Kelly Kalogerakos

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Kelly Kalogerakos = infected with GOTIS
You can help by not giving her any attention.

Kelly thinks these are her get-out-of-jail card, but the reality is that they're responsible for getting her into trouble.
Kelly could commit murder, sell crack, run a gang of muggers - and her fans will STILL take her lying-ass as gospel.
Remember gais, Kelly is a smart nerd, k?

Kelly Kalogerakos (A.K.A "Derpina IRL", and "WTF ARE YOU WEARING BITCH?!") is an almost 30 year old tumblr poseur with GOTIS who likes to cosplay as various loli and/or fetish characters, instead of raising her pair of crack babies. Obviously this means she attracts a lot of sick fucks, despite having the smallest tits in history - but while asking for it she tries to prevent white knights and the cosplaying community - who are secret sick fucks - from realizing that she's merely some whore, even after ED members caught her in the act of lascivious whoring, and evidenced it further down this page...

Maximum lulz were garnered in April 2013, when she herself revealed on her Tumblr that she posed nude for cosplay deviants and did quite a lot of pr0n as well. In response to realizing her social blunder, she then denied that she was a whore - and trying (poorly) a little trolling of her own to have this very article taken down - because she didn't want to advertize to sicks fucks that she was open for business, which was very confusing because that was pretty much what she had been trying to do all along...

After realizing this was pointless in the face of the all of the screen-caps evidence added to this article, she turned all righteous and virtuous and started acting as though being a whore was somehow an aspiration. That made it pretty funny because most of the time she can be found cleaning out toilets in bookstores before throwing hissy fits/failing to put out for her manager - pretty much any bullshit reason to go back on that unemployment cheque.

Of course, that was the mere tip of her PMS - because after being discovered by ED, trolls and sick fucks, and trolling sick fucks as well - left her messages on her tumblr, which she decided to respond to promptly, eventually rage quitting some of her cosplay/RP accounts.

The Streisand Effect begins!

Atomic.gif Warning!
Hypocrite level: MELTDOWN!

The drama started in early 2013 when Kelly posted her answer to a question somebody had asked her on her main Tumblr account. They ask if she was going to one day regret posting more pornographic images of herself. This was both Kelly's first and last act of honesty and her inevitable undoing.

As everybody knows, white knights love the ladies, but they stone the whores. This is where Kelly fucked up big time. In February 2013, a random lurker on her tumblr asked her a question. Most people probably would have answered it in private, denied it, or just bawleted it. But Kelly being not just an attention whore, but super-model asinine too, promptly answered to the post:


The blatant whore was out of the bag, including for her white knight followers. Upon seeing this, fat weaboo creeps everywhere attempted to persuade her that there were much better things she could be doing with her life than posting a bunch of her nudes online, in an act of disbelief that Kelly who had told them about two weeks ago on some Skype convo that she loved them and wanted to commit to a sex-free e-relationship with them, was in actual fact, wasn't a virgin - and had probably been telling a load of other creeps she was the only gal for them, resulting in pitchers of slit wrists and shotgun mouthwash at the short table for the short bus users.

As with all Tumblr users such as fake-nerd-glasses Kelly, their downfall is that they re-post or blog about EVERYTHING that happens. Most of which often including photographs of everything they’re doing. When they eat, they make a post. They crash the car, guess what? They make a post about it. They eat something, they post about it - and when it comes out the other end they make a post about that too! Have iPhone? Have Tumblr? GOT USI. Perhaps in the future, this article could be classified as TOTIS (Tumblr-user On The Internet Syndrome) - because there are many more people like Kelly out there all equally entertaining troll bait waiting for an epic trolling - whom just like Kelly, follow this exact pattern, and inevitably respond in the classic Tumblr way, (Stolen from YouTube) with such flames that would make Nazi's look like bunny rabbits:


Now not only had the world realized it, but now Kelly has also realized that she'd fucked up. Big time. No matter how much times Kelly denied it to her white knight fanservice, they opened their eyes to the fact that she just can't settle down for one guy. Not even for the sake of providing mommy and daddy figures for her children until they get past the 5 year old mark.

