Isle Of Dogs

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There have been quite a few movie trailers that have made us want to go all Jihad Joe on Holyweird and demand our money back for sitting through some directors two-and-a-half hour Magnum Opus. It wasn't until we sat through Texas Weaboo, Wes Anderson's, 2 hour and 21 minute shitfest Isle of Dogs that we are seriously considering this to get back our all important Jew gold.

Isle of Dogs is written and directed by former Texan, now Frog weaboo Wes Anderson that watched one too many Subbed Sailor Moon episodes. Were guessing Texas wasn't Gay enough for him, MIRite?

Isle of Dogs is a fantasy film that promotes itself as being a foreign film despite its being domestic one. Somewhere in the future, some cat loving Jappers get sick and tired of eating Dogs (possibly because cats taste better) and decide to ship them all off to an island of their own, making up some excuse that the dog flu can pass to humans like the swine flu.

Not only does this movie drag, the whole idea that you have to wait for an Engrish translation from either one of the dogs, all the dogs speak English (they can translate the dogs barks, growls and yips but Jaoanese was too hard for them) or the two English speaking characters.

Trust us, this Little Artistic Liberty will have you wanting to punch the person sitting next to you even if you're at home, watching it with Your Mother on Pay-Oer-View.

Plot

Take 1/3 A Boy And His Dog.
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Make Sure the rest is Cats And Dogs
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And you'llfind yourself with this turd in your hands


To put it squarly, Isle Of Dogs is a ripoff and mashup of Cats And Dogs and A Boy And His Dog. Not having the Apocolyptic wasteland of A Boy And His Dog, Wes Anderson opted to have the majority of the movie set on a trash island that looks like it was organized by Wall-E as all the garbage is neatly compacted and stacked in squares.

Atari, ironically named because in the game of Go Atari is defined a situation where a stone or chain of stones has only one liberty, and may be captured on the next move if not given one or more additional liberties, is the hero of the movie, whose entire plot gets explained in a five minute summary at the beginning about how a boy Samurai saved all the dogs in Japan from an evil dictator that wanted them all killed in favor of cats.

The name works into the story because Atari is continually being given Liberties, in story, to keep him alive. The first one is when he survives a train wreck the kills his parents. The second: a crash landing in his plane and lives even after pulling a piece of metal from his head. Third: When he dives into a river and everyone thinks he's dead. Finally: when his uncle gives him a kidney to survive because, in the train wreck, one of his kidneys was injured beyond repair.

Don't think the name game ends here, having swallowed a thesaurus, the main dogs' names are Rex, King, Boss, Duke and Chief. Traci, the blonde, Afroed American and coincidently, the real hero in the movie and one of the only human, English speaking characters, translates to courageous and brave in Gaelic because while Atari is looking for his lost dog she is doing all the work proving the conspiracy behind the Canine Flu and exile of all the dogs.

The whole plot revolves around the Kobayashi family hating dogs and preferring cats for millennia. Their original attempt at eradicating dogs had the family head get cut up by an angry Dog loving boy that hated pussies and was willing to give his life for dogs. In one fell swoop, the boy samurai cuts off the head of the Kobayashi family leader and dogs are accepted once again.

The actual story of Isle of Dogs can be summed up just as succinctly, except it's a girl that cuts the head off the family leader, but this time it's done more metaphorically and through the use of negative media and that Wes Anderson does his damndest to try and make Isle of Dogs into an Allegory suggesting that it us the Liberal minded media that protects us from the under the table dealings of Big Government and that animals all have souls and understand us and what we do to them. When we hurt them, we are hurting a thinking, feeling creature.


