Keith Olbermann

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Error creating thumbnail: File missing
Keith Olbermann, desecrating the U.S. flag.
Olbermann enjoys some intimacy with Anderson Poofter before getting fired for the six millionth time.

Keith Theodore Olbermann (born January 27, 1959) is an old media liberal journalist and former sports commentator who, following the election of President Donald Trump in 2016, quickly turned into a batshit insane Twatter troll and incoherently-babbling Tourettes monkey. Keith currently spends the remaining days of his worthless life locked up in his parents' basement where he can safely spam the President of the United States of America with profanity-ridden tweets and host his shitty web series called "The Resistance" free from his fear of being punched in the face by fascists. Keith also holds the journalistic distinction of having been fired more times than Adam Lanza's Bushmaster.

The Resistance with Keith Olbermann is a series of short videos that document Keith's rapid descent into complete and utter insanity after realizing that Hillary Clinton will never be president. Some even argue that the entire series is a horror mockumentary in the vain of The Blair Witch Project or Cannibal Holocaust due to Keith's over-the-top behaviour and constant peddling of crazy theories and speculation that are so batshit insane that they make Alex Jones look like a sane and rational human-being by comparison.

To give you an idea of just how fucking crazy this old git is, he dedicated an entire episode of his web series to speculating about how President Donald Trump might go about opening up death camps for Mexicans – yes, this man is so deluded and out of touch with reality that he actually seems to have convinced himself that Trump is literally Hitler.

You risk becoming a parody of yourself by not innovating.


—Keith Olbermann, warning others to not follow his path in life

Early Career

Keith Olbermann, at least 100 years ago.
Keith's Groucho Marxist phase.

Prior to getting work as a pundit for MSNBC, Olbermann was mainly employed as a sportscaster. After leaving ESPN to undergo anal prolapse correction surgery in 1998, he got a job with Fox Sports as an anchor and did the play-by-play for several World Series games. One day in 2001, he decided that he'd rather voice long-winded comments about Guantanamo Bay instead of Mark McGwire's steroids. He was hired by MSNBC, and did bitch-work for 2 years before they realized that Phil Donahue's show sucked ass. The MSNBC Gods promptly fired Donahue's ancient ass and gave the time slot to Olbermann, who started a show called Countdown: Iraq to push MSNBC's anti-war propaganda. After Americunts ended up invading Iraq anyway, they changed the premise to the rage-filled Bush bashing and O'Reilly trolling that we know and love today. Olbermann routinely displays his metaphysical math skills, as he is dedicated to demonstrating how having one-half of O'Reilly's ratings actually means his show is more valuable to advertisers, citing something about ages 25-54 being "more important".

Meltdown with Keith Olbermann

A typical moment on Countdown.

Countdown with Keith Olbermann was the original soapbox that Keith used to spew his anti-conservative rhetoric. He constantly deludes himself into believing that he debunks every single thing that Bill O'Reilly says, since no one else wants to. He is so obsessed with Bill O'Reilly (who he calls Billo The Clown) that he makes a point to mention him on every episode of Countdown. Every Countdown ends with a reminder that it is "Day X since George Bush declared, "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!" from the deck of an aircraft carrier in the Persian Gulf." However, Olby suddenly became pro-war when Obama was elected and pledged moar soldiers to baby-raping duty in Afghanistan.

Unlike Billo, Olby does not have guests with opposing viewpoints on his show to scream at (because he can't handle sarcasm when it's not aimed at Bush). His lineup of "usual guests" includes about 10 people from Newsweek and Time, editors of obscure leftist newspapers, unfunny liberal comedians, an idiot ultraliberal GWU professor and Joel McHale. Everyone he incessantly rants about has no chance to rant back, since it would interrupt his calculatedly rehearsed script. His show is closely associated with that of his dyke cheerleader, Rachel Madcow.

Speshel Comments

You are a fascist. Get them to print you a t-shirt with "fascist" on it.



At the heart of the 30 Rockefeller Center, buried within an electromagnetically sealed vault crafted by Akashic monks harnessing pure essence of STFU and embedded in Kryptonite sits Keith's liberal stick of +10 summoning, which he uses to converse with the great Quezacotl about the coming of Catnarok. Their published conversations are known to the rest of the world as "Special Comments". Speshel Comments is a periodic segment on Countdown when Keith does his best Zero Punctuation impersonation and rants for an entire 10 minutes of airtime about how much (INSERT SOME RANDOM REPUBLICAN HERE) fails. Watching Olbermann special comment for prolonged periods of time has been known to cause dizziness, autism, homosexuality, goatse, herpes, furry lust, AIDS, and hatred for all things Republican, the latter of which he probably intends.

