Without Jessica Nigri, cosplay would be nothing but fat bitches. Even with Jessica, cosplay is still a bunch of shameless attention whoring and shitty costumes. The only difference is that she knows when to put down the cake.
Jessica Nigri is a braplayer, known for ruining your childhood with her tits. Her talents including supposedly natural-growing breasts, giving neckbeards boners, and stealing your money by pretending to be a SO RANDUM QUIRKY gamer gurl. Nigri gets paid to attend your nerdy weeaboo cons, because conventions realized long ago how much attention tits brings in from how thirsty you virginal fucktards are. But she thinks you are all "fucking idiots," and has ditched a paid con obligation in favor of going on an aquarium date with her boyfriend (the one she cheated on her past fiance with, used to get a modeling deal, then dumped).
Nigri is the reason we can't have nice things in this world, and the reason why your nerd hobby is rapidly degrading into an attention whore competition of frauds who think watching one episode of "The Big Bang Theory" gives them geek cred.
- 1 "Professional" Cosplaying
- 2 Fans/White Knights/Beta Faggots
- 3 The Let's Play Life
- 4 Jessica's Boy Toys
- 5 "All-Natural" Fake Breasts
- 6 Jessica's Face
- 7 Jessica's Hair
- 8 The Real Jessica Nigri
- 9 External Links
- 10 See also
Jessica has an epic case of butthurt. Her almost 3 million likes on Facebook and constant ass kissing from neckbeards isn't enough to fill the void inside! Some meanie haterz hurt her feelings, so Jessica goes insane for a period of time, and gives your childhood a big "fuck you." She added boobies to every Pokemon you can imagine, and they're all awful and cheap-looking.
She defends the shittiness of her "cosplays" by saying she's only "trolling." But her trollplay ends up backfiring. As you probably know, neckbeards are man children that refuse to leave their mother's basements and grow the fuck up, so they cling to garbage like Pokemon. And most of Jessica's fans are neckbeards, so the trollplaying ends up leaving a bitter taste in their mouths. Many end up saying how shitty Jessica's Pokemon Penthouse cosplays are, and how shitty Jessica is for fucking with their beloved rainbow-colored weeb vomit.
In order to prevent the loss of patronage from idiots that are too stupid to fap to her Facebook profile for free, Jessica then immediately ceases her first round of Poketrolling so it won't hurt her photo print sales.
Beware of the Pokemon cosplay. Whenever JNig gets angry enough, she always falls back on her Poketrash to get a rise out of her "haters" (which is anyone who doesn't say something 100% positive about her). She is now doing the whole Eeveelution, because she's mad that the whole world doesn't revolve around her tits.
NEVAR 4GET SAILOR MARZ
Jessica was planning on doing a Sailor Moon group cosplay, where she would be Sailor Mars. The group was entirely filled of a bunch of nobody cosplayers, obviously looking to climb up the cosplay fame social ladder, and get your basement-dwelling ass to look at their bewbz. But the Sailor Scout outfits weren't showing enough skin for Jessica. So Jessica gets one of the girls in the group to draw her some fanart that she can use as an excuse for why her version of the Sailor Scouts is inaccurate and is showing off more skin and titties than they are supposed to.
"But, wait! That doesn't look like Sailor Moon or the rest of the Sailor Scouts... And why is Sailor Mars in the middle?" Well, my sweet naive nerdlet, it's really quite simple. Jessica needs every ounce of attention, no matter to what is accurate to the actual character. She must show off her breasticles in every single cosplay, and must be front and center in every group shot. See, I told you it would be simple to understand!
/cgl/ goes insane
Being the jelly landwhales that they are, /cgl/ wastes no opportunity in shitposting about Jessica. But then this time, something amazing happens. The bitches end up finding this pic on Facebook. Apparently, one of the nobody cosplayers in Jessica's cosplay group was too busy brown-nosing and kissing ass to think of the consequences of uploading every photo to the Internet.
"What is this photo?" Well, if you're too dumb to understand, let me tell you. It appears to be a photo of girls from Jessica's cosplay group, working on some red armor and a black side bang wig. Now, WHO do we know that is obsessed with side bang wigs, to hide their giant forehead? And WHO was the only one in the Sailor Scout group who was wearing an inaccurate black side bang wig and crappy red armor? That's right, your precious professional cosplay queen- Jessica Nigri!
