J-Pop

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J-Pop: fish love it!

J-Poop is shit music from Japan characterized by dance beats, synthesizers and impossibly upbeat vocals sung by 16 year old girls or fags. Lyrics are usually about animu and tentacle rape with nationalist propaganda almost always present subliminally. J-Pop is easily recognized by its rabid overuse of ganked electronic samples from American and British pop music of the 1980s, although the level of production employed by most J-Pop "artists" makes their western counterparts seem like a lone, one-armed hillbilly with a banjo with three broken strings. In the case of Morning Musume, the hillbilly is quadriplegic and plays with his tongue. Arguments about production values aside, it sounds like a billion splinters of digital cockroach shell spraying into your ears that never ever relents.

In Japan, J-Pop is listened to only by brainless 10 to 14 year-old loli rapebait and their otaku stalkers. However, J-Pop is practically a religion to western Japanophiles who tend to idolize specific J-Pop singers such as Ayumi Hamasaki. J-Pop is often present in anime such as Naruto, as it is the only kind of music capable of adequately expressing these shows' level of gay other than nu-metal, which is where AMVs come in.

Although the exact origins of the genre are disputed, Leni Riefenstahl is often named as one of the earliest J-Pop choreographers:

Morning Salute.JPG

Chronic listening to J-Pop is known to cause a neurological disorder that results in compulsive typing of "^_^" If someone you know exhibits this symptom, immediately chain them up in your basement or cellar and force them to listen to the Swans' 1983 classic Filth until the condition subsides. They'll thank you later.

J-Pop On YouTube

In case you're wondering what it feels like to have your ears molested by rainbows, YouTube has some great J-Pop videos for your listening pain, errrr, pleasure.

If this shit was released in western countries everyone would rightly say it was the stupidest piece of retarded gay fucking bullshit ever, but these 14 year old virgins think it's great because it's Japanese.

Famous J-pop Groups/Artists

  • Utada Hikaru - Talentless singer that became famous through Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy. Her lyrics usually consist of vapid and horrible romantic themes that would be written by a sexually frustrated teen mom or a 16 year old girl on the way to high school.
  • AKB48 - Lulzy group that sold out for pr0n and loves little boys. There's even an animu based on the group.
  • BABYMETAL - An awesome loli trio that fuses J-pop with metal and favorite among pedophiles. Metal elitists are prone to butthurt when speaking of and shown a song by BABYMETAL. Fanbase faps to them when not present on /jp/ and /a/.
  • Ayumi Hamasaki - See Utada Hikaru.
  • BoA - Nobody cares except Koreaboos.
  • Shiina Ringo - Worshiped by hipsters and basement dwellers who want to appear to have great taste in music in hoping their parents and friends think they're intelligent for their lack of personality and motivation to move out of their basement.
  • Kyary Pamyu Pamyu - Sounds like an ice cream truck crashing through a Toys "R" Us and rave party on an acid and shrooms trip.
  • Perfume - The singers on downers while the music itself is on uppers. Made appearances on Cars 2 and American Dad.
  • Mademoiselle Yulia - If Utada Hikaru is the Britney Spears of Japan, Mademoiselle Yulia is the Nicki Minaj of Japan.
  • Namie Amuro - The Japanese Taylor Swift with cringeworthy song titles and vapid songwriting while sounding like a cat being thrown into a shredder.
BABYMETAL - Gimme chocolate!!!
°C-ute-Ookina Ai de Motenashite
DJ OZMA - Spiderman
DANCE! SORAN PARAPARA
Miki Fujimoto - Boogie Train

See Also

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