Islam Is The Light

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Cybernetic Al-Qaeda Operative.


   
 
Islam is the light.
 

 
 

—From The Mouths of Plastic Babes

In October of 2008, Rachel Jones, an All-American Mom from Indiana, purchased Jew "Little Mommy Real Loving Baby Cuddle & Coo Doll" for her children. Soon thereafter, she heard the toy say with its artificial lips, "Islam Is The Light".


She was shocked and appalled. From there, word spread like wildfire. It wasn't long before every single Christian fundamentalist, crackpot, and helicopter-mom in the country swarmed to to unleash their righteous fury in the name of the Lord.

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Like rotten-fish-guzzling seagulls behind a Polish fishing trawler, Fox News's van was the first to scream up to the scene of the hate-crime. Like a good news station they then proceeded to repeat the "hate statement" over 9000 times over the course of the 4-minute report on it.

The fanatics thus began their feeding frenzy.

 
One look at him and I become terribly afraid for the Altar Boy.

In an uncharacteristic display of courage/brains, the stores stocking the toy refused to recall the first wave of shipped dolls in Obama's evil subversive plot to turn all our children into deranged, violent terrorists. The resulting cyclone of bawwwww caused by the legions of raw-burger-faced meddling trailer-moms squawking that the toy was "spouting hatred" would have been the end of the story - funny, but not really lulz.


That is, until early 2009, when Jones innocently purchased the Nintendo DS game Baby Pals for her daughter.

That's right. The same mom and the same kid. Apparently, the game used the same sound-file as the dolls. Thus, Rachel Jones again became incensed when she heard, from the speakers of her child's portable video game system, "Islam Is The Light".

Crave Entertainment, which publishes Baby Pals, has responded to Rachel Jones's concerns.


   
 
In creating the Nintendo DS game “Baby Pals”, the game developer Brain Toys / InXile used sounds files to simulate the life like baby noises and babbling. The sounds are publicly available for license. It is a recording of a 5 month old baby babbling non-intelligible phrases. In over 200 hours of testing the product, no recognizable English words or phrases were discernible.

The sound in question of this babble may sound like the words night, right or light, but it is only coincidence as the baby recorded was too young to pronounce these words let alone a whole grammatically correct phrase.

We at Crave Entertainment and InXile regret that there was any misinterpretation of the baby noises and in no way have intentionally put any words or phrases into the baby sounds.

We hope this eases any concerns and fans continue to enjoy playing the game.
 


 
 

Doug Panter of Crave Entertainment, exposing himself to the world only to reveal that he has no testicles.

What's more disturbing? The child's toy under demonic possession,
or that news correspondent's botched botox-job?

So What The Fuck Happened?

Good question. Some claim it to be proof of the evil Islamic conspiracy. Some, less prosaic, think that a merry prankster working for three dollars an hour making exploitica for idiots decided to slip the sound sample into the game to see if anyone would notice.

Others think that the interpretation is subjective and that it's a random assortment of notes. Some argue that if you search for something in you will find it, even if it isn't there.

Had Jack Thompson not been disbarred, he'd have a field day pointing out the moral poisons contained in video gaming.

Mattel Corporation has released a press statement, effectively denying that they did it for the lulz.

For our part, we can only take it as proof that God/Allah/Jacknstock was real, and that he loves the Lulz.


   
 
Thousand monkeys, thousand typewriters. ‘ Nuff said...
 

 
 

—Anonymous.

Insight into the minds of the caring mothers and fathers who began yammering about this in the first place.









Islam Is The Light
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Featured article February 2, 2009
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