Kevin Smith

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Kevin Smith is so unpredictable!
More like Gay and Silent Bob, M I Right
Kevin Smith talking about "gays", as usual
Compare to Michael Moore, the gun and camera toting self righteous socialist.
Smith, doing what he does best.
Kevin Smith's most beloved character. Deeply loved by genderfluid trannies everywhere.

Kevin Smith, or Blunty3000 (aka Deviloftas and real name Nate Burr) is a short fat bearded, chainsmoking screenwriter, actor, and director from New Jersey who has jumped the shark and now really wishes he were Joss Whedon, which is a sad statement of how bad his career has become in and of itself. Kevin's physical appearance very much resembles that of a Portuguese garden gnome. He is also a comic book author, but no one really gives a shit.

He began his career with edgy, indie works like Clerks, Mallrats, and Chasing Amy, which were hailed as revolutionary and genius because they featured such universally appealing topics as marijuana, blasphemy, lesbians, and fucking dead people in convenience store restrooms, thus elevating Smith to demigod status among fangirls, scene kids, and stoners alike. This is the reason why you will find "Kevin Smith" listed as an interest in the LiveJournal of nearly everyone.

As per tradition, as soon as Smith gained critical acclaim and worldwide populatirty, he immediately sold out and lost all his talent. His more recent films are all indistinguishable slurg that feature Jennifer Lopez getting married then dying, and/or Ben Affleck performing auto-fellatio for 120 minutes. Old-school fans have been known to frantically begin sawing away at their wrists with their own teeth at the mere mention of Jersey Girl.

Fans continue to hold out hope for Smith's triumphant return from mediocrity and are advised to seek medication. As of late, people seem to think he's made a comeback by making a sequel to his only "good" movie (Mr. Smith Quits the Film Industry, 1999), titled Mr. Smith Gets a Lobotomy. But they're all perverted sickos.

Smith is often seen with Jason Mewes as Jay and Silent Bob. The pair were the most popular characters from the original Clerks movie and, as a result of this and never one to pass up a chance to hammer a joke home, Smith has included them in every single fucking movie since.

Smith is also incapable of making a decision - he claims to hate the Tim Burton Batman films and claims that Michael Keaton was a poor choice, yet ass-kisses both of them on the DVD bonuses. He insults Burton for minuscule "changes" to the source even though he was willing to bend over for the producer of a failed Superman movie and write a Superman that didn't fly and Doomsday riding a mechanical spider. Smith no doubt hits up Mewes' own drug stash periodically.

Recently, Southwest Airlines kicked Smith off of one of their airplanes, allegedly because he is such a big fat fuck that he couldn't fit into one of their ridiculously small and crowded seats. Smith retaliated by stirring up a shitstorm on Twitter.

Contents

Smith and Criticism

Clerks II offers yet more of Smith's original, witty humor, such as fast food clerks putting flies on the food of a customer they don't like! According to this report, it's only scratching the surface of Smith's wit [1]. Critic Joel Siegel walked out of the movie halfway through because it was a propagandistic scientology shit fest, and in response Kevin Smith confronted him about it on a radio show. Fans circle jerked each other over this confrontation because they believe Smith pwned ancient Joel Siegel. In reality, all he did was cry and whine. Siegel didn't realize he was actually talking to Smith because, with his low opinion of him, he never assumed that Smith would go so far as to moan at people who didn't like his shitty movie.

Smith's fan base is such a total and complete cross sections of America's idiot-savant comic book collectors, undisciplined perverts, misfits, basement dwellers, geeks, nerds, junkies, pariahs, zoophiles, along with the whole gamut of wankers, butt hole sniffers, losers, and unidentifiable undefinable jokers and weirdos that the pudgy little bearded fat fucker, with his backward ballcap, is in extreme danger of never knowing when to stop pushing the raunchy envelope even further.

Case in points illustrating the backward evolution in the Clerks Trilogy:

      With Clerks 1: There is an account of an old man dying while shitting and a woman claiming to have fucked his corpse by accident. 
      With Clerks 2: There is a scene alluding to a grown man buttfucking a donkey and showing it through silhouette.

What next in Clerks 3:? God only knows. There are negotiations being discussed with the hard core gay porn industry. There is money to be made and the eager fans are ready:

Most likely Clerks 3 will include a long awaited love scene between not only the 2 main characters of Clerks 1 & 2 but definitely a foursome that includes Smith and Jason Mewson and anyone else that wants to join into the orgy with a full on "ass to mouth" (a quote from Clerks 2) as the only requirement.


Yet Blunty3000 has always been a whiny fucking emo bitch about criticism of his films, even on the internets, which is serious fucking business. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back for instance was an autobiographical movie of a time when Kevin Smith and his drug-laden boyfriend Jason Mewes went around America hunting down kids who called Clerks I crap on Rotten Tomatoes. Instead of satirizing his critics, Smith only ends up painting himself as even more of a loser.

Even though Kevin comes across as a huge homophobe, IRL his brother is actually gay. Logically, they most likely share the "gay" gene, which may support why Smith continues to act and create super shitty movies. He has also stated an interest in pegging. Draw your own conclusions.

a guide on how to troll yourself

Blunty3000 makes two videos pretending to troll himself

YouTube Favicon.png Blunty3000's going down - From Deviloftas - 15 February 2007

YouTube Favicon.png A weapon against Blunty. - From Deviloftas - 15 February 2007


A YouTube member corrected the audio pitch on the "Blunty3000's going down" video and proved that it was just Blunty3000, talking about himself, as usual.


YouTube Favicon.png Blunty3000 Trollz Himself (Attention Whore) - From Zenophile808 - 16 February 2007 (reupped)


Newworld101's response video to Deviloftas/Blunty3000.

YouTube Favicon.png deviloftas 48hrs - From Newworld101 - 16 February 2007

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