Indeed Kelly still to this day will deny that anything is wrong and screw up her kids, just so that she can still have buttsecks with strangers - but also to post all of this drama on the internet, and reveal the identity of all of her family and friends by plastering their asses on the net. What's highly amusing is that if you point any of this out to Kelly, she gets epically butthurt, and flames back - although be warned if you ask her if she's still doing porn - because she'll probably post some gay porno back at you. OH THE BONDAGE PLACES KELLY HAS BEEN!

What was funny was that Kelly doesn't seem to think that people see her as anything but a loli given that she over the years she has engineered herself as such to horny perverts:


Our flat-chested heroine stuck her magic again by telling curious onlookers not to ask about her blog - which is pretty much akin to how people always ask an ex-con " was it?" even though said ex-con would rather forget all about it - but then ex-cons and Kelly were born to entertain the world!

Main Drama

Maximum lulz were reached when Kelly realized ED had noted she was a whore, and was responsible for the inflating Kelly's already massive USI/tumblr popularity. Although even ED couldn't inflate those tits, which still looked as though an iron had been over them a good few times. Seriously - even knocking out two children hasn't made them any bigger!

If you know how to make Kelly's breasts boost up to size saddle bag, submit your answers on a e-postcard to this tumblr blog!

She decided the best course of action would be to call out to ED admins, asking them formally to close down this very article. One ED admin told her it wouldn't happen because ED was just stating the true facts about her and that if she hadn't been such an attention whore to begin with, any drama probably would have gone unnoticed a long time ago.

Kelly then whinged on about how ED was using her real name and that employers would know she was a whore - which was somewhat confusing the EDminz, as her whoring was pretty much her only trade because she'd been fired from her job of working in some bookstore cafe, after some dude walked upto the counter and said "I WONDER WHEN YOU'LL SHUT UP AND COOK MY DINNER?" because Kelly was busy soliciting instead of following the job description.

Business as usual

Despite this, she continued posting sexually suggestive photos of herself on instagram to lure young boys, horny men, and trans-gender weeaboo freaks alike. Those who will back their special snowflake all the way to the hill!

It is just like what most of the attention starving girls would have done to get noticed by sick fucks. Whenever she gets attention, she acts like she doesn't want it in order to get more attention she is insatiably craving for. Confusing, isn't it?

Kelly's next move was to post MORE photos of her at work while waiting for some of her clients. Take note of the blatant over-use of makeup to the level that only whores take it to, aiming to act as some form of disguise:


There's a lot more of these images presence online. But Kelly doesn't want you to look at them at all because as she's always reminding us, she ISN'T an attention whore. That's 217 pages of memes and iPhone photos AND GROWING - unlike her boobs, which gives her the nickname 'The ironing board' amongst friends.

Oh noes! Ze Truth!

Upon realizing that ED were making her face and personality known to the weeaboo-tea-set also know as loli-lovers who are all clean and not at all perverts, she decided that swift action must be taken! In a lulzy move, she ran around defending her lifestyle choices like a chicken with its head cut off. And during this process using her own eloquent manner, she posted a variety of shots of somebody else's big butt. Even with all that done, Kelly still thought that she had not at this point acquired enough attention to her own slender J-lo behind:


Step 2: After regaining consciousness from whichever date-rape drug given to her by some retard who didn't realize how easy she was, she then proceeded to give some political reasons behind this move:

Hi. These are some pictures of my butt that I’ve posted on my blog. I just wanted to clear some stuff up about them. I have stopped posting them in the past because I was dating someone who 1) didn’t want other people seeing my butt and 2) was embarrassed that I would post them.


Step 3: Kelly needed the time to fluff up her baawwwwwlot entry on tumblr which subsequently followed:


GOT THAT!? Of course, Kelly is assuming that you don't have a even a slightest notion of what is going on. So her many 'DO' and 'DON'T' lists only really appeased to her loyal followers who do not have the aforementioned clue. Step four doesn't really exist, because around this point, her pimp has returned more stoked than Thomas the Tank Engine, and has smacked up Kelly for not taking the client's money yet, shot up said client in the mouth, and has commented "I wonder when you'll get off that tumblr, get into the kitchen, and cook my dinner!"


