Katy Perry

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Shes a Christfag, guyse! Fap away!

Katy Perry (aka Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson), who, according to a recent Proactiv commercial, has "feisty girl-power charisma" is another member of the long line of giant-titted whores showing up in the popular music industry in the late 2000s. Katy Perry was born in the sister-screwing, scum scorn, cesspit, shit stain that is California, USA. She is a middle child, and both her parents are burnout hippie Pastors, explaining her attention-whoreish, bi-curious demeanor.

Katy Perry is a deceptive bitch, who is actually a natural blonde, and dyes her hair and eyebrows black BLUE to appeal to Scene whores, and to hide the retardation natural to all blondes.

Her Career

Katy's Christfag parents incorporated her into their Church from an early age, and at the age of nine, she started singing. She was influenced by the hideous, ear bashing, black person raped genre of music called Gospel, a form of music almost exclusively reserved for Churches, owing to its shitiness. She sung at her Church until the age of sixteen, after which time she began to learn dancing. In order to put herself through dance school, she got a job as prostitute.

Katy Perry admitted that she is just a copypasta version of her sister, stating that "I was copycatting my sister and everything she did", doing so by stealing her sisters audio tapes and singing along to them. Katy was a jealous whore and incredibly attention seeking, and therefore had to compete with her sister at everything. Being an A-PLUS bitch, she convinced her parents to enroll her in singing lessons, as her sister and lesbian lover was also taking them at the time.

Her First Album

At fifteen some rednecks from Nashville stole her from her church and took her to Nashville to teach her how to write. She learned to play the guitar and was signed to fail Christian record label, Red Hill. She recorded and released her first self-titled album at 15, which, being a Christian album, sucked, and rightly so, failed hard.

Katy then signed to another shit label, and didn't do anything except change her name from Katy Hudson to Katy Perry. It is assumed that during this period she jumped onto every famous cock she could sniff out in order to get signed to Columbia Records. Columbia Records are a smart group of people, and know exactly where a whore's place is, a kitchen, therefore, they refused to give Katy any creative control over the work she did with them, and forced her to sing on a later shelved album.

Columbia didn't have a project going for her, so Katy started recording her own. Proving that trolls can have jobs, they dropped her from their label when her album was 80% complete. However, in a supreme form of irony, Katy was found by the record label Capitol, and signed after fucking its CEO.

Her Songs

  • I Kissed a Girl- Written by one of her fellow executives for shock value in order to score a hit.
  • Hot N Cold- A song about how guys only like her for her "rockin" bod but they quit it after they listen to her shit music.
  • Ur so Gay- You being gay. But it was a pathetic excuse to troll her ex-boyfriends.
  • Lost- She's hit rock bottom, and barfs glitter like Ke$ha.
  • Thinking of You- About how she throws up thinking of you.
  • California Gurls- A failure attempt at making a hit memorable song that will be on beach resort commercials 30 years from now, proving that she has unrealistic expectations. Snoop_Dogg, famous rapper and nigger only went there to do some shitty rap hoping he can rape her like all niggers to get a guest star on the slut's music video, because he has a small cock, direct yourself too The_Great_Black_Dick_Hoax.
  • Teenage Dream- About how she wants all of the teenage dicks in America to jack off to her. That's totally not a pedobear moment at all *sarcasm*.
  • L.F.N (Last Friday Night) - Sings about how she's produced yet another epic fail. This was a duet between Katy and Rebecca Black, Katy's thirteen year old girl lesbian crush.
  • Firework- A song made only for commercial play. Everyone will think that she wants guys to fap all her body.
  • Circle the Drain<- Do I need to say anything?
  • Peacock- About how much she wants to pee on someone's cock.
  • E.T- About how much she, being the sick fuck she is, wants to bang E.T, Piccolo, and just aliens in general. Oh, and she's apparently a furry half human, half deer.
  • Not Like the Movies- Final attempt to shock everybody with her "talent" on the piano and the lyrics but in the end fails miserably.
  • The One That Got Away- About how she lost the_game. Or presumably, yourself for watching the heap of crap.
  • Who Am I Living For- About being a attention_whore and something about leaving Christ for Satan's cock.
  • Pearl- About being trapped in the darkness, because her boyfriend kept in the basement, when he needs buttsecks.
  • Hummingbird Heartbeat- Because she saw a hummingbird one time at breakfast, she made this song LOL_WUT.
  • Wide Awake- Obviously about breaking up with Rusty_Rockets and a sex_tape wasn't delivered in time. Silly Katy.
  • If You Can Afford Me- Well, it's either about being a prostitute or basically selling out. Either way, it's the same result.
  • Part Of Me- "This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me" over a house beat was the meaning. It seemed like Rusty_Rockets beat the shit out of her for leaving the kitchen.
  • Waking Up in Vegas- Katy writing a song that seems original. But obviously overdone.
  • Dark Horse- Gee, I wonder what this is about, certainly not about black cocks. Enjoy your aids, katy.
  • Roar- Being a independent gal in the jungle, and abandoning men all together, totally wants lesbian action
  • This is How We Do- A shitty music video, that has no meaning to it. Realizing how her career is going down the shithole. Where's that sex tape?