A summary of everything he's evar special commented:

The Worst Person in the World (And No Strong Contenders)

Keith Olbermann's autobiography.

Yes, My Show is Crap, Please kill it!

Last Thursday, Bill O'Reilly started an online poll to get Olbermann's show removed from MSNBC. Olbermann completely failed to realize that O'Reilly was fucking with his stupid ass and to show his support for his favorite pundit, Olbermann and the entire staff of his show signed the petition live, on the air. Olby also took a number of jokes O'Reilly had made out of context (either because Olbermann is incapable of distinguishing humor from serious statements, or because O'Reilly simply isn't funny).

Ann Coulter trolls Olbermann

What happened when Ann Coulter called him out on not being an Ivy Leaguer.

Keith Olbermann got all butthurt after Ann Coulter pointed out that he received his diploma from Moo School instead of an Ivy League institution. He also thought that it would be a brilliant idea to play "show & tell" with his diploma on national television, so that everyone could see his deep-seated insecurity.


Olby was up against the banhammer. Last Thursday, he donated $6K to democratic candidates. As a means to prove that it isn't politically biased, MSNBC prohibits its workers from donating to political campaigns. As a result of ignoring this rule and generating ratings on par with those of Antiques Roadshow, Olbermann was suspended without pay. A petition was put online shortly after he was suspended, and it eventually got over 250,000 signatures. Two days after the suspension, Olbermann was reinstated, and he came back to air a scant four days after his suspension began, much to the delight of his thirty regular viewers.

Then he fired his mouth off again in 2011, and MSNBC (which had just been bought by the Evil Empire of Comcast) b&d his ass permanently. So he took his shtick to Al Gore's fucking lame-ass cable channel, and got fired from there as well. Maybe you can find him up your mom's gigantic snatch.

I move away from the mic to respect women.

S.E. Cupp, conservative commentator and horribly failed abortion.

She received death threats and hate-filled voice mails all thanks to the total mindless, morally bankrupt, knee-jerk, fascistic hatred, without which Michelle Malkin would just be a big mashed-up bag of meat with lipstick on it.


—Olbermann, on Michelle Malkin

On so many levels she's a perfect demonstration of the necessity of the work Planned Parenthood does


—Olbermann, saying that S.E. Cupp should have been aborted Archive today-ico.png (archive)

I could hardly hear the "apology" through the din of insults.


—S.E. Cupp Archive today-ico.png (archive)

No @mediaite, @KeithOlbermann never apologized to ME. He apologized to a CAMERA to make his crap go away.


—Michelle Malkin Archive today-ico.png (archive)

You're Fired!

Editorially, Countdown had never been better. But for more than a year I have been imploring Al Gore and Joel Hyatt to resolve our issues internally, while I’ve been not publicizing my complaints, and keeping the show alive for the sake of its loyal viewers and even more loyal staff. Nevertheless, Mr. Gore and Mr. Hyatt, instead of abiding by their promises and obligations and investing in a quality news program, finally thought it was more economical to try to get out of my contract.It goes almost without saying that the claims against me implied in Current’s statement are untrue and will be proved so in the legal actions I will be filing against them presently. To understand Mr. Hyatt’s “values of respect, openness, collegiality and loyalty,” I encourage you to read of a previous occasion Mr. Hyatt found himself in court for having unjustly fired an employee. That employee’s name was Clarence B. Cain.

In due course, the truth of the ethics of Mr. Gore and Mr. Hyatt will come out. For now, it is important only to again acknowledge that joining them was a sincere and well-intentioned gesture on my part, but in retrospect a foolish one. That lack of judgment is mine and mine alone, and I apologize again for it.

The Most Pathetic Tweet in the World

Penn State students raised $13m for the kids who caught butt cancer from Jerry Sandusky.

On February 22, 2015, Keith was browsing teh Twitters when he decided to offer his support to a group of Penn State University and Jerry Sandusky's Playhouse students who had raised a whopping $13m for kids with cancer. As usual, Keith's support wasn't so much support as it was him telling people to go fuck themselves and that kids with cancer should just fuck off and die.



—Keith Olbermann Archive today-ico.png (archive)

As expected, PSU students didn't take kindly to Keith's unbridled douchebaggotry and quickly delivered the swift E-beatdown that he was so desperately asking for.

The students (I am an alum, gainfully employed in DC) are "pitiful" for running an organization that raises millions? Okay.


—Dave Seidel Archive today-ico.png (archive)

Again - get your $ back - you didn't learn how to read. PSU students are pitiful because they're PSU students - period.