The situation becomes even more hilarious, because Jessica is obsessed with herself and lurks every page that talks about her. So when she finds out this photo was posted on /cgl/, she asks her minion to delete it and send her a shit-ton of new "work-in-progress" photos. She then uploads these all to Facebook, thinking it will make everyone forget the photo on /cgl/.
"B-but she uploaded 'work-in-progress' photos... And she said she made it. I believe her! She makes all of her cosplays!1!" Holy fuck, you are stupid. Bless your soul for your dumbassery.
Feel free to read the whole drama that went down here.
The Death Knight Saga
Jessica announced that she was going to cosplay Death Knight from World of Warcraft. She posted some progress pics, claiming she "made" it. Why the quotes? Well, as we all know, Jessica doesn't make any of her cosplays.
Bitch can't APOXIE
It was assumed by many asspained haters of Jessica that her newest "boyfriend" (a friends-with-benefits boy toy who is apparently very experienced in cosplay) had made most of the cosplay. Jessica, too busy adoring herself, had Tweeted a pic of her FWB working on something. Why Tweet a photo of someone else working, but still claim to be the one working on everything?
What also supported this assumption was the fact that Jessica posted about how she was using a crafting solution called APOXIE, and seemed inexperienced in its usage. A quick online search shows that the packaging says you don't need any water, yet Jessica wrote about using water with APOXIE and was confused as to why it didn't come out the way she wanted.
Now, why would anyone ignore the actual packaging instructions when they are a "professional cosplayer" who "makes all of their cosplays"? Why, it is almost as if she has no cosplay crafting experience at all!
And how can someone fail to use something so easy, but somehow be able to craft a whole set of armor professionally? Wow, talk about amnesia!
That backpedaling tho
Those lousy haters then dug up some evidence where another one of Jessica's ass-kissers on Instagram tagged a photo of Jessica's armor and said they were helping her make it. So now, there are two people who potentially made the armor for Jessica.
"BUT SHE SAID SHE MADE IT!!!" Well, my naive little nerd, that's the best part. Jessica said she made the armor. But once again, Jessica is narcissistic and lurks every page about her like cray cray. When she saw her haters dug up some evidence that proved she didn't make her Death Knight cosplay, she quickly went on her Facebook to set the story straight. She now finally admitted that she received a shit-ton of help from her "boyfriend" (FWB) and some other "friends" (social ladder climbers).
Jessica had a photoshoot done by a photographer that goes by "Masamune Photography." He photographed Jessica's Catwoman cosplay, which, due to her previous track record and her "professional" cosplaying status, wouldn't be surprising at all if it was bought or she got a new set of fame-hungry cosslaves to make it for her.
Photography actually takes much skills, much learnings, and much art school trainings to make it look all nice and artistical and shit. This goes double for cosplay photography. The right lightings needs to hit the right pair of breasts at the right angles so viewing pleasure is made easier for all. But Jessica does not see how respectful and artful an industry this is. Once she receives the Catwoman photos, she decides to remove Masamune's watermark from the photo, and sell it on her prints. This angers the photographer and leads him to spread a post around Facebook and Tumblr about the incident.
As per usual with Jessica, she develops a wicked victim complex. Everyone around her are the meanie bad guyz, while she is being wrongfully attacked for being an innocent and beautiful 11/10 titty cosplay goddessu. She insults the photographer for not letting her steal his photos for her own business, tells him that he only got his following because she shared his page on her Facebook, and BAWWS all over the comments of another cosplayer who called her out. She then deletes the print listing from her shop, pretending like it never happened.
Bra + Ears = Cosplay!
There are enough beta losers attending conventions that hiring Jessica as guest has become profitable. No one really knows what she does other than sell prints and let people take pictures of her tits and ass but if it draws a crowd it's good for business.
The FanExpo incident/Aquarium trip
Unfortunately at Fan Expo 2014, Jessica decided it was too boring to hang out with the greasy neckbeards who bought tickets to see her and went to an aquarium in Toronto instead. She wasn't smart enough to lay low and posted selfies of herself at the exact time she was supposed to be at the con. Oh well! The betas still defended her decision, especially after she posted that she was soo sowwy and tiwed needed west and kisses to recoopowate with her fwiends rather than go to a single fucking panel that she was hired by the con to attend.
