kgb is a pointless text service that started in 2009. Its 'mission statement' is to make you even lazier (and poorer) by foregoing the likes of Google to get easy answers to mundane everyday questions and settle bar arguments for 99¢ a pop. It's also a front for the real KGB.
KGB also refers to the killing gloves of boxing (Retard Mittens), worn by our favorite russian man-whore, the Heavy.
How Do I Shot KGB?
- Text your question to 542542.
- Wait 15 minutes for a random basement dweller with better google skills than you to search for the answer.
- Receive answer you could have found yourself without paying 99¢.
If they can't find the answer you receive a text telling you that they can't find the answer and there is no charge. You also receive $1,000 and one month free service.
Sometimes, the random basement dweller is not aware of the kgb TOS so text him back and ask for his name and the name of his supervisor. Then call kgb and ask to speak to the supervisor to demand your prize. Be sure to mention ED referred you.
- Repeatedly ask them why the pool at Habbo Hotel is closed every July.
- Repeatedly ask for Battletoads.
- Repeatedly ask them for illegal information like the best place to shoot heroin without it showing.
- Repeatedly ask them for advice about your cumdumpster not wanting to swallow.
- Repeatedly ask them how not to accidently a whole fleshlight.
- Repeatedly insist that kgb is wrong about everything.
- Repeatedly insist you got pregnant from oral sex (they get that a lot).
- Repeatedly Text racist/horrible/sexist jokes, and see if they reply...they get insta-fired for answering them.
- Repeatedly ask them why they are named after the disbanded Russia counterpart to the CIA.
- Spam the shit out of them.
Make sure they earn the 99¢ you got from an actually productive and socially useful job, even if you're just trolling. They may be just like you and only get paid by the question but that's no reason to show mercy.
We of course have the power to make this go away. Its called google and its a reasonable .00¢ a text. Your call dumbasses.
On Closed Pools
On Shotting Web
Due to popularity, robotexting has been put in effect. Once a question has been asked and answered (or not) it is entered into a database. If you're a trolling black person, modify your outgoing text when asking the same question.
Actually, the above doesn't work. However, if you spell things wrong, they can't use the already answered questions! Go for it!
They have also gained the power to send the actual KGB to your house.
People And The Questions They Ask
|Question Asker||Question||Answer From kgb|
|Chris-Chan||How can I make everyone in the world happy?||Kill yourself|
|Josef Fritzl||Do I get a possibility of parole if caught imprisoning and raping my own daughter?||Ah hells no|
|Fred Phelps||Is there any way that I could spread hate protests in the UK?||No, you and your incest family are permab& from the UK. Don't even think about Russia because in the Soviet Union, god hates you.|
|Mudkip||How many people liek me?||Everyone lieks mudkip.|
|360 Kid||How do I show everyone online that I did?||It's not about asking the kgb questions, It's showing everyone online that you did.|
|Some black person||MUP DA DOO DIDDA PO MO GUB BIDDA BE DAT TUM MUHFUGEN BIX NOOD COF BIN DUB HO MUHFUGGA||Before you receive an answer, please confirm a payment plan that doesn't consist of food stamps|