Then why post them? Is Kelly making a point here?


She rambles on here - likely the date-rape drug is kicking back - about conversations which have never happened because she has no friends now that her cosplaying friends know that she's cosplaying for attention, because they don't like people like Kelly because she represents what cosplaying is actually about.


No, we can't stop using words like 'Slut' and 'Whore' because to not do so could be to not describe you accurately. We say that this is somewhat astute coming from a person who chooses a background that looks like tampons? UPDATE: Kelly eventually removed the tampons and replaced her background with an adventure time wallpaper. The reasons for that being that in her eyes, photographs don't constitute as proof.

It is at this point she stopped writing. Not before leaving a warning that we haven't seen the last of her ass and more random acts of porn on tumblr to a scale which out-classed Jessi Slaughter and Amanda Todd combined will follow.

Despite Kelly informing everybody that she has taken down her 'ask' on her tumblr account, it's still available:


"Help please."

Normally if you have nothing to hide, just ignore your haters. But since seeing this article up, Kelly instigated the full Streisand effect when she wanted to cover up the fact that she was Cancerish. She then turned up to the ED admins to futilely complain about it:

I was wondering if you'd be able to help me.

This page is about me personally.
I have read the disclaimer and I understand this site is based on satire and should not be taken seriously.
However that is my LEGAL name and not a characterization of me or even screen name I use.
It's my legal name and I would appreciate if the page could be removed.

I understand that this is intended to be a parody about me but it is a clear personal attack and has been removed once before.

The creator of the page: Jazzybellio4912 seems to have a bad case of ButtHurt.
Rather then contributing to the site and adding quality pages, he seems to be trying to use it for some sort of juvenile revenge plot.
That to me doesn't seem like what this site is all about.

If you could have the page removed and hopefully not put back up a third time I would greatly appreciate it.



--LeeLoo 23:41, 27 March 2013 (EDT)

Sauce: HERE

Calling out the writer of this article, who then asked her on her tumblr if she was the face behind Cancerish, Kelly then went on and posted this message:


Going against the first rule of the internet, which is never troll somebody you know. Unless Cancerish has been sending her some creepy messages, then her e-lawyer might just have a restraining order case. Although based on the contact we at ED had with Cancerish, all Kelly can take him to court for would be for paying to use her website. The perfect legal grounds for suing somebody - any good lawyer would jump at a case like this!

But you know what they say, the hallmarks of a good whore is somebody who enjoys blackmailing her friends, or making legal threats. Of course Kelly seems to think she still has some sort of legal case, even though she is STILL asking for it. Hence showing that not even Anons can teach her not to be a decent whore.

That's way before we even get onto the fact that Kelly can't afford a lawyer to begin with, since she had to take down her pr0nfile/pr0nsite, Cosplay Deviants.

You can probably picture the following scene at the Kalogerakos's household:

Daddy, why is Mommy crying her eyes out all day long?


— One of her kids

Because son, somebody is saying terrible things about her online.


— Kelly's boyfriend

Why can't she ignore it just like you keep telling us to ignore big bad kids in school?


— Another one of her kids

I haven't had a clue, son. I haven't had a clue. All I know is that tumblr seems mighty important to her well-being...


— Kelly's boyfriend gave a shrug of his shoulders

Moar drama occurred when Kelly revealed that she was Cancerish, by merely posting to us this following message:


Obviously, she thought "OMG I can use the pay statement details as proof that I wasn't trying to start up additional drama, I'd better prove my innocence now!". Had she not gone on and on about the watermarked images and the TOS of a pornsite, most EDiots would just embed them or post them. Then we might have just believed her. This is a textbook example of why whores shouldn't try to edit an ED article about themselves because they don't actually have a clue about it. Of course, all of this isn't doing much for Kelly's nerd image.