Fans/White Knights/Beta Faggots
The overwhelming majority of JNig's fans are forever alone virgins between the ages of 12 and 25 who think they have a shot at that sweet, sweet, immaculately waxed vagoo if they stoke her ego enough. They follow her on all social media outlets, so no matter where she complains about "haters," they're always there to call her beautiful and tell her she's perfect. When she complains about her "haters" they quickly threaten Internet violence against anyone who DARES speak ill of their precious waifu. Unfortunately they're also kind of retarded so any time she posts a picture with a man- not even necessarily her boyfriend- they feel the need to mark their territory by calling him a faggot and telling JNig she can do sooo much better.
The Let's Play Life
As obvious, Jessica has a Twitch channel which she can whore herself out to her fandumb. However, 100% of the time she plays League of Legends and nothing else. This is the point where actual calling out of Jessica as a fake gamer girl is needed.
Jessica's Boy Toys
Just as the case with most bimbos, Jessica would be nothing without her steady line of men to be of her servitude. At one point, Jessica was engaged, but apparently the guy she was engaged to didn't give her what she needed to gain the attention and cosplay fame she desired, so she cheated on him multiple times. She now continues her prowl for stardumb by hooking up with and dumping men that can get her what she wants.
Vann Childs (ex-fiance)
Jessica wasn't always the cosplay queen admired by Cheeto-scented betas near and far. At one point, she was engaged to some guy she met in high school named Vann Childs. According to him, Jessica's whole persona is an act. Her first Pikachu cosplay was his idea, and Jessica rarely plays video games. She continues her persona just for the sake of fame, and thinks her fans are "fucking idiots." He also confirms that Jessica had multiple boob jobs, which isn't really that much of a shocker.
Jason Soprovich ("Cherry Sauce Clothing" owner)
Jason was one of the guys Jessica cheated on her fiance Vann with. He was also the guy Jessica used the money she scammed from FanExpo to be able to go on an aquarium trip with. According to Vann, Jessica had her eyes on a modeling/sponsorship deal for Cherry Sauce Clothing, and started dating Jason for this reason. The sponsorship deal ends up not being enough for sweet ol' Jessi, and Jason doesn't have the crafting skills to assist her with her sham of a cosplay persona, so JNig ends up going for an actual cosplayer.
Ryan Brandt (fakenerdboy)
Ryan is the latest guy in Jessica's fuck toy round up. Ryan has stated openly that he is only interested in a friends-with-benefits relationship with Jessica. He also revealed Jessica to have disgusting hygiene habits. Ryan has a video that showcases his cosplay skillz, which leads many to suspect that Nigri is using him for his cosplay crafting knowledge, and he is using her as a fuck buddy/cosplay fame.
Benjamin "Beethy" Koelewijn
Beethy is a 30+ year old mentally ill "professional cosplay photographer" who specializes in shooting consluts thinking it will get him laid. As a "professional" he brings special skills to the table such as airbrushing the ever-loving fuck out of people's faces and using very basic Photoshop filters. Beeth originally had beef with Jessica after learning she disrespected Masamune Photography. As a photographer he had to hate her on principle but he soon wised up and realized he could make his own mad cash by selling prints of Jessica's tatas. Neckbeards clearly only buy his prints for the sex appeal but Beethy is convinced his amazing photography is the main draw. Jessica flew him to the US to shoot her Eevee evolution cosplays but it is very unlikely she will ever sleep with him.
"All-Natural" Fake Breasts
You can see a scar by her armpit at the 0:01 mark of her Dec 29, 2015 "Mail Monday: Sexy Santa & Hot Mouths" YouTube video. An implant scar perhaps?
Hey, want to know why Jessica's hair is blond? That's easy. Her hair is actually dyed to shit and is actually brunette brown. That must also explain her awful looking receding hairline.
The Real Jessica Nigri
Obviously, the real Jessica Nigri is best defined as a hack fraud: she hates her fans, has absolutely no love for her so called interests, and even her hair is a fake color. Hell, if she could she could even be a fucking actor with the stunt she's pulled off. Oh wait.
Either way, the real Jessica Nigri however is even more lulzworthy. All of those fundraisers and convention monies? Fun fact, she blows it all away on private jets, blow, booze, and parties.
Even better, all of you weeaboos best gut yourselves with the ancient method of sudoku because funner fact: Jessica hates Japan and thinks it's a congregation for weirdos. It explains why she doesn't go back to Japan for more gigs. Even Leah Dizon wants to go back to Japan, and you desperate fucks want this fake bitch.
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