesting sexual tastes.

A perusal of his AJM Studios account shows that he's posted a great deal on an animation forum about the various things that give him an erection (apart from thoughts of beating Hillary Clinton to death with a hammer). Most notable is the fact that he posts daily in a thread not just in which fully-grown adults obsessed with Kim Possible share the details of their daily sneezes, but also feels the need to tell everyone there about his farts as well, a trend which continues on his TV Tropes account, where he also brags about the extent to which the female characters in his work fart.. He also likes to ask female posters if the reason they sneeze so much is because they masturbate, and if so, how often?

He also points out that, because Kim Possible (a cartoon character who is in high school), can swallow a handful of nachos, he would love to throatfuck her.


   
 
I hear Costco sells those Fiber One snack bars they advertise on TV. From what I've read they do a number on a lot of folks. Said number is two. That could be the answer to Miss Kim's sneeze problem--couple of those and she'll be scared to let one go for fear she'll do something unladylike in her designer jeans.
 

 
 

— Sweet, on Kim Possible sneezing and shitting herself.

Not content with getting an erection every time he sneezes, Sweet is also obsessed with farting and shitting. A persual of his TV Tropes account shows that, apart from shilling his shitty comics, he also posts there incessantly about his "ability" to fart and about his cats' farts. His Youtube channel shows several favorited videos, including "Sexy Farts 7" and "Elegant Lady Passes One." There are several posts from Sweet on the website poopreport.com, which is...exactly what it sounds like. These include him cataloging film scenes where characters shit, and the following proud moment:


   
 
A lot of FartKnocker's backstory is based on that of Sweet's ex-business partner, who owned a small engine repair shop that the author managed. Arguments about how to run the business and a vicious power struggle eventually dissolved their friendship and closed the shop's doors for good, and Sweet despises him to this day.
 

 
 

—[sauce]

His anal obsession also invades his comics, as the main enemy for him is based on a childish grudge he has on an ex-business partner, named Marvin Horn. Named The Fartknocker, his power is apparently that he farts. One wonders why Sweet would give his nemesis the power to do one of his favorite things in the world, but one wonders a lot about Sweet.

"Fartknocker" is apparently one of Sweetie's favorite insults, to the point where he often refers to the President as "(P)resident Fartknock-o-rama." Dude likes farts, plain and simple.

The Troll

Here he explains that he has found someone 'worse' than him in every way, Chris Chan.


   
 
Yes, I think I actually have my own real-life evil twin, Christian W. Chandler. Although if he were my clone, it seems something glitched and he came out of the gestation tank with a few less IQ points than the original.
 

 
 

—You know you're bad when you're comparing yourself to Chris Chan

Setting up a Cwcki account (yet never contributing, except to hate Liberals), he now considers himself a member of the trolling community. The irony, is that Chris Chan is superior to Jonathan in almost every way. He is younger, better at drawing and finished college. In his own, retarded way, Chris forgave Mary Lee Walsh after two years, three if you stop counting after Slaweel Ryam was written out of the comic. Jonathan held onto his grudge for fifteen years and wrote six novels and over 30 comics about it. In fifteen years he never found a new target for his anger and continues his retarded crusade.

In a Nutshell

Links


See Also

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