What was also funny is that for the past few weeks, Cancerish divulged to the writers of this article that the pr0n site in question was more of a series of profile pages. It's unlikely that Kelly had removed this website. However, one of the sites, cosplay deviants has since been taken offline. Most likely because they don't want to be associated with Kelly and all the drama she brings, noting when CD was online the number of people who were on there. But then, perhaps the cosplay fetish was just a front for a more serious pr0n business via Kelly as the pimp?

This is also a textbook case of how serious tumblr users take the internet. Most people elsewhere would just use the block function and not one further fuck would be given. This is why it's harder to troll the likes of facebook. But it would seem that tumblr is in fact live journal reincarnate. It seems so many lulz are yet to be had on tumblr.

Okay, screw you guys. Now back to whoring again

Info non-talk.png Kelly and her girlfriends are VERY easy. If you're looking for sluts, you're in the right place.
Kelly loves a challenge, and will date Guidos, Wops, Spics, Azns, other GOTIS, and vegetables. She doesn't discriminate. She also accepts Diners club cards too!

It so happens that Kelly went on hiatus for a week or so. But as is the hallmark for all GOTIS sufferers, the internet was not to be devoid of her honkers for too long. If that is not enough, she start enlisting the help of one of her friends who has bigger bewbs than her, to engage in foreplay animated gifs on her tumblr. Although, she had to pretty much get it down to fat angle shots. Within moments, the very same tumblr where not two weeks ago had been the scene of so much lullz and drama was re-opened for more GOTIS action! To get them to reopen fully, Kelly called up one of her friends from the local strip bar where she works overnight. Kelly brought her home, coked her up, and after explaining what the internet was, got her to jiggle her tities in front of her webcam. These GIFs are the results of their action:


Of course, the other girl in the pics still looks confused as to why Kelly thinks it's so funny/important to dick around infront of a webcam all day, instead of doing something more practical such as stopping her children from setting fire to the curtains.

NOTE: The most jiggling occurred in the second image

No matter what happens, Kelly will forever be posting on tumblr. If she can't get any of her boobies on there, she'll whore out her friends and get them to post their tits instead. Of course her new business won't take off, Kelly can only offer the cheaper fatty sluts that she dosed up on coke until she acquires more professional prostitutes. Sooner or later, she'll have to go back to cleaning toilets at bookstores again courtesy of her victim complex.

Caught in the act - complete with gallery!

Did You Know: Kelly doesn't like foreskins.

Our researchers here at ED finally managed to find Kelly's other other gallery, which she posted on numberous certain websites - enjoy her entire collection...or everything which wasn't already bawwleted:

Kelly's Lascivious Whoring About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

NOTE: If you want to see the boring foreplay pictures as well because you are a sick fuck, then click on 'expand'
(They're boring because they're the same cosplay pictures she's posted everywhere else, just with added nudity - her boobs are that small she looks like a man in some of them.)

Of course now, Kelly is likely using the above photographs to blackmail some of her past clients - that she posted them publicly on one of her many pay-per-porn websites tells you that they never paid - but whoever it is, their penis is now more famous than they are.

Some of the pics were exactly the same as her cosplay pictures, except without clothes on and including the token iPhone-in-a-mirror snap. The foreplay pictures were a nice addition however. But just a cautious advice for you Kelly, it's better to have pictures of the people you're blackmailing rather than the other way around. That is if you do not want to suffered the same fate like Amanda Todd when these pictures go viral.

Oh and also if you're reading this Kelly, you might want to get that rash checked out on your shoulder by a doctor. It looks pretty nasty!

As is the way with the law of internet dox shock, the conversation suddenly changed in the Kalogerakos household:

Honey, I'm leaving you before those people at ED reveal me as the pimp I actually am. I am really sorry.


—Kelly's boyfriend

Her guy pimp

She started seeing a new guy, and had a new baby which she uses as an excuse to post adventure time moving gifs onto her Tumblr page. Classy.

The quietness was about to be shattered however, when she lost yet another job as a result of cosplaying too much, and her usual temper tantrums for no particular reason. As usual, she again relies upon whomever is her current boyfriend, who has clearly never read the bitch manual and doesn't know when to say "I wonder when you'll shut up and cook my dinner!"