Main Characters

Name Description Picture
Mayor Kobayashi The dog hating mayor of Uni Providence,specifically Megasaki City (yeah, that's a Nagasaki pun) that had Scientists create a more vigilant strain of Dog-Flu, that can pass to humans, because he is doing Back room dealings with the military in the hopes of selling robotic, protector dogs that are operated by cats inside them. At the end, he gives a kidney to save Atari's life while ending up in prison, possibly for his crimes against humanity, or since this film is meant to be so Leftarded and brain wash our kids with the same propaganda it preaches against, his crimes committed against dogs.
Haave you ever seen Citizen Cain?
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Atari Kobayashi The main character despite his inability to move the plot or be the hero of the story and is the perfect metaphor for the now defunct company that almost destroyed the gaming industry in the 1980s. He haphazardly decides to set out to trash island looking for his guard-dog/protector/best friend Spots. Atari has lived a sheltered life under the guardianship of his uncle after his parents took him on a train ride hoping that they would all die in a wreck. Like the complete failure of a character he is, he couldn't even accomplish that task. After stealing a small plane to fly to garbage island/The Isle of Dogs and much to his character, he can't even do that right and crashes his plane. He is saved by a pack of dogs, who again do everything for him because he's so helpless. The only reason he even succeeds in his quest to bring his dog Spots home is because of Traci's Vigilance to stop his evil uncle. Much like his rich life of being handed everything, at the end, when his uncle is arrested, he is just handed the mayorship of all of Uni Province because of some obscure monarch-like law. The movie would have been a lot better if it focused less on him and more on Traci. At the end of the movie he admits to having a crush on that weeaboo Traci.
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Traci Walker The bubblegum popping, white girl afroed, blondes can be smart, conspiracy theory chasing. wapanese school reporter that is the "True Hero" of the movie because Inclusion says she must be. She's a transfer student from America that proudly romps around in her Sailor Moon school uniform, that is the same blue as Sailor Mercury's' to show Fanboys that she is the smart one in the movie. During the film, it is because of Traci's commitment to the truth and unstoppable curiosity that she proves her theory that Mayor Kobayashi is behind the dog flu and is behind having its Gene's manipulated so it can infect humans. At the end of the movie she almost has an orgasm because her Japper crush Atari refers to her as good looking when she is translating for him.
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Chief The best fighter of all the dogs that is the all around Bad dog of his pack of fellow, democratic Alphas that was always put in the pound/doggy-prison for breaking the Man's laws by biting people and running away. When Atari lands on the isle of dogs he becomes his protector that helps in finding Spots. He allegorical lesson in the movie is that he starts out black but after Atari gives him a bath he becomes white teaching us that all blacks want to be White, after this happens you like everyone else, will be able to figure out the ending when he plays fetch for Atari and returns the stick to him, that despite all his short comings, Chief still manages to become Atari's Dog/Protector near the end and is related to Spots.
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Nutmeg Yet another lulzy attempt from Scarlett Johansson to culturally appropriate something eastern like with Ghost in the Shell, and 5 seconds after she is introduced, if You have any brain cells, you will know that she gets with Chief to make puppies so that Chief can have a happy ending along with everyone else. Another role she has is to teach that good, cultured white girls will get with black boys when they become white. She is also Traci's dog and was put on the isle because of the dog flu. She is trained to do tricks like stand on a ball and spin a pair of them on her chin.
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Spots The guest item that Atari is looking for. Was Atari's first dog and protector, that really does nothing for the plot except serve as a item to find,such as in a RPG and saves Atari when he's attacked by robot dogs near the end. Choses not to go home with Atari because he, like you, found a sickly bitch that will spread his legs for him and is having his puppies. Brother of Chief, because Chief was the runt of the litter, which is the reason why he was dumped and became a street dog. The only cool thing about Spots is he has a transmitter in his ear, so he can always hear Atari when he is within 30 meters and has military issues teeth that can fire like bullets, which is how he took out an army of robot dogs to save Atari.
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Professor Watanabe Professor Watanabe's whole purpose in the movie is to develop a cure for the dog flu and to be a metaphor for John Lennon's mercy killing by hero Mark David Chapman as his assistant's name is Yoko Ono and is voiced by Yoko Oh Fucking No.
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Rex, King, Duke, Boss The other dogs that have no other role than to dramatize the exposition that Chief is a stray, the best fighter among them and are only there to save Atari when Chief refuses to help him at first. Another of their function is to slip in that the reason most humans speak Japanese is so the viewer can be as clueless about what the humans are saying as the dogs are, only understanding words like sit or treat when they are the only words spoken.
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See also


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