John Bolton

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Even John Bolton is amazed at how much oatmeal can be fit in the ass.

John Bolton is a former United Nations ambassador for Amerikkka, and is currently an '80s pop musician. He is best known, however, for his illustrious acting career, reaching its pinnacle with his role as Buffalo Bob in Silence of the Lambs. Born at least 100 years ago, he is known for his various movie roles, but, more importantly, his years of Quaker Oats commercials. He's also responsible for the ballad "Said I Loved You, But I Lied." He allegedly became a sell out when he cut his hair and gained weight.

During his political career he was widely condemned for his cheap debating tactics, such as using his snow-white mustache to dazzle his opponents, the intensity of the dazzle being exacerbated by his ability to make his face go extremely red on command.

John Bolton limit break

Cheese: John Bolton's favorite food.

The Facts

  • Fast Fact: John Bolton is fat because he has copious amounts of sex while shoving oatmeal in the ass of his sexual partner. He is also Diabetic, and claims that all you need is Medicare to get testing supplies delivered right to your door.
  • Fat Fact: John Bolton was bullied at school for being fat, which explains why he's like he is today. His nickname was "John Bloater".
  • Fun Fact: John Bolton's favorite food is cheese.
Bolton in his younger years. Called his hair the "Liberal Basher".

Bolton Filmography

  • The Thing
  • Tender Mercies
  • The Natural
  • Cocoon
  • Bolton Does Bulgaria
  • Bolton Does Bulgaria 14: Spring Break Edition
  • Damn, That's a Lot of Oatmeal
  • Damn, That's a Lot of Oatmeal 2: Moar Oatse

Election 2008 Coverage on the Beeb

Last Tuesday, John Bolton appeared on BBC to provide his expertise and commentary on the election. What actually happened was a lolcano of all sorts. Bolton was yelled at and put in his place, and he looked like a fucking retard in front of the British and /b/tards who were watching the online coverage.