Jonathan Lee Riches

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Jonathan Lee Riches© is a broke-ass cracka. He is in jail. Unlike black people who are in jail, he is there for wire fraud.

In his spare time (which is all the time cuz dat nigga in JAIL yo, he don't got shit to do 'cept buy shit from the commissary an' become Bubbaz bitch an shit foo), he likes to sue people, things, and places. A lot.

It's Jonathan Lee., Riches©, superlitigious superhacker superhero

He is also legendary hacker superhero Gino Romano, but everyone keeps stealing his identity and trying to kill him and commit treason. And stuff.

Legal history

Cracka got sent to jail

The done put his broke ass in jail fo some shit bout fuckin with niggas' credit cards, or what da crackas call "whyre frod." This is, by far, the least interesting of his legal history, so I'm not going to write a lot about it. There's some shit in some fuckin newspaperz online or some shit like that if you really givez a fucks.

Sometime last Thursday, Jonathan was released. Some argue that he can be emailed at [email protected] but this information remains unverified.

Riches v. Bureau of Prisons

  • Filed: January 27, 2006
  • Petitioner: Jonathan Lee., Riches© (all of the cases on this page have the same petitioner, but in his handwritten petitions he writes variations of his name)
  • Respondents: Bureau of Prisons, Michael Pettiford, warden, and does 1-100
  • Case number: 6:2006cv00194
  • District Court: SC
  • What the nigga claims: They're trying to transfer him to a different prison, and his safety is at risk, although he won't say why.
  • What the nigga wants: A restraining order so he can't be transferred to a different prison.
  • Outcome: Dismissed. They transferred him anyways. Now he's at FCI Williamsburg in Virginia. This wasn't actually a lawsuit, and it wasn't actually very funny.

Riches v. Bush

Riches' 2004 campaign plagiarized by Obama
  • Filed: February 16, 2006
  • Plaintiff: Jonathan Lee., RicHes©
  • Defendant: George W. Bush, individually and in his official capacity as PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES
  • Case number: 4:2006cv00442
  • District Court: SC
  • What the nigga claims: George W. Bush is involved with a vast conspiracy of Uniform commercial code "UCC" followers. They're using JLR's copyrighted allcaps name without his consent. The Federal Reserve is a fraud as Federal Reserve notes are backed by nothing of substance. George Bush, Queen of England, Chubby Checker, Dalai Lama, Hillary Clinton, Bloods and Crips of Detroit, trench coat Mafia, Sen. Arlen Spector, Gambino crime family, Sen Trent Lott, and other parties he refuses to name for fear of his safety, through subliminal messaging, RFID tracking devices, radio active chemicals released into the air by United Airline pilots, George Bush was involved with the construction of FCI Williamsburg. However, Bush failed to build an anti UFO defense system around the compound, released staph infection in the prison water system, and sold inmates' personal bonds on the international stock market without their consent. JLR says he is personally subjected to microwave testing on a daily basis. He also says that Bush is committing treason by selling our DNA to the "Hitler Socialist Party". He then goes on to allege that Bush is a "voodoo witch doctor" involved with transforming humans to animals, sometimes plants. Also, FCI Williamsburg has robotic guards made from Bush's NASA partners. He then alleges that the 14th Amendment was not ratified properly. He goes on to say that Bush is a time-traveler who conspired with the Duke of Normandy for the Battle of Hastings in 1066 AD. Apparently, George H.W. Bush "is his front father contracted with secret wiccans to pervert American citizens minds via WWW world wide web".
  • Timeline (as given by JLR):
  1. January 4th 2003, George Bush stole his identity
  2. April 20th 2002, George Bush joined "alliance to Al Qaeda"
  3. October 31st 2001, George Bush is spelled hsuB egroeG backwards
  • Laws alleged to have been broken: (more later)
  • What the nigga wants:
  1. 299,000,000,000,000.00 trillion dollars backed by gold or silver delivered by USPS
  2. A restraining order "against George W Bush as I come in peace"
  3. A restraining order against Air Force One
  • Outcome: Dismissed. Can't a nigger get justice in this country!?

Riches v. Uniform Commercial Code

  • Filed: February 24, 2006
  • Plaintiff: Jonathan Lee Riches
  • Defendant: Uniform Commercial Code
  • Case number: 3:2006cv01428
  • District Court: CA Northern
  • What the nigga claims: Unknown.
  • What the nigga wants: Unknown.
  • Outcome: Case dismissed without prejudice May 30, 2006.

