Judge William Adams
|Judge William Adams|
Download Kazaa? That's a paddlin'
|Description||Texas Judge in Aransas County, known for paddlin' internet users.|
|Fears||Kazaa, youtube, gays, ataxic cerebral palsy, retards, Metallica, disobedience, web cams, belts, Megan's Law, falling pianos, JDAMs and Jews|
|Values||God, beating children, sodomy, Goofy Time |
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Judge William "Bill" "The Judge" Adams (AKA Judge Dredd) is 4chan's nominee for father of the year in 2011. He is a don't-mess-with-Texas family law judge, but under the robe lies the most monumental winner you will ever lay eyes on. Hailing from the lovely county of Aransas in Southern Texas, his existence is spent beating his wife and daughter and feasting upon the sandwiches they prepare for him. Make no mistake, while this badass motherfucker doesn't wear a wife-beater badge or shotgun cans of Bud Light, he is the embodiment of win. When he's not busy riding through the woods in his pickup truck, hunting Negroes and defending the people's freedom, he's getting secretly filmed disciplining his disobedient daughter who is also a furry.
Last Thursday the daughter of Billy posted a video to YouTube, secretly filmed in 2004. It depicts Judge Adams savagely beating his daughter with a belt. From what can be garnered from the video, Hillary is a bit of a video game fan (note the Starfox Adventures and Sonic Adventure 2 posters on the wall) and a computer geek. Judge Adams, being the upstanding, moral individual (read: patriot) he is, didn't agree with her downloading that evil Rock & Roll music and playing those satanic video games and decided to "give her a spanking." Instead of a spanking, he proceeds to discipline her in a reasonable and fair matter, good ol' boy-style. At the time, Hillary was downloading Japanese music and games that were not yet available for legal purchase in the Jewnited States. Not wanting to miss out on the latest episode of the hottest animu, Hillary turned to the Internets to satisfy her cravings. Disappointed with his daughter's actions, The Judge then decided he was going to beat some sense into the little shit.
Detecting the incoming justice, Hillary smartly placed her camera on a shelf and covered it, leaving it on "record" mode to capture what happened. Seven years later, she released the video, causing the shitstorm of butthurt taking place today. What was captured is grainy images of The Judge relentlessly manhandling and beating Hillary everywhere on her body, threatening to beat her across the face if she doesn't assume his demanded positions. Hillary's mother, another victim of Billy's abuse, is seen shouting at her and telling her to "take it like a grown woman".
Hillary originally posted information about the video on Reddit, but the video quickly spread throughout the various tubes. Because Hillary is a gamer, the video gained momentum on the /v/ board on 4chan, as thousands of basement dwellers lifted their flabby arms in outrage that someone could hurt a white, normal-looking girl that enjoys vidya. This selective vigilantism then spread to /b/ from there, picking up more supporters along the way. Judge Adams should be preparing his asshole for the oncoming shitstorm created by the mass of nerdrage slowly vibrating towards him with the force of a thousand suns, ED will be following all the way, as lulz will undoubtedly ensue. Hope your career works out buddy! (It should be noted that he's already been relieved of his duties for two weeks thanks to his sneaky little rascal of a daughter.)
It is worth pointing out that Hillary has a disability. She has ataxic cerebral palsy and was born with less-than-functioning fingers, though she has since, through a program of physical therapy involving learning to play the piano, managed to get 1337 p14n0 skri11z. This didn't faze Billy one bit, however, and he still beat her to no end. For he knew that, despite her pleas to the contrary, the bitch was faking.
What we have here is a failure to communicate efficiently. Seven minutes of video reduces down to a shorter transcript. Like in the 1985 film Brazil, where the old typist in Jack Lint's (Michael Palin) office at the Ministery of Information Retrieval, what we need is a pretty-good transcript to figure out what all of these pronouns are referring to. Williams gets 14 blows on Hillary and then gets three more after his (lick) comment and perhaps one more while yelling into her ear.
- The mother's name is Hallie
- Allison is Hillary's younger sister.
- The trigger for the beating was that Hillary re-installed the music-sharing software Kazaa on her computer in her bedroom and Bill lumps that all together with unlocked computer games as stealing. Apparently Hillary also was taking some of her school exams with the computer.
Scene opens with camera looking at a bedroom with lights off. Voices initially recordered off-camera.