—Keith Olbermann

Ahhh the rationale of a man who gets fired every 3 years. In 6 months I'll be sure to subscribe to your podcast.


—Based Dave Seidel, sending Olbermann to the burn ward

I'd like to thank the students and alums of Penn State for proving my point about the mediocrity of their education and ethics.


—Keith Olbermann

Naturally, referring to a bunch of people who had RAISED THIRTEEN MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS FOR CHILDREN WITH CANCER as "pitiful" and then starting a Twitter bitchfest against their students was not a good idea, and Keith soon found himself knee-deep in a pile of his own shit as ESPN quickly responded by cancelling his show – but not before forcing Olberdouche to offer a half-arsed apology at gunpoint.

I apologize for the PSU tweets. I was stupid and childish and way less mature than the students there who did such a great fundraising job.


—Olberdouche, being forced to apologize by ESPN Archive today-ico.png (archive)

The Loser

The name was chosen because Olbermann wishes he could be half as talented as Kyra Sedgwick.

After getting his arse fired from ESPN for being a complete cunt, GQ (the magazine formerly known as Gentleman's Quarterly) made the absolutely horrible decision to hire the down-on-his-luck Olbermann as a "special correspondent" to do a new web series entitled The Closer with Keith Olbermann – it's still unknown what exactly Keith was intending to close, but it certainly wasn't his big, fat, cum-infested mouth.

With the 2016 Election nearing, this new series quickly devolved into a complete shitfest that featured Keith constantly bashing and slandering Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. Keith actually seemed to believe throughout the series that he was somehow helping to stop Trump and save America – in the end, however, the only thing Olbermann succeeded at was looking like a complete tool and quite possibly helping to secure Donald Trump's victory over the the Wicked Witch of the West Wing.

The series finally came to an end on November 9, 2016, the very day that Hillary Clinton conceded defeat and Donald J. Trump became President Elect of the United States. Olbermann's final message in the show was that "the terrorists have won" and the United Stated of America had dieded. As you'd probably expect of Olbermann at this point, he wasn't done yet...

I'm going to stop Trump from becoming president!

#3: Call all of Trump's supporters "deplorable".

#10: Try to push bullshit conspiracy theories about Russia.

#12: Get your election forecast from gamblers.

#13: Buy a dog.

#20: Make a fanfic about Trumpian death camps.

#26: Say something that won't age well.


Resistance: Fall of Olbermann

The logo of The Resistance includes a safety pin.

Following the election victory of Supreme God-Emperor Donald J. Trump on November 8, 2016, Keith Olbermann's shitty web show was promptly rebranded as The Resistance with Keith Olbermann and its content began to fall even further down the rabbit hole as Keith literally began to go (even moar) insane.

While The Closer was the ramblings of a very sexy madman, The Resistance cranked it up to 11 and became a truly awe-inspiring documentary on the very real mental disorder that is Trump Derangement Syndrome and how it affects those who are afflicted with it.

#1: It begins.

#11: Olbermann explains how Russia took over the U.S.A.


#38: He must go because his bladder is full. Give it to me, daddy!

The Tourettesistance with Keith Olbermann

Keith Olbermann is a true basement warrior.
Fuck you @realdonaldtrump. Nazi Nazi fuck Nazi Nazi RACIST Nazi BIGOT go fuck yourself fucking Nazi fuckers


—Keith Olbermann, showing off his mentally stability



—Keith, telling the president to go to hell Archive today-ico.png (archive)

You do recall we defeated your ancestors in a war to specifically preclude you from having any say in this. Fuck off, ferret face.


—Keith Olbermann, insulting Nigel Farage Archive today-ico.png (archive)

The hurricane is going to do less damage to schools than you are, Motherfucker


—Keith Olbermannchild, harassing Betsy DeVos Archive today-ico.png (archive)

Of course you're not a racist, Mr. Dershowitz. You're a whore.


—Keith Olbermanngina, calling Alan Dershowitz a whore Archive today-ico.png (archive)

Actually, President Asshole, we worship, or don't worship, what WE choose. Get out of my faith, and stop trying to get people to worship YOU


—Keith, not yet touched by Trump's light Archive today-ico.png (archive)

Then tell your racist, white supremacist, neo-nazi father to get the fuck out of our society.


—Keith Olbermann, harassing Ivanka Trump Archive today-ico.png (archive)

Even MORE unbelievable? Lincoln was a REPUBLICAN! Today you'd have expelled him and run him down for opposing the KKK and racists like you.