Shit hits the fan and everyone gets sprayed

Katy about to score some Ke$ha.

Capitol started recording her, and released a video to her song Ur So Gay. The song firmly planted her amongst the wannabe hipsters of the internet as an up and coming talent. Ur So Gay went viral on Myspace, adorning the profile of scene whores everywhere who were dating a secretly homosexual boy and could relate. Soon after she released her "debut" One of the Boys. The album was filled to the Jizztini with sickly sweet songs about pseudo-bisexuality and other bullshit. Naturally, it was a huge success, making Katy, Capitol and everyone else affiliated way too much money because Jew fathers and their rich Jew daughters have all worlds cash.

She Didn't Kiss a Girl

HULK SPLASH!

Her biggest hit off the album One of the Boys was undoubtedly the track I Kissed A Girl. For anyone lucky enough to have not heard this shit, it's a terrible candy-ass sweet dance track about kissing a member of the same sex and not having repulsive feelings. Katy was quoted saying this as the influence of the song:


   
 
I opened up a magazine and I saw a picture of Scarlett Johannson. I said to [my boyfriend at the time], 'I'm not going to lie. If Scarlett Johansson walked into the room and wanted to make out with me, I would make out with her. I hope you're okay with that.'
 

 
 

—Katy on I Kissed A Girl

LO AND BEHOLD! This was all bullshit. Read on for an explanation.

Original Article Discharges

Description : The video shows two young women making out. [Not sure who they are, though.] Only distressing if you're a retard (or from the Southern US). 00 KAG is an acronym for Kissed A Girl, as in the title of the song on this page. Jill Sobule's historical song was the subject of some controversy when it came out in 1995 and was banned from many radio stations in - you guessed it - the Southern US.

In June 2008, young pop star Katy Perry put out abomination of a song with the same name and theme. The song made it to the #1 spot on both Canadian and US Hot 100 charts. The music video also hit the #1 spot on MTV's TRL chart.

Unlike Jill Sobule, Perry is certainly not a lesbian, and her song is only edgy in that it slightly pushes the bar as to what is considered "acceptable fare" in mainstream pop culture. However, in the post-Ellen DeGeneres era - one where shows like HBO's The L Word are popular among individuals of varying sexual orientations, a girl singing about kissing another girl does little more than show that the population digs straight girls acting gay for their own self-aggrandization.

Oh, and notably, Katy Perry has never actually kissed a girl. WTF?

The following Adapted from Wikipedia's critical discussion of the song:

Rolling Stone, while giving her album 2/5 stars... says the supposedly rebellious "attention-grabbing" lyrics are "a vanilla recounting of her chick-on-chick exploits" and that this "acting out" is "just to get a dude's attention."... Sal Cinquemani of Slant Magazine wrote: "[Perry's single] features a throbbing beat and an infectious, bi-curious hook but its self-satisfied, in-your-face posturing rings phony in comparison to the expertly constructed ambiguities of 'Justify My Love' or practically anything in the first decade of Ani DiFranco's catalogue; it's like a tween version of DiFranco's tortured bisexual confession 'Light of Some Kind.'"

Hiponline.com wrote that the song is "not nearly as interesting or exciting as you’d expect. It’s not even half as good as Jill Sobule’s song 'I Kissed a Girl'." Glitterati Gossip agrees Sobule's song "was ten times better, because there was actual emotional content to her lyrics.

Jill Sobule, a musician who released a song in 1995 with the same title (and is an actual lesbian), had a few words about Perry taking her title and prancing around like the spoiled attention whore she is. Lulz came through when she said in an interview:

“When Katy Perry's song came out I started getting tons of inquiries about what I thought. Some folks (and protective friends) were angry, and wondered why she took my title and made it into this kind of 'girls gone wild' thing....

As a musician I have always refrained from criticizing another artist. I was, 'Well, good for her.' It did bug me a little bit, however, when she said she came up with the idea for the title in a dream. In truth, she wrote it with a team of professional writers and was signed by the very same guy that signed me in 1995. I have not mentioned that in interviews as I don't want to sound bitter or petty...

Okay, maybe, if I really think about it, there were a few jealous and pissed-off moments. So here goes, for the first time in an interview: "Fuck you, Katy Perry, you fucking stupid, maybe 'not good for the gays,' title-thieving, haven't heard much else, so not quite sure if you're talented, fucking little slut.

God that felt good."