When Kelly setup her first ED account aiming to unmask the writers of this article, she told ED through her Cancerish account that said boyfriend was aware of her online whoring. The reason behind this became clear with this image:


COMPETITION TIEM! Which one of these people is a man?

As everybody knows, boyfriends by definition are over-protective whether they are guidos or goths. The fact this guy stood by and watched Kelly's GOTIS develop suggests by great powers of deduction from many years of internet drama. This goes to show he is in fact Kelly's pimp. Only pimps have facial expressions as serious as that in the face of boobs and the interbuttz.

We also wonder why Kelly is showing them to the world, as they're really tiny anyway...

The butthurt returns!

No, not that sort of butthurt you sick fuck! After realizing ED had obtained a few gallery's worth of her exploits, Kelly did what she always does in a crisis. Like always, she hit up the blog on tumblr! She posted not about ED, not about all the little friends of hers she thought were behind this article, but this time about the butthurt she was experiencing for admitting she posted pr0n and was a prostitute. Only later to subsequently deny it and have the rest of the world call her bluff, to point which makes Chris-chan seem intelligent.


Clearly she's still answering all of those Anons questions from either clients, or from white knights who haven't yet seen the updated version of her article. If they did happens to come across it, the clients would get their pr0n fix from the above gallery and the white knights would walk away in disgust after discovering the truth.

More Cam-Whoring!

Continuing to do her cam-whoring business, she has decided to wear the most S&M outfit in her wardrobe, in a crappy effort to make her boobs look bigger - but was a bit of a turnoff for her hetro-male audience, whom prefer to finger the V or fondle the breasts - as opposed to stroking a cock outside of solo-sex:



Also, note that she is starting to form wrinkles around her eyes, which shows that her ugliness will soon completely decay her before she even reaches 30. It's either that or she is going for the "Gawth" look, or perhaps creating that effect with higher-than-usual-shaving.

Change of Tumblr address

Aiming to slow down on the number of slut-shamers working on her victim complex, and pervs who were not also cosplayers, following her around, Kelly decided to drop the 'its' from her Tumblr name, so now her blog address is:

Obviously she didn't want her cosplay fans or her friends to not know where Kelly's Tumblr is at - because a tumblr page is nothing without attention - so Kelly used all of ten seconds up to shorten her URL in the hopes she'd shake off ED and other trolls, and potential employers - hoping that nobody would consider merely removing the 'its' part from the URL.

As for her other blog where she pretended to be Princess Bubblegum despite the fact that she wasn't - it lasted a few months more before being bawwleted.

POOL'S CLOSED - due to Kelly having AIDS

Over 100 years ago, there was an old 4Chan meme created after a mass trolling of Habbo Hotel. Here it is for those of you who have forgotten, or were pedo-bait at the time:


The writers of this article couldn't help but ask her if she'd ever had a pool closed due to Aids:


As it's very unlikely Kelly has ever come across this meme, it's apparent that sex with Kelly = AIDS or some other sexually transmitted disease. Of course, you'd have to be pretty stupid to have not seen this coming, because she chose the tumblr name 'Koala Tea Time'. And as everybody knows, most Koalas have AIDS, and by the look of some of the feedback from Kelly, she's obviously been responsible for shutting down a few pools with her own aids over the years.

If this discovery of Kelly's sexual background doesn't act as an effective penis blocker what will? Clearly many males in the Tampa Bay area have already fallen prey to Kelly's nymphomania and pseudo-intelligence.


More lullz have surfaced recently, when Kelly started to post...or re-post other people's rants as Kelly doesn't know how to string along a sentence which differs from "The full night? That'll be $300" - about her new e-campaign to stop mean internet bullies from using dictionary terms such as 'slut' and 'whore' which sum up who Kelly is.


Clearly Kelly has forgotten that calling her a slut is really just describing how she sleeps with men whom pay for this pleasure - so the word has infact accomplished something - it's just that Kelly doesn't want to be called a slut anymore, probably because she doesn't want her kids to run around her in circles, chanting 'SLUT! SLUT! SLUT!'.