—Keith Olbermann, calling Dinesh D'Souza racist Archive today-ico.png (archive)



—Keith Olbermann, harassing the fucking president Archive today-ico.png (archive)

Gorka resigns. So the Day isn't a total loss. Now leave the country, @SebGorka, you Nazi fuck.


—Keith Olbermann, harassing Sebastian Gorka Archive today-ico.png (archive)

You and @Potus can go fuck yourselves, you racist Nazi fucks.


—Kunt Olbermann, harassing Sheriff Joe Archive today-ico.png (archive)

Don't you dare compare anything to nazi Germany. You don't know what the hell you're talking about.


—Keith Olbermann, begging someone to not steal his schtick Archive today-ico.png (archive)

YOU unleashed this hatred and violence. YOU are the inspiration for these domestic terrorists. WE will not let YOU turn us into Nazi Germany


—Keith, making dumb comparisons to Nazi Germany Archive today-ico.png (archive)

Keith Olbermann is F★cking Crazy (This is not a Joke)


This is about a man not in his right mind...
who spends all his free time attacking the president on Twatter.



Olbermann's Greatest Hits

This is what passes for humor on Olbermann's show.

Olbermann vs. Lou Dobbs

Olbermann vs. Lou Dobbs 2


I'm not a liberal. I'm an American [sic].


—Keith Olbermann, believing that he can be anything

Weeknights Lou Dobbs threatens illegal immigrants and on weekends he pays them to clean up after his daughter's horse.


—Keith, villainizing others

Should I ever encounter Mr. Olbermann in a place where it's just the two of us to converse and discuss the issue, we will have a full and frank exchange of view points.


—Lou Dobbs, telling Keith Olbermann to get back in the kitchen


Olbermann Galleria About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

External Links

See Also

Olbermann, in a couple weeks.

Error creating thumbnail: File missing
Keith Olbermann
is part of a series on
Fox News

[Back to The StudioOver To You]

Portal icon television.gif

Keith Olbermann is part of a series on


Visit the Media Portal for complete coverage.

Einsteinaspie.jpg Keith Olbermann is part of a series on Aspies. [Back to your happy placeSperg out]

Adam LanzaAlbert EinsteinAlexander SlavrosAmber ButtrumAndy KaufmanAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoAspies for FreedomAspierationsBambifan101Barron TrumpBeefraveBenny_the_SnakeBill9929Bill GatesBlocklandersBodyXPoliticBoris MalagurskiBram CohenBrandon SmithBrownsquirrelChibiyimaChris-chanChris Harper-MercerCyndilovespiccoloDan CilleyDarrDarius McCollumDarviela MaravaronaDaxFlameDisneyFan01Dragonfandrp1zzaEdenHeroineGirlErik RibsskogErin AnthonyEthan DavisEvan GraggFlaglerchatFlardoxGary McKinnonGrantMGreg MazujianHannah CappsHeed My WarningInmendhamInuboy1000IronholdsJack Gilbert GrahamJared MiltonJahi/4444Jessi SlaughterJoekerJohn Patrick RogersJoseph8276Kawaii KitsuneKelseyaliciaKevin HavensKloeriKingMasterReviewKirbysloverKphoriaKawaiiKittee88LeafyIsHereLukas PietschLyndsay KirkhamLougaraLordelthibarLynn AnnM. ChaosManlytearsMark ZuckerbergMariotehplumberM. ChaosMascotGuyMatthew DavisMDetector5Michael GimsonMikey RizzoMinefagsMisha SilenostiMissyMix HyenaMonica PunkMutescreamMylarBalloonFanNate SpidgewoodNemo HanaNichole337Nick BravoNicky ReillyNikolas CruzNeuroOlinkalexOnigojirakaijuOnyx ForepawPacificoceanasiaPMDrive1061PopcornPrince JeremyRobert Clark YoungROtardsRootbrianRoss LumbusRyanSammyClassicSonicFanSeleryShane LeeSiriusOrionisStarbladeStarkiller88SteAndKelSperginTablecowTGcomixTheAmazingAtheistTheDOSFagThe Eclectic EspeonTheme Park ReviewTheMysteriousMrEnterTherealagerbonThe JuggernautThe Unknown AutobotToby J RathjenToKeNTom SersonToshTrigglypuffTylerthDragonUlillilliawwwareaWeatherManKevinWerechuWetflameWilliam FreundWim CrusioWolfAdvocateWolfeedarkfangYouZS3

Error creating thumbnail: File missing
Keith Olbermann
is part of a series on Donald Trump.

You're gonna love this article, believe me.
Donald trump eyes glowing.jpg
Featured article September 3 & 4, 2017
Preceded by
Keith Olbermann Succeeded by
J.K. Rowling