   
 
I can't just be the girl who sang 'I Kissed a Girl.' I have to leave a legacy.
 

 
 

— Katy Perry in Cosmopolitan magazine (August 2009)

Katy Perry in a 4 minute long commercial for the Navy (I.e advertisement for participating in the kafkaesque War of terror).
Katy Perry, you will not be remembered as the girl who sang "I Kissed a Girl", but as the vixen who indirectly sent over 9000 lives into death, despair and disability!


Katy Perry on the Simpsons.
That's not my belly button...

Perry calls Lady Gaga blasphemous

oink

Katy Perry, who as we all know is a Christfag has recently grown a pair of extremely ill fitting balls and called out Lady Gaga as being anything other than perfect. In a recent tweet from the now blue-haired Christian mess, Perry says the following:


   
 
Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke.
 

 
 

—Perry not realizing the hilarity of fart jokes

Katy Perry is a Whore, but as it turns out just might be doing her part for Christianity after all. Truly though, if you have a problem with South Park-esque humor, wouldn't it stand to say you'd not be interested in people that make a career choice out of it?

Blue hair cause Blue Balls

Oh right, very good, moving on.

If there is one thing we hate here at ED more than a slut, it's a bitch that won't put out. Somehow Katy seems to fill both positions quite nicely. It has recently come to light that when the blue haired starlet isn't running around pissing off God with her Girl Kissing and Hot 'N Cold pop tracks, she is holding out on poor Russell Brand getting his dainty little British cock wet.


   
 
Describing Brand as a "prostitute", Perry said the comedy bad boy only embraced monogamy after she tamed his wild ways.
 

 
 

—LOL PROSTITUTE

Katy Perry apparently held out on sex with Russell Brand when they first met, and started seeing each other. In a move that she said would "tame his wild ways", she forced him to take her on dates and spend up big on trips to Thailand before Brand could get at that sweet sweet tang. Normally this sort of behavior in a woman would be rectified in a correctional rape. But with Katy Perry being more a man than Brand will ever be, he bowed to her born-again Christian tactics. They got married at the end of 2010, and lived happily ever after a year later he let her know he was divorcing her by text message on New Year's Day (so she said).

Tickle Me Katy

In late September, Katy Perry had done a song with the lovable pedophile/puppet Elmo on Sesame Street, only to have it pulled from the PBS show on the 22nd because of, surprise-surprise, her clothing was too "racy". They left it online for a few days after, eventually pulling it off their official website and YouTube account when parents wouldn't shut the hell up about it. It was a poorly-written redux of one of her hit singles, "Hot N' Cold," re-made to be about dressing-up in different outfits to have fun or play tag or something. Apparently, the Irony Gods were paying her back for making fun of the previously-mentioned tranny Lady Gay-Gay, an artist known for changing an outfit every 5 minutes or else it will consume her. Nonetheless, the pulling of the video was all made possible by the letters "T" and "A", and proudly bitched about by viewers like these:


   
 
You can practically see her tits. That's some wonderful children's programming.
 

 
 

—Damn straight it is

   
 
they're gonna have to rename it cleavage avenue
 

 
 

—Ba-zing

   
 
my kid wants milk now
 

 
 

—Don't we all?

According to the internet's OTHER gossip shit-rag, all that supposedly-exposed cleavage was actually a flesh-covered mesh-top, and most people think that the general public is over-reacting. While it may be true, and some of the things these butthurt parents have been saying are even worse things to expose their children to, it hasn't stopped Katy Perry in the least from showing off her music video, with the support of Sesame Street no less.

It yet another blow to Katy's awesome bewbage, Katy Perry's reps had an ad promoting VH1's Divas Salute the Troops Photoshopped because her breasts looked too big.


After finishing this video, Elmo proceeded to jack off for three hours.


Titty-Backing

Not a moment too soon, Jimmy "Funny" Kimmel has already made a sketch with the Jersey Shore cast-mutants to joke about how far down the hill Sesame Street has truly gone.



Japanese Culture

   
 
We had an extra room in our house, so therefore we had exchange students from Japan come in and live with us at our house, and I was just like, "(gasps) Everything is like Hello Kitty and and perfect and clean and you eat with sticks!" ... I asked to borrow their clothes, like, one time, and they were weirded out.
 

 
 

—There's probably a reason why these Japanese exchange students didn't stay in touch with you

Katy Perry is also known to be one of the biggest weeaboos ever, though like every other white girl who wants to be so desu only likes Japan for Hello Kitty, going so far as to call one of her tours a "Hello Katy" tour.

Typical Videos

Bowing down for your cocks to erect
5 mins worth you don't need back
BAW. Rusty_Rockets used her like a condom
Katy Perry & Sesame_Street Sex Tape!!! REAL XXX
Katy sings Nigga In Paris


Gallery

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See Also

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