Kelly's memory is getting baaaaad - that or it's getting selective - she's a slut for being a hooker/prostitute, but she's a camwhore for taking those well-documented photos of herself naked and posting them to porno sites - this makes you a camwhore - although it also technically means you could define her based on these actions as a slut as well - because she used said camwhoring to attract more clients.

This rant serves to remind us that Kelly isn't just a slut (and of course, how much she loves being reminded of that fact) but also just how much of a fucking liar she is as well. Pity the poor caretaker who has just spent $300 for the full night with Kelly. He falls asleep, and when he wakes up, he asks Kelly if they reached orgasm. The truth would be that as soon as he fell asleep, she went onto her computer to use tumblr some more. You can guess the rest.

Other words which define Kelly's vocation include: Harlot, Stripper, Hooker, Prostitute, Scenewhore, Crackwhore, Skank, Cocktease, Hotard, Porn star, Size queen and of course the leader of the Port Richie FL bukkake group.

Kelly's assrabbit

As of of January 2014, Kelly is still posting every fucking thing she does, including this picktwure of a cwute fluffeh she acquired - obviously various animal rights groups won't allow her to purchase small rodents herself, as they'll end up cunted to death by a desperate weaboo GOTIS with no tits.

Noting the brown hues, and 'get the fuck away from me' body language of this poor, poor rodent, it's obviously been used as a buttplug a couple of times already!


Her powers of USI undeterred, Kelly has been trying to get the attention of MrRepzion who spends most of his time trying to get the attention of The Amazing Atheist for some of the internet's most pretentious dick sucking. And at a one-on-one level between these two youtube ranters it shall remain - because Kelly doesn't put out for any less than $60, so a circle jerk is likely to be out of the question - as neither Repzion or TJ have any money left over from their crack habits.

So what will happen when USI and pretentious youtube ranters connect on tumblr? WATCH THIS SPACE!

Reaction to AOTN

Having been at the top of the ED fap list for sometime, the EDminz decided Kelly should have a wider audience to ensure that she didn't lose valued custom for her tumblr, youtube, twitter, etc. So this article was brought to a wider attention in the form of Article of the Now.

Kelly celebrated this momentous occasion in her career. By taking the sheer amount of attention she was getting from AOTN, she went all out when she setup a shop to milk the traffic of all the $20 bills could stuff into her bra - which is quite a lot as her tits never took up too much room anywayz! You can visit her new shop here - and of course, what part of Kelly would be complete without that tumblr account - which she changed especially for the occasion - so now you can use it's empty space to create your very own Kelly Meme, like this:


So if you find yourself bored in a cheap Florida motel - there's a hooker for that!

Oh Shit iCloud Hack! GO BRONY QUICK!

When news of 4chan's iPhone/iCloud hack hit the clusternetz in August 2014, celebrities slutty pre-teens turned to e-lawyers and twitter denials. Kelly however, having past experience of this predicament - and probably expecting that some more of her pics were to surface at some point - turned to her old favorite deflective move - and went brony!

Perhaps this change of fetish is reflecting the sort of /b/rony images we may expect to see on a certain 4chan forum very very soon?
Maybe this very fetish mask was used with some of her recent clients?

Re-defining 'sleeping with the fishes'

In December 2014 Kelly posted the image below with the description "Me and #bae' - the last word being slut-slang for 'boy who I fuck on a regular basis who accepts I fuck other men too' which suggests her nymphomania has reached new levels...


Kelly has become somewhat savvy to the internet now, and for all you sickfucks...or fuck wannabes out there - you're going to have to have to contact Kelly for the videos of her showing just how sushi rolls, and pay some sort of fee. Of course for an extra fee you can pay to have her come over, wearing her fishy fish-nets.

Crazy bitch is eating the trees now!

In March 2015, Kelly reached new levels of batshit fucking insane, when she decided she'd revert back to her old ways of pretending to be a Koala. This is stupid because few people find an Australian tree-clinging rodent chlamydia-bag to be top of the sexual fetish list.

Oh fawk I didn't realize this shit was poisonous!