Riches v. Defcon et al

  • Filed: March 8, 2006
  • Plaintiff: Jonathan Lee., Riches© A/K/A Gino Romano
  • Defendant: Defcon, D/B/A Nevada Chatlines
  • Case number: 2:2006cv00293
  • District Court: NV
  • What the nigga claims:
    • Count 1: At their annual hacker convention in Las Vegas each August, Defcon has been exploiting his hacker identity "Gino Romano" for financial gain without paying him for the last 8 years.
    • Count 2: Defcon, Computer Hackers Worldwide, and Telephone Phreakers are in a vast conspiracy with the UCC to exploit his name "Gino Romano" on chatlines throughout the world.
    • Count 3: He's an underground hacker superhero, his identity ("Gino Romano") is being stolen, and other hackers are pretending to be him.
    • Count 4: Defcon is in violation of the Trading with the Enemy Act, using Gino Romano promissory notes to trade "Hacking Secrets" with "World Countries" without his permission.
    • Count 5:
      • Defcon and 2,600 joined alliance with al-Qaeda, the IRA, Nigerian Janjaweeds, and the Colombian FARC rebels.
      • Defcon sells "Gino Romano, best hacker ever" t-shirts, books, mugs, and photos at their annual convention without his consent.
      • "Jonathan Lee., Riches© AKA Gino Romano's name can be heard daily on Nevada Chat Lines (775-533-6666)" without his consent. (as of 10/07, calling that number gives a message from a man who sounds like a stoner telling you that "Party Line" has changed their number to 435-855-1111 and that it's all new and ready to roll)
      • Computer hackers are "doing fraud" in his name. He has been injured by "these thiefs" using his name for political and commercial gain.
      • Defcon's annual convention has his name, picture, and statue at Event Tickets and Balloons.
      • Gino Romano's name is notorious throughout the hacking community.
      • Kevin Mitnick is a Defcon lobbyist using the name "Gino Romano" without his consent.
      • Defcon creates cyberwars using Gino Romano's name.
      • Defcon committed treason trading Gino Romano secrets with China.
  • What the nigga wants: collectively, from all defendants:
  1. 664,000,000,000,000.00 trillion dollars backed by gold and silver
  2. Return of voice changers, ID making equipment, phone scramblers, blue box, pen register, Toshiba, phone diverters, calling cards, spy equipment, Gino Romano dolls/t-shirts/hats, route accounts, POX's, ANI spoofer
  • Outcome: Case dismissed because JLR didn't pay court fees or prove his in forma pauperis status (basically, IFP means that he is broke), May 7, 2007.

Riches v. Bush et al

  • Filed: March 9, 2006
  • Plaintiff: Jonathan Lee Riches
  • Defendant: George W. Bush, Marco Polo, The Eiffel Tower, Plymouth Rock, Aztec Pyramids, Jessica Simpson, Skittles candies... over 50 handwritten pages of defendants. (no, srsly)
  • Case number: 2:2006cv01055
  • District Court: PA Eastern
  • What the nigga claims: Unknown, unfortunately.
  • What the nigga wants: Unknown, unfortunately.
  • Outcome: Case dismissed without prejudice May 30, 2006.

Riches v. Federal Reserve Bank et al

  • Filed: March 17, 2006
  • Plaintiff: Jonathan Lee., RicHes© A/K/A "Secured Party" d/b/a Gino Romano
  • Defendant: Federal Reserve Bank, Credit Suisse First Boston and Export Import Bank
  • Case number: 1:2006cv10499
  • District Court: MA
  • What the nigga claims:
    • Count 1: The Federal Reserve Bank is a secret bank under Plymouth Rock involved in a vast conspiracy to take over the world through the UCC.
    • Count 2: The Federal Reserve Bank stole citizens' gold and silver June 5, 1933 and gave Federal Reserve Notes, which are backed by nothing, in exchange.
    • Count 3: The Federal Reserve forces Americans to work to pay off the national debt. The Federal Reserve bought the New England Patriots, and now terrorizes fans at their games. They're also involved with illegal sports betting on their own team, and not only the Patriots but the Reserve employees themselves as well take performance enhancing drugs. JLR "declares an investigation" and suggests they be referred to the office of the DA in Boston.
    • Count 4: The Federal Reserve joined an alliance with al-Qaeda on 9/11, and are thus in violation of the Trading with the Enemy Act. They are laundering money for al-Qaeda and Russian spies.
    • Count 5: The Federal Reserve is involved with drug trafficking in South America. They also work with medical doctors to poison Americans and take their money.
    • Count 6: On January 4th, 2004, Credit Suisse First Boston stole JLR's identity, then sold it on eBay. On January 6th, the Federal Reserve Bank violated his copyright and trademark by selling millions of t-shirts with his name and logo at their bank without his permission. On April 20th, 2005, Hitler's birthday, the FBI arrests all Americans and forces them to contract with the UCC. The massive arrest operation is financed by the Federal Reserve Bank.
    • Count 7: "Federal Reserve uses the UCC to use mind manipulation on myself and Americans"
    • Count 8: The Federal Reserve hires illegal immigrants, convicted felons, and international spies.
    • Count 9: The Federal Reserve and George W. Bush are plotting to kill all foreigners living in the US. The Federal Reserve financed JLR's Lexus ES300 in 2002; the vehicle was bugged with illegal wiretapping devices. The Federal Reserve injured JLR, tortured him, and are trying to kill him.
  • What the nigga wants: 567,000,000,000,100.00 trillion dollars backed by gold and silver wired to him via Western Union. He also claims to be entitled to relief under the Whistleblowing Act.
  • Outcome: The judge submitted a request for the filing fee or financial documents proving JLR cannot afford it. JLR responded by asking the judge for the judge's personal financial documents. The judge then dismissed the case due to JLR's failure to comply with the previous order on June 15, 2006.