Judge Dredd himself has been contacted by a local news outlet. When asked for statement, he said, "It happened years ago.. I apologized." That's right guys, he's truly rehabilitated! His bad! Moreover, he made sure to let us know that, "It's not as bad as it looks on tape," proving that he is truly a reasonable, God fearin' man and we have all blown it out of proportion. So go ahead and pack it up guys, its time to leave him alone. In further interviews, he continues to shrug off any accusations and responsibility, still contending that beating his daughter was completely normal. Taking some quotes from CNN.com:
—Judge Dredd to KZTV, reminding us its his daughter's fault
How can YOU help this father of the year?
- Call him and let him know what a great job he's doing. If you are too shy to tell him how great he is via the phone, you can always email him at work [email protected]
- Judge Dredd has been lonely since his divorce, and as a good christian he is not allowed to sign up for pornography. However you can sign him up to receive your favorite porn so that way he doesn't have to sin in the eyes of God.
- Order him his favorite pizza I heard he likes: Pizza Hut (361) 729-7270, Papa Johns (361) 643-0737 (361) 806-2540 (361) 937-2424, Panjo's Pizza and Pasta (361) 729-1411, Europizza (361) 790-2443 and Dominos (361) 729-4700
- Send him free samples of lube from  ,  ,  , and  . He will be grateful seeing as he is newly single and the ladies will be lining up to date this fine man
- He is a humble christian man and may be too shy to start his own dating profile so feel free to start one for him
- As a Christian you can't have enough Bibles
- He also enjoys Chinese food especially from New China express (361) 854-3888, Hunan Express (361) 992-6666, Hua T'Ai Chinese Restaurant (361) 857-8788
- Be sure to Google "Judge William Adams beats daughter" over and over and click on all links of him beating his daughter to defend this man from trolls.
- Leave a comment on what an amazing judge William Adams is
- Call Aransas County Court Judge C.H. "Burt" Mills at (361)790-0100 and tell them you think it's bullshit that anyone has anything negative to say about Judge William "Bitch had it coming, and I was glad to give it to her" Adams. Then yell that she didn't deserve to live in that house!
- If all else fails, some good old gay hookers from Craigslist should do the trick.
When the video went up on Reddit, people immediately started questioning why the furry waited so long to post the video, instead of reporting it immediately to the authorities. She replied back on Reddit saying that she was saving the video until her dad made her mad. He made her mad just recently, so she posted the video in order for the judge to receive the 99%ers and soccer moms' wraths. He's not up for re-election for another three years! But that does not stop Facebook.
Barred from seeing his younger daughter
Hallie Adams, the ex-wife who could be heard encouraging Judge Dredd in the video, has placed a restraining order on the man she once held down his victims for in order to prevent him from seeing the younger sister of the furry. Apparently she fears for her daughter's safety, somehow not realizing that she is the person encouraging her other daughter's beating in the famous video. Sauce
Update from Jewtube: 01/10/2012
"Please, someone help me. He thinks he's a hero, he thinks he has done nothing wrong and he is some kind of martyr. He is actively lying to and trying to bribe my little sister. He told me he "wasn't mad" to elicit kindness and then blocked my phone number. He promised me my school savings in return for the car and he still has every penny AND the car. He threw away every single chance I gave him at redemption. This shit is still happening and this man is still in office, denying any wrongdoing and shifting blame in any outward direction he can. Please god someone help us." - Hillary 'shoehedgie' Adams
That's a Paddlin'
- Christian Spanking Blogs
- Erik Ribsskog – son of the year 2011
- Josef Fritzl
- Katherine Marion – mother of the year 2011
- Rusty Ray - possible bff?
- WhitePages.com profile of William Adams (CONFIRMED)
- Aransas County Court-At-Law Page - Has the phone number for the court where he works. I heard he likes pizza!
- Aransas County Court Contact Page - Let them know that one of their judges is about to be fucked a la Anthony Weiner
- November 1:
- November 2 2:22PM Forbes article on the video and internet revenge
- November 2 3:14PM CNN Coverage (OH SHIT NATIONAL NEWS)
- November 2 11:03PM Faux News affiliate
- November 2: Girl Exposes Her Dad by YouBentMyWookie
- November 3: Father DARED me to post video by DailyMail.UK (alt title)
- November 14: Local News (Corpus Cristi, TX) coverage (with a statement from Billy)
Keith Olberman Weighs InRemoved Uh Oh. Now all the Olberman Fans are in on it. Expect a shitstorm of Moral Indignation from the Latte-Sippers.
- 212 related articles and counting about Judge Dredd on Jewgle News including Huffington Post, Faux News, and even some Zimbabwean news blog! The butthurt is truly beginning to flow
- pro tip: Only confirmed followers have access to @william1777's Tweets and complete profile. Click the "Follow" button to send a follow request.
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|Featured article November 2, 2011 & November 3, 2011|
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