Katamari Damacy

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Katamari Damacy, a.k.a. Katamari Damashii to azns or 塊魂 in moonspeak, is a third-person action RPG for the Sony Playstation 2. The gameplay differs from typical MMOs at least 100 ways. Katamari Damacy was created by the CIA as part of its MKULTRA Mind Control programme and has delivered great success in this area. The game frequently uses an artistic style heavily reliant on batshit insane music and assumptions to disorient the player and de-pattern their brain. Once mentally imprinted, you will become an Esperanto speaker.

Gameplay Screenshot/Rule 34

This game has also been remade at least 100 times. All of the games in the series include:

  • Katamari Damacy (PS2)(good)
  • We Love Katamari (PS2)(good)
  • Me & My Katamari (PSP)(repetitive and HOLY FUCK MY HANDS)
  • Katamari Damacy Mobile
  • Beautiful Katamari (Xbox 360)(short)
  • I Love Katamari (iPhone)(shit controls)
  • Korogashi Puzzle Katamari Damacy (Nintendo DSi)
  • Katamari Forever (PS3) (actually good)
  • Katamari Amore (iPhone) (shit controls, now with in-app purchases)
  • Touch My Katamari (Vita) (rehash)

Each game is pretty much the same, with minor changes to the storylines. It just goes to show that video game companies are quickly running out of ideas for games. That's not to say that there will not be numerous other remakes of this game in the near future.

The Story

Katamari Damacy has one of the most underrated stories of any video game. The gamer assumes the role of a 10cm tall prince, who must roll around a sticky ball that picks up whatever cows, children, and trees it touches. The prince's father is The King of All Cosmos, who has been on an opium bender and threatens to unleash a swift punishment on his son if his Katamari is anything less than Perfect. The King of all Cosmos is notable for his style, typically speaking in verbosities and dressing like a hipster.



The goal of Katamari Damacy is to depopulate the world by collecting all of the objects you see before you. Some argue that the idea for this gameplay model was stolen directly from the Nazis and their actions in the holocaust.

Making a Katamari is just like writing an article for ED, the lulzier you make your Katamari the less pain The King will inflict on you with his lengthy monologues. Lulz are awarded on a points basis as follows:

These are the only two things The King wants in Katamari Damacy, besides the Prince's boy-hole of course.

When namco made Katamari Damacy they accidentally multiplayer. As a result, the multiplayer portion of the game would leave any gamer pining for rockets on blood gulch.

If your katamari does not meet Our high standards, We shall charge Our lazorz and turn all of those people you rolled up into stardust. Hey, it's your fault, Prince.


  • Make Virgo: Roll up virgins for the King. Bitches be all over my balls.
  • Make Cancer: Get crabs
  • Cowbear level: AHH! FUCK YOU! Traffic cones are not fucking cows!
  • Roll up the World: You don't want to know what the King and Queen were doing in there.
  • Flower level: God is a girl. And his name is Eris.

Further Research

The intro video explains everything.


See Also

Katamari Damacy
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