ParkourDude91

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Jace sent his friend in Isreal to save a dead singer, but he has no way to get back home!
ParkourDude91, with the Semper Fidelis knife
ParkourDude91, with the Airsoft Deagle
Close-up shot of his Semper Fidelis knife

ParkourDude91 (Powerword: Jace W. Connors) is a 23 year old alcoholic balding furfag stoner, and future marine who lives with his mother. He is the commander of a nation of gamers/"soldiers" consisting himself and a few stoner friends known as Deagle Nation. His only source of income is his mother's wallet and welfare. He is never seen without his Flame Shades, his Semper Fidelis Knife, and his Airsoft Deagle. He believes that the path to becoming a US Marine is to post JewTube videos and streams of himself getting high, playing vidya games and ranting about delusional bullshit. Furthermore, he thinks that just saying you're going to join the army is enough to earn as much respect as being a decorated war hero.

He reluctantly became an Internet laughingstock in October of 2012 for his "Internet badass" persona and controversial YouTube videos, in which he claimed to be an expert on a wide variety of topics he knew nothing about and refused to ever admit he was wrong.



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Contents

Overview

Jace has a rather volatile temper. His sense of humor is that of an eight year old's. He is also incredibly gullible and very easy to manipulate.

The best word to describe Jace is 'childish', he never wishes to grow up, only leech off of others including his parents and Social Security in order to continue living in his carefully constructed fantasy land. His primary motivation seems to be only the purest form of unenlightened hedonism: to remain in a state of perpetual adolescence for as long as he can possibly get away with.

Delusions

Unfortunately, he's also a fan of selfies.
  • He thinks Parkour is a type of martial art
  • He believes nearly every instance of violence in the US reported on the news was caused by Iraqi terrorists. These include the Aurora Theatre Shooting and the Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre
  • He believed the Government Shutdown on Oct 1st 2013 would mark the beginning of anarchy and violent collapse of society, and that he was "one of the few people truly prepared", in reality, it was a budget issue that mostly affected national parks.
  • He believes that several of the events in Call of Duty games actually happened in real life, which the government covered up by claiming they were fictional events in a video game.
  • He believes that the Desert Eagle .50 AE handgun is a tactical sidearm used by United States armed forces
  • He believes that claiming that you are going to join the Army in the future is "basically the same thing as being a Marine" and deserves the same level of respect.
  • He believes that soldiers in the army get to choose their own weapons and gear, and are only permitted certain weapons based on their rank, similar to the character progression system in Call of Duty games.
  • He believes that It is common for snipers to smoke weed to stabilize their aim
  • He thinks that the American presence in the Iraq War is still ongoing
  • He believes that Christopher Poole, the creator of 4chan, is cooperating with Muslim terrorists.

Tiberius Rising

Ever wanted to see what a crossover between Sonichu and Call of Duty would look like? Look no further

Jace's greatest achievement: a Sonichu-quality novel called Tiberius Rising. Tiberius Rising is about a war hero named Jack Stryker, a blatant Marty Stu author insert. He considers the accomplishments of Commander Stryker to be his own real accomplishments that he deserves real respect for. He has even accidentally called himself "Jace Stryker" in his videos before, showing he has no concept of reality vs. fiction.

The three main characters of his novel (Stryker, Ramirez, Jenkins) are a self-insert, a carbon copy of a video game character, and a troll invention, respectively.

Basically, this novel is all about Jace if he was a Marine soldier, killing Muslims and trying to be badass. This "novel" is simply too much TL;DR, stupid and written in a childlike style to be taken seriously.

But if you insist, you can read this masterpiece of a novel here.

Tiberius: Origins

Because Jace has nothing better to do in his days other than playing video games, smoking weed, vlogging and rarely working on Tiberius Rising, he started writting a new book.

Tiberius: Origins is Jace's new masterpiece. As the title suggests, it's a prequel to Tiberius Rising. Jace released a short teaser of his new work to wet your appetite. Guess what, it's even more fucked up, childish and stupid than his first book. Here are some highlights of the teaser for your reader pleasures:

  • "They don’t call me da car-boy for nothing around this town."
  • "Jack locked eyes with someone very suspicious in the red light across from him. Ramirez noticed his intense glare and looked over to find out what Jack was staring at so intensely. It was a Muslim."
  • "He expertly handled the wheel as the car flew between passing cars like a magestic eagle."
  • "Even a Latino Street Racer such as him had never put pedal to the medal that fast before and the dynamic duo was truly in a rusty situation if there ever was one ok he said."
  • "Before long, this race would be over. Or at least that’s what he thought, before a bullet impacted his windshield and it shattered all over him. “Infidel!” he heard the man scream over his Nickelback CD. Without even pausing for a beat, Ramirez responded with gunfire of his own as he drew his engraved Colt Single Action Army revolver and began firing away at his target."
  • "With an expertly-timed drift manuever, the Red truck did a 180-move then began going backwards at full speed. The driver and passenger, both Muslims, then grabbed their auto-pistols and began rapidly firing out of the front windshield... straight at Jack’s car."
  • "The Red Truck was street racing right towards what would soon be known as the Ground Zero Mosque."

