Kidz Bop

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Corporate America loves their faggotry. And not only do they love general faggotry, they embrace poisoning the youth to make them the next generation of laughing stock of the world. Thanks for that. Kidz Bop is part of the cancer killing both sanity and society. Some asshat takes some faggoty fucking pop songs and has a bunch of kids cheerfully sing them, then shills it off to marketing for you to buy for your dipshit kids. The worst part of this is simple, there's been 38 fucking volumes (with one on the way.) And about 40 damn compilation albums. That means some of you asstards are buying this shit. If you have one of these "cute discs" laying around your house, drop it in the garbage disposal and let 'er rip. If it gets jammed, just clear it up with your fingers. You won't notice, retard.

Razor & Tie

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Snuff porno production.

At what first glance appears to be the name of a snuff porno production company, turns out to be something far more vile and disgusting. Founded in 1990, these faggots had the ingenious idea to take current pop songs and have kids sing them. Oh but wait, it gets worse. Not only are they responsible for that bullshit but they also back Folk, World, Soul, Dance, and to a lesser extent metal, pop, and rock. ED is a publication that prides itself on reporting fairly accurate drama and stupidity. Therefore, it is unconscionable to note their "artists" and "musicians" since you're more likely to identify a homeless guy from three cities over. It should be noted that in two decades of existence, the thing this company is most noted for is making softcore pedo fap-fodder. Good job, bro.

Kidz Bop and Rule 34

Oddly, a few quick searches of Rule 34 and Kidz Bop turned up -nothing-. Not even someone with a Kidz Bop disc balanced on the tip of their cock. It would appear that this is in fact, an Exception to Rule 34. OH SHI-! If the internet has taught me anything, this will be rectified in short order. One place that was not checked was Anontalk.com. And you should definitely go there and search for children and Rule 34.

EDiot's Note: If this EDiot disappears, it is likely he has been V& for looking for 34'd Kidz Bop. Send delicious caek with a file in it to his place of holding preferably while his anal virginity is still intact.

Gold Records

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Achievement my ass.

Fuck you America. Fuck. You. Eight of seventeen of the volumes have gone to gold status. This is why Eurofags and terrorists hate Americunts. We use our beloved freedom to exploit kids and shill corporate propaganda onto the stupid. While exploiting the stupid is both entertaining and profitable, could it possibly be done with less fucking pop music?

Oh, good news. It is.

  • Kidz Bop Country
  • Kidz Bop Sings the Beatles
  • Kidz Bop.. Greatest Hits??

R&T released a greatest hits compilation of their performers singing other peoples' music? Holy shit. You have to hand it to the founders of R&T for finding such a way to make money out of others' "hard work". Oh wait. Chenfeld and Balsam. Jews. That explains a lot.

It should be noted that Kidz Bop could possibly be entertaining if perhaps the music line up was changed a bit. Instead of pop, they instead cover 80's era gangsta rap and death metal. You know you would buy a disc with children singing "Straight Outta Compton", "Cop Killa", "Blowtorch Torture", and "Meathook Sodomy". That shit would be intensely entertaining.

Greatest Hits

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Platinum in the making.

There will be no editorial on this section. Just a song listing. It speaks for itself.

  1. "All Star" (Smash Mouth)
  2. "Get the Party Started" (Pink)
  3. "Pocketful of Sunshine" (Natasha Bedingfield)
  4. "Party Like a Rockstar" (Shop Boyz)
  5. "The Sweet Escape" (Gwen Stefani feat. Akon)
  6. "Bad Day" (Daniel Powter)
  7. "Let's Get It Started" (Black Eyed Peas)
  8. "Since U Been Gone" (Kelly Clarkson)
  9. "Umbrella" (Rihanna feat. Jay-Z)
  10. "Hey Ya!" (OutKast)
  11. "Glamorous" (Fergie featuring Ludacris)
  12. "Sk8er Boi" (Avril Lavigne)
  13. "Hey There Delilah" (Plain White T's)

What the Fuck

Some of their song selections defy both explanation and understanding.

A small sampling of the last few albums:

  • Live your Life (Rihanna + T.I.)
    • They editted out T.I.'s lines from this song. This is incredibly lulzy being that it was T.I.'s song in the first place and Rihanna was a guest performer.
  • Heartless (Kanye West)
Note to self: Don't image search goat fucking in the future.
  • Paparazzi (Lady GaGa)
    • Stalking and attempted murder are pretty awesome.
  • Beautiful Girls (Sean Kingston)
  • So What (Pink)
  • Feel Good Inc. (Gorillaz)
    • Basically, they made it sound even more like some faggot 9-year-olds trying to sing. And get this: They repeated the words "fast cats" instead of "ass cracks" for the sake of being kiddie safe. But in reality, it makes the song so much worse.

The second to last is noted due to being an excellent idea. Except covering, 'So What' by Pink, they should cover 'So What' by the Antinowhere League.


   
 
Well I've fucked a sheep. And I've fucked a goat. I've had my cock right down its throat.

So what, so what. So what, so what you boring little cunt!
 


 
 

A much better version of 'So What'

Fucking Stupid People

Pedobear approves.

Kidz Bop has come under fire for featuring songs that deal with "adult" themes and insinuations, as they are deemed wholly evil by blah blah who cares. But of course children are fragile and delicate and simply can not handle the horrors of the world such as sex and violence. Unless of course it is in church on Sunday to ensure they learn how they are Hellbound heathens and all about the incest, misogyny and violence of the Bible. Or watching domestic violence, fall out of divorce, or any of the other things kids are slapped in the face with today. Oh and of course a child must be tried as an adult and sentenced to life in prison because of their delicacy too. But of course, that's too realistic for middle class white America to handle.

Originally this shit started because of these little bastards covering some faggot song by The Shop Boyz "Party Like a Rockstar". Parents howled, people whined, much butthurt espoused across the country. This eventually died down after all the swearing was editted out of it. This furor was reignited later when it was declared Lil' Wayne's song "Lollipop" would be on Kidz Bop 14, the Fundies and Right Wingnuts promptly went into another slathering rage.


   
 
I don’t know what this fuss is all about. There’s no music for kids who’ve outgrown Elmo. Just do you and let me do me. Wait who are you people again?
 

 
 

—Bartholomew Wigglesworth (I shit you not)

It is unclear whether one of the co-founders of Kidz Bop, Mr. Wigglesworth, is really ignorant or just an incredibly clever troll. Either way, having a bunch of children singing about licking the rapper probably won't end well for anyone other than R. Kelly. And even then his dumbass will probably tape it and get V& again.

The best part of this entire debacle is the fact that children protested they were having their rights to express themselves through shitty music stifled. Fuck them. (Metaphorically.)

See Also

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