The slut also claimed to be a "tree lover" on her tumblr page, despite the fact she's eating the trees. Looks like she'll soon be moving from the whore house to the nut house - that or her local ICU for a stomach pump.

Still, it is nice to see Kelly eating something for once which isn't some dude's penis. Perhaps now her breasts will bulge up enough for her to breast-feed the two children she neglects, in order to free up time to work in brothels.

Many will philosophically ponder why Kelly thinks eating a tree is sexually suggestive, while others will merely put it down to her living in Florida, which somehow always ends up being one Chris Chan short of the criteria for having a fuck-off wall built around it, thus creating one big institution anyway. Now Kelly is 'going South', (in more ways than one) we're expecting the Floor-e-duh wall to pop up in an ever decreasing short while from now...

Somebody needs to tell this bitch that weed is the only plant you want to insert into your body - although she won't listen, because even Kelly knows that the only Mary-Jane that turns people on lives inside a whore house, and only slips into a plastic bag when some sick fuck stumps up at least $600.

Giving razor-wire to her three year old son

The similarities between Kelly Kalogerakos and Kelly Bundy never seem to get closer. In June 2015, Kelly posted the photo below on her tumblr page, showing her three year old son holding a bat she gave him, complete with razor wire on it, under the guise of 'batman cosplay':


Nope, we aren't sure how or when batman wore a denim jacket with a batman logo on, hauling around a razor-wire baseball bat like something out of a korn music video. We can't seem to find this getup anywhere in batman - so this is a cosplay kelly has interpreted.....OHHHHHH Unfunny 'bat' man reference, geddit? HUR! HUR! DUUUUUUURP!

Certainly putting the 'bat' into 'batshit fucking insane'. Obviously she'll get rid of the bat...or the kid...before the authorities turn up. Being Florida's top hooker means getting rid of the occasional weapon, or blackmail material such as children, or drugs, to avoid some jail time, as she's likely to be doing fairly soon, because you know, giving children weapons is more or less illegal - so it makes sense to post a photo of this onto some sort of publicly accessible digital space, to be seen by the entire world.

Florida - home of children's services who do some brilliant work in overlooking children living with prostitutes in drive-in motels, playing with dangerous weapons - doesn't he look adorable in his new role as Mommy's new pimp!

Conversely, Kelly also added a new button to her tumblr, in the right border, which says 'stalkers', and when clicked runs a script which doesn't work, possibly exchanged for with some sexually deviant act with an under-age script kiddie. However, when you hover over it, the yellow-hover-helper-text-thing reads: ' no longer exists and never has'.

This is possibly the worst blanking in progress ever, as it's all documented on this page!

Immigrating to New Orleans

Not content with keeping her AIDS within Florida, Kelly decided during numerous trips to pointless conventions where sad people with nothing better to do spend taxpayer money on dressing up like anime characters in New Orleans, that she should move there, possibly in an attempt to hide away from her home state, where she is known as a slut.

Of course, generally, the idea when you move somewhere new to prevent millions of drooling fanbois from finding your location, is that you keep quiet about it.

Well, at least most people would - but not Kelly - she'll have none of it - a post on tumblr is the thing!


Kelly still can't resist posting everything about her on the internet - showing that either she is will never fucking learn not to repeat a bad experience with her old pimp, or that she's advertising her services to a new pimp. It's a pity she can't post to Ikea though, because then she might be able to do something with those flat-pack tits.


This is a picture from her flight which she also posted, and looking at the angle, it was taken from the bathroom window just after take-off. Everybody has a lot of work to do on an aircraft - and Kelly is living proof that you should work hard in your jobs, because it allows you to take photos from planes while somebody else's penis is stuck up your ass.

Whore-service history

Today's child prostitute becomes tomorrow's e-whore.

Kelly started where most mid-twenty year old whores first started posing, Myspace. Before bawwwleting her ten year old spaceinmybrain account from when she was 16, it contained pictures of her and her friends hanging around in parks and creating mini lolicon-ventions. These pictures were taken on webcams and phone cameras, cosplay pictures, and not forgetting those white knight baiting journals.