I can't make this shit up.

Interests/Obsessions

Jace's John Cena shrine in his room.

Jace considers himself an expert on guns, especially with the Desert Eagle pistol. Despite this, he has never held a real gun before. The closest he's ever he will ever come is his collection of plastic Airsoft guns. He also is a fan of knives, such as his Semper Fidelis Knife, which is just a knife with "Semper Fidelis" written on it in sharpie.

Jace is a known drug consumer, such as weed, alcohol, and Adderall. Pot is by far his favorite, he's basically unable to function without it. His mother once sent him to a Christian rehab camp for several months due to his addictions and all around mental instability. It didn't fucking work, of course.

John Cena is Jace's greatest hero and he never shuts up about it. Jace has an action figure of him that he keeps in the cupholder of his mom's car. Despite this, Jace doesn't appear to actually know much about John Cena, and has never been seen watching the WWE, which Cena works for.

Religion

Jace hates Muslims more then anything else in the world. Jace once considered himself an atheist. However, Al-Gamerfood once tricked him into saying a Muslim prayer, meaning he is now officially an Islamic terrorist. He was supposedly baptized online to remove the effects, which would mean he is now Catholic, but nobody's falling for that bullshit; once a filthy Muz, always a filthy Muz.

Mental Problems

Jace has repeatedly denied having the 'spergers, but anyone can easily see that that's plainly untrue, he's autistic as hell, not to mention retarded. He even gets disability checks from the government which he uses to buy weed and video games. He's clearly not physically disabled, meaning he must have some sort of mental problem.

Or he's simply just a fucking idiot who never really knows what he's talking about.

Friends

Jace's main circle of friends seems to be underage teenagers he meets and "stunts" with at skate parks. Previously, his list of friends included people like Tyce (age: 16), Kyle, Brandon, and Colby. In the case of Kyle, he clearly only visits Jace when selling marijuana. Jace also has a good relationship with his older brother, Rob Connors, though he rarely sees him.

Jace often gets nostalgic for the good old days where he used to go "stunting" around town with a self-proclaimed street gang of Parkour gamers he led in high school: Deagle Nation. He has long been trying to resurrect these glory days by recruiting new members and get back in touch with old friends, but this has been unsuccessful: he often laments that most of his friends are "in college now and can't ever chill" because naturally, peers of his own age eventually outgrew the weed-smoking and Xbox-playing teen hedonist lifestyle long ago. Despite being in his twenties, Jace still embraces this lifestyle wholeheartedly.

Jace also has a variety of online friends, 90% of whom are trolls who pretend to be friendly to him in order to laugh at him. The remaining 10% are members of Deagle Nation. Jace often boasts of his "connections" with CIADude420, an intelligence analyst of the Central Intelligence Agency (he works for the CIA for real, no joke).

Enemies

As previously stated, Jace hates Muslims more than anything else in the world. The reasons behind his hatred for Islam are not clear, but we can safely assume that he is heavily influenced by video games (because Muslims are always the bad guys in video games nowadays) and his childish view of the United States military conflict in Afghanistan and Iraq. Jace's hatred to Muslims is so retarded and childish that he made a personal playlist of Muslims Getting Owned videos on his Youtube channel.

Next up is Team Gamerfood, a Steam group of trolls/griefers. They are the ones who started the trolling on Jace in July 2013. They are mostly known for holding a whole wiki entirely dedicated to Jace, which is nothing but a lame ripoff of the CWCki.

Speaking of the CWCki, there's also a whole subforum entirely dedicated to Jace. Again, led by Team Gamerfood.

Operation Tupacalypse


Tyce, a friend of Jace recently convinced Jace to send Eli (another friend of Jace) to Israel to kill the prime minister of Palestine and rescue Tupac Shakur from the evil clutches of Al-Gamerfood. His payment for this is to be an Xbox One. Some argued that this would all be a ruse and Eli wouldn't be stupid enough to go, but this was quickly silenced when he released videos of himself aimlessly wandering the streets of Tel Aviv.

Eli is under the impression that Israel is an al-Qaeda city full of yarmulke wearing Muslims, that the currency of Israel is called "Islams", and that the language spoken there is called "Islam". Eli only bought a one way ticket, and he and Jace don't have enough money to buy a return ticket, so Eli's stuck there for now. Eli seems to be getting more retarded and paranoid by the day, spouting ridiculous conspiracy theories, for example, he thinks that beach parties in Israel are in fact secret Nazi training camps. Eli was last seen downloading 15 Gb of the same one Nickelback album thinking it's "intel".

How to troll Jace

Trolling Jace during his weekly livestreams will usualy result in epic lulz. Here's some suggestions but don't be affraid to be creative.

  • If he talks about something and is wrong, correct him.
  • Praise the Islam religion.
  • Ask him why he isn't in the army yet.
  • Order him pizza during one of his livestreams and make him pay for it.
  • Hack his website.

Dox

ParkourDude91house.jpg

Jace W. Connors

40 Forrest St

North Brookfield, MA 01535

Phone: (774) 757-0153


Links



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