Jett Travolta

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He never left your sight, you say? He went to the bathroom and nobody noticed him gone until the next day, you say? You're flying back to Florida for the investigation, you say?
Tell me moar, tell me moar.
Like father, like son.
All the ingredients of a perfect family...PLUS ONE.
Jett had a Saturday Night Seizure
Fast food killed Jett

The story of Jett Travolta broke on the WWP forums in the sleepy, hungover newness of January 2nd, 2009. As soon as anon finished doing the Happy Protest Circlejerk at the news of another Scientology family death (two or three days later), the actual details of the case started to filter through the bleating headlines. Accusations of neglect immediately arose en masse from uneducated youtube commentfags about how Jett was a helmetless Kawasaki rider. Because hey, we all know Scilons are the same thing as Jehovah's Witnesses right?

An Hero

Jett Travolta may well hold the honour of being the first true An Hero of 2009. However, the question remains: did John steal his iPod? Is drowning in a bath as lulzy as drowning in a sandbox? Only Jew will tell.

According to secret internal Scientology memos, Jett learned the secret of OTIII too early and as Hubbard said, OTIII is designed to kill by pneumonia anyone who uncovers it. This was also what happened to Lisa McPherson.

No One Knows SHIT

Yahoo news links would have us believe that on December 2nd Jett Travolta, whilst on holiday in the Bahamas, had gone to take a shit the previous night and been found dead the following morning having apparently hit his head on the bath due to a seizure.

Anonymous cried foul, but the press had already seized on the controversy surrounding the family's long-running and plaintive denial that Jett was autistic, instead insisting that he had Kawasaki's Disease, a childhood malady of the blood vessels.

Cloudy water turned to muddy turned to shitty. Self-diagnosed aspies RAAAAAAGEd about how it was TERRIBLE that the Travoltas would not admit their SHAME to the world, and anyway THEY were autistic and they could TELL from Jett's face. Anons who actually had Kawasaki themselves scratched their heads and said "Wait guise, it doesn't do that," although it was later revealed that they had confused the condition with KAWAIIDESUNE ^_^ disease (which merely makes the user wear a ninja head protector and neko ears).

If there was one thing everyone could agree on, however, it was this: If Jett was found dead in the bathroom the following morning, what the hell were his overpaid caregivers doing?

Then it was announced that they would be flying back to the state of Florida (prop. David Miscavige) for the inquiry, and everyone was like O WTF.

On the 4th of January, Travolta was questioned. Naturally they had the perfect cover story, communicated by their lawyers and a tearful John. They had found Jett just after the accident, on the morning of the 2nd. He was still alive, and died in his father's arms as they tearfully tried to revive him. Beautiful. Truly, the stuff of which Hallmark Channel TVMs are made. Except for one thing.

The "This Shit Is Bahamas" Police are sticking to their version of events.

Uh-oh.

The Castor Troy Connection

John Travolta was The Elvis of the disco generation with his cleft lip facial expressions and white man dickswing. Most faggots become enraged when they see a successful male stay on the right side of the bar, and Nicholas Cage is no exception to this rule. Combine a dickfag's thirst for cock with career jealousy, and you have a recipe for RL trolling.

Nicholas Cage was always second best to John Travolta. He was beaten out by him for the role of Danny Zuko in Grease, and Quentin Tarantino chose Travolta over him for a lead role in Pulp Fiction as well. Cage had to take a backdoor pounding with the role of "The Gimp" in the blockbuster movie. But in the late 90's Cage got his chance to take the reins from Travolta for the first time. He was hired to kill Travolta's son in the movie Face/Off. Cage became an evil hi-tech Timothy McVeigh, training to kill in the flatlands of southern Indiana. He became so awesome that he was given Travolta's role in the movie, but it was at a price. Cage ended up realizing that he was just acting in a movie.

Cage became obsessed with everything about Travolta. He bought his old cars and any memorabilia he could find of his. He even married his daughter Priscilla Presley so he could taste Travolta's genes. But when she decided she should be fucking Michael Jackson he knew he had been duped into porking an inverted penis all along.

Being the Elvis fanatic he now was, and still a fag, Troy then attempted a relationship with Presley's son Jett. The encounter, which lasted only 30 seconds, ended with Jett becoming an hero after realizing Cage used his cock to pork his own sister Lisa Marie Presley. One taste of his own DNA off of Cage's cock, and realizing that Lisa Marie had probably been fucking Michael Jackson while boning Cage, was just too much for any 13 year old boy to handle. He deep throated a bottle of Valtrex and drowned in his own carbuncle discharge.

The Boyfriend Did It

The real killer

According to a Archive today-ico.png Gawker article, Jett was found by John Travolta's secret gay lover Jeff Katerin. Katerin is supposedly the caretaker for the little tard, however, on Katerin's website he describes himself as a professional photographer who enjoys electric skateboards, buttsecks and hanging out with his wife Ana. This leads one to wonder if the closet fag did Jett in because he was too old to be pedo material anymore, or maybe because retards require a lot of attention which would keep the lovebirds apart, or possibly he was killed as a form of tribute to the all mighty Xenu. We may never know.

Kawasaki Disease

Kawasaki Disease is an illness that involves the skin, mouth, and lymph nodes. Kawasaki disease can't be prevented but it can be picked up at your local Kawasaki dealer; so let the good times roll. Jett Travolta hit the water hard, and hit the bathtub harder. He is a true an hero, comparable to the likes of Budd Dwyer except not as lulzy.

Kawasaki disease occurs in 19 out of every 100,000 babies in the United States. It never occurs in teenagers unless they never get any medical treatment for it. It has telltale symptoms, such as:


Shooped Photos

Some of the photos that were publicized in media outlets after Jett's death were found out to have been Archive today-ico.png shooped. It goes to show that Scifags fail at Photoshop.

Current Suspects

  • Oprah Winfrey
  • John Travolta
  • John Travolta´s faggot lover
  • An heroism
  • Batman
  • /b/
  • Kawasaki(if you take Faux news seriously)
  • Internet exposure without proper browsing and rule 34-diation defenses.
  • A mistake
  • Richard Dawkins communist scum
  • A season 12 episode of South Park
  • John Travoltas political enemies (Aliens)
  • This [1]
  • You after finding out he was cheating with another guy
  • God almighty
  • His boyfriend
  • Bricks forming within his digestive-system causing internal bleeding and nerve damage causing seizures followed by head injuries and heart failure
  • The one mentioned above caused by his encounter with a RickRoll

/b/ Responds

   
 
Scientology cured Tom Cruise of dyslexia and John Travolta of a retarded son.
 

 
 


   
 
Foreman, run an autopsy. Chase, check his house for any Alternative Medicines. Cameron, come to my house with me.
 

 
 

House


   
 
Why was he riding a Kawasaki in the bath? It makes no sense.
 

 
 


   
 
grease is still the word... on apparently what was on the bottom of the bathtub.
 

 
 


   
 
he must have seen his father's performance in battlefield earth
 

 
 


   
 
This is sick! He was just a 16-year old boy! It could have been any one of you.
 

 
 


   
 
Kawasaki Disease is the number one cause of death in victims afflicted with Kawasaki Disease who's parents subscribe to a religion created by a science fiction author that disallows proper, scientifically proven, medical treatment.
 

 
 

Truth

Gallery of Epic Bathtub Guy About missing Pics
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See Also

External Links



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