It was through various sites such as Myspace, Flickr and Deviantart that Kelly built up her massive fan base of weeaboo creeps. The sensible ones merely creaming their shorts. But the more serious of them made the mistake of progressing to the white knight phase. The tl;dr version is pretty much any guy stupid enough to not see that not one cyber will be given.

While ensuring she baits as many guys as possible with shots angled to make it looks like she took that one angle looking down her cleavage, it's all lies because she ALWAYS uses that angle. And even though she's already got a boyfriend to begin with, she STILL cheated on him by dating with other guys behind his back. She also made her own pr0n site, where she invented two girls one cup.

While she exudes softcore/attention whore porn on her tumblr, she tries to keep this activity separate from her lucrative pr0n business. She knows that she can attract nice guys if she isn't branded as a slut. Lulz ALWAYS ensue when people mention her pr0n business on her Tumblr because she ALWAYS flames right back, instead of doing what most smart people would do and ignore it. This is otherwise known to many in the know as the Streisand Effect.

For example, she has in the past both a gaiafaggotry, and a Vampire Freaks account at the same time.

For a good measure, here's another ALWAYS in caps. She's still doing this same shit after all these years, proving that it serves all her nymphomaniac needs.

Life isn't fair

The type of unemployed weeaboo mental patients Kelly attracts.
Whoever jessawesomeideas from tumblr is, they're clearly past their sell-by date in Kelly terms

Kelly is forever posting bawww-logs about how she hates her job. What's funny is that using the powers of reading between the lines, one can clearly see that she screws up at any work which doesn't involve her being butt naked. Just like in the classic Robot Chicken 'Game of Life' sketch, when she either doesn't put out for her boss, or her boss simply doesn't have enough money for her to jew away. She turns around and puts them to rights, telling them why they are in the in wrong, and then before they have the chance to sack her, she resigns.

One of the many gripes Kelly blogs about is/was the customers who have visited the Books-a-Million store in Tampa when she used to work there. That's what we mean by 'reading between the lines'. Other low-paid jobs are listed in Kelly's CV. But instead of spending some time to work out how to get promoted, she's busy working on her cosplays, and posting crappy iPhone photos to Cosplay Deviants.

What's funny is that when she blogs about how fucking right she was to all of the people who can't read between the lines start getting all righteous about it in the blog. When this occurs, it's always good for a few lulz to provide comments such as:

  • "It seems to me you got fired because you suck at customer service?"
  • "There's a job going at the local strip club if you're interested?"
  • "How many jobs have you lost this year?"
  • "I know a few senators. They could find you work?"
  • "When are you going to stop watching cartoons and get a real job?"
  • "What happens when your kids grow up and find your photos?"
  • "Do you have a link to your other blog? Just to see what people are talking about?"
  • "Aren't you too old for Princess Bubblegum?"
  • "Have you ever had a real job?"
  • "Does your former boyfriend know yet that you cheated on him and why?"

Kelly's Song

Of course, if invited, Manilow probably would do Kelly in. The two go VERY well together!

What happens EVERY time she attracts attention

Kelly, the nerd with non OF the grammar!

Kelly getting too much attention is a bad thing all around due to when too many Anons start asking for her tariff on her tumblr, she closed down the ask section. Of course, she'll just use this now to gain more sympathy from pathetic losers, basement dwellers, and pretty much any strong male between 15 year old children and Chris Pirillo-lookalike 30 year olds. Those who can't identify a total attention whore when they see one, instead going "KAWAIIIIIII!!!!!!" in their vain attempt make Kelly their own girl.

Even with the tell-tale lines such she commonly uses, such as:

Anybody who knows attention whores well enough will know that it's always opposites day. Kelly is no exception.

For all of the pictures Kelly takes of herself which she floods the internet with, she STILL hasn't come to terms with the fact that her images are the fetish of sick fucks everywhere. They're sick because what they're fapping to is a girl with a mental disorder. She still tells anybody who asks for pr0n, even though she posts pictures of sucking man-cocks on the internet, that those pictures don't mean that she wants to